Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine. Maybe except stupid ideas. Everything else is Bioware's :)
A/N: Jay357, thank you soooo much for your time which you spent on correcting all my mistakes! Love you for that ;)
Everything here happens after Miranda's loyalty mission. That's all you need to know :)
"Shepard, just get it already! It is not a good idea to go there alone. Especially in your case."
She sighed heavily and turned to face the angry flashes in the light blue eyes. As soon as she had stated that she wanted to visit the place of the first Normandy's crash, Lawson just hadn't given up on her. Of course she appreciated her concern – ignoring the fact that Miranda would surely go into a rage mode if she heard something like that (after all, things like "concern" probably didn't even exist in her dictionary) – and in some way she even felt excitement at the thought that the Ice Queen could be worried about her. But still, it was slowly getting tiresome. For all of three days she had been forced to repeat that she wouldn't change her mind. Despite explaining to Miranda that it was in some way the place of her death and that she would really like to find out if this place had any influence on her. She had told Lawson that this was the place where some of her crew had died and she needed to pay tribute to them; she had repeatedly said that they had already scanned the whole planet for a hundred times and there had been nothing, dead or alive, that could attack her, but every single word just bounced off Miranda as it would from a wall. She could say anything but Miranda still stubbornly claimed that it was too dangerous.
"Lawson, how many times do I have to say this? Everything will be all right", Shepard said slowly.
She rolled her eyes when she heard the snort that was the only answer. She sighed again and came up to the dark-haired woman to grab her shoulders and shake her a bit.
"Normandy to Lawson! Let me remind you that we'll still be in touch!"
"There is no need to yell at me!", Miranda snapped at her, taking a step back.
"Looks like there is, if you don't get what I'm saying", said Shepard. "Come on, Lawson, we both know that once I'm down there, you'll be sitting here somewhere, guarding me with your life, almost getting a heart attack if I just scratch so much as my finger."
"I'm no..."
"Shut up, Lawson, it's my turn to talk", Alex cut in. She took her gloves and breather helmet, checking for the tenth time if all ducts were in working order. She really didn't want to find herself in the same place again; without oxygen. So she needed to make sure that would not happen. When she finished, she again glanced at Miranda, who looked like the personification of fury. "I am sure that I'm in no danger while having all of you as my backup. Not to mention that there's no one on that planet. I don't think that anyone would be stupid enough to attack Normandy, knowing that I'm in charge. That's one thing. Besides, I bet I can't even yawn without you knowing that, so I really don't understand what the problem is."
They were glaring at each other for almost a minute. Shepard was quite surprised that the sparks coming out of blue eyes didn't set a fire.
"Great", Miranda finally hissed. "Go wherever you want, but do not wait for my help when you need someone to get your foolish arse out of trouble."
Shepard sighed heavily, hanging her head. She wanted to grab her again and shake her stronger, until all the idiotic thoughts fell out of this perfect but stubborn head. Instead, she just clenched her fists and frowned at Miranda's back when she turned to leave. Her steps resounded through the room like the stroke of a hammer.
"Miranda", Alex called when the door opened. Lawson didn't even slow down. "Mir..."
Before she could finish, the brunette disappeared behind the closed door. She swore under her breath. Full of resignation, she threw her helmet on the bed and sat down, covering her face with her hands. She knew exactly, that Miranda's words hadn't been said in ernest and that she could still rely on her. But she didn't want to give her a reason to be even angrier. It wasn't that she was demanding something impossible. She just wanted to be alone for a while, to face her brutal past, confront the present and just see what the future could hold for her. There still were these moment when she was full of doubts and wasn't sure whether she was just dreaming and everything around her wasn't real. She had to convince herself that it was real, that her ship actually crushed. Only then would she find peace. So she would again be able to show the Collectors what she thinks about them attacking human colonies and destroying their property.
