I'm sorry.

This should really be in my drabbles collection but I didn't feel like it belonged there.

Mass Effect and all associated characters belong to Bioware. I make no money from this fanfiction.

I had to admit I'd caught myself lusting after Thane on more than one occasion. Hard to believe that I was now inserting myself directly into his personal space.

I'd had a few drinks. …maybe more than a few. Too many. And Sere Krios himself had been kind enough to escort me back to my cabin. It was there that my shredded inhibitions finally took advantage of the situation.

He laid me out carefully on my couch before disappearing into my bathroom to fetch me some water. "You should stay hydrated, Shepard," he said, and I watched as he was suddenly obscured by my wall of model ships. Sweet goddess that man had a great ass.

I did my best to look more sober than I felt. Thane returned with the glass of water and offered it to me with concern on his face. I chugged half of it before setting it down on my coffee table with shaky hands.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're absolutely gorgeous, Thane," I slurred, reaching for him.

His answering laugh was a rich sound that seemed to rumble across my skin. "I may have been described as such. Shepard, it's obvious that you're thoroughly intoxicated."

But I was fixated on him, drunk and feeling bold. My hands brushed the soft ribbing of his throat and dragged along his scales, fingers lacing behind his neck as I pulled him down into a delicious kiss. Hadn't Mordin said something about kissing drell? Was this going to make me more drunk? Was that even a bad thing? He made only the smallest noise of protest before he was pulling me up into his embrace.

"We shouldn't," he murmured. "Perhaps when you've had some time to sober, when your thoughts are clear."

"My thoughts are clear now, Thane. I want you."

He did it again - that sound in his chest that I know I felt this time, humming into my body at this close proximity. My drunken hands fumbled with the clasps on his jacket, popping them open one at a time before I moved to slide my hands beneath it, over the hard planes of this man I had spent more than one night occupying my thoughts with.

The jacket didn't budge, though. Three straps hung freely from the front of his coat and the rest of it remained stuck fast to his body. Like it was - I tugged on the straps again - glued on.

"Thane," I said soberly. "Thane what is this?" My fingers plucked at the material.

He laughed, nervously this time. "I, uh… There was an accident when I was still living on Kahje, and…"

"And your clothes are actually glued to your body?" My face was screwed up in blatant frustration.

"Yes. To put it simply, yes."

"But how do you… how do you get laid? How do you pee? How do you anything?"

"My body's waste regulation systems must be taken care of with…" his mouth sat slightly open as he considered his words. "…it's complicated."

I sat back on the sofa, my ego shrinking like a helium balloon in a freezer. "Oh."

We sat there for a moment, Thane's fingers lacing and unlacing with nervousness as I stared, defeated, at his perfectly toned and flawless body, covered in leather, and completely untouchable. There was a noticeable bulge in his pants. And I couldn't have it.

"So…" he began, pacing slowly across the room to the fish tank.

"Yeah, I…" The air in the room was suddenly suffocating. I wasn't drunk enough for this. Maybe I actually was drunk and I was just so drunk that I would wake up in the morning, having dreamed this whole scenario. Life couldn't possibly be this cruel. I needed another drink. "I should go."

Derp.