Introduction

Hello, darlings!

I know many people are already pissy with me for not updating Can You Hate Enough To Love? in so long, and for that I am eternally sorry. I have not "given up" on that story, and I can't imagine ever doing so. I do have a few chapters updated and a bit revamped, and I could post them without much issue with the fluidity of the story. But I honestly prefer having my original (terrible) version posted fully, rather than give part of the improved version and then have the quality of the story drop dramatically and suddenly. I feel it's not fair or enjoyable for re-readers or new readers.

This, here, is a new story, obviously. I have a new, overwhelming obsession with Remus Lupin, and I cannot help but want to write with him (and Aria and Raine, of course)! Marauders'-Era Remus is the perfect match for Aria in the opposite way that Draco is, in my opinion. Draco is refined, charismatic, and experienced, and is a great counterpart for the part of Aria that thrived in her past. Remus, on the other hand, is bookish, quieter, and more serious. He will be great to help Aria adjust to her new life after Raine. In simpler terms, Aria will be changed and aided by Remus where Draco was by Aria.

I have a list of writing prompts that my high school English teacher sent to me years ago, and I had honestly forgotten about them. Tonight, I found myself bored and easily losing interest in anything I tried to do. I made up a list of things I could do (write, read, draw, watch YouTube, watch TV, record a vlog, etc.) and remembered the list of prompts. I combined that with my love for Remus and came up with this vague idea of writing a new story with him and Aria where each chapter is influenced by one of the prompts. There are over one hundred options, and I plan to use each one, so the story is going to be quite long. There's no real plot to it, except for the usual background for Aria- which will not be exactly the same as in CYHETL?, for the record. I don't have an outline, which may have been my problem with the last story in retrospect... I'm going to write a couple chapters here and then see if anything comes to mind.

I hope my returning readers will forgive me for making so many promises and not following through with them, and that this new story will hold your interest. For readers new and old, I apologize for this extensive rant and explanation, and I hope you'll enjoy what's in store. Here's a bit of a prologue for your viewing pleasure!

~.oOo.~

The light burned as Aria opened her eyes, squinting at her surroundings with caution. With a relieved sigh, she slumped into the now-familiar pillow, recognizing her bedroom at her best friend's apartment. Shame flooded through her as her head throbbed, knowing Sam didn't deserve the shit he put up with because of her. He had so many problems of his own. Between struggling to keep up with bills and the lifelong stress of being gay in the elitist, cruel magical world, he also had his alcoholic godfather to look after more often than not.

Sam had welcomed her into his life with open arms while he was still attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and claimed that he had never regretted it. But sometimes she worried he only allowed her to take advantage of him because of his limited circle of friends. Being homosexual, he was ostracized and bullied throughout his schooling. Being a proud Ravenclaw only fueled their fires, as it added ammunition like "geek" to their arsenal. He was studious, yes, and focused intently on his grades, but Aria soon found out that it was only because he wanted to take every opportunity to improve himself and ensure the best future possible. Sam refused to become another negative product of his environment. He dealt with the taunting and the cruel names and the beatings without complaint, all with the reminder that it wouldn't last forever and the hope that he'd have a better future.

So when Aria came along and helped him heal and offered support, he latched onto her affections instantly. The two were constantly going back and forth with healing and hurting, taking turns with falling into depression while the other brought them back from the brink. It was a vicious, nearly-monthly cycle (that had nothing to do with Aria's Aunt Flo, mind you) but it kept them both alive and fighting, even when the latter found herself falling deeper and deeper in the realm of illegal activities.

The young, beautiful, strawberry-blonde witch with unnaturally-bright green eyes and more charisma than Adolf Hitler caught the attention of one Avery Anderson when he was nearly eighteen years and her a mere thirteen. At the time, she had only dabbled in petty theft and thoroughly enjoyed her cigarettes and the occasional stiff drink. Avery showed her a whole new world where she discovered how easy it was to get addicted to the high of weed first, then cough syrup, and it continued in an out-of-control downward spiral. By the beginning of her fifth year at Hogwarts, less than two years after their first meeting, Aria found herself addicted to not only nicotine, but alcohol and narcotics as well. Together Avery and Aria committed nearly every crime in both the Muggle and magical world- including murder. Avery was indeed a Muggle, though, and Aria was vigilant in keeping her second life a secret. Because she went away to "boarding school" for most of the year, Avery was especially controlling during the time they got together. At first, Aria played it off as him missing her and wanting to make the best of their time, but it only gained intensity with each visit. Soon, Avery got physically and emotionally abusive and caused Aria to develop severe anorexia on top of her drug addictions and depression.

