Hello people! Funny story behind this story you know. I came up with this story in April. The start of April actually. I continually put off writing it, until about a week ago. I just recently finished it. Well, here it is!
A round of applause to my awesome beta, Nircele!
Disclaimer- I own nothing… not even Arwen's perfume.
Glorfindel sighed and shuffled his papers. He wasn't used to so much paperwork. He completely despised sitting at a desk for more than about thirty seconds. He didn't see how Erestor – or anybody other than him really – could stand it. Just sitting there writing away; not only that, but it was so quiet. All to be heard was the scritch-scratching of his pen against paper. Never ending, constantly.
"I would rather be out sparring." he muttered, flexing his aching wrist. "Or even just bugging Erestor. In fact, I would rather be victim to one of the twins' pranks!" Glorfindel was getting antsy from being inside too long. It was obvious to everybody else in the Last Homely House that Glorfindel's brain was muddled from the lack of fresh air.
"Glorfindel!" Lord Elrond's voice echoed down the hallway. Glorfindel stood up and stretched his back, glad for any excuse to get out of his chair.
"Yes my lord?" Glorfindel stuck his fabulous golden head out of his rarely-used study. Glorfindel had no idea why he had one; after all, he was Captain of the Guard, not some adviser like Erestor.
"I have some important news," Lord Elrond said briskly, pushing past Glorfindel into his study and sitting down in Glorfindel's chair.
"Aragorn and four hobbits are on their way here –" He was interrupted by Glorfindel.
"Aragorn? Estel? I haven't seen him in ages! Well, not ages, but a few years anyway. Hobbits are those short little fellows, with the big furry feet right? Like Bilbo, Bilbo is a hobbit right?"
"Yes Glorfindel." Elrond was now wondering how Glorfindel didn't know this. "Back to my point –"
"What's so important about this anyway? I was really busy..." He trailed off as he caught his Lord's gaze boring into him.
"If you would stop interrupting me, we could –"
"I wasn't interrupting you! I was just –"
"Glorfindel!"
Glorfindel's head snapped up as his Lord glared at him. Then Elrond's gaze softened as he came to the conclusion that Glorfindel had been inside far too long and needed to get some air.
"Why don't we continue this conversation outside? I think you need some fresh air." Elrond got up and gently steered his friend out the door.
A few minutes later they had reached the garden and Glorfindel seemed much more relaxed.
"So, as I was saying, Aragorn and four hobbits are out in the wild somewhere on their way here. Frodo, one of the hobbits, carries the One Ring. Not only that, but the Nazgûl are after them. Also, Frodo has been stabbed with a morgul blade, so I need you to ride out and meet them. You must leave tomorrow them. Do not tarry, mellon-nín."
"Can I be all dramatic and fabulous while saving them?" Glorfindel demanded, jumping up and down like a small elfling.
"Sure. Whatever you want. Just get it done." Elrond waved it off. He stood up and, as normal, dramatically departed from the garden, his robes swishing around his feet. Glorfindel tried to follow suit, but failed miserably, tripped and promptly fell on his face. He got up and brushed dirt off himself. "I will never understand how he does that," he muttered, and shook his fabulous golden head.
Night had fallen and Glorfindel crept silently into Arwen's room. There she was, sleeping soundly. He snuck over to her wardrobe and quietly dug through it. He stood up straight and shook out his find. It was a white gown and a simple grey traveling cloak. He crept to her bedside and grabbed her white Evenstar necklace. He knew she would never forgive him if she found out he took it.
This was Glorfindel's big chance. He would show the world how fabulous his acting skills were.
Creeping silently back to his rooms, he slipped on the gown and clasped the necklace around his neck.
He looked in the mirror and smiled. He looked almost like Arwen. He would wear a wig of course to cover his hair. As for the body shape... well, in times of need he was sure they would not notice his muscular arms and torso. He then pulled his hair back into a braid and placed the dark wig on his head. He looked in the mirror again, he nodded, satisfied.
"Now, for the voice..." He departed from the room dramatically. Or at least he tried to. Once again, he failed miserably, tripped and promptly fell on his face. He got up and sighed, shaking his now unfabulous dark head.
Glorfindel treaded quietly down the hallway towards Erestor's study. He was relieved to see the light was still on in the small room. He knocked three times on the door.
"Come in!" The voice of Erestor floated through the door.
Glorfindel pushed the door open and walked in as he thought Arwen might.
