Sins of the Great-grandmothers
Chapter One
By Ron Hino
Ranma 1/2 is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. She has made lots and lots of money off it, and I'm not making a penny. Damn shame too.
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Shampoo was mopping the floors as her great-grandmother went through the Nekohanten's mail. It was the end of December, the end of another year. Naturally, there was a veritable mountain of bills to be paid. Fortunately, the restaurant did quite well, despite things like having service frequently interrupted while the waitress glomped her reluctant husband, occasional damage to the restaurant by unfriendly visitors, and closing on short notice when Cologne wanted to go see Son-in-law defeat his latest challenge.
Or it might even be because of some of these things. Most of the patrons grinned in amusement at watching Ranma squirm in the passionate (and inescapable) embrace of the gorgeous Shampoo. They seemed entertained by any fight that broke out (so long as they didn't get hurt while watching) as though it was some sort of sporting event.
There were even one or two elderly gentlemen, who seemed to come here for the express purpose of hitting on Cologne. Apparently, it was very rare in Japan to find a woman her age who was still so 'spry and lively' as they put it. Cologne endured their flattery with much more maturity than, say, Akane Tendou might have. She was not getting any younger, and she wasn't about to discourage sincere compliments on the extremely rare occasions she got them. She smiled to herself as she thought about that Shinto priest. What was his name again? Something Hino? He was shrunken to nearly her height, and hadn't a single hair on his head, but he seemed every bit as 'spry and lively' as he claimed she was. That priest might be fun to spend some time with. Who knows, his you-know-what might still work.
Oh don't look so shocked! Cologne was over 300 years old! She wasn't about to waste her remaining years dithering about like some shy teenager!
"Great-Grandmother? Why you just sit there and no moving for so long? Is you dead already?"
Cologne snapped out of her thoughts and whapped her snotty great-grandchild over the head with her staff. Shampoo was picking up some bad habits from Son-in-law, it seemed. "Remember to whom you're speaking, Shampoo."
The purple-haired girl groaned on the floor. Perhaps Cologne had overdone it. Oh well, she'd recover. Cologne was suddenly struck with an awful thought: A mouthy Ranma married to a mouthy Shampoo, with two or three mouthy children. Her staff arm would be awfully sore by then. Must make sure Shampoo doesn't pick up this habit of her husband's, and cure Son-in-law of it too. She'd start as soon as they were married (or rather, when he accepted the fact that he was already married).
She shook her head to clear it of such silly wanderings. She opened the next piece of mail. Odd, this one didn't seem to be a bill. It didn't even have a return address. Shrugging, she opened the envelope and pulled out a single card of stiff paper. Written in Chinese with sharp, angry (yet noticeably feminine) strokes, were only two sentences:
The time of my vengeance is at hand! Meet me in the construction site downtown at 8:00 am, New Year's Day, so that I may destroy you.
"Well well! This is interesting." Cologne mused. Shampoo finally picked herself up from the ground, rubbing her head and reading over her great-grandmother's shoulder.
"Aiyaa.... Great-grandmother get challenge letter? Is very strange! Sure is no for Ranma?"
"That would be more in keeping with the usual state of things around here. However, the envelope is addressed to me, and the note written in Chinese, which most people are aware that Son-in-law cannot read." She sighed and then looked back at Shampoo with a teacher's challenge in her smile. "So tell me, Shampoo, who do you think this is from."
Shampoo winced. Her great-grandmother was always trying to make sure her mind was as well trained as her body. Personally, she greatly preferred training the latter to the former. Training to become clever with someone nearly 20 times your age usually left you feeling like a moron.
Sighing, she picked up both the card and its envelope, looking them both over carefully.
"First thing obvious; challenger Chinese." Shampoo said.
Cologne nodded. "Most likely. However, sometimes when something seems obvious, that is the thing you should most suspect. Still, at this time, we have no indication that we should suspect this fact to be other than it appears."
Shampoo rolled her eyes. Couldn't the old woman have stopped at 'Most likely'? She sighed and examined the envelope. "Challenger write 'To Cologne of the Joketsuzoku'. She no say, 'To Matriarch of Joketsuzoku'. This mean challenge for you personally, not because you leader of tribe."
Cologne nodded. "Very good. It could also mean something else. Can you think of what that might be?"
Shampoo furrowed her brow (looking very cute), but eventually she shook her head.
"It could also mean that this person was a member of our tribe before I became Matriarch, and then left the tribe, or was cast out. This could very likely be related to the reason she wants revenge."
