Hi Skool is Hell

by Belladonna-Veilsin

Many who have had the experience will tell you: Hi Skool is Hell. And most of those people will have had friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, teachers, SOMEONE to help them through this difficult period in their lives. I can tell you that a solitary walk through Hell is unimaginably worse. It's miserable, lonely, and you know the only person you can rely on is yourself. ZaDR

1. Chapter 1

ZaDR! I've been on an IZ binge of late, and I started writing this as a result. Fairly smut-centric/hopefully smut-tastic. Starts a little slow and maybe OOC, but I feel it gets much better after that. I hope this pleases you. ^_^

(-)

Many who are having or have had the experience will tell you: Hi Skool is Hell. And most of those people will have had friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, teachers, SOMEONE to help them through this difficult period in their lives. I can tell you that a solitary walk through Hell is unimaginably worse. It's miserable, lonely, and you know the only person you can rely on is yourself. After a year or two of that, I'm not sure anyone could blame me for wanting a friend.

That was how it all started. I had been alone my whole life, always the "weird kid". Life had been dull and horrible, despite my efforts to chronicle the paranormal and pursue my own path. I was alone until he landed here and started attempting to destroy my planet. Suddenly, I had a purpose in life; a nemesis. Someone passionate to compete with; someone who stirred passion in me that I'd never felt before in my life. And as we both got older, he stirred passions in me that I'd never felt and that terrified me.

Zim actually got taller as we aged, which was strange since I was given to understand that "tallness" was a rare trait for his species. That being said, he was still short. While he was maybe a rose petal over 5', I was tall and lanky at 6' 1" or so. I had lean muscle that nobody knew about though: muscle gained by fighting Zim. Zim was the only person that really knew me at all.

One day while I was lying in a crumpled heap courtesy of some meat-heads (with so many bullies wandering around Hi Skool, I stopped remembering most names) I finally broke. It was weird; there was nothing unusual about that day. Maybe it was because Zim hadn't fought with me or made a move in months. So when I started crying suddenly, it was like a dam had cracked. I was lying on the landing of one of the less frequented stairwells sobbing and nearing hysteria when he appeared at the top of the stairs.

He descended, eyes fixed on me and said, "Dib-thing, I've never seen you leak like this before. A valve has been loosed and I can see an amazing amount of pressure pouring out. I haven't destroyed your planet yet so I don't know what your problem is."

I couldn't calm myself down. Like he said, I was letting off years and years of pent-up frustration and misery. I didn't want him to see me like this, didn't want him to see me at my weakest. But he didn't laugh at me and leave like I expected him to. After a few moments he sighed and sat down next to me, quickly shoving me into a sitting position as well. I was trembling and sobbing but I managed to remain sitting upright.

Some time passed and I started to lose the hysteria. I calmed even further when Zim started poking my ribs. His fingers were very pointy and I thought that the sudden dull pain helped to snap me out of crying. When I was finally calm and quiet -save the occasional post-cry hiccup- and Zim continued to jab me, I grabbed his wrist, not forcefully but the action itself had him pause and meet my eyes.

I wished that he didn't have to wear his disguise. I loved his round magenta orbs better than his pedestrian human contacts. But he was a little easier to read with human eyes. His pupils were wide as they took me in, prompting me to wonder if the contacts could translate and project his emotions exactly like a human's eyes did. Bigger pupils often indicated interest or attraction to what was being looked at.

I barely stopped myself from slapping my own head. It wasn't the time to being indulging thoughts like that. "Thanks," I said, dropping his wrist and looking away from him. My face felt warm and I only hoped he thought it was because he had seen me cry.

From the corner of my eye I saw Zim sit up straighter. "It is no problem, Earth-monkey. You're the best thing this spinning ball of filth has going for it but they've made you an outcast and a victim because of it. I know what that's like."

My heart was suddenly beating far too hard as, surprised, I looked back at him again. I felt a grin spreading on my face before a thought occurred to me. "You do?"

At his start, I immediately knew that Zim had revealed more than he wanted to. He stood, looking anxious, and shouted, "OF COURSE NOT! Now go wash your face before you go back to class, Dib-stink. You look pathetic."