"Ah, Arwen what could I do for you?" Erestor stood up, then frowned suspiciously and looked closer. "You're not Arwen."
"Of course not! It's Glorfindel. That's why I came to you!" he exclaimed.
"You came to me because you're Glorfindel?" Erestor was clearly confused.
"No! I need your help. First, my face…can you do something about it? It's too manly. It needs to look more like Arwen. Secondly, my voice; I need you to help me get it right."
"So you're trying to be Arwen?"
"I'm acting like Arwen. There is a difference."
"Whatever. I can't do much about your face, but your voice... it needs to be more like Arwen's," Erestor stated.
"Thank you, Captain Obvious."
"You're welcome, Sargent Sarcasm. Anywho, let's start with higher pitch." Glorfindel scrunched up his face and said in a very, very high-pitched voice: "Like this?"
"A bit lower." The adviser was clearly doing his best not to laugh. Glorfindel's face scrunched up even more.
"What about this?" Erestor doubled over laughing. Glorfindel, on the other hand, was quite confused. He was pretty sure he had never seen the adviser laugh, or even smile. He didn't really see what was so funny; he was just trying to get the voice right.
"What about this?" Glorfindel repeated, trying hard now.
"Hey, that's actually pretty good! Do it again!" Erestor said, gasping for air as he came up from under his desk where he had fallen over laughing.
Glorfindel thought for a minute then started a long monologue in Arwen's voice.
"I am Arwen, daughter of Lord Elrond of Rivendell. I always wear too much perfume, it makes everybody around me pinch their noses and run away. Also I like stealing Glorfindel's horse Asfaloth, because he is way more fabulous than mine!" By now Erestor was back on the ground laughing. "My dresses are way too fancy and I never do my hair because Aragorn likes it that way. Aragorn is my favorite-est person in the whole wide world. I wish that he would become the king of Gondor and marry me. Then I would be rich. Even richer than my father. If I were to be queen of Gondor I would get to tell everybody what to do. They would listen to me because I am so powerful. Tomorrow morning, I will steal Asfaloth and ride out to meet the hobbits and Aragorn. I will save them from the Nazgûl and show off my fabulousness!"
"Okay, okay. I think that will do it," Erestor gasped. He snapped his fingers and a dwarf appeared carrying a bag of makeup. "Okay, now sit down. I'll fix your face."
"You keep dwarf slaves? Didn't Elrond make that illegal a few years ago?"
"Shhh! Not so loud! And besides, I pay him."
"What?"
"I pay him with bread and water. But that's beside the point. If Elrond found out, he would make me get rid of him!" Erestor pushed Glorfindel into a chair and started doing his make-up.
"You smell like sweat. You need to fix that."
"I'll put on some of her nasty perfume in the morning."
"Okay." Erestor leaned back. "I think I did pretty well."
Glorfindel left to go look in the mirror. He reappeared a few minutes later.
"Perfect, thanks for helping."
"I'm only doing this because it's late and I know if I didn't, you would keep bugging me all night," Erestor said, sitting down to finish his work. Glorfindel raised his eyebrows.
"Of course I wouldn't keep bugging you! You're my friend!" Glorfindel sniffed, looking hurt.
"Right, right, now get out of my office!"
"Fine!" Glorfindel once again tried to exit dramatically. Once again, he failed miserably, tripped and promptly fell on his face. Erestor rolled his eyes and watched Glorfindel get up and march away, nose in the air.
The next morning Glorfindel was on the move. He had sprayed himself with the nasty perfume and pretended to steal his own horse, actually did steal Arwen's unused sword (that she kept just to make herself look better in front of Aragorn) and dramatically galloped away into the mist. For two days he rode around looking for Aragorn and some munchkins. Finally, at the end of the second day he spotted Aragorn searching the ground for something. He silently galloped up to him and lowered Arwen's sword to Aragorn's throat.
"What's this? A ranger caught off his guard?" Glorfindel would never let Aragorn live this down. Aragorn looked up at him and led him to where Frodo lay. Glorfindel swung gracefully off Asfaloth and walked dramatically towards Frodo, thankfully not tripping. Arwen was far easier to imitate than Elrond.
"Frodo... Frodo, im Arwen. Telin le thaed. Lasto beth nîn, tolo dan nan galad!" (Frodo... I'm Arwen, I have come to help you. Listen to my word, come back to the light.) At first Glorfindel was struggling to conceal his smile, now he was genuinely concerned for the hobbit. He vaguely heard one of the other munchkins ask another, "Who is she?"