Shampoo's eyes widened. "That mean challenger very very old!"
*BONK*
Shampoo rubbed her head as Cologne set her staff back down, leaning it against the table. "Shampoo sorry Great-grandmother. You is Matriarch for Shampoo whole life. Shampoo mother whole life too. Time before that seem like..." She trailed of awkwardly.
"Like ancient history?" Cologne smirked wryly. "I'll forgive you for that, because you are young. It is hard for you to think of time in terms larger than your own age. Remember though, that if you master your ki to my level, you will one day be as old as I am."
Shampoo smiled. "Shampoo remember. Study hard to master ki, so can live very long and happy life like Great-grandmother!"
"It was not all happy, Shampoo." Cologne sighed. "I made my share of enemies, as this challenge letter proves quite clearly. It's been somewhat lonely for the last century or so as well."
"Shampoo get Ranma to marry her, then she teach Airen ki techniques too. Then live long and happy life together! You see!"
Cologne laughed. "I suspect it will be your husband teaching *you* ki mastery, Great-granddaughter. He's quite the marvel, that husband of yours. As for the other part, I will likely not be around long enough to see just how far you two can go together."
"Great-grandmother no say things like that!" Shampoo pleaded. "Great-grandmother be around long time! You see! Shampoo want show you great-great-granddaughter!"
Cologne smiled. "Thank you, Shampoo. I would very much like to see the next generation come into this world. I may indeed live long enough to see it, if Son-in-law ever comes to his senses. However, I highly doubt I shall live long enough to see your daughter grow up."
Shampoo was near tears. "Great-grandmother no talk that way! You live for very long time before now! You live for long time more!"
"Calm yourself, Shampoo. No more tears. I am, at least at present, in fine health for a woman of my age. I am merely being realistic. I'm no spring chicken, and we both know it. Still, you needn't worry that I will just roll over and die before I see you happily married to Son-in-law. I promise to stick around at least that long. Then you will have him to comfort you in my absence."
Shampoo smiled sadly. "Shampoo think Ranma be very good at that, but still hope that day no come for long time."
Cologne chuckled. "We shall see, Great-granddaughter. We shall see. But back to the business at hand; can you tell me anything more about this challenger?"
Shampoo composed herself and glanced at the letter again. "If this person old as you say, then have very big grudge on Great-grandmother. Must have big pain that no can be forgotten, even after many many year. Now Shampoo have question for Great-grandmother. Who she remember that she hurt so bad?"
"No idea."
Shampoo collapsed to the floor, twitching. "You mean you give Shampoo big test and not even know right answers?" She demanded as she jumped up.
Cologne shrugged easily. "There is not enough information here to narrow down the challenger's identity more than you already have. You have done well, but we will still have to wait until New Years Day to find out the exact details."
"This person you give big pain to; unforgivable pain. How you no remember her? Is you memory going bad?"
*BONK*
"Let's see you remember every little detail of a 300 year life-span when you're my age!" Cologne snapped. "I've told you that I've made my share of enemies in my long life! I'm just not sure which one this is!"
Shampoo rubbed her head and sulked.
***
New Years Day came with little fanfare. Snow was rare this time of year in Tokyo, and this year was no exception. Most stores were closed for the holiday, and people tended to be at home spending time with their families. Likewise, the construction crew had abandoned the site of the new skyscraper for the next day or two.
They stood on the ground, beneath the maze of naked girders above them. The weather was cold, and Shampoo came bundled up against the chill. Cologne wore the same Matriarch's robes she always wore, as if to convince all who knew her that she was beyond the reach of the elements. As a matter of fact, beneath the formal Matriarch robes she wore the formal Matriarch thermal underwear, protecting her old bones from the chill January air, but no one needed to know about that.
Cologne was a bit surprised that Shampoo had invited a guest to her challenge.
"Why is Son-in-law here?" Cologne asked her.
"She told me you were gonna fight some other old ghoul or something." Ranma answered with a grin. "I figured it should be a good show, so I came along to see if I can learn about any more cool Amazon techniques. Hope you don't mind."
Cologne chuckled. "Not at all, Son-in-law. That's just like you. After all, you're not the type to come to a fight just because you're worried about an old woman, now are you?"
Ranma's face flushed. "Are you nuts? Who'd be worried about you? I hate you, remember? I'm just here to see if I can pick up some new techniques."
"Of course, Son-in-law. Pardon me." Cologne smirked.
"So who's this other ghoul anyway, Old Ghoul?" Ranma asked.
