He first met her in fall.
It had been two days since he transferred, Rivalz being his first and somehow only friend.
She was seated underneath an autumn tree, where the wind whirled countless maple leaves off the trees. He remembered her hair that blended in with the falling maple leaves, and her emerald eyes which shone and glistened as he took her in. It was then where their eyes met.
And she smiled.
He was temporarily mesmerized as she hopped off her seat, happiness bouncing all around her as she approached him.
"I'm Shirley, nice to meet you."
The gentleness in his voice reminded him of everything autumn, of the maple leaves and smell of pine. It was out of courtesy, he reminded himself.
And so he smiled, too.
"Lelouch Lamperouge."
He never expected them to be anything more than classmates.
He never expected her to stick around him for long, with her exuberance practically lighting up her existence and innocence painting her a pure white. It was the days that followed where she walked alongside him where he realized that she genuinely wanted to be friends, and that he had been wrong about her all this time.
She wore no masks.
Shirley became his second friend since he transferred.
.
He was seventeen when he met C.C.
He had been mistakenly taken for a terrorist, his impending death closer than it had ever been in his life.
The gun was aimed right between his eyes.
The soldier fired.
She died and resurrected, all in front of his eyes.
Her hair a chartreuse green, she spoke to him. A calm, soothing voice.
With his life at stake, he was offered a contract.
And thus, the power of kings was bestowed upon him.
Geass.
He renamed himself Zero, and started living in his lie.
That was the turning point of his life.
.
When he claimed the name Zero, his hatred for Britannia had resurfaced rapidly.
Avenging his mother whose life had been taken, avenging Nunally for all the hurt they inflicted on her, he yearned for an ideal world where Nunally could live in.
He wanted her to open her eyes to the world she envisioned in her dreams.
His eyes that had once looked on powerlessly as his loved ones suffered, now held absolute control.
And he used that to his advantage.
He pronounced his identity as Zero to the world.
He created The Black Knights, allies of justice that aided the weak, protecting them from those that held power. Every day was spent with endless mind games and incessant but crucial fights with only the vows of obliterating Britannia pushing him forward.
It was the days of blood and sacrifice that had put him on the edge, always looking out no matter where he was. Be it as Zero, or as Lelouch.
Nothing was the same anymore.
His normal school life had ended just as quickly as it began, and he was always prepared for action. He no longer partook in unnecessary activities, opting to plan and strategize in his mind for the future battles that lay ahead. It was times like these where she just appears of him, smiling and naïve, unaware and clueless.
Sometimes, he just returns it and wishes it wasn't as much of a cringe as it was a smile.
Sometimes, he just wishes that he could forget about all the hatred that crushed his heart under its weight, wishing to just forgive and to forget and live his life.
Most of the time though, he just wishes for victory and the sweet taste of revenge, and a world rid of the oppressors controlling them.
Because the Britannian Army and the Britanian imperial family, and everything Britanian was a fault in the system, and the world just wouldn't be peaceful until they get eliminated.
And just like all the game of chess he played, he would emerge the victor.
So he works towards his goal, and he really believes that although sacrifice were made, they were necessary. He had tried to cut it down to a minimal.
He was a tactician, a strategist, a statistician.
And against the odds of one to a million, he never expected to involve Shirley.
He had never wanted to hurt her.
So when he turned up late for a much anticipated date on her end, along with the pouring of rain and his hands clutching an umbrella, he strolled past the theatres leisurely already anticipating her screams and whining the subsequent day. He only had to uphold his part of the promise to be there.
And wearing a green dress, she stood under the lamppost in the heavy downfall.
She was looking down.
He never expected the crestfallen expression carved onto the face that she lifted, heartbreakingly and devastatingly staring into his eyes. Her normally jubilant orbs only held pain.
And pain was all there was.
There was nothing he could do as she flung herself onto him.
Her dad was a good man, she had sobbed. He was kind and never laid a hand on her, yet he had suffocated to death, all in the hands of Zero.
And then she asked for his help.