Another responded, "She's an elf."
Glorfindel knelt down beside Frodo; he noticed Aragorn followed suit, quickly chewed up some athelas and placed it on the wound.
"He's fading...he will not last, we must get him to my father." Glorfindel was still managing to stay in character. Hastily, Aragorn lifted him up and placed him on Asfaloth; Frodo groaned. "I've been looking for you for two days," the Ranger said.
"Where are you taking him?" One hobbit in the background demanded. They ignored him.
"There are five wraithes behind you; where the other four are, I do not know."
Aragorn placed his hand on Glorfindel's. Glorfindel did his best not to wince or shift uncomfortably with this gesture. He decided to just go along with it.
"Dartho guin Beriain. Rych le ad tolthathon." (Stay with the hobbits. I will send horses for you.) Aragorn looked at him in the eyes.
"Hon mabathon, Rochon ellint im." (I'll take him. I'm the faster rider.) Glorfindel desperately hoped this was true. If not, Aragorn would later question Arwen about Glorfindel's claims and the whole plan would fail.
"Andelu i ven." A look of worry and love came about in Aragorn's eyes. At this point Glorfindel really wanted to facepalm. He couldn't; Arwen never facepalmed.
In the background a hobbit asked, "What are they saying?" Once again, they ignored him.
"Frodo fîr. Ae athradon i hîr, tûr gwaith nîn beriatha hon." (Frodo is dying. If I can get him across the river the power of my people will protect him). Glorfindel hoped this was true as well, it had been a long time since he had summoned the power of the river. "I do not fear them." This much was true for Glorfindel. As for Arwen... there was a reason Elrond chose him, Arwen would have run screaming away from any hooded figure she saw.
"Be iest lin," (According to your wish) the Ranger replied, squeezing Glorfindel's hand. Glorfindel faked a smile, trying not to gag, and quickly yet gently pulled his gloved hand away. He swiftly mounted Asfaloth; he also swiftly got lost in his thoughts. Aragorn sure does love Arwen. So much as to put her in danger. Honestly, if I were really Arwen, I wouldn't stand a chance out here. His attention was caught by Aragorn.
"Arwen." Glorfindel looked at him. "Ride hard, and don't look back!"
"Noro lim, Asfaloth, noro lim!" (Ride fast, Asfaloth, ride fast!) The white horse quickly followed his command and galloped into the forest. Glorfindel distantly heard a hobbit yell, "What are you doing!? Those wraiths are still out there!"
Thank you Captain Obvious! thought Glorfindel sarcastically.
Glorfindel rode hard through forest and plain, hoping desperately to reach the river before the wraiths caught up to him. His hopes were all too quickly crushed as he glanced behind him and saw a wraith flickering in and out of view through the trees. Several more joined it. Then all nine were upon him. He could feel the unfabulous dark wig start to slide off, threatening to reveal his fabulous golden head. He hastily reached up and pulled it back on. Hopefully the wraiths hadn't seen it. Speaking of wraiths, Glorfindel had decided that those screams were even more annoying than Arwen's, and that was saying something.
"Ow!" muttered Glorfindel as a branch caught him across the face. I hope that didn't ruin the makeup!
A wraith caught up and reached out to touch Frodo, whose face was starting to get covered in disgusting green pasty-ish stuff.
"Noro lim Asfaloth!" (Ride fast Asfaloth!) He pulled ahead again. They soon reached the river. Asfaloth pranced across and stopped on the other side. The wraiths did not follow him.
"Give up the halfling, she-elf!" one rasped. So even the wraiths thought he was Arwen. He was good at this. Glorfindel drew Arwen's never-used sword with a swizing.
"If you want him, come and claim him!" His voice rang out across the river.
Nine swizings answered him. Nine black horses with nine black riders atop them started to splash through the river.
"Nin o Chithaenglir, lasto beth daer, Rimmo nin Bruinen dan in Ulaer! Nin o Chithaenglir, lasto beth daer, Rimmo nin Bruinen dan in Ulaer!"
The elvish words flowed through the air, soon joined by the sound of water crashing through the canyon. As the water surged around the bend in the shape of horses galloping, the Nazgûl turned tail and tried to flee down the river. Glorfindel watched with great interest as the Nazgul were swept off their horses and carried down the river. He wrinkled his nose. The strong smell of Arwen's perfume had started to make his eyes water. He started to lower his sword when he noticed Frodo wheeze and start to fall over. He carefully lowered the munchkin onto the ground.