He quickly went down the next flight of stairs and disappeared. That last comment might have hurt if I thought he meant it. But I could tell that he had been trying to redirect my attention with his usual bluster and insults so I wouldn't call him on his lie. But what did it mean if Zim did understand my position in the world? Was this what Zim's life was back on Irk?

(-)

Zim got very good at avoiding me the rest of the week. He took seats far away from mine in the classes we shared and he ran home before I could catch him and didn't leave his house after that. I didn't want to be blasted by gnome lasers or I would probably knock on his door. He had done wonders for my morale on that landing, but his avoidance of me now was depressing. I needed to interact with him, even if was just beating the shit out of each other over some "world hanging in the balance" struggle.

And when fighting for Earth had become an inconsequential possibility instead of a priority, I knew I was going downhill fast. Hi Skool and teenage hormones were doing a number on my resolve to defend humanity. Between heavy bullying and my obsession with Zim gaining another facet, I wasn't as motivated as I should have been to stop whatever new plans Zim might implement.

I had to visit Zim. I went to look in my dad's lab for something and nearly jumped out of my skin when he was actually there. Calming myself, I said, "Hey, Dad, is that Ultra-Mirror still down here?"

"It's over in the corner by those robot fish. Why, what do you need it for?" he asked absently.

I went and retrieved the mirror as I replied, "I have to fend off laser attacks from security lawn-gnomes."

"Oh, my hopeless, insane son," I heard my dad say with a sigh as I headed back up the stairs.

When I got to Zim's cul-de-sac, I took the sidewalk and stayed very close to the fence. I set down my bribe so it wouldn't get damaged, then, carefully, I held the Ultra-Mirror in front of me and stepped out until one of the gnomes closest to the fence was in sight. I grinned and waved and it shot at me. But the Ultra-Mirror sent its own blast right back at it and it exploded. In such a fashion I systematically eliminated all the gnomes. Then I retrieved my bribe, marched up to Zim's front door, and knocked.

I figured the destruction of the lawn-gnomes would have gotten Zim's attention, but the insane little robot, GIR, answered the door. His eyes flashed red and he said, "Intruder! You are not allowed here!"

Then the eyes went back to aqua and he grinned at me. "Hiya! Master doesn't want to see you. He told me 'forcefully eject' you if you came into the yard!"

Since his eyes were cool and he looked so happy to see me, I didn't feel very threatened. "But would this change that? You can have it if you take me to Zim." I offered him the grease-soaked bag holding 6 tacos. I had brought them in case it was GIR who answered the door. He was actually pretty helpful to me, given food incentives.

GIR's eyes got wide and started brimming with tears. "I...I love you..." he said, somewhat reverently.

He took the bag and pulled me in the door, shutting it behind me. Then a side table on the wall rose up and we stood under it, the floor sinking as the hidden lift descended. "Master's been so sad since he was banished. I bet you'll cheer him up!" the robot squealed as he ate the first taco whole.

"Banished?"

"Again! Master is good at getting in trouble!" GIR continued cheerfully. A few bits of hamburger with sour cream landed on my jacket and I brushed it off.

"Banished again, huh?" I thought aloud. "Where was he banished to the first time?"

"He got sent to Foodcourtia. The Tallest didn't like the way he almost destroyed Irken civilization. My Master is good at destroying!" GIR shoved another taco in his mouth.

He was oddly helpful and coherent today. If he wasn't snarfing down tacos like a monster, I'd wonder if it was the same robot. But as long as I believed in miracles... "Can you tell me more about Foodcourtia and Zim's banishments?"

"Only if you dance with me!" GIR sing-songed, setting his remaining tacos aside and breaking into freestyle-insanity.

"Uh, sure." I awkwardly hopped and swayed and did a spin. This seemed to satisfy him because he stopped dancing and then so did I.

"Foodcourtia is a snacking planet. They have good Vort Dogs. And Master got banished there when he ruined Operation Impending Doom," GIR said, sounding so happy about it.

Again, if not for the inappropriate cheerfullness and dance request, I'd be really suspicious that this was just some oddly sane dream. "Why did they change their minds and send him to Earth?"