Cologne resisted the urge to smack him. "We don't know. I just received a challenge letter asking me to be here at this time."
Shampoo spoke up. "We think it someone Great-grandmother make mad long-long time ago."
"I get it. Crimes of your past catching up with you, huh? Reminds me of my Pop."
Now Cologne DID smack him.
*BONK*
"Ow! Alright, alright! I guess if you were really like my Pop, this person would be coming after Shampoo instead of you."
*BONK!* This one was a bit harder. Ranma slumped to the ground.
"Aiya... He say one thing too many." Shampoo remarked.
"That's my Son-in-law." Cologne muttered. "So where is this mysterious challenger? She's late!"
"I am not! You're just early!" A voice rasped from above. Cologne and Shampoo turned to see a dim figure outlined in the new winter's morning sun. Even Ranma rolled over with a groan and sat up to look.
She (assuming it was female) was every bit as shrunken and wrinkled as Cologne herself. She carried a staff as well, but hers was an intricately carved rod of smooth ebony, bearing a number of odd mystical symbols and engravings. Her robes were black as night.
She cackled. "Now at last, Cologne, I can take my revenge against you for what you did to me so long ago!"
"And what might that have been?" Cologne asked calmly. "You'll forgive me, but I've been around a long time, and my memory's not as good as it used to be. Exactly who are you?"
The dark-clad old crone scowled down from her high perch. "You've forgotten me? What an insult! Hmph! Fine, I'll give you a hint. You stole away the man I brought to the village to be my husband! You, who could have had any man in the village, and did, by most accounts!"
Cologne scratched her head. "Oh, you mean Brush? Him?"
"No."
"Razor?"
"No!"
"Aftershave?"
"NO!"
Shampoo and Ranma big-sweated.
"Great-grandmother... when we get home, Shampoo want hear more about kind of person you were when you young..." Shampoo muttered.
"Sounds like she was a regular playboy... or playgirl, I guess you'd call it." Ranma agreed.
"Both of you shut up!" Cologne snapped. "Let's just say I enjoyed my youth!"
"Oh yes!" The dark old woman sneered. "You enjoyed your 'youth' for about 60 years, thanks to your family's secret ki techniques. I was always amazed that the council never forced your clan to share them with the rest of the tribe. Must have been because all the Matriarchs have been of your clan for the last 500 years; due, of course, to that same ki technique that lets you age more slowly, gaining skill and power while your rivals grew old and frail. Fortunately for me, I've found other methods to achieve the same ends through magic, or else I could never have lived this long."
Shampoo had a thoughtful look on her face. "Great-grandmother, Shampoo know there at least three Elders outside of family who more than 200 year old. You decide to share family secret?"
Cologne nodded. "The very day I became Matriarch, about 150 years ago. So now we know roughly how long she has been gone from the tribe."
The unnamed old woman snorted. "I bet that made you popular. In fact, it probably helped people forget that you used to play around with other women's husbands all the time."
Cologne winced. "Well, it certainly didn't hurt..."
"Right." The old woman sneered dryly.
Ranma was getting impatient with all this talking. "Okay, so who was this guy already?"
"I have no idea." Cologne mumbled, slightly embarrassed.
"It was Calvin Klein the First!" The old woman snapped irritably.
Cologne snapped her fingers. "Oh yes! I remember 'CK1'; that British boy with the big member!" Shampoo and Ranma face-faulted. "I suppose that would make you Toilet Duck, the mage's apprentice, right?" Ranma started snickering, though Shampoo just gave him a confused look.
Duck, the old woman in black, smirked grimly at her rival. "Yes indeed. Calvin and I were married not even a year, when rumors of his endowments reached you. We were only 17, and you had a fine gentleman of a husband for your own, but you still seduced him away from me! You were nearly 50 years old! What right did you have playing around with young men at your age!"
Ranma put up a hand. "Wait a minute. This Klein guy was 17, and she was almost 50? How did she manage to seduce him if she was so old already?"
"Shampoo no understand either."
"You have to remember, children," Duck said grimly, "that because of her family's age extending technique, Cologne kept her youthful looks for a very long time. She didn't stop messing about until she was 70, and at that time she only looked about 30. When she ran off with my husband, she had the looks of a 25 year-old, and the experience of a 50 year-old. Poor Calvin didn't stand a chance!"
"'Poor Calvin' didn't have anything to complain about." Cologne muttered. "If you'd been anywhere near as good in the sack as me, he would have gone right back to you."