As Aria fully roused herself, she focused on the night before and tried to remember how she got to Sam's in the first place. The beginning of the night was crystal clear; she had met up with Avery and a group of their friends for a kick-starter before heading to their favorite club. They had cut the line and were allowed in straight away, having been recognized for their V.I.P. status. Her memory was fuzzed familiarly from the painkillers she had taken prior to their departure. She remembered dancing first with Sapphire, then being stolen away by Avery for the rest of their time at the club. Drinks were ordered, traded, shared, spilled, but most of all downed in copious amounts.

Aria took a deep breath and closed her eyes, not in sleepiness, but to help her focus on the following events and the flashes of images that were her only tether to their existence. Avery had insisted they get one more drink before heading back to his place. Aria dreaded having to blow him while he'd tear at her hair and choke her. The discipline to not touch him while he was driving his "baby" was prominent in the slurry of thoughts, feelings, images, sensations, smells, flavors.

And then there was nothing. Well, almost nothing... She remembered fear- cold, sick, life-altering fear. It was vastly different from the emotion she usually felt when he'd threaten to beat her, nor was it anything similar to the anxiety and violation of when he offered her "services" to his friends. He had hurt her in a different way, a new way, she could sense. But she just couldn't quite grasp at it.

Aria took a deep breath and sat upright, moaning softly at the deep aches and pains that riddled her whole body. It was as if she had a boulder on her shoulders and lead in her veins. Her skin felt stretched to it's max, about to split open at the slightest provocation. As she stood, her legs wobbled and nearly collapsed.

The worst discovery, though, was at her very center; a dull, foreign discomfort settled into the space below her belly button and at the apex of her legs. Aria fell to her knees as it finally clicked in her head: Avery had stepped over that one boundary she had upheld when it came to their relationship. He hadn't even tried to properly seduce her, or persuade her to change her mind in any way. Avery had taken the easy, cheater's way- he had drugged her. It made more sense now, how fuzzy that part of the night was and the memory of his insistence on another drink.

She had been raped.

With trembling hands, she forced herself to move her short skirt aside, a sob escaping her when her panties were missing. She took several measured breaths, gaining the strength to view the evidence. Finally, she forced herself to look. As soon as she saw the dried blood, Aria tugged her skirt back down and burst into uncontrollable sobs. While crying, she pieced together the rest of the night. She must have run away as soon as he was asleep, as was his wont post-sexual activity. The weakness and pain in her legs spelled that out for her. Of course Aria would come to Sam's- it was her second home, Hogwarts obviously being her first. And since he hadn't come in to check on her, especially when she was blubbering like a child, she knew she must have arrived either after he'd gone to work (where he surely was now) or was quiet enough that he didn't even wake.

The young Slytherin collected herself and made to her feet again. She sat on the edge of the twin-sized mattress, inspecting her tender feet. There she found a sheet of grime ingrained into several layers of skin as well as bits of gravel, dead foliage, and glass stuck in the soles. Her shoes from the previous night must have been abandoned at Avery's penthouse. Aria got up, cringed and stumbled her way to the bathroom, and started running a hot bath.

While the tub was filling with steam and vanilla suds, she settled onto the closed toilet with a trash can and began picking the debris from the underside of her lower extremities. Once all the foreign objects were properly disposed of, Aria found a used towel to set on the floor while she poured hydrogen peroxide over the reopened wounds. It took a new crack in her lip from biting so hard to keep her cries silenced. Air hissed in and out through her nose as she let the solution do its work. A few more rinses later, Aria turned off the tap and undressed. She avoided the mirror as she added her gnarled, already-skimpy clothes to the receptacle, knowing well that there was no use in seeing the rest of the damage from what was officially the worst night of her life.