"Master quit being banished when he heard about the Great Assigning for Operation Impending Doom 2. When he talked to the Tallest, they thought he was so special they gave him a seeeeeeeeeeecret mission! And then they made MEEEEEE to give to him to help!" The decibels GIR's voice was reaching were semi-painful.

"He quit being banished? So Earth was a secret mission. And you...were custom-made for Zim?" They did seem oddly good together. Although they were almost always ineffective at their ultimate goals.

GIR giggled. "I was parts with other parts until they put me together and threw things inside me!"

That sounded haphazard and an appropriate creation myth for this odd little robot that stood beside me. I felt the lift slowing. We got out and GIR shoved another taco in his mouth. He led me to a door and pointed. I gripped the Ultra-Mirror in case Zim wasn't happy to see me, stepped so the door slid open, and walked through the door.

I don't know exactly what I was expecting to see, but it wasn't this. I wouldn't have suspected this in a million years. Zim sat in front of a wall of screens. Some had anatomical pictures of human reproductive organs, there was one that seemed to show a selection of Kama Sutras to read, there was a cartoon sex game with a girl touching herself, and I could count 3 screens of porn vids. One heterosexual, one gay, and one lesbian. He was watching the gay porn screen intently enough that he didn't notice my entrance. And, wow, did I feel wildly inappropriate for barging in here. And massively uncomfortable with the situation I had found myself in.

I did not want to get his attention now that I saw what he was doing. But I also could not stand behind him like this with all kinds of sexual material on display. I was already feeling warmer and inappropriate. I cleared my throat. It didn't distract him from the gay porn. The gasps and whines of the man being penetrated seemed louder than the other sex noises and I felt my pants getting tighter. No time for subtlety. "Zim!"

He spun around in his chair, disguise-free, and looked horrified to see me. "YOU! What are you doing in Zim's lab?!"

"Can you turn off your screens first? It's a little distracting!" I half-shouted.

The displays went dark but all the sex noises persisted. It was almost worse. The one man was begging to be fucked harder and a different guy was saying how he would pound some girl's pussy till she couldn't move. "Still kinda loud, Zim!" I shouted. I was trying to drown the noises out of my own head. I was getting harder and would be tenting very shortly if I wasn't careful.

Naked Gaz, naked Gaz, naked Gaz...Keef in a thong, Keef in a thong...Ms. Bitters in a bikini...! That last one killed every trace of desire I felt and I thought it might have eradicated a small portion of my soul as well. Zim finally turned the sounds off and marched up to me. When he grabbed me and pressed me into a wall I was very glad that I was calm and feeling a little too sick to be aroused.

"Tell me what you are doing here, you filthy hair-beast!" He was way too far into my personal space and he was obviously very upset with me. Whether it was because I had interrupted him or because he was embarrassed and angry that I had seen his "research" was beyond me.

"You've been avoiding me, Zim. I came over to see what you were up to. I really didn't think it would be that, though..." I glanced at the blank screens.

"Zim wishes to understand what it is that occupies all waking moments of a teenager's life!" he said dramatically.

I needed to switch topics because not even Ms. Bitters could keep me down with Zim this close to me talking about sex. When I had first had wet dreams about Zim, I was horrified. As they persisted and integrated into my masturbation fantasies against my will, I got more comfortable with the idea. By now I practically embraced it. But I knew that there was a better probability that I would get both struck by lightning and eaten by a shark than that Zim would have feelings for me. And he'd never give up trying to destroy the Earth, so nothing could happen anyway.

"Is GIR broken...or fixed? He was really coherent when I spoke to him today," I said, my chest aching at that last truth.

Zim narrowed his eyes at me. "I've been trying to stabilize GIR. So far the specific programming seems effective."

I coughed nervously. "Um, yeah. But you clarified information distribution before you fixed his highly questionable security protocols? I got in here with a bag of tacos and he probably told me way too much about you on the way down."

Zim growled. "That horrible robot! What did he say, stink-pig?"