Ranma looked from one old ghoul to the other, and tried not to be ill at the mental pictures that came to his mind.
Duck trembled in rage. "You... you... HOW DARE YOU! It was hardly my fault I hadn't sucked as many dicks as you had, you old whore!"
Ranma was on his knees, clutching his nauseous stomach. "Please... no more..."
Cologne glanced at him and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. At least now we all know why you asked for this fight. Shall we get this over with, Ducky?"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Duck roared. "Only Calvin was allowed to call me that!"
"You prefer 'Toilet Duck'?" Ranma snickered.
"What so funny about name Toilet Duck, Ranma?" Shampoo asked, sincerely confused. "Shampoo have friend with same name back in village."
"Never mind."
"Right, let's get on with this." Cologne said, taking a fighting stance.
"Oh, you want to brawl over this, Cologne?" Duck snorted. "Use your head! I didn't call you here to fight. I'm a mage, remember? You're the Warmaster. I didn't have a chance in close combat with you then, and I still don't now. No Cologne, I didn't come here to fight you, I came to take my revenge!"
Cologne frowned warily at her rival. "And what exactly do you mean by that?"
Duck shook her head in mock disappointment. "You're still such a little thug, Cologne. Always trying to solve your problems with your fists. Maybe if you'd ever bothered to learn some strategy, you'd have accomplished more in life."
Cologne noted that Shampoo was beginning to snicker. She'd heard very similar remarks from her great-grandmother many times in the past. Insolent child!
"You're point, Duck?" She snapped.
"My point, dear Cologne, is that you were already defeated from the moment you set foot in this place...
"Ghosts of the past,
"Buried beneath the earth;
"Rise and take hold of my enemy!
"GHOUL'S CLUTCHES!"
Shampoo and Ranma jumped back as two pairs of rotting hands burst from the ground and gripped the Matriarch by the ankles in, quite literally, a death grip.
Cologne cursed and struck out with her staff at pressure points on the hands. A living person would have immediately released their grip, screaming in pain, but these decaying hands didn't even notice. She desperately smashed the head of her staff down on one hand, breaking two of the bones, but it was not the strength of life that gave these hands their power; it was the dark magic of death. Cologne was trapped.
"And now that I have you still, dear Cologne, I have the time to show you what power a mage can wield in the right conditions. Watch and learn as my spells bring about your demise!" She cackled, then began another longer chant.
"Hungry one from the depths of hell,
"I call upon you to feast upon souls.
"Take this one and devour her life,
"Bleed away her essence for your drink.
"SOUL EATER!"
A glowing black cloud if distilled evil formed above the mage's staff. She drew a pinch of white powder from a pocket and threw it up into the spell. The cloud rippled with blood-red lightning. Then, as she pointed her staff at the entrapped Cologne, the evil spell shot forth toward its target.
"Damn!" Cologne muttered. "Looks like my end's finally come."
"GREAT-GRANDMOTHER! NOOOOO!" Shampoo cried, dashing forward to put herself between the spell and her dear great-grandmother.
"Shampoo! Get out of the way! You'll be killed!" Cologne screeched.
"Shampoo!" Ranma screamed, dashing forward to tackle her out of the way. Unfortunately, he was too late. He skidded to a halt as the dark cloud slammed into Shampoo's body, exploding out with a fierce wind that would have knocked him back regardless. The cloud had enveloped the girl's entire body, crackling with evil power. Somewhere within, Cologne and Ranma could hear Shampoo begin to scream...
And scream...
And scream.
Cologne and Ranma watched in horror as the black-red cloud slowly began to shrink. They could see Shampoo's feet and outstretched hands now, and the cloud continued to shrink rapidly. Finally, it swirled around her body like a snake and sucked itself into her wide-open eyes, vanishing into her body.
Ranma immediately ran up to her. She still stood as she had when struck, with her arms wide to protect her beloved great-grandmother. Her eyes were wide with fear, her face pale and horrified, as she took short, sharp breaths like a person in deep shock.
"Shampoo! Are you okay?" Ranma asked frantically. Shampoo began to tremble as she slowly focused her eyes on his concerned face. Ranma quickly caught her as her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed.
"SHAMPOO!"
Ranma's attention was momentarily distracted as he felt a wave of heat wash over him. He looked to see Cologne trembling in absolute fury! Her battle aura was up and blazing, making her look like a garden gnome in the middle of a bonfire. The dead hands gripping her ankles cracked and burned away.
"Toilet Duck... what have you done to my great-granddaughter?" She said in a tone as cold as ice.
