Defending Chuck Norris

Sonic and the gang were all hanging out at Amy Rose's house for a well deserved movie night, after a long and successful battle against the Metarex, at first they didn't believe they would make it but in the end they pulled through. Anyway, they decided to go to Amy's house in celebration in the form of a movie. The movie of choice? Well it was tough, Amy and Cream wanted Titanic, Rouge and Blaze wanted SALT, Knuckles wanted Rocky Balboa, and Sonic and Tails wanted The Delta Force. It was easy enough for Amy and Cream to change their choice to SALT because that IS a pretty good movie, and Knuckles moved to Delta Force after he heard that it could have been a choice, Blaze although she liked SALT a lot, she was a big Chuck Norris fan and her vote was in a fragile position at the moment. Amy had always heard all the jokes and everyone saying how awesome Chuck Norris was, but never actually seen a movie or him performing some of his work, so she didn't understand why he was so popular.

"Why do you guys even like Chuck Norris anyway? He seem like just a normal guy." Amy had to do it, she was just too curious. But she figured that must have been the wrong decision when she saw everyone stop what they were doing to gasp and stare at her as if she weren't actually from that planet, how could she be? She didn't understand the true power that is Chuck Norris.

"Amy ... Why?" Sonic was in shock his big green as wide as she's ever seen them, he usually didn't show any emotion other that confident, so Amy was a little confused.

"I'm sorry, but I just don't see what the big deal is." She huffed and everyone just glared at her slack jawed. Sonic was the first to react. He narrowed his eyes and said.

"Let us just explain to the epic of Chuck Norris."

Knuckles: If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Tails: There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Rouge: Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Sonic: Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Blaze: Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Cream: Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls
everything around you.

Tails: Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Knuckles: Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Cream: When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Sonic: Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Tails: There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Blaze: Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Rouge: Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Sonic: Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Cream: Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Tails: Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Knuckles: There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Knuckles: When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Sonic: Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head. – That one surprised Amy in any other situation Sonic wouldn't someone is fast, for every one else to him they are slow.. maybe there is something about Chuck Norris.

Rouge: Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Cream: Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Tails: Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Rouge: Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Sonic: Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Knuckles: Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

Tails: Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Sonic: The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Blaze: Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Rouge: Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker Chain Saw Massacre.

Knuckles: If you can see Chuck Norris he can see you, if you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

They had circled in around Amy as if possed by some stronger force, and it freaked her out a bit, Tails noticed so he took a step back and explained.

"Aside from the Chuck Norris jokes he has become an Icon second only to Bruce Lee in the martial arts. Chuck is well known in the martial arts community as a genuine nice guy and in spite of the folk hero status remains a kind and humble man. If you look up his records as a competitor it is astounding. Have some fun and check it out for yourself. Check out his book as well Against All Odds is the title.
And never question his status again. He hears all and has been known to round kick someone from the other side of the world."

"L-Let's just watch the movie okay?" Amy wanted to see for herself. They popped in Delta Force, and it began to play, Amy was mesmerized by the whole thing and by the end of it, she knew how Chuck Norris is so awesome he makes a cup of coffee every morning, with a tea bag.

A few days later Amy was walking down the street, and almost tripped mid step because she heard some squirrel say.

"I just don't get it, what makes Chuck Norris so cool?" Amy's whole went stiff, subconsciously she turned to the squirrel and said.

"Thou shalt not question, the epicness that is Chuck Norris."

"Excuse me? Who are you?" The squirrel gave her a weirded out look.

"Let me explain to you a few things first." Amy narrowed her eyes at the squirrel.

"If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open..."