When she reached for his lips in an act of desperation, of blind commitment, he couldn't refuse her.
Not with the guilt and apologies shredding his heart.
Not with the excuse that he hadn't meant to do it.
Because in this game of chess, everyone were pawns.
Dispensable.
.
Life had continued after that, mundane school days passed by in a flash. Shirley had started avoiding him, and he knew that she had to be conscious of the kiss that they shared.
So when the thought of her discovering his true identity came to light, he panicked.
And he chased after her.
He met another geass user for the first time.
He could read minds.
Lelouch was ready to end everything, and just chase after Shirley already when the mind-user had snapped his fingers, the said girl appeared behind him.
She had a gun in her hands.
The manipulation began, and the twisted words that escaped Mao's lips were devious, cunning. It would only take a matter of time before Shirley fell under his spell, until Mao was tired of the games and just ended everything.
It took everything he had to keep her sane, to keep her next to him.
She faltered, and that was enough. The bullet zoomed past his temple, missing him by a hair.
She then fell into his embrace, apologizing, and crying for everything that she did, as the scattered pieces lay in disarray around them.
She was blaming herself for his mistake, he realized.
He saw the wrecked girl in front of him filled with anguish and pain, he saw the girl who no longer held the same light in her eyes, and the girl that he practically destroyed.
And he never wished for this to happen.
She couldn't forget even if she wanted to, she cried. Even if this hurt ripped her heart into two and tore her inside out, she couldn't forget.
If she remembered, all that is left of her is pain, and that was more than enough for Lelouch to act.
He apologized. For killing his dad, for erasing her memories, for dragging her into this brutal battlefield.
And then he gave his command.
Her life, her memories, her pain.
Him.
She trashed, she screamed, and she begged. His geass was taking its effect, and he saw the memories fade away before his eyes.
He erased them all away.
They met days after, in front of the cemetery where her dad now lay. She was standing in front of the entrance, a distant look in her eyes as she glanced towards him.
"Did you lose someone too?"
Her eyes held the same light as they did before he destroyed her world.
"A friend," he replied, missing the recognition that she once had of him, "a really important one."
Her gaze melted into one of empathy, and the type of kindness she had towards everyone.
"You must have really loved her." She smiled sadly.
And because carelessly thrown words just don't work, and cleverly devised lines just couldn't bring his feelings across, he replied in the simplest and most truthful way.
"I don't know anymore."
And he walked away, leaving her behind in his conquest for the throne.
"Thank you for everything."
.
The Black Knights were on the verge of falling apart.
Their sole reason for existence, for the peace and equality that the Britannians deprived the Elevens- the Japanese- of was gone.
Just as easily as it started, it was gone.
The third princess of Britannia declares the enforcement of the Specially Administrated Zone of Japan, a small area around Mt Fuji, where Elevens had their rights returned to them.
Where Elevens could be called Japanese.
It was a small area compared to the rest of the country, but it was hope for many.
This hope was sufficient to mean the end of the Black Knights.
Euphemia had always been rash, naïve, a fool.
Perhaps he was a greater fool for agreeing to meet up with her, for discussing the future plans for the zone. And it was then where he realized who the greater fool was.
His joke set off as an irreversible command.
He couldn't control his power.
His carelessness triggered the massacre of the entire population of Japanese.
And as princess Euphemia bathed in the blood of Japanese, Zero hardened his heart and gave his next command.
The Special Administrated Zone of Japan was a trap. The Japanese were to be saved.
Princess Euphemia was to be stopped.
and the war began once again.
The United States of Japan was announced, and area 11 joins the revolt.
Together, Zero takes lead, and the conflict is ignited as he initiates the collapse of Tokyo Settlement.
He gave instructions and bent everything to his will. Everything went according to his calculations. Their moves were long predicted, and Zero did this without as much as a chess board in place.
They had the upper hand, and they invaded Ashford Academy which became their headquarters.
Under his orders yet again, the students were to be spared. Not a single one to be touched.