The crone in black frowned and scratched her head. "This wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Hmm..."
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!" Cologne bellowed.
Duck flinched. "Well... I was trying to kill you, what do you think I've done?"
"But she's still breathing!" Ranma said anxiously.
"Huh? Oh yes, I forgot about that part." Duck said, jumped down from the crossbeam she'd been standing on, and hopping on her staff towards the fallen girl. She examined the girl closely. She even pulled out a small human finger bone and passed it over Shampoo's face and torso, feeling and interpreting the gentle vibrations the bone made when in contact with her aura.
"Ah yes, the spell worked perfectly." She said with a proud smile.
A huge blast of ki knocked the witch back, sending her rolling across the ground. "Ow."
Even as Cologne chose not to follow up her attack, in favor of examining Shampoo herself, Ranma was stalking after the downed necromancer with grim purpose in his eyes. He snatched the shrunken woman up by the scruff of her robes and growled into her face.
"Now you listen, old ghoul, you're going to tell us exactly what you did to Shampoo, and then you're going to tell us how to undo it!"
Duck frowned darkly at him. "Are you sure you want to talk to me that way, little boy? You've seen a small taste of my power. Are you sure you want some of the same?"
Ranma faltered a little, growling in frustration.
"Oh, I don't think you could give my Son-in-law much trouble, Duck. So long as he doesn't give you time to cast those long-winded spells of yours, he could easily kick you all around this place without hardly breaking a sweat." Cologne said mildly, not taking her eyes off of Shampoo.
Duck gulped as Ranma grinned unpleasantly at her. "Well, you old witch? What's it gonna be?"
"Oh alright. I suppose I really have nothing against the girl personally. I'll help if I can."
"That's better." Ranma carried the dark witch over to the others and dropped her roughly to the ground.
"Ow! Watch it sonny, I'm an old lady!"
"I'll do a lot worse if you don't make yourself useful." Ranma growled.
Duck muttered something unpleasant under her breath, only to have herself smacked hard by Cologne's staff.
"Yow! What was that for?"
"That wouldn't have been a spell you were muttering, would it?"
"No actually, just something uncomplimentary about the boy's heritage."
"Remind me to introduce you to his father sometime." Cologne muttered. "Now what about Shampoo? Her breathing is shallow, her pulse is weak, her skin is pale, cold, and clammy, yet she is clearly alive. What sort of spell was this anyway?"
Duck the necromancer arranged herself into a comfortable sitting position. "The Soul Eater spell is basically a form of demonic possession. However, unlike the more traditional kind, where the demon tries to take over the person's body and make them do evil things, this demon remains almost totally dormant within the body, and merely feeds away at the person's life energy, slowly killing them."
Ranma frowned. "So it's like... eating her ki, or something?"
"No, Son-in-law." Cologne explained. "Your ki and you life energy are two different things. Ki is the force of your spirit; it is your will, your ego. You can train and make it larger and more effective. Life energy is basically your soul. How strong that is depends on the sort of person you are, and there is no way to train it bigger or stronger. It remains the same throughout your life."
"Not quite, Cologne." Duck corrected. "My research into the matter shows that life energy, besides being a reflection of your personality (or perhaps visa versa) follows a sort of sine wave curve in amount over the course of one's life. Were not talking life energy *strength* here (which we have known how to measure for centuries) just volume. It begins to grow slowly in the womb, then peaks at about physical maturity, and then slowly grows smaller as we age. For an old crone like you, who has stretched her life so long, I estimated that this demon would devour you completely in about a week, giving you lots of time to reflect on your evil deeds which led you to this end."
Cologne frowned. "And in my great-granddaughter's case?"
Duck nodded towards the downed girl. "She is nearing her prime, and she has plenty of life energy for the demon to feed upon. Given her reserves, I'd say she has at least two or three years."
Cologne's brow furrowed. "That doesn't seem right. That's about 150 times as long as I would have had. Surely there can't be that much difference between the life energy of the old and the young."
Duck nodded. "Quite so. She only has about 10 times the life energy that you do. However, there is another factor to consider: how fast the demon chooses to eat. Since it is a demon, he prefers the life force of evil people. Therefor, a sneaky, back-stabbing old whore like you would be like candy to him."
Cologne scowled, but decided not to do anything until she got all the information she could out of the black witch. "...Go on."
