The Millionth Story with a Name Like "Catharsis"
Disclaimer: All characters in this fanfiction are 18 years of age or older.
I don't condone underage smoking.
Always seek professional help or healthy coping mechanisms when dealing with stress.
"Sora, wake up."
The sand was warm, but the water was cold.
The sun hung unforgivingly in the sky, leering over the island like it always had. Eyes strained from the light, he looked up at Kairi as she playfully poked his side with her foot.
"It's almost time for school, you know."
"Don't think I'll go." He responded. "I'm going to run away instead."
She laughed, "You always say that, but you always end up going anyway."
She was right, as usual. Back then, they were only kids, and their dreams of escape had been childish. But even now, Sora couldn't stand this place. The emptiness in his heart grew each day; his soul was tied to the stars, but his body was anchored to the earth. He belonged to the sky, or lost at sea, yet here he remained.
He shrugged. "So let's go."
He pulled out a pack of cigarettes, a nasty vice he picked up at school, and smoked on their way there. He did it just to spite her and this damn island and his damn existence.
He smoked in the bathroom between classes, blew the clouds in the face of his peers and got into a couple scuffles. He offered his lighter to pretty girls, and secretly worried Kairi would catch him. If she did, he hoped he'd see the jealous grimace on her face; giving him a chance to maybe kiss away her frown.
He didn't see Riku once.
Out there, in the vastness outside their tiny world, he was a hero. His visage was emblazoned upon the stars by the Godsthemselves. Here, he was a flunky, one of the loners, a smoker, and a possible girlfriend-stealer who just hadn't gotten caught yet.
Out there, he was somebody. Here, he was just another one.
At home, he took one glance at his homework, reminded himself that heroes don't need grades, and threw it in the trash. He skipped dinner and fell asleep with a cigarette burning in the ashtray.
"Sora, wake up."
Kairi's face looked down at him from above, her petite silhouette eclipsing the sun overhead. Her eyes looked ghastly from inside her shadowy form.
"How many times am I going to find you sleeping on this beach?"
Sora replied, "I'll tell you if you kiss me."
She recoiled, but only just slightly. Anyone else may not have noticed, but he did.
"We can't. Riku…"
But he did it anyway. He pushed himself up from the warm sand and drew her into him.
He didn't care who Kairi actually loved, as long as it helped free him from this infinite regret… even if only for a moment.
His fingers pressed into her flesh. Nails dug into skin. Her mouth was whispering yes, but her eyes were elsewhere. The indigo hues flashed with doubt, and he hated it.
For the first time in his life, he couldn't stand to see her terribly beautiful face. For the first time ever, he wanted to hurt her, to punish her for making him trade his life for this. For normalcy.
They ended up in his bedroom. Eventually, there were bruises on her thighs, and release hung in the air like vengeful smog silently choking the lungs.
Sora's regret hadn't gone away. Kairi tried to hide it, but Sora knew she was crying. He lit up a cigarette, and let himself get lost in the nicotine.
In silence, she left.
He looked out the window, wishing desperately to be far away. He searched deep to find the magic in his veins, to feel it pulsing in his blood, to get a taste of the life he had before.
But there was nothing. He was empty.
"Sora, wake up."
The sand was warm, but the water was cold. He dug his hands into the infinite grains, felt it stabbing beneath his nails like millions of microscopic bugs.
He'd been having these weird thoughts lately...
"Yesterday…" He said, "We were..."
"Yesterday? I couldn't find you anywhere."
Is any of this for real? ...or not?
"Don't pull this shit with me, Kairi. We just had sex, don't be such a bitch about it."
She pulled herself upright, face screwed tight in complete disgust.
"I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but you're delusional. I would never."
Sora's throat closed up as if her words gave him an allergic reaction… and the allergen was heartache. Turning on a heel, she left; leaving a pivot in the sand where her foot once was.
The cigarettes in his pocket had become damp from the sea water, rendering them useless. He chucked the pack to the ocean, a stream of obscenities following it out to sea. He stared into the cerulean water, his reflection warped among the waves.
Then he walked forward. He walked and walked and walked until his feet could no longer touch the seafloor. Then he swam, down and down and down, until the pressure coldly squeezed the air from him and he took in water.
"Sora, wake up."
Warm grass, cold shade.
"That was the lunch bell." Kairi informed him, "If you don't get up, you'll be late."
There was blood crusted in his nose from a fight, and the coagulated iron scent turned his stomach.
"I wish I could go back," He whispered.
But Kairi was walking away, whimsically goading him to follow her. Yet he stayed, eyes stuck on her bare legs as she left.
His best subjects were science and history. Tests were a breeze for him, because rote memorization was his second nature. He drove teachers insane with his contrasting faces of a delinquent and a genius.
"Wasted potential," they'd say.
But heroes don't need this monotony. Heroes don't even need recognition. They just save the world, because it's what they do.
He'd play their silly little game, but he'd do it by his rules.
Although he knew where his locker was, he never used it. He never carried books, or pencils, or paper, because he didn't need to (nor did he care to).
There was someone standing by his empty metal unit. Said something about hitting on a girlfriend. Sora lit a cigarette, took a drag, then flicked it at the guy. The ember sizzled some flesh, and a fist came rocketing to his face.