Because he already owed Shirley more than he could give up, and this time he would not drag her into his mess. Those haunting green orbs would haunt him, and he had no time to deal with all of this.
When Nunally got captured, it was the final straw.
Everything that he worked so hard for was all about to get snatched away from him. He lost her once, and this time, this time for sure, he would rescue her, even at the cost of the entire Black Knights.
In the battle with Suzaku, their masks fell to the ground, and truths were revealed. Suzaku was enraged.
Zero knew. He knew. How Suzaku was seething over how he killed his own blood sister, how he had ordered her to massacre the entire Japanese population, and how he would never forgive him no matter what.
He knew that time was running out, that time was not on his side, that he was wasting his time by continuing this meaningless fight that would get them nowhere.
So he begged. He pleaded for him to save Nunally, who was an innocent party in this war.
When Suzaku refused, the unspoken words hung in the air.
So was Euphemia.
Because all Suzaku could see was red, and all Lelouch could see was Nunally.
And then nothing.
.
Lelouch moved his chess piece and watched amusedly as he defeats the Black King, his brother snickering at his side.
His cell phone rang. Glancing at the screen, he gave a sigh of exasperation as he saw her caller ID, Rolo beside him giving it an annoyed look. He answered.
"Yes-"
"Lulu, have you gone to gamble again? How many times does that make this w-"
And there was a crash.
His heart raced and eyes widened as he saw the Babel Tower collapse as if under attack, before he deduced that yes, they were getting attacked.
Somewhere amidst the screaming and panic that ensued after the said event, he had somehow managed to get captured by the huge knightmare, flailing and trying to find concrete ground to no avail.
He saw a girl with familiar green hair and yellow orbs, but he was sure that he did not recognize her.
"Do you remember now?" Her voice was calm and soothing, yet it did nothing to pacify his thumping heartbeat. It happened in a flash.
And suddenly, he remembered everything.
He remembered the capture of Nunally, recollected his thoughts and recalled about what the emperor did.
He remembered his hands stained with crimson blood, sticky and warm.
He remembered about Shirley wailing into his shirt as the rain fell incessantly.
He needed to let the world know that the Order of the Black Knights has been revived, and the first action he took was bombing the Babel Tower.
War and discrimination still ravaged the city- nothing has changed.
The resurrection of Zero was necessary.
He reestablished the United States of Japan, a home for those who wish for equality and justice, somewhere for them to return to.
When he saw Nunally publicly declaring the continuation of the Special Administrative Zone of Japan, which had ended up an utter disaster the previous time, and a request for the two parties to cooperate, he was appalled.
Because the Britannia had stooped that low as to use her as their shield.
They were using her.
All he could think of was the world's focus on her and every single ounce of hatred directed to the very person he had been trying to save.
Nunally would end up just like Euphemia had, and he would not allow that.
He did not come this far just to lose her all over again.
But it was a few moments after where he realized that it had happened once again.
Suzaku had stolen her away.
.
He was preparing for yet another battle, and was on his way to check on the G-trains which would potentially black out the entire Tokyo when activated.
He encountered Jeremiah who agreed to join his cause, because of his admiration towards his mother.
Somewhere within him, he was relieved that his mother had at least someone to count on.
All was well and he was heading back, when he heard the sirens indicating an attack on the tower. And then he ran to the source of these noises.
He heard a gunshot.
When he dashed to the source of noise, he saw her.
Laying on the ground, he saw her sprawled on the ground motionlessly. He made out the warm orange of her hair, and she just wasn't moving.
He didn't need to be a genius to guess what happened.
"Shirley!"
It was when he rushed to her side where his nightmares came true.
Her torso bled from a hole in stomach, and she was surrounded by a halo of scarlet red.
Red did not suit her.
And Lelouch crouched beside her, horrified, his hands trembling as he reached for her.
He was afraid.
She opened her eyes.
Fluttering orbs drifting in between consciousness fought to stay awake as her voice came out, feeble and weak, and nothing like Shirley.