"Your great-granddaughter, on the other hand, selflessly threw herself into the path of certain death to save her beloved (if totally undeserving) great-grandmother. She is a purer, kinder soul, the exact sort that the demon hates. He'll feed off of her to keep from going hungry, but it's sort of like a little kid with a plate full of brussel sprouts in front of him. He's going to take little bites and put off finishing his whole plate for as long as he can."
"What's it going to be like for her for the next few years?" Ranma wanted to know. "Is she going to just stay in a coma like this the whole time?"
"Oh no." Duck reassured him. "She's just gone into shock from having that much evil energy forcing its way into her body. She'll wake up either later today or tomorrow. If she's really the sort of girl I think she is, then she should be able to live a fairly normal life until about the last few months, when she'll be weak and bedridden. But remember what I said about personality and quality of life energy being related? If she gets into a mean and nasty mood, the flavor of her life energy will change temporarily, and the demon will start stuffing his face with it. Besides shortening the time she has left, she will feel drained and exhausted for a time, perhaps even feint, as her body reacts to the sudden drop in her life energy."
Ranma scratched his head as he considered. "Shampoo's pretty cheerful most of the time. About the only time I've seen her get really ticked off is when Mousse hits on her, or when she sees one of my other fiancées start making moves on me."
Duck raised an eyebrow. "Jealousy? That's a big no-no. Jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins, literally in Shampoo's case. Strong feelings of jealousy will make her life energy taste like chocolate to him."
Ranma winced. "I think we're in trouble then."
"Indeed." Cologne nodded grimly. She was silent for a time, then raised her eyes to Ranma. "Son-in-law, I have a very serious request. Would you be willing to give up resisting your fate and accept Shampoo as your wife? It would make her last years very happy, and hopefully keep her from aggravating her condition. It would be for no longer than three years, and then, if you insist, I would be willing to allow you to return to one of your other fiancées and live out your life as you choose. It is not so much to ask; three years of your life, to make Shampoo happy for the rest of hers. Will you at least consider it? You might even bless her with the joy of motherhood in that time."
Ranma blushed.
"No chance of that, I'm afraid." Duck muttered grimly.
"What do you mean?" Cologne asked.
"Conceiving a child, on the mystical level, involves sharing a bit of both parents' life energy with the new life, to create a new soul. Shampoo's body is fully aware that she can't spare a shred of life energy. I'm afraid that while the demon is within her, there's absolutely no chance of her becoming pregnant. All the fertility drugs in the world wouldn't make a difference."
Cologne lowered her head sadly. "A horrible tragedy. Shampoo was saying just the other day that she hoped to be able to hand me my great-great-grandchild while I was still living." She sighed, fighting back tears, and then raised her gaze to Ranma again. "Well Ranma? Will you do it? Will you grant my great-granddaughter the happiness of true marriage while she is still alive?"
Ranma swallowed. "Do I really have to?"
Cologne looked at him sadly. "No Son-in... No Ranma, you do not. If it is your wish, you can leave her to die unhappily and alone. I will not force you."
Ranma looked guiltily at the ground, raising his eyes to the unconscious form of Shampoo. She looked so fragile and helpless, lying there with her skin pale and her breathing shallow. 'She's really not all that bad,' he thought, 'definitely she's cute.'
He turned his head to look at the spot where she'd stood in front of the spell, fearlessly protecting her great-grandmother. 'If I'd only been a little faster... If I'd only not stood there for that one second gawking, instead of helping... If only...' If only what? If only he'd saved her? Then Cologne would have been hit by the spell, and died in a week, helplessly sick in her bed. Shampoo would have been heartbroken! And worse, she might have blamed him for knocking her aside.
Another way it could have turned out was if Ranma had only been fast enough to get Shampoo out of the way, and not himself. Then he would be the one with this demon inside of him. How long would he last? He didn't think of himself as being as bright and cheerful a person as Shampoo. How often did he get angry? Every time he got splashed with cold water, almost every time he had a conversation with Akane, when Kunou or Happosai grabbed his girl form, when Ryouga slept in Akane's bed as P-chan, or when the lost boy started yelling about how all his problems were Ranma's fault.
Ranma shuddered. He'd be lucky to get a year.
He looked up into Cologne's weary eyes, struck by how much she actually looked her age just then. "I kinda wanna... think about it a little more, but I promise you I'll consider it."
Cologne nodded with a sad smile. "That's all I ask, Ranma."
Ranma squirmed. "If you wanna... I guess you could keep calling me 'Son-in-law'. It wouldn't really bother me... too much." He muttered in embarrassment.
