"Oh come on!" Brendan groaned, reluctantly letting himself be dragged by Ste toward the small cafe.
He couldn't believe he found himself in this position. He had invited Ste along for a business trip so that they could get some time away from the kids, but he had had a very specific activity in mind that did not involve getting high, for fuck's sake.
"No excuses!" Ste insisted. "This is my one chance to blaze up without worrying, right? And I'm not doing it without you."
Ste let go of Brendan's arm and, with one stern look at his companion, waltzed easily into the coffee shop. It was dimly lit, smoky and warm, and it smelled vaguely of incense. The young woman at the counter had several large tattoos on her bare arms, and her bleached hair was perfectly styled into an edgy-yet-professional bob. She said something that Brendan did not understand, presumably in Dutch. Keeping his distance, Brendan let Ste take care of the transaction. He had never been on this side of a drug deal, and, frankly, he wanted to keep it that way legal or not. He knew, technically, that it was no more dangerous than alcohol, but marijuana had been the first step for so many of his buyers that Brendan simply couldn't disassociate it from the perils of addiction and heavier drugs.
Ste had been nagging him about this from the moment they had gotten off the plane in Amsterdam. Had he known, Brendan wouldn't have asked Ste to come along in the first place. But here they were, and try as he might, Brendan just couldn't say no to Steven. It wasn't a big deal, he supposed, and, anyway, Brendan hoped that Ste would be up for showing his appreciation in other ways later on. They still had a whole afternoon and night ahead of them before the return trip.
"I got an eighter," Ste said, eyes wide and grinning as he walked back towards Brendan. "Should be enough, yeah?"
Brendan raised his eyebrows at Ste. "How high are you planning on getting, exactly?"
Laughing, Ste pointed to the smallish room adjacent to the counter. "Shall we?"
Through the smoke and dim light, Brendan could discern a number of small armchairs, booths, and tables, where a few scattered customers were partaking in their purchases. He sighed loudly for Ste to hear, lowered his head, and followed his eager partner inside. Ste tried to sit at the first table they came across, but Brendan pulled him away and insisted they go in the back, where they would be least visible.
Once seated, Ste laid out the papers and the weed, rubbed his hands together, said "right," and proceeded to expertly roll a big portion of the bud into a rather large joint. Brendan was familiar with Ste's shady past, but he found himself oddly fascinated by this side of his boyfriend. There was a natural ease with which Ste worked that made Brendan think of all the boys he had sold heavier drugs to. Of Walker's brother. What if it had been Ste whom he had gotten hooked? He shook his head as if to physically expel the thought from his brain. That was all in the past. Brendan couldn't change what he had done. But he could and did change who he was. That was enough. It was enough for Steven, so it was enough for Brendan, too.
"Right. You ready for this?" Ste asked.
"Pf.. am I... d'you think this is my first time?" Brendan lied.
"No, I just meant..." Ste shrugged and trailed off.
"You light it." Brendan said in the most commanding voice he could muster. The truth was that he was a little scared. He hadn't even smoked a cigarette in years. What if he couldn't stop coughing?
He watched as Ste put the joint between his lips, lit the tip and inhaled. Ste held his breath for a moment and then let out a big cloud of smoke through his pursed lips. He smiled for a second before bursting into a cough. Brendan grinned.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Yeah, fine," said Ste, quieting his cough. "It's just.. this is.. it's good."
Smiling widely and still suppressing a cough, he handed the joint to Brendan.
Brendan let out a small grunt before taking a hit. The warm smoke scratched at his throat and filled his lungs quickly. He wondered if the smoke would stay in his mustache. He coughed a little as he exhaled, but was happy to be able to hold it together.
They passed the joint back and forth a few times before it became a game of chicken. Brendan could feel his thoughts spiraling out of his control, he could sense a slight tingle in his legs and a vague lightness that settled in his chest. His mind felt heavy and he was annoyingly aware of his facial muscles, but he simply could not say he had had enough before Ste. With every pass of the joint, his brain became more sluggish, but Ste kept taking hits and passing it back to Brendan.
Finally, the roach was small enough to burn their fingers, and Ste put it out in the ashtray on the small table. Brendan cleared his throat.
"What now?" he said noticing how dry his mouth was. His voice sounded exceptionally gravelly but was almost drowned out by the music playing in the background. Ste's eyes were only half open and his eyelashes stood out even more than usual against his pale skin. Brendan struggled to keep his mind in the present. What had he just said?
"Fancy a pint?" Ste's voice snapped him back to reality.
A pint sounded absolutely amazing. In fact, it was the best idea that anyone had ever had.
"Can we... can we order food, too?" Brendan said leaning forward. "Soup? Do you think we can have soup? I love soup."
Ste sniggered as he stood up. "'Course, I saw a chippy or summat right around the corner. C'mon."
Brendan grabbed his leather jacket off the chair and fiddled with it for what seemed like ages before finally getting it on. He rushed after Ste, past the counter, doubling back to grab a handful of mints from a jar and flash the young woman a winning smile.