Swallowing, I tried to think of a lie. Zim would kill me. From what GIR said, Zim was a failure and a loser among his kind. "I know what that's like," he'd said. That's why. Zim wasn't any more popular with his people than I was with mine.

"Tell me the truth, Dib-stink, or I will lay eggs in your stomach!" Zim yelled.

And maybe it was because of his research and maybe it was because I was apparently a xenophile, but that sounded oddly sexual at that moment. Not necessarily attractive or arousing, but sexual. And when anything sexual mixes with a teenage boy, there is one most likely outcome. Add in that Zim was still pressing me into the wall and I didn't have a prayer of keeping it down.

Before Zim could really feel anything, I tried to get him to step away. "GIR told me about your banishments. He told me about Foodcourtia because of you ruining Operation Impending Doom. He didn't tell me about your second banishment, though from what I can gather you've likely been banished here, now."

Zim's face darkened with rage and he stepped back, still holding onto my shirt. His face was flushed with a really pure green, the kind you see labeled "Green" in Kindergarten classrooms. "You dare speak to me about that?!"

"You asked!" I protested. "But am I right? You're not on a mission to invade/destroy Earth anymore?"

Zim was shaking with rage. I closed my eyes and waited for him to hit me. But then his hands let go. I opened my eyes and he had his back to me, hands on his face and still shaking. He was trying to stifle his sobs. When he started outright bawling I felt a harsh tug in my chest. "Zim, calm down; it's not that bad," I said, putting a hand on his shoulder and giving it a light squeeze.

I was ready for him to attack my hand; I was not ready for him to bite it. I yelped and withdrew, licking and sucking the blood off the wound. Of course as I did, it occurred to me that Zim's mouth had just been there. Second-hand kiss via bite wound? God, I needed professional help.

He was glaring at me, still half-turned away, and tears were running like waterfalls down his face. "It serves you right, Earth-filth. 'Not that bad'? I'm stuck on Earth with so many mindless losers!"

"Hey, there are worse places to be. I read on data from Tak's ship that there's a planet called Blorch, Home of the Slaughtering Rat People," I said. "I imagine Blorch isn't a popular vacation destination."

Zim's lips trembled. "And it's already been destroyed! Even Skooge is a better Invader than I am!"

Well, that back-fired. "Well at least here you don't have to answer to those jerk leaders of yours, right? They've washed their hands of you so you can do what you like now!"

Zim looked at his gloved hands. "Zim is on no one's hands!"

I sighed. "It's an expression. It means they're done with you; want nothing to do with you."

And Zim started outright bawling again. Before he could protest, I turned him and pulled him into a hug, leaning down and willing to risk him going vampire and biting my neck. But he didn't. He held onto me like he'd go flying into the air if he didn't. His wet face pressed into my neck, and I loved the way his skin felt on mine. It was a different texture as well as different color. Something between silk and velvet. Which was interesting since he had no hair so velvet was an odd texture for his skin to have.

Something snake-like darted across my neck and I stiffened, both in posture and more specifically, my cock. Zim had just licked me. And there was no denying the erection that brought on. And Zim felt it, too. I could tell because his crying quickly died away and his grip loosened. We parted and I felt ridiculously awkward. I just hoped he wouldn't want to talk about it. He had all that research up, so he had to know what that was and what it meant.

He just looked at me, head tilting one way then the other in curiosity. I swore his eyes dropped from mine and looked downward in the quickest flash before he met my eyes again. I knew I was blushing, badly, and I had to get out of there.

"Well, I just came to see what you were up to, so I guess I'll go now," I said. I picked up my Ultra-Mirror, held it to hide my erection, and moved cautiously towards the exit.

There was a pause before he said, "Thank you, Dib-creature, for trying to comfort me."

I gave him a broad smile. "What are friends for?"

"Friends...?" Zim said, as if testing the word. I knew that he knew about friendship, his little interlude with Keef was proof of some vague comprehension. And, in retrospect, some of the anger that I felt that I thought was jealousy at Zim making a friend so easily when I, an Earthling, had no one, was in fact jealousy that Zim chose Keef and not me. So I'd been on my xenophilia beat for longer than I knew.