"Lulu.. I'm glad that I could at least talk to you in the end."
Because his hands were already reaching for the phone, and someone, someone had to help her.
"It's not the end, I'll get a doctor right away!" He wished that he sounded more confident than he sounded desperate, but he needed to know that she was alright.
He had to save her, at least her.
Her hands reached for his phone, and he froze.
Her hands were cold. Shirley was warmth and happiness and everything bright, and he did not like the way she looked as if she was about to die.
She looked like she was dying and he was having none of this.
"You know.. when I recovered my memories, I was so scared. A fake teacher, friends with no memories, everyone was lying to me.. it was as if the whole world was watching me."
She spoke hurriedly, in between gasps of air that sounded unnatural, as if it was a race against time.
"Lulu, you've been fighting all by yourself against this world.."
This isn't about him, he wanted to say. But somehow, the worlds were unable to form in his mouth and he watched on, powerlessly as her grip on his phone grew weaker by the second.
"So that's why.. I wanted to be the one thing truthful to you,"
And he was afraid, more than ever, for he was sure that these words would haunt him, reminding him of his incompetency, of how he was trembling in the presence of death and being unable to do anything
"I love you, Lulu. Even when I knew you killed my father, I couldn't bring myself to hate you. Even when you tried to make me forget everything, I still fell in love with you again."
Stop, he wanted to scream. She had to stop right there, because it almost sounds as if she was giving up, as if she was saying her last words
"Even when my memories were altered.. I still fell in love again…" Her hands slipped slightly, and her voice grew weaker, and he commanded her not to die, time and time again.
She couldn't die, she can't leave him behind.
"Don't die, Shirley!" He wields the power of the kings, and his commands were absolute.
But it wasn't working.
He saw the tears forming in the corner of her eyes, vaguely aware of his own tears clouding his vision and the still flowing stream of blood from her abdomen.
"No matter how many times I'm reborn.. I'm sure I'll fall in love with you again, Lulu.. This is fate.. right?" The blood had flowed beneath his shoes, staining it a red he had been so accustomed to seeing, but never on her.
And all he could do as her eyes faltered and grip weakened was scream the same lines over, and over again, hoping that this time at least, she would listen.
But her eyes were still closing.
"So its okay, right.. Lulu? That I fall in love with you when I'm reborn. No matter how many times, I'll fall in love with.. you-"
Her hand fell and he screamed.
Shirley was everything but strong, yet she stood on the front line.
All it took was one hit, one hit, to break her and even then she was still fighting.
Even after everything, she was still fighting his war.
The king moved a step and sacrificed his queen.
.
Rolo admitted to causing Shirley's death.
Somewhere within Lelouch, a disgust had begun to build against the geass.
Because even though the geass was created to grant the wishes of its users, it was not enough. The geass itself was a lie, only capable of giving false hopes and empty wishes.
The geass was not enough. The geass had failed him.
If only the geass didn't exist, nothing would have happen.
And so he launches an assault.
For Nunally. For Shirley.
The Geass Order fell.
The United Federation of Nations makes its first declaration of war against Britannia.
The G-trains were put to use and an all-out blackout ensued in Tokyo. The second assault on the Tokyo Settlement falls into place, and all he could think of was saving Nunally and getting her back to his side where she would be safe.
So when the bomb Suzaku detonates kills Nunally, he doesn't know what to think.
And he screams yet again, letting the anguish and despair take over him.
All that is left is numb, and he can't feel anything.
He lost everything he was fighting for.
.
He realizes when he's been traded as a condition for Japan's independence, and the act of betrayal by the Black Knights hardly surprised him.
Japan's independence was at stake, after all.
And so he anticipated death and welcomed his impending doom, a little too eager to just end everything and meet Nunally on the other side.
He never expected Rolo to save him, against his orders no less.
Rolo piloted the Shinkiro and successfully escaped the combined forces of the Dark Knights and Britannian Army.
His geass was activating.
Over and over again.
Until the very end, Rolo died protecting him.
