Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma ½. I make no money off this, and don't intend to either.

That Old Time Punishment

Japan has long been known for it's unusual occurrences. Ranging from giant dinosaur like creatures breathing atomic fire in the fifties and sixties, to a plethora of demonic entities attacking on a routine basis. Certain areas of the island nation always seemed to attract more then their fair share of insanity. And one of those areas is a district of Tokyo named Nermia.

Located on the outskirts of the great city, it was at best a suburb. Nermia was home to over a hundred different types of strange and unusual martial arts styles. These ranged from martial arts ballroom dancing to martial arts tea ceremony, and everything in between. Street venders jokingly said there were more dojos then residences in Nermia. And this was almost true.

The most well known dojo was for the Tendo school of anything goes martial arts. The dojo hadn't accepted new students in many years. It was however the home of one Saotome Ranma, the most famous martial artist in Nermia.

The building contractors loved him. Where ever the boy went there was usually massive amounts of property damage. Various dojos feared him. One by one he'd ended up challenging almost every dojo, and beat them at their own style. Many girls swooned over him, although few would risk life and limb to try courting Ranma. And finally, the bookies were great fans. He made them money almost every day. There was a constant betting pool regarding nearly everything Ranma did.

Today the betting pools were silent however. The construction business had been in a slump for several months. Nothing interesting had happened since Ranma had disappeared. While in other parts of the world peace and quiet were something to treasure, in Nermia it just made people worried. The reason was simple enough. Over the years since the Saotome family had moved in, long periods of calm were nearly always punctuated by the destruction of at least a quarter of the district. Sometimes it ended in the leveling of a mountain or two.

As the day wore on, the entire district felt a rising tension. Something was going to happen. What, no one knew. When the lunch hour rush came, another piece of the puzzle fell into place. Both the Cat Cafe and Urcchan's were closed. By mutual consensus people avoided the Tendo residence. That would probably be the center of whatever would happen.

Two of the residents however were not trying to avoid the Tendo home. One was a middle aged man who was thin of body. His raven colored hair went to his shoulders, and he had a pencil thin mustache. He wore a brown training gi that had been mended many times.

"I think we should head back, old friend." The thin man said.

His friend was also middle aged, although he had clearly seen better days. The man was overweight. His formerly white training gi was a dingy gray despite being washed many times. On his bare head the man wore a dirty white bandana. He had glasses on, and a shifty look in his eyes.

"Quite right Soun, time to head back. After another drink that is."

"Good idea Genma, truly inspired. I'm sure Ranma can handle what ever that is."

It wasn't until two hours after the great power had vanished that the two friends started home. By the time they arrived there was no sign of what had happened in the yard. A girl with red hair tied in a pigtail was sitting by the koi pond meditating. Another girl, this one with short black hair was in the living room watching televison.

"I wonder where Kasumi and Nabiki are?" Soun mused.

Investigating the kitchen merely showed that the elders sister wasn't there. Someone was cooking though. Who it was shortly got revealed. Ranma stood from her meditation and entered the kitchen. The red head checked the rice cooker, as well as the oven. She also stirred a thick yellow liquid.

"Supper will be ready soon. Would someone mind telling Kasumi? I think she's changing Nabiki's diaper."

Nabiki... diaper? The very idea seemed to short circuit Soun's mind. He just stood there, frozen stiff as a board. His friend didn't heed this though. Instead Genma picked up the warming kettle from it's heat pad. He then tossed the hot water at Ranma. To the elder Saotome it was the perfect assault.

"You dishonor yourself, boy! Quit acting like a weak... girl?"

His rant was cut off before it could truly begin. He'd expected the hot water to change his worthless and ungrateful son back into a boy. Instead he was faced with a scalded and angry female Ranma. Hot water and female, the two facts clashed violently. One did not support the other fact. Since he was unaware of any other ways to lock a curse, the boy should have changed. And beneath the silk shirt, Genma could see the outline of a bra.

"I'll deal with ya after supper."

"To think my son has become a weak girl! Waaaaaa, what did I do to deserve such shame?"

It was carefully crafted to shame the boy into obeying. But it didn't seem to be working. Ranma just continued working in the kitchen. To the fat man, being ignored was an even worse insult then the boy staying a girl. He began to run forward, fist drawn back to strike from behind.

"You will get this fixed!"

Ranma casually kicked behind herself. The foot impacted against Genma's solar plexus, knocking the air out of his lungs. Ten more kicks laid out the elder man. "Yer as bad as the rest Pops. Jumpin ta conclusions, never listening. And what do ya know of honor? Ya sold me for food how many times? Yer a liar, a thief. Ya go on about honor, but have none less it suits ya. Cause of ya Pops, I don't even have a name."

She smirked then. "And I ain't locked. I chose this form for today. And before ya demand how, it wont work for ya."

After turning off the stove the girl casually stepped over her prone father. She carried two large trays filled with food over to the table, and began to set things out. Ranma hoped everything was good. After the time spent training those girls, normal food had tasted rather bland. However he wasn't about to try seasoning things till they tasted fine to him. Doing so could well ruin the dishes.

Idly he wondered what it was the princess had planned. He'd known of her intentions to try helping him. But not exactly what she'd do. While he didn't exactly approve of what had been done to Nabiki, it was poetic in a sense. And he had the princess's word that if Nabiki learned her lesson it wouldn't be permanent.