She hit the elevator's wall with a thud and hissed quietly when she felt pain in her whole arm. She had to leave, because if she had stayed only a little bit longer she would definitely have tried to hammer the stubbornness out of Shepard's head with her bare hands. Was it really a problem to take someone with her?! Indeed, she would prefer to go with Shepard herself, just to make sure that everything would be all right, but how could she could explain that need? Admit that she just had a bad feeling? Feelings were not reliable, so they couldn't be used as proof. But she couldn't just do nothing about it. For three days she had felt an unpleasant pressure at the base of her skull and she did have this hunch that something bad would happen. Maybe it was just pure fiction created by her mind, but she could swear she felt the breath of death on the back of her neck.
She rubbed her forehead when the elevator stopped and the door opened with a hiss. Without a single word she crossed the CIC, and not even looking at the galaxy map and she headed right towards the bridge. She nodded to Joker, who looked at her with surprise and then she sat down in the co-pilot's chair. Of course the co-pilot was completely expendable while having both Joker and EDI on board, but apparently Cerberus always wanted to be prepared for all possibilities.
She took the headphones and started reading reports about the planet where Normandy's wreck had been found. There were no warnings, but it wasn't enough to decrease her anxiety. She couldn't explain it, but she felt like something was amiss. She was almost sure that there was an enemy somewhere who was able to mislead Normandy's radars. Of course it was impossible, but still, she was worried. It wasn't that she was worried about Shepard – just the opposite, she was sure that of all people, Shepard could take care of herself. It was simply her duty to be careful not to let the Commander do anything stupid. Besides, she didn't want to discover that the ship's radars were not as good as planned. After all, it was designed to be a scout, and who needed a frigate which couldn't find an enemy in time? That is why she was so aware of these bad feelings. She wanted to send someone with Shepard, just to be sure that nothing would happen while the Commander was lost in her memories. There was no reason to be worried about Shepard. It didn't make sense to be worried about a woman who was able to save the galaxy from a rebellious Spectre, destroy a Reaper ship, win a fight against the Collectors and survive her own death. Well, maybe the last one was not her achievement.
Miranda cursed in her mind and hit the panel with her fist. She was aware that she was just trying to find an excuse for her own behaviour. Hell, yes, she was worried about Shepard. Anyone in her place would be. It was her duty, since she was the one responsible for the Lazarus Project. The problem was that sometimes she felt like the duties were fading into the background. Like the emotions were trying to get through that thick wall which she had built to keep them away. She had been compelled to do that, so she could focus on her tasks. Although she had been forced to do so, she didn't regret it. Emotions were a burden when it came to work. If she wanted to do her best, she would have to cut herself off from other people. Yes, she had always been alone, but it hadn't bothered her. She hadn't depended on anyone, hadn't been afraid of being hurt, hadn't been forced to show her feelings or weaknesses. Apart from Niket she had never had any friends. Until she had started working on the Lazarus Project. She wasn't sure whether she could call Shepard a friend, but she couldn't find another way to describe their relationship. That damn woman had managed to make Miranda believe in trust in some crazy way. She was aware of the fact that she was slowly opening up towards Shepard. She had told her about her father, about Oriana, hell, she had even asked for help, almost inviting her to wade into Miranda's private life.
"Are you mad at me?", asked a voice over the headphones
Of course, damn it!, she thought but didn't say it out aloud. Even without yelling, she could feel Joker's suspicious gaze.
"The shuttle will be ready to leave in two minutes, Commander", Miranda said in a cold voice, her eyes not leaving the screens.
She heard a heavy sigh and she had to correct her thoughts. She wasn't mad at Shepard. She was just furious.
"Miranda, look, it's not that I don't want your help..."
"Alchera's gravity is smaller than the one on Earth, so you should not have any problems moving around", Miranda cut in without second thought. "I only advice you against running. The planet's surface is covered with a thick layer of snow."
"I just wanted to say…", Shepard tried again but Miranda didn't want to hear even one more word.
"I also do not recommend going deep into the wreck. Normandy's construction is weak and the ceiling does not need a lot to come falling on your head."
"Can I just sa…"
"No. I suggest you calm down and focus on the mission, Commander. The shuttle will start in three, two, one…"
There was a quiet hiss in the headphones as soon as she pushed the right button on the panel.
A/N: Thanks for reading the first chapter. I hope you like it and wanna give me some nice review ;) Every author loves review. They encourage authors to write more and faster ;)