Cologne's smile grew slightly. "As you wish... Son-in-law."
Duck slapped her knee and stood. "Well, glad that's all settled. Guess I'll be moving along then. Bye-bye!"
Duck came to an abrupt halt as Ranma's hand snatched her by the back of her collar and yanked her back. "Hold it, you old witch! All that's fine for a contingency plan, but I bet you know some way to cure Shampoo completely, don't you?"
"What do I look like to you, a white sorceress? I specialize in curses, not cures!" The necromancer snapped.
"But you know all about this particular spell you used." Cologne countered. "You have the best chance of undoing your own work."
Duck sneered contemptuously at her old nemesis. "Even if I could, why should I bother? I wanted you to suffer greatly before you died! This wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but it'll do!"
"I can give you two very good reasons to cure Shampoo." Cologne said, her tone cold as ice. "First, Shampoo is an innocent party in our little squabble, and dark witch or no, you really don't believe she should have to suffer for my crimes. You're simply not quite that evil. Secondly," Cologne's battle aura began to glow in her eyes, "you are not the only one who can bring about great suffering in a person before she dies." She growled. Ranma cracked his knuckles with a grim expression, signifying his complete agreement.
Duck swallowed and backed away, laughing nervously. "I suppose I could look into it."
"See that you do." Cologne said coldly, "or there will be nowhere on this Earth you can hide from me, and the others who care for Shampoo. We will hunt you down like a pack of starving wolves after a rabbit."
Gulping, Duck nodded and hopped away. After a few 'steps' she paused and hopped back, looking at Ranma with a serious expression.
"Young lad, I want you to know I was quite serious when I said I know little about curing curses. I shall do my best, but I don't expect a great amount of success. I think you should proceed as if I had already failed."
Ranma swallowed. "You mean... marry Shampoo?"
Duck nodded. "If that is what it takes to make her last years happy ones, then yes. I can see in your eyes that you already care for her, at least a little. Be kind to her, young Ranma. Cologne was correct when she said that this was not the fate that poor girl deserved for her selfless act."
And with that, she hopped away.
"Call me at the Nekohanten and leave me your number so I can get in touch with you." Cologne yelled after her. Duck nodded once, and then was gone.
Ranma sighed and turned back to Cologne. "Now what?"
"Now we take Shampoo home and make sure she is comfortable when she awakes. I don't relish telling her the bad news, especially the part about her being unable to bear children."
Ranma squirmed. "Maybe we could just leave that part out. It seems like it would really hurt her to know."
Cologne snorted a humorless laugh. "You sound like your father, Son-in-law."
"Hey!"
"However, in this case, I believe you may be correct. It would be of no help to her to know this now. Perhaps later, if things work out between the two of you, there will come a day when she will have to know. Until then, we shall keep this between us. Agreed?"
Ranma nodded solemnly. "Agreed. Hey, what are we going to do about Mousse? From what the old witch said, we should be keeping him away from her. We gotta keep her from feeling angry or jealous, right?"
"One problem at a time, Son-in-law." Cologne muttered. "First let's get her home. Would you mind doing the honors? I'm not really tall enough anymore to carry someone her size without dragging her across the ground."
Ranma nodded, and scooped up the unconscious Shampoo in his arms. She still looked bad, but some of her colour was starting to return. Wordlessly, he followed the old woman across the rooftops, back to the Nekohanten.
***
Later that night, Shampoo awoke to find herself tucked away in her own bedding, on the floor of her room. Had it all been a dream? That strange old woman dressed in black, the dead hands from the ground, the evil spell meant to kill her great-grandmother? If that had been real, she should have been dead. Yet here she was, lying in bed as though it were only a nightmare.
She rose from her futon and immediately felt nauseous. She cupped a hand over her mouth as her stomach rebelled, and managed not to make a mess. She swallowed the acidic bile and felt it burn its way back down her throat. She needed a glass of water.
Stumbling dizzily out into the hall, Shampoo wondered what the hell was wrong with her. She felt terrible! Was she sick or something? She didn't remember getting sick, but if she was, it might explain that horrible dream she had had.
"Great-grandmother? Great-grandmother!" She called in a horse voice, as her rubbery legs forced her to lean against the wall.
The old woman rushed up the stairs immediately, coming to support Shampoo in her attempts to stand.
"Shampoo, you should be back in bed."
Dream or not, Shampoo was relieved to see her great-grandmother alive and well, she embraced the old woman fondly. "Oh Great-grandmother! Shampoo have too too horrible dream where you killed by evil witch! Shampoo so glad you okay!"
