Read first: So, this will be a short little one shot to hopefully get my writing mojo back. It will be in first person ( I, we, us, ) so that explains that. Enjoy and never be afraid to review and tell me what you thought of it!
Disclaimer: Roughly based off of the song "I Need My Girl" by The National, which does not belong to me in any way.
I'm exhausted. Every muscle I move, every breath I inhale and exhale, every blink I take… It drains me. Though, despite how tired I am, I can't sleep. No sleeping pill could make me go down and it's driving me absolutely mad. However, I know what I really need; for this exhaustion I'm feeling now isn't from a lack of sleep… It's from a lack of her.
Her.
She's been gone for months. Twenty-four months, to be exact. I'm counting. Since she… Well, I was the one who put it off, but it wasn't like I wanted to. Vince forced me to follow through. I almost lost my job over my refusal to do it at first, but then… I started thinking. I figured that what happens as business stays as business.
I was dead wrong.
She took it completely different than I had thought she would. I don't even think she saw it coming. No one must have told her about it… Just to get that element of surprise in there for the, uh… "Ratings." Though, from my perspective… It was tortuous. The look on her face numbed my senses; the only thing I could even feel was my heart cracking. I remember the feeling so clearly, as if it happened only a week ago. Walking away from her after telling her those things was like walking through an endless plain of quicksand and mud. It was complete and utter hell. Though, that wasn't even the worst part. The weeks following that was the worst part. I always stepped into a locker room filled with other guys rather than a private one that I shared with her. Half of me dreamed that one day I would open one of those Godforsaken doors and everything would be normal again… That I'd see her sitting on the couch with my shirt on, her hair coiled around her tiny finger, and a smile on her face as she looked at me. It never happened, though. Not once.
She never spoke to me again after the on-screen breakup. I mean, thinking about it now; why would she? It wasn't like we were dating each other off-screen… No matter how badly I wanted to. We were best friends and it was like after the segment, everything just dissipated into thin air without any explanation at all. I didn't even see her backstage anymore. It was like she was purposely ignoring me and… I – I can't really blame her for it. I just wish I had another chance, because I need her more than I need air right now.
I need my girl.
I'm tired of sitting at home with empty beer bottles and take-out boxes surrounding me; like I am right now. I'm sick of it. I can't tell you how many times I've debated on calling her or even shooting a simple text. I wonder if she's changed her number over the last two years. She probably wouldn't even bother picking up her phone, if she saw it was me. She's busy with her husband now, anyway. God, I loathe the bastard. I wonder if he strokes her hair at night just the way she likes it… She told me it made her sleepy, so I always took to doing it for her. I wonder… I just wonder if he falls into the kisses she gives him like I did. It always took me a few moments compose myself again after she'd lay a kiss on my lips. I loved them.
I loved her. No… I love her.
I don't care if she doesn't even know I exist right now. I know she does, and that's all that matters. Although… I'm curious as to what she's up to. Is she okay? Is she healthy? Is she happy? I take another bite of my pizza and continue to stare mindlessly at the television. I don't even know what's on. Cops, maybe? I don't care. I'm tempted to shut it off, but then what else would keep me from falling asleep?
Oh… That's right. Her.
If only she knew how much I adored her. I didn't get to tell her goodbye when she so suddenly decided to leave the company. I was afraid to. I was terrified that if she saw me, that she would tell everyone goodbye except for me… I couldn't have that. I couldn't live with that. So, I camped out in the locker room while everyone else gave her their hugs and congratulations. I went back to the hotel room that night feeling empty… Lost, even. I've been that way ever since.
I was expecting Mike to come over so we could watch some sports. I don't hardly care about sports anymore, as hard as that is to believe. I only ask him to come over because I need someone talking to me besides my mind. I settled back into the couch cushions and propped my feet up on the table in front of it, my teeth taking another bite out of the half-eaten slice of pizza in my hand. It was cold, but I didn't mind. I'm used to things being cold by now. I kept nibbling at the pizza slice until I had reached the bone of it, then I tossed it into the box. That was the last piece, so I'm stuck staring at the television again with nothing else to do. I hear a knock at the door and I know it has to be Mike. "Door's unlocked!" I yell, not bothering to move. I wasn't even sure if I could move. The knock was there again and my brows furrowed. Why didn't he come in? I got up with a grunt and shuffled over to the door; my marinara sauce-covered fingers twisting at the door knob until I was able to pull it open. "Jesus, man, why didn't you just co—" I shut up quickly. That wasn't Mike. My eyes were wide and my face was entirely numb. I'm surprised I haven't collapsed yet.
"Hi," she softly murmured to me with a twinkle of her fingers and a tiny smile tugging at her twin-flesh.
"April?"