Game of Thrones Predictions

By: 1000th Ghost

Daenerys decides that 1. Dragons do not make good house pets because they do things like scorch innocent people and 2. Keeping them cooped up will make them weak and unable to fight. So, she attacks King's Landing RIGHT NOW!

Whilst on her way, flying high in the sky on a dragon, she notices a bunch of ice zombies and is like, "The heck?" So, she scorches them all. And the Wildlings too because from the sky, she can't really tell who's who.

Then she arrives at King's Landing and is all, "WHAT UP, SUCKERS, I'VE GOT DRAGONS," and scorches everyone.

So then she is queen of...everything, I guess.

Tyrion hears word of this and comes back to King's Landing since there are no longer people there who give a rip about his trial or Tywin or anything.

Since Daenerys is nice and likes to help people, she asks him what it is he wants given that everyone he knew is now dead.

He says, "Well...not everyone."

Then he explains the story of Sansa, and Daenerys, who is a big fan of true love, is like, "You may borrow a dragon and have an epic adventure finding your wife!"

Sansa, in the meantime, has, for reasons completely unknown (other than the fact that she is stupidity incarnate), still stuck around with Littlefinger. And then Littlefinger decides to rape her because, you know, he's an evil creepster.

"It's okay," he assures her, "because women are just a collection of profitable holes."

"...excuse me?"

"Say, have I ever told you about the time that I sold a whore to Joffrey so he could launch crossbows at her? He made a bunch of new holes! Oh, lolz, I'm so clever."

"...what?"

"How about the amusing anecdote about how I betrayed your father and had him killed? Let's have sex now!"

"YOU'RE AN EVIL CREEPSTER!"

Then Tyrion bursts into the room all dramatically and heroically!

"GET. AWAY. FROM. MY. WIFE."

He was traveling with uh...Brienne and Podrick, who he saw from his dragon-sky-perch (and Brienne and Podrick have ended up together because why not, that's cute, right?), and Brienne rushes in and slits Littlefinger's throat.

Half-clothed Sansa rushes into Tyrion's arms and sobs this heartfelt, "Omg, here I was being a jerk to you, when all this time, HE'S the one that got my father killed, and you've been nothing but sweet and wonderful to me! I am stupidity incarnate, will you ever forgive me?"

Tyrion says, "Of course!" and they KISS, and it is GREAT. YIPPEE.

Then Tyrion and Sansa have another epic adventure to round up her siblings!

Arya ends up with...I don't even care who, SOMEONE, she has to end up with SOMEONE (Gendry, Jon (if it's true that he's really her cousin and not her half-brother, that is), the Faceless Assassin, some not-introduced-yet dude, WHOEVER).

They find Bran talking to the three-eyed raven old guy.

"Herp de derp, you can fly," says the three-eyed raven old guy.

"Cool beans," says Bran, so he flies alongside the dragon.

They end up taking Rickon's Wildling nanny along with them since Rickon has emotionally bonded with her, and they don't want to screw him up.

So the Stark children, Tyrion, Arya's dude, the Wildling nanny, Brienne, and Podrick all go live at Winterfell (which they rebuild with the Lannister money that Tyrion is now the sole heir of). Bran then flies the dragon back to Daenerys and then flies back himself.

Sam decides that the Night's Watch is a DUMB IDEA, and he rushes to Gilly and Little Sam and proclaims, "Screw this, let's run away together!"

"Super duper!" says Gilly, and away they go.

They eventually come to Winterfell and are caught.

"Please, Mr. Royal North Guy," Sam says to Tyrion, "I know I'm supposed to never marry or father children, but I love her! Please don't behead me!"

Tyrion is like, "...why the flip would I care if you got married and fathered children? Anything that prohibits that is a dumb idea. I know, since you realized that it's a dumb idea, you must be smart. You can be my Hand of the King!"

So Sam becomes Hand of the King and marries Gilly, and they read lots of books and eat lots of food and have lots of babies and live happily ever after.

Over in King's Landing, Daenerys has realized that becoming queen is a shallow victory. It doesn't make her happy; it was just a distraction from what she really wants: Drogo and her baby. So, she jumps out of a window and dies. Her dragons plummet from the sky after her because they are sad, and they die too. They all go to Game-of-Thrones-Afterlife-World and are happily with Drogo and the baby forever.

With no more queen, Tyrion is now King of Everything! But he rules from Winterfell because Sansa likes it there. He and Sansa have lots of babies who end up pairing up with Sam's and Gilly's babies.

THE ENNDDD :D