"Frodo?" He shook his shoulder gently. He didn't answer, he merely continued to wheeze.
"Frodo, no! Don't give in!" The perfume was really getting to him now.
"Not now!" When he didn't reply, Glorfindel pulled him into his grasp. The intoxicating smell of the perfume caused tears to spill out of Glorfindel's eyes.
Glorfindel picked up Frodo, seated him on Asfaloth and swung up behind him.
Asfaloth burst into Imladris and Glorfindel swiftly dismounted, taking Frodo with him. He handed Asfaloth's reins to a nearby guard and rushed into the Last Homely House. Elrond hurried to meet him.
"Give him here!" Glorfindel pushed him into the healer's arms. They walked swiftly, almost running, not running because great lords did not run (never, not even in battle; it gave other great lords bad impressions), towards the houses of healing. Elrond laid Frodo in a bed and started to treat him.
"So why are you acting like my daughter? I see you have her necklace. She was frantic this morning looking for it."
"Ah, yes. I will return that now. All will be explained in good time." Glorfindel made another vain effort to exit dramatically, failed miserably, tripped and promptly fell on his face. He sighed and left to go change into his own clothes.
Once in his room he glanced in the mirror and saw a few black and blue bruises covering his face. Probably from falling on my face so much! Glorfindel shrugged.
Wait! Bruises? He was the most attractive elf in Imladris! This would ruin his reputation! Elrond would have something for him! After changing into his normal clothes and washing off the terrible perfume he left to go see how the munchkin was doing.
When he reached the houses of healing he came in and saw Elrond watching over a small figure who sleeping soundly.
"My Lord Elrond, how does the munchkin fare?" asked Glorfindel.
"He'll survive. It will never truly – wait, munchkin?" Elrond stared at him.
"Uh, well, he's small and – um, he's –" Glorfindel stuttered to a stop when Elrond held up a hand to stop him.
"Whatever; just don't say it to his face. By the Valar, Glorfindel! Where did you get all those bruises?"
"Well uh, you see..." Glorfindel didn't want to tell Elrond that the bruises had come about by him trying to imitate Elrond.
"Never mind, I'll just fix you up."
Elrond smeared a strange smelling paste over the bruises and waved Glorfindel away.
"They should heal up by tomorrow."
As Glorfindel was leaving, he couldn't help but see that the munchkin was drooling.
A few days had passed and that morning, the munchkin had woken up. Glorfindel had yet to talk with him, as he was still trying to stay out of sight. You see, he had been hiding from Arwen because her wrath was the one thing Glorfindel feared. He had stolen her Evenstar necklace and (unnoticed by him at the time) ripped her dress. He also found out that the dress was Arwen's favorite dress.
So far, it had been working, but going to the Hall of Fire was unavoidable tonight, as he was going to make his important announcement.
Well, let's hope for the best.
That night, he sat between Erestor and Elrond at supper, hoping to avoid Arwen. All went well until, when Bilbo started to sing, and then Arwen cornered him.
"YOU STOLE MY EVENSTAR, RIPPED MY –" Arwen stopped suddenly as she saw Aragorn coming towards her.
"Aragorn!" she cried and threw herself into his arms. Glorfindel saw his chance. He slipped away and nearly tripped over the munchkin.
"Oh hello, munch – ah, Frodo! Did you know that you drool when you sleep?' Then he slipped away again, leaving a bewildered munchkin behind him. He climbed up onto a chair and yelled for silence. It wasn't hard Glorfindel loved to yell, only he didn't get the chance it do it much. When everybody had quieted down and stared at him expectedly, he cleared his throat.
"Many of you have been wondering why I was went on my mission, dressed as Arwen," he began, and many people nodded.
"Well, I was testing my acting skills. I personally think it went very well. I even fooled the Nazgûl!" A few theater-loving elves looked impressed.
"Well, I love my job as Captain of the Guard. But it just doesn't pay enough. I know there's not enough money in Elrond's budget to give me a pay raise, so I'm not asking for that. I'll keep my job as Captain of the Guard, but get another one as well. This job will take me away from Imladris, for years at a time. But I'll still be around for most of the time..." People were shooting funny glances at each other now. Then Glorfindel said it.
"I'm thinking of becoming an actor."
There it is! Review, please. *puppy face*