"Sora, wake up."
Warm sheets, cold breeze.
At least this was different.
He looked over to his window, and desperately wished he was anyone else. Wished he was Roxas, or Axel, or dead like the Organization.
The sky shimmered with a sunset he recognized, a different home.
"This isn't my room." He realized.
There was a second of joy-
"Sora, wake up."
Warm arms, cold desk.
Kairi nudged him from his slumber.
"You're missing the lesson."
The teacher was spelling something on the board, asking if the class had it memorized. Riku sat at the front of the room, stiller than a stone. His silver hair flickered beneath the fluorescent lights like a silken specter.
"Riku," Sora whispered. No response. "Riku." He said, but still nothing, not even from his classmates, not even from the teacher. Not even when he screamed the name of his friend in desperation, over and over.
A curious face turned to look at him, blond haired and blue eyed. Roxas asked him, "Who are you, really?"
"Sora, wake up."
Warm sand, cold water.
He grabbed Kairi, didn't hesitate in kissing her. Told himself it wasn't forceful, but knew she didn't truly want it. He didn't care, he needed it, needed her, wanted anything but this.
He bit her lip and choked on the blood.
"Sora, wake up."
Warm sand, cold tears.
"Am I dead?" He asked her, pleaded her, "Am I in hell? Is any of this real?"
"Sora…" She was afraid of him. She should be.
"Help me feel alive." He asked it softly, but they both knew it was a demand. She gave in, gave herself to him willingly.
She muttered Riku's name, just once.
"Sora, wake up."
Warm blood, cold body.
His fingers pressed into her flesh. Nails dug into skin, ripping it. The viscera and blood trickled endlessly, a pool of thick wine becoming an ocean around her body. The sand accepted his offering and drank it up, pulling it down to the core of everything. Her mouth was still, her dim indigo eyes were empty. They gaped endlessly at the sky, as if they were a direct portal to heaven.
He kept digging into her flesh, ripping the muscle away from the bone, cracking the ribs apart until he found what he sought.
He looked for the light that was so revered, that he and many others sacrificed so much for… but it was just blood and limp muscle. Meaningless.
Her dead eyes were trained on him, her mouth a crooked smile. Her bloodied lips parted...
"Sora, wake up."
Warm pillow, cold hands.
It was his room this time, unchanged since he'd left by his own choice. It became a testament to what he left behind, a place he was once desperate for then fell out of love with. Like a childhood sweetheart growing into a hated tryst. Like a friend into a foe. Like light tainted by the dark. Like the dark surging with light.
It gave him a reason to keep searching. What was real and what was not anymore? His dreams were spilling into his reality, the monotony of normalcy was perverting his mind. He sickened himself, felt undeserving of freedom. Yet, his hands were clean.
The ocean tempted him from his window as the sky rattled with a distant storm.
There was a knock on his door. Kairi's voice…
"Sora, wake up."
Warm ashes, cold eyes.
How many cigarettes did he have? He counted them once more, the extinguished filters bobbing in the water around his feet.
When does the sea end and life begin? He knows this wet little pebble is far from alone in the vast reaches of space.
He pondered, sucking down smoke and nicotine like it was cold, crisp water. He put the cherry out on his wrist, then tallied the burns on his arms again.
If he could just get back somehow, back to the sky where he belonged. Back to the stars and the depths of space. Back to magic spells and blades that open doors. Back to the warm darkness and the cold light.
He found the tallest building in his hometown.
Faith and trust. Happy thoughts.
He jumped.
"Sora, wake up."
Warm darkness, cold light.
Golden eyes stared at him from the abyss. He clawed his way through the dark, a task he'd practically mastered after all these years. The space in-between could take him there, could take him away from this place.
He wasn't afraid of the darkness. The darkness was afraid of him.
It parted like a divine sea of reckoning, yet it swallowed him more with each step. It sucked him under like a riptide, down to the depths of everything, to the bedrock of time and space.
Then, he stepped through it, and into the light.
"Riku, wake up."
He opened his eyes.
"You've been coming here a lot here lately," Kairi said, her silhouette peering down at him. "Do you miss him?"
Riku responded, "He sacrificed so much for us."
"At least he's out there, where he truly belongs."
They peered at the sky.
The sand was cold, but the water was warm.
Exuent
A/N: This fic has been sitting off to the side now for a very long time. It started out as a sort-of slice of life thing, and that was the direction I was planning on going with it. A user on Reddit about a year ago was asking if anyone had specifically written a story about characters from Kingdom Hearts readjusting to their normal lives after their adventures. Although this story was in it's early stages, I didn't touch it again for a while because I didn't want to rush it.
It's been my recent obsession lately because I've kinda been using it as a way to deal with some of my own dissociative stress and to take a little break from writing The Night (but still meet my daily writing quota). I'm not quite sure when this morphed into a psychological horror story, but I may write an alternate version that's a little less creepy.
I hope you enjoyed it and I hope that Reddit user finds it well!
Please please PLEASE favorite, follow, review, send kudos, add bookmarks… anything! I'm still happily taking positive constructive criticism, too! I am always looking to improve my writing.