"Well, you helped me on the stairs...friends do those things for each other. They support each other. I don't suppose...you'd want to be friends with me? Now that you're staying and not trying to invade/destroy Earth, I think I'd really like to have you as a friend," I said, scuffing my toe on the floor shyly.

Zim looked shocked. "You want to be Zim's...friend?"

"Sure, why wouldn't I? And I spend all my time around you anyway, whether you know it or not." When I said it that way and factored in the xenophila, I felt like a huge creep.

A shrewd look came over Zim. "I will try this 'friendship' with you. But I make no promises as to my behavior; this hideous phenomenon is still very foreign to me."

"As long as we agree that friends don't destroy other friend's planets, I think I can handle it," I said, grinning at him. My heart was fluttering and all the positive interaction with Zim had my cock ready to explode. Still carefully positioning the Ultra-Mirror, I moved so the door opened and stood on the threshold. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, then."

I took the lift back up to Zim's living room, all my thoughts just making my erection more unbearable. When I arrived in the living room, GiIRwas on the sofa watching TV. When he spotted me, though, he dropped the remote and rubber piggy he'd been holding and dove at me. Him being his teeny robot self and me being my tall gangly self, he only made it as high as my waist. And he hugged me, wiggling his body this way and that in a way that should have been endearing. I know I should have been thankful he wasn't kicking me, but I needed him to stop moving like that. I was painfully aroused and it wouldn't take much to make me cum.

"Get off, GIR!" I said, backing away while trying to pull him off. Grip of steel, go figure. I heard the squeak of the rubber piggy as I stepped on it and fell onto my back.

Of course, with me on my back, GIR was now kneeling between my legs and he took note of what his chassis was rubbing up against. "What's this doooo?" he asked, and I felt insanely lucky that he didn't just grab and squeeze. He nudged my erection, petted it, and even poked my balls. I was biting my lip to stave off orgasm from a stupid robot. The first person to make me cum besides me was NOT going to be this crazy robot.

'It should be Zim,' I thought, which of course, didn't help.

"Damn you, Zim," I growled. I waited until GIR had let go to try a new angle of approach and I pushed him off and ran out of that house like it was radioactive. That little mission had gone sideways as soon as I got to Zim's lab.

(-)

I'd left the Ultra-Mirror at Zim's so I could only hope that Dad wouldn't need it anytime soon. I took a hot, relaxing shower as soon as I got home. Zim flooded all my thoughts as I stroked myself to orgasm. As I finished showering, I couldn't help but think that this was inevitable. Since the day he walked into our Graid Skool classroom, my world revolved around him. Even before I realized my feelings for him, and despite all my claims of wanting to see him on an autopsy table, I could never picture a future without him in it.

I got dried and dressed and turned on my computer to check footage from Zim's house from right after I left.

Zim walked into the living room and saw the Ultra-Mirror on the floor. He eyed GIR shrewdly. "GIR, where is the Dib-monkey?"

"He ran home screaming!" GIR squealed. "He was hiding something fun that he didn't want me to play with!"

I felt ill as Zim raised a brow at that. "Fun?"

"In his pants! He liked when I played with it, even though he told me not to. It was like a big, solid hot dog!"

Both of Zim's eyebrows went up and I wished someone would just kill me. "I thought the Diblet looked aroused when he left. I wonder what in particular triggered it..."

GIR looked thoughtful (disturbing), and then said, "Well, he did damn you when I was touching him."

I curled into a ball on my computer chair. That had to happen right after I asked him to be friends with me! I was pretty sure Zim knew now that I wanted more than his friendship. I paid attention to the screen again. "Now, GIR, it is very very bad to touch humans in that area. No wonder the Dib-creature was upset."

I held my breath. Was he really interpreting my damning of him as being caused by his mismanaging his dysfunctional robot? Maybe life was worth living after all.

They sat down to watch TV after that, and I turned off the feed. It was only 9 when I looked at the clock but I was already exhausted. I crawled into bed and passed out.

(-)

Well, I'd love to know what you thought of this bit; the next chapter has Hi Skool shenanigans and some light smut. Any constructive feedback is appreciated; I'd compensate with rubber piggies if I could.