It did disturb him however how long he'd been gone. A one month training trip had somehow turned into eight months. And before that, an hour had somehow turned into two days. And then there was the day She gave him control of the curse. He'd never forget that day.

XxXxX

In the time since he'd agreed to train the five girls, Ranma had seen much. He'd only agreed to train them for a month. Yet sometimes it seemed he'd been teaching them for years. Other times it felt like days. These woods were timeless. It was impossible to really say how long it'd been. The sun had risen twenty five times, true. But each day felt far longer then it should. He'd even brought it up to Princess Jane.

"As I understand it, time doesn't work the same here as it does on earth. I am told there was a man named Rip Van Winkle who spent a day here, only to find a century had passed when he left. Another named Tom I hear spent decades here, only to find a week had passed when he left. He returned a month later on earth, only to find a week gone by here. I understand Tom is still living in the forest, grieving for my mother. I last saw him when I was six in a previous life. And that was so long ago I don't want to think about it."

Ranma had paused at the explanation. "What does that mean for me? Will I return home, only to find everyone long dead? Is all this but a dream, and I'll wake up with just one night having passed?"

"You aren't a mortal. Once you were, but something happened. You touched raw faerie magic. And that touch changed you. Not just once either. First you visited a place I'm told was the site of an ancient battle to protect mankind. A place where many lost their lives on both sides. But my people didn't return to nature. Their deaths changed the land, imbuing the very waters of the area with their essence.

"Ami tells me she was there when the 'cursed springs' you visited were formed. You know, they aren't actually cursed. Or at least, not the way you think." Princess Jane then tilted her head to the side as if listening to something. "Huh, you mean only someone who actually needs it or who's form doesn't match their personality can fall in a spring?"

The first time he'd seen this girl have a conversation with the air he'd thought Jane insane. Eventually he'd concluded she actually was listening to something. Exactly what, he wasn't really sure. But Jane claimed it was the source of her magic. Not possible, was it?

"You said there were multiple times, what's that got ta do with my curse? And can you remove it?"

The princess listened to something ethereal again. "The second time was a more pure source. One without any patterns. That time changed what you are. I can't remove your gift, but I can change the trigger. Ever wonder why you attract water even more since that phoenix you talked about?"

"Yeah," Ranma said slowly. "What bout it?"

"You are a new type of faerie. I guess. A faerie of water I think. It likes you. And because of this, both forms are natural for you now. I'm sure a name keeps popping into your thoughts. No, don't tell me it. Tell no one that name unless they are family and you trust them completely."

XxXxX

After supper Ranma walked outside. Everyone watched as the neo-girl waded into the koi pond and sat down. Jaws then dropped as the girl slowly shifted forms into a raven haired boy. He stood and stepped out of the pond. Interestingly enough, Ranma's cloths were not wet. He was, but the boy's cloths seemed to have shed all the water.

"All right, you all probably got questions. So let's talk." He turned around and faced the outer wall. "You too Cologne. You better come in too Ukyo."

The ancient crone and chief reluctantly approached. They had been behind the wall, listening. The two newcomers sat at the table alongside the Saotome and Tendo families. Kasumi was holding a baby in her arms, breast feeding the child. Ranma almost smirked. He'd insisted only Kasumi was allowed to eat the yellow apple sauce like substance. Where the recipe had come from, he didn't know.

"I'm sure ya all wanna to know where I was for eight months. And who the woman with me was. For me, only a month has passed. I think. After 'Kane sent me flyin I landed in a group of girls. Not fiances, I thought that too at first. They wanted me ta teach them. They offered a way to control my shifting in payment. And I agreed."

"Waaa! My disrespectful son..."

"Waaa! Now the schools can be..."

"How dare you... Squawk."

Everyone stopped, frozen in horror. Akane had started to lift the table to smash it on Ranma's head. Then her cloths collapsed to the ground. Akane her self was no where to be seen. The mound of cloths started to shift, then green and red could be seen. Next a hint of yellow. Finally an extremely pissed looking green bird emerged. It glared at Ranma, and tried to punch him. Naturally enough, this failed horribly due to still being tangled up in the cloths. A fact which only enraged the parrot still further.

"A-as I was saying," Ranma began with a large sweat drop forming on his forehead. "That woman was... Akane, why are you kicking me? That tickles."

The parrot just kept kicking. "Squawk! Squawk squawk!"

Abruptly a purple furred house cat ran into the room, and across the table. This caused Ranma to scream, and jump onto the ceiling. Impossibly, he clung to the flat surface without falling. Takawaki charged through next, waving live steel.

"Halt foul demon, So that I may smite thee and free the goddess Shampoo from thy wicked spell!"

A girl wearing more pink then should legally be allowed charged through the room next. She had ice skates hung around her neck. After a moment Ranma dropped back down to the floor. In the distance they could hear the kleptomaniac ice skater.

"Come back Annabelle! Don't run!"

"That woman was..." Ranma began again.

"CURSE YOU SHAMPOO! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" The cry was clearly Ryoga. And it was coming from inside the broom closet.

"That woman..."

"OH HO HO HO HO HO!"

"If nothing else is going to interrupt, that woman is..." Pantyhose Toro charged through the room after the cursed amazon as well screaming something about marriage. "Let's continue this later, when things are sane again. Sides, I think Akane needs a visit to the vet. She just broke a wing trying to punch me."

Author Notes This is just a fun little side story to That Old Time Magic. This should be complete as is. But I wonder, does anyone think I should continue this light hearted farce?