While she soaked, Aria knew that this had to be a pivotal point in her life. No longer could she subject herself to the physical and emotional abuse of Avery Anderson. For the years she had known (and loved) him, she never stopped hoping that she could influence a change in him. Wishes that her kind words and allowing him to use her for negative release could open up something soft and buried deep inside him vanished. She saw now that she was foolish for ever having such fantasies, despite all the warnings from those around her.

Aria soaked in the hot water until it cooled to nearly a glacial temperature and all the bubbles were long gone. She pulled the stopper and padded to the linen closet, finding a large fresh towel to dry herself off with. Wrapping it around her starkly revealed ribcage, the teen then made her way back to her bedroom to dress for the day. Noticing her cell phone was dead on the night stand, she plugged it in while rifling through her dresser.

Once she was garbed in comfy black sleep pants (with pockets, her favorite) and a deep blue tank top, Aria confronted her phone. Nearly three dozen texts awaited her, as well as alerts for almost half as many missed calls.

One little icon in the bar at the top of her screen made her eyes go wide and her head swirl in shock. How could she have forgotten? The innocent-looking white box filled in with a quaint pink daisy threw her through a whole new realm of loops. It was just her fucking luck that she was fertile the first and only time she could have ever gotten pregnant.

But maybe this was a sign, she mused as she sighed and tossed the device back onto the bedside table. Perhaps the Fates were shoving her towards a better path, warning her of the dangerous way her life was headed. She had always fantasized about having a family, raising her children in a quiet suburb with a sweet and loving husband. Of course the head of the house always had a blank face in her daydreams. Thinking back on it with a clearer head and in lieu of the night she couldn't fully remember, Aria realized that she hadn't once pictured Avery taking on that role. Even Sam, who was strictly homosexual, made the random appearance as the father of her children in her dreams.

Aria set that issue aside for another time and focused instead on how she could just... disappear from the life she had been leading during holiday breaks. Avery wouldn't give her up without a fight, as he was already displaying with the obsessive amount of attempts at contacting her. Only a handful of calls and texts were from her other friends. As she went through the stream of messages, both vocal and typed from him, she recognized the stages of his controlling nature. First, his language was tense and agitated and threatening. "ware r u?!" "u beter b bck by 9 or ill find u!" "bitch u kno ur in deep shit jayy is out now" A couple of the voice mails were just him streaming curse words before hanging up, others were blatant warnings of the physical damage he planned on inflicting as soon as they were together again. Aria deleted them all, her hands trembling ever so slightly, but she moved onto the next phase. He suddenly flipped from "World War III" to a mopey puppy. He apologized profusely, even proposing marriage at one point (as was fairly common during this stage for him). One of the voice mails he had left consisted of him sniffling dramatically throughout his promises to improve and find help for his anger issues. After the crying incident, he mellowed into the calm chapter and tapered off into silence. There were only a couple texts from him, saying "ill b here whnvr ur redy 2 cum bck 2 me bby ily" and similar phrases.

With a heavy heart, Aria found a hammer in the "junk drawer" in the kitchen, then headed back into her room. She laid the phone onto the stained carpet and gripped the tool with new determination. Finally she swung it down and smashed it into the lit screen. Cracks spider-webbed across the covering, and a few black spots appeared where she had properly mutilated the internal mechanisms. An overpowering rage flooded through her and she wailed on the device over and over, using all of her surprising strength to destroy her phone. All the loud pounding escaped her notice as she took out all her hatred for herself, Avery, his friends, the drug empire she helped build, and every single bad thing to ever happen in her life onto the insignificant mobile phone.

She panted harshly as she halted her movements, face flushed with the emotional and physical exertion. Later, she would decommission her tablet and laptop in the same way. For now, she needed to find Sam and let him know what had happened and her short-term plan. Aria ran a hand through her hair and stood up, finding her most nondescript hoodie. After tugging it over her damp hair and slipping on some plain blue sneakers, she hurried out and headed to the boundary between Muggle and magical London only a few blocks away.

Aria Garrowson was going to change her name. But first, she needed to have Sam cast some glamour charms on her mangled appearance and she'd need some detox potions- preferably ones safe for pregnancy.