I had planned this oneshot to be longer.

Maybe I might.

Read. Review. Roadkill.

I own nothing.

Enjoy.

"We can't keep doing this. This is unprofessional…we could get in serious trouble for this…fraternization." Shepard said coolly, struggling not to take a peek at him. "I just…we have Saren out of our grasp, the Reapers are coming, the Council grounded us…if there was a time for anything it wouldn't be now."

Shepard barely glanced up at Kaidan who had thought it would be a great idea to come and comfort her after the Council just rejected her. She could imagine the hurt on his face and it hurt her as well. "If you say so…Commander." Shepard had to hold back her sob on that one.

She knew she had to say this to him. It was the only way. No attachments. Her number rule in her mind and she broke it because of Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. Shepard continued sitting there on the floor near her locker, head hung low. She may have felt something for him, but it had to stop. Because she knew that someday she might lose him, like how she almost lost him on Virmire.

"Commander. Captain Anderson said to meet him down in the wards, in the club called Flux." Joker spoke on the intercom after a few awkward minutes.

"Understood." Shepard spoke softly, trying hard to conceal the pain in her voice. Without a glance at Kaidan, she brushed past him and up the stairs to the CIC. Each step she took felt heavy, the sound of her feet hitting the ground seeming louder than normal, the butterflies in her stomach replaced with the feeling of regret.

Wanting to see Anderson by herself, she didn't bother to invite Garrus or Tali to come along as she walked out the airlock. Finally arriving at Flux, she tried her best to keep a straight face on and when Anderson mentioned the Normandy being grounded, she fought against the urge to flinch.

But when he told her that he had a plan…she could sense a tinge of a grin coming up. She may be able to get the Normandy back, but she wouldn't be able to get Kaidan back. And with that thought stuck in her mind…her grin fell.

When Shepard heard that familiar voice she knew that everything was going to be okay. Kaidan survived the Horizon attack. And that's all that mattered at that point. She inhaled sharply at the sight of him, his stance the same, his dark brown eyes gazing over at her, and the way he walked toward her…maybe she could get him back this time.

But no…has it been too long? Does she even feel the same…or does he? Kaidan was getting closer with each step, reciting the nicknames given to her over the years. At that moment however, she didn't feel like Commander Shepard, savior of the galaxy, hero of the Citadel. She felt normal with all these emotions raging inside her.

How unprofessional of her, she thought. Kaidan looked at her for the shortest of seconds before tightly embracing her. Stiffening slightly at his touch, she nearly wanted to recoil. No no no…this isn't what she wants. Her decision still stands…but she wondered if she could oblige by it. No…she's a Commander. She should stand by the best advice given from an old friend down on Earth. She should take caution when it comes to love.

And she did. "Good to see you…Alenko."

"That's all you have to say? After two years of me thinking you were dead? I…I loved you Shepard." Shepard visibly flinched, jaw clenched, her body language stiffening to a stop.

"That was two years ago…Alenko." She made sure to keep emphasize on his last name, struggling to keep her voice straight and calm. "But I never returned the feelings. You know that." Too harsh…keep it straight to the point…nicely Shepard. Nicely. "Besides, back then wasn't the time to…respond to that type of behavior." That's right. Keep it professional. Like a Commander.

"But now…?" Kaidan trailed off, head hung low, his emotions now controlling his actions. Sloppy. You're promoted. Act like it.

Shepard bit the inside of her cheek, reacting to her insensitive thoughts and told herself to calm down even more so. She didn't want to hurt his feelings already more then she had already done…or did she even care? Shepard could feel her perspective on this matter changing, her tirade of emotions scrambled, feeling less and less neutral about this situation.

"…no." Shepard practically blurted it out, only pausing for a second in the beginning. She was set. This was her decision. …her decision to not have anything to look forward to after defeating the Reapers, nobody to come home to, nobody to care for or lov-…its the right choice. Don't dwell on it. Walk away now. While you still can Shepard…

She listened to her subconscious, turning around quickly, not bothering to look over her shoulder to see his reaction. She was afraid to see it in fact. Shepard pressed a hand to the side of her face, calling for a shuttle to pick them up.

Shepard had to reject him.

Shepard had no idea what she was doing. Was it for shore leave? Or to catch a glimpse at this 'doctor' that Kaidan had mentioned? What…she doesn't even care. Shepard. Keep your head straight. You got by Horizon. You can get by a simple email.

"Joker. Take us down to the Citadel…shore leave." That was her reason. Shore leave. Simple as that.

"You got it Commander." Joker gave a nod of acknowledgment, and Shepard whirled back around and decided to wait beside the airlock until they docked. She could enjoy some tourist sight seeing. Joker spoke into the intercom, informing the crew of the shore leave, and she could already hear the stampede of running down below a deck. She merely shook her head, finally seeing the airlock opening and walked through.

Shepard deliberately took her time absorbing the sights and sounds of the Citadel even though she's seen it a million times during her time in the Alliance. But that's when she spotted a sight she thought she could be ready for, but it nearly shook her to the core.

Kaidan Alenko and his 'doctor' were holding hands, ordering food from a nearby vendor. Shepard just stood there, staring at the couple. A week ago he had said he still loved her. Now he's here with that woman, not giving a care in the world who saw them. Shepard couldn't help but feel the tinge of hurt hit her, biting her bottom lip.

She could handle it. She just knew she could. She was a Commander after all.

Shepard took one deep long breathe, waving her hands around to try and symbolize that she had gotten over it, closing her eyes for a moment. She reopened them and decided to just walk past the couple, no eye contact, no glances, no anything.

But the one thing Shepard couldn't hold back was a choked on sob when she saw the two embrace each other rather publicly. I failed…

Shepard headed back toward the Normandy, making a rather abrupt U-turn and past the happy couple again. Her power walk almost looked like a jog, her blue eyes straight forward, focused on the objective. To get to the Normandy without incident.

Finally reaching her destination Shepard went inside the airlock and back into the Normandy, glancing around. The only person she could see was Joker. To her sudden surprise she realized that she actually never took the time to talk to the pilot…ever. Even back on the old Normandy there was minimal to no interaction between the two at all. And when she saw him after the Illusive Man popped the surprise, she only expressed vague relief at seeing at least a kinda familiar face among the other strangers in the crew.

Shepard decided to take the time to talk to Joker, to distract herself away from Kaidan and his…'doctor'. "So Joker…tell me about yourself."

She gave him the most convincing smile she could scrounge up, aiming it right at Joker, and made sure he saw it. And that was the beginning of something new. Something that was not rejected.