By then, he was painfully accustomed to death.
Just one more death to add to the death toll.
It was that moment where he decided, that if he was going to hell, Charles vi Britannia would be accompanying him in that journey, and he succeeded.
Charles vi Britannia had been dissolved from existence, and with the help of C.C and Suzaku, Lelouch vi Britannia seized the throne.
The aristocracy and Area system were abolished, brute force being the only logical way for him to proceed.
He used his geass on whoever that opposes him.
He declared that Britannia would join with the United Federation of Nations, and everyone demanded a voting limit.
He ordered Suzaku to hold the U.N.F leaders captive, and no one said a word.
No one could oppose him.
It was then when Schneizel destroyed the Britannian capital, breaking him news that had ignited a small hope in his heart.
Nunally was alive, and she declared them as their enemies.
Enemies, but still alive.
And so he announces that she would be his enemy.
Inwardly, he wished that this could be avoided. Just the mere thought of Nunally strapped on her wheelchair as the aftereffects of war rained above her frightened him, and he can't lose her again.
It was his last chance.
.
When he managed to confront Nunally in Damocles, he realized that her eyes were open.
Wide, kind, hazel eyes stared into his violet ones and it pains him when he realizes that it was under this kind of circumstances where she first sees him in her life. It hurts him even more realizing that he had failed, and that she had not opened her eyes to a world she envisioned after all.
It was then that he realized that she wanted to turn Damocles into a symbol of hatred where he understood that he had to perform his geass on her no matter what.
And so he did.
And when she surrenders the key to Damocles, and screams at how heartless he is, he steps out of the room ignoring her cries as she crawls on the ground. He doesn't try to help her back up to her wheelchair because it was kindness he couldn't afford.
He doesn't look back.
.
With the fortress and leaders under his control, Lelouch declared himself the ruler of the world, and he finally relaxes in the chair.
Because only the final phase was left.
Two months later, Lelouch sat on the Emperor's throne and prepares to oversee the execution of the Black Knights and U.F.N leader.
Right before the procession begins, Zero steps in once again to prevent all of these.
Unlike the past, the person under the mask was Suzaku.
And everything fell into plan.
The Knightmares fired, and the knight of round moved with agility and speed, avoiding the attacks from Jeremiah, and intentionally stopping in front of the chained Nunally for a brief second.
Zero bypassed all the safety measures, and lands in front of the Emperor.
His lance pierced through Lelouch, and all he could feel was pain and peace.
He could feel the quivering of the lance from the man before him, and he heard the ragged breathing beneath the mask.
He heard the guilt in his voice when Suzaku calls his name, but all Lelouch can think about was the happiness and freedom that only his death warranted.
"This is also your punishment." He wheezed, resting his hands on the hilt of the lance as he held them steady in the trembling hands of his best friend. It hurt to speak, to move, and he wondered if Shirley felt the same way when she lay cold and bleeding on the ground, waiting for him to find her.
Suzaku was still shaking, and Lelouch knows that he will carry this sin for the rest of his life. Bearing the mark of zero, the savior of the world, he would have to give up everything he had.
Somewhere in the distance he hears a shrill, devastated cry amongst the cheering.
He shuffles to the edge of the fortress and falls.
The royal blue lining is stained with a trail of his blood. He slides, falling deeper and deeper, as he feels the dull pain starting to subside.
Beside him, he heard Nunally's sudden outburst of "Brother, I love you!" and tears, so much tears, and he breaths his last breath.
He was Lelouch vi Britannia, and he destroyed the world for Zero to begin a new one.
.
"You sure you're ready, Lulu?"
He hears her voice, luring him to a realm of dreams and possibilities, where there are no Elevens or Britannians, or Zero or Black Knights, or geass or responsibilities, where he can be honest with himself and be free.
So he closes his eyes and embraces what is coming, and hopes that he has a chance to meet her in his next life.
Maybe then he would tell her that he felt the same way.
He welcomes the smell of pine, and everything autumn.
Checkmate.