It was still light outside, and the late afternoon sun seemed to wash an orange glow over everything. The street was bustling with people. Continuing to fumble with unwrapping the chewy peppermint candies and shoving them into his mouth one by one, Brendan asked,
"Where are we going?"
"What are you eating those for?" Ste reprimanded him, continuing to walk at a brisk pace. "We're going to get food now, aren't we?"
Brendan shrugged as he continued to chew loudly. He wondered vaguely how many of the numerous tourists walking around them could tell just how high they were - or Brendan was, anyway. Ste seemed to be acting normal, at least as far as Brendan could tell. Though, to be fair, he didn't feel overly perceptive at the moment.
"Alright, here we are." Ste stopped in front of a glass door marked Pizzeria-Steakhouse. "They look like they have soup, yea?"
Brendan glanced to his right to see a large moose head staring at him. He stumbled backwards for a moment before realizing it was a fake one mounted on the wall outside the restaurant. He let out a raucous laugh.
"I thought..." he had trouble finishing the sentence because he was laughing so hard.
"It's a... a... " he gaped at Ste, snapping his fingers and trying to suppress his laughter.
"... a moose!" he finally finished.
Ste let out a small snort while looking around to make sure they weren't drawing attention to themselves. He seemed as amused as he was uncomfortable.
"He may be a moose, but I have a moose-tache!" Brendan finally cracked up again and laughed loudly, doubling over slightly.
"Alright, you." Ste grabbed his arm. "Maybe we should go back to the hotel room and order room service, yeah?"
Catching his breath and calming down slightly, Brendan let himself be led away from the giant moose head and towards their hotel room. They stumbled slightly, as Brendan happily followed where Ste's arm took him.
"Steven," he said, suddenly serious. "Steven!" he stopped in his tracks, making Ste jerk back a little.
"What?" Ste said, testily. He was starting to get worried about drawing strangers' attention and wanted to get back to the hotel as soon as possible.
"Steven, I'm glad that my moose-tache has grown on you." Brendan said, deadpan, and Ste laughed in spite of himself.
"You're embarrassing me, Brendan," he said through a grin.
"Cm'ere," Brendan said, smiling and pulled Ste toward him.
Brendan wasn't usually one for public displays of affection, so Ste obeyed happily. As he leaned in for a kiss, Brendan pulled away slightly and let his mustache graze the tip of Ste's nose softly.
"D'you fancy a... mustache ride?" he asked in a low voice, and Ste didn't know whether to laugh or yell at his intoxicated lover.
"Right, we're going!" he declared, pulling Brendan forward with slightly more force than was absolutely necessary. Ste smiled awkwardly at passersby as Brendan muttered things at him. He couldn't make out much of what he was saying, but little phrases like "the sunset is magnificent, Steven" and "you have the longest eyelashes" caught his attention.
The walk back to the hotel was a haze for Brendan, whose thoughts kept going to how lucky he was that Steven allowed him back into his life after everything Brendan had done to him. He knew that he didn't deserve it, couldn't possibly deserve it, but he had Ste's love and trust, and he couldn't believe how happy he was.
In spite of his initial misgivings about the city, Amsterdam suddenly seemed like the most beautiful place on earth as they walked by a large flower market and across small bridges overlooking the water. The people were different than in Hollyoaks. Many had tattoos and unusual hairstyles; there was a woman wearing jeans and a bra, several obviously American tourists, and just as many men and women in sleek business outfits. The variety was astounding, and Brendan felt, for the first time in a long while, like he didn't stand out. There was no reason for anyone to stare at him or judge him or look down on him. He felt invisible, unnoticeable, free.
Before he knew it, they found themselves in the hotel lobby, where a beautiful brunette was standing behind the front desk.
"I'm just gonna ask about room service." Ste said, attempting to leave Brendan waiting for him at a distance, but Brendan had other ideas. He obviously had no interest in the concierge, however lovely she appeared, but he did enjoy riling Steven up before seducing him. He put on his best smile and leaned onto the counter across which Ste was now talking to the young woman.
"And you're open 'til when?" Ste was asking when the concierge glanced over at Brendan and blushed visibly. Ste shot Brendan a confused glance. "Alright," he said to the woman. "Ta."
As Ste turned to leave, Brendan leaned in further, looking at the concierge's name tag.
"Thank you... Claudia." He said. "What a lovely name." Brendan lifted his eyes to meet hers and glanced at her lips. She blushed again and smiled back.
"Yeah, we're going now, Brendun," Ste declared, pulling Brendan once again by the arm towards the elevator.
The wait for the elevator seemed to take forever, but Brendan enjoyed seeing Ste huff and puff over the encounter with Claudia. They stood there, silently, Ste wearing a frown and Brendan a thinly veiled smile. The moment they entered the elevator, before the doors had even closed, Ste turned to Brendan and burst out,
"Well what was that all about then? Huh? You fancy women now, is it?"
"Dunno what you're talking about," Brendan said evenly without a change in facial expression and pressed the button for the top floor.