Wilting slightly, the old woman gently stroked the girl's hair to comfort her. "It's alright Shampoo. I'm just fine, as you can see. You however, are not. Let me help you back into bed."
As Shampoo stumbled back to her room, using Cologne's staff to support herself, she rasped painfully. "Can Shampoo ask Great-grandmother for glass of water? Throat very sore from almost throw up. Shampoo stomach no feel right. Head no feel right either."
"Of course, Shampoo. I'll bring a glass right up. You just rest now."
As soon as she had the girl lying down again, Cologne whisked out the door and was back in a moment with the water. Shampoo drank it down gratefully. Cologne moved a wastebasket next to her futon.
"If you feel like you have to throw up again, use this. Don't fight it, just let it out."
Shampoo nodded weakly. "Great-grandmother? Why Shampoo feel so sick? She no remember getting disease."
Cologne took a deep breath to steel herself. "It's because you stood in front of the dark magic spell that was meant for me."
Shampoo's eyes slowly grew wider as it sank in. "That no dream?"
"No Shampoo. I'm afraid that was all very real."
Frightened tears formed in the young girl's eyes. "Is Shampoo going to die? Feel like it."
"No Shampoo, the spell didn't work like it was supposed to. You'll live a while yet. You should feel better tomorrow. Just relax and don't worry. Try to get some sleep."
It never occurred to Shampoo to ask what her great-grandmother meant by 'a while yet'. She simply smiled in relief until something else occurred to her.
"Great-grandmother? Where Ranma? What happen to Shampoo's Airen? Is he okay?"
"Son-in-law is just fine, Shampoo. After you were hit with that damn spell, he carried you all the way back home in his arms. He seemed very worried about you." The old woman smiled meaningfully.
Shampoo glowed. "Ranma worry for Shampoo?"
Cologne couldn't help but grin. "That's right. He may be a stubborn idiot, but only a fool could not see that he cares for you. Take that happy thought and have nice dreams, Great-granddaughter. Don't give your airen any more cause to worry and go back to sleep."
"Yes, Great-grandmother! Shampoo no worry Airen any more. Tomorrow, when feel better, go visit Ranma to show that she fine. Ranma be very happy, yes?"
"He'll be relieved, so long as you don't throw up in his lap. Now GO TO SLEEP!" Cologne chuckled, as the girl finally lay back and closed her eyes, a smile on her face.
Even dying from demonic possession, her bright-eyed great-granddaughter could put a smile on her face. It was some special child-like quality that she never seemed to outgrow. Cologne hoped she never did. She hoped even more that the poor girl would have a chance to become old and grey, and see that same light in the eyes of her own children and grandchildren. It seemed an empty hope now, but perhaps that would change. Toilet Duck had, as promised, called and left her number, so it appeared she would indeed do her best to find a cure. Cologne could only hope for her success.
Hope was all she had left.
***
Elsewhere in Nerima, Ranma was sitting on the roof of the Tendou home, wondering what he should do.
Three years of his life, to make Shampoo happy. He could spare that much time, certainly. Even with all the chaos and craziness the girl had brought him, he cared enough about her that he wanted her to be happy. And considering how little time she had left, it wasn't like he could expect her to get over him, find another guy, fall in love and be happy without him. It was either Ranma or three years of loneliness. Less if loneliness was one of the negative emotions that would make her life energy more palatable to the demon inside of her. So if he went with Shampoo to China, what was he supposed to say to his other fiancées?
Ucchan would be heartbroken, no doubt about that. She was his closest friend and confidant, and making her cry was about the same level on his personal list of awful things to do as someone making Kasumi cry (which he was fairly sure was a sin the gods deemed worthy of an eternity in some of the nastier parts of hell).
Akane would be furious. He'd be lucky to make it out of the house alive, much less the country. But would she be heartbroken too? Did she care about him that much? She'd be hurt, certainly, so that meant she cared a little bit, at least. Bottom line: he really didn't understand Akane's true feelings enough to gage her reaction.
Kodachi would... hmm...
Maybe he should just send Kodachi a letter explaining it all to her on the day before he left.
Actually, maybe he could do that for all of them. That would certainly make it easier on him, but would that be fair either to Ukyou or to Akane? It seemed wrong somehow.
On the other hand, every time he opened his mouth, he put his foot in it. Trying to explain such a delicate situation was bound to end in disaster. With a letter at least he could erase his mistakes and start over without being hit in the head with their preferred weapons.
Yeