~ "I have such a envy for this stranger lying next to me
Who awakes in the night and slips out into the pre-dawn light
With no words, a clean escape, no promises or messes made
And chalks it all up to mistake, mistake, mistake."~
Reid had always been a light sleeper. The slightest noise, the smallest movement of the sheets would wake him, no matter how tired he was. This time he kept his eyes closed as the stranger in his bed pushed himself up and shuffled around for his things. Reid, although unsurprised, couldn't help but feel relieved. At the bar he pretended not to notice the tan line on the strangers left hand. He pretended not to hear the man tell his wife he would be working late. He overlooked it when he heard him tell his daughter 'good-night'. Reid preferred middle-aged married men. He knew he shouldn't, but it made it easier. They would be gone before Reid had to be up for work. Even if they left a number for Reid, they where usually fake. And they never asked for his. There was a thrill factor. He got a kick out of handsome, successful men wanting him. But mostly it was a distraction. From the pain, the numbness, anything he didn't want to feel. In that moment all there was was heavy breathing, skin and sweat. Reid was up for anything as long as they never touched lips to lips. That was too intimate. It did felt good to be wanted. But it didn't mean anything.
~ "A storm at sea the bow cracked and I was capsizing
And I sunk below where I swore I would never go
If you can't stand in place you can't tell there's walking away
From who remains, who stays, who stays, who stays."~
Morgen sat up turning back to make sure the stranger next to him was still sleeping. Her heavy breathing unchanged, he continued. He pulled his pants up briefly pausing to look at the woman he had shared a bed with moments ago. She was beautiful. And when it came to one night stands, only beautiful women could give him the ego boost he craved. Watching her writhe and moan as he intertwined with her body gave him the reassurance that he so desperately needed. Deep kisses, love bites, long gasping moans. The may grant him a confidence boost, but it didn't really mean anything more then that. Physically, he was attracted to women, but could never stay romantically involved with them. The girls on his arms made him a man, but mostly it was all show. He jotted down his number on the back of his card. She wouldn't call. He knew that. She was under no delusions about what was happening. He was just as much arm candy to her and she was to him. But he thought it was a nice gesture. He slipped his jacket on and quietly left.
~ "And there are no tears
Just pity and fear
No vast ravine
Right in between."~
Reid looked down on the street below his apartment. Little bits of orange light had started peaking out of the horizon. His wet hair dripped down his back making him shiver, he took a sip of coffee. Thoughts turning to the last man he kissed, a sharp pang digging into his chest. He was probably in the arms of some young lady, forgetting all about Reid. Was it he who walked away, or was it Morgen? Did it even matter anymore? Reid took another sip, clenching his jaw and turning away from the window, trying to shake loose the feeling of the man's lips on his. Would he ever feel another kiss again?
~ "Spare no tears
Just pity and fear
And I recall
The push more than the fall."~
Morgen walked quickly in the quiet of the still dark early morning. The path lit sparsely by streetlights. His breath visible in the cold grey of winter. As he walked he found himself in a familiar place. Looking up he saw Reid's apartment building. The knife twisted in his stomach. He entertained, although not all that seriously, knocking on the younger man's door. Lost in thoughts he heard shuffling in front of him. A man busy slipping a ring onto his finger bumped to Morgen's shoulder. The stranger apologized quietly. Morgen took another long look at the building. He closed his eyes shaking his head, trying to forget the sound of his voice. Last nights kisses had felt so hallow, he wondered if a kiss could ever mean anything again.