A/N: This is all light hearted and not to be taken seriously. Some of the facts listed are true, but some are not. This is just for fun. This is supposed to be sort of a news report - type thing, so read it in an announcing voice.
Hope you enjoy!
Up next, To Go or Not to Go? That is the question with the release of Nintendo's new mobile Pokemon game, Pokemon GO!
Since its release, the game has prompted millions of nerds around the world to become a real life Pokemon Trainer and to actually go outside. But is everything about this game positive? True, Nintendo's stock price went up by twenty-five percent following the release of the game, but what other hidden dangers are there? And more importantly, what an you do to protect yourself and stay safe while you get your physical exercise for the day?
Over 50,000 people were injured or killed playing the game in less than fouty-eight hours of its release. Almost half of those were minor injuries, ranging from bug bites to stubbed toes, but some of the rest were pretty major.
Lets take a look at what can happen to eager Pokemon players in the local park.
As you can see, behind me are some very focused Pokemon catchers, hoping to find a Pokemon in those flowers over there. But, they should be careful.
18 percent of injuries in the last two days were caused by bee-stings. These can be very painful and may require medical attention to treat.
15 percent of injuries were caused by wasp-stings. These can be even more painful than bee stings and if you are allergic to wasps, then they can be fatal.
4 percent of injuries were caused by running into trees. Remember, take your eyes off the phone to know where you are actually going.
2 percent of injuries were concussions caused by tripping and falling down on a large rock.
Very alarming! The next time you head to the woods or the park, make sure to be wary of your surroundings.
Some other harmful effects of staring at a phone while riding your bike around in circles include injury, death, pain, post-traumatic stress, and regular stress.
What lengths do avid Poemom trainers go to in an attempt to catch that rare Pokemon? Some have been found stopping their cars in the middle of highways, while others have been swimming in rivers hoping to find elusive water types.
Instead, these trainers have been the cause of ten car pile ups on interstates, have been run over by cars, and have found dead bodies floating in the river. Terrifying!
In fact, some criminals have even used the game to lure unsuspecting Pokemon trainers into a robbery.
But what can you do to prevent these horrific things from happening to you? Step one is to retain common sense. Never walk out into a road with traffic just to catch a Pokemon on it. Chances are's either you or the Pokemon will be run over by a car.
Never walk into trees while chasing that grass-type! Always look where you're going.
Avoid damaging bee's nests. They might call a hoarde of beedrill to dispose of you.
Remember not to trip on rocks.
Even if you have the spacial awareness of a starfish, look around wherever you are and do not walk into busy streets, shady neighborhoods, into rivers, airport runways, the Sahara desert, or off a cliff. These can all be harmful to your health and may result in death or dismemberment.
In conclusion, we must answer the original question stated by this report. To Go or Not to Go?
The answer? It's your choice. If you do intend to start your daily exercise regime, make sure that you have your brain with you, allowing common sense to take over greed and desire for rare Pokemon. Remember, catching real-life Pokemon is not worth your real life.
If you decide not to keep your fitness level high, then sit on the couch and go back to console games.
This concludes this special report with SwimYBO!
Up next, top ten fruits that you didn't know were fruit. Coming up after the break.
A/N: And cut! I hope you found this funny. It's not really a fanfic, but more of a parody. Please review to tell me how I did with this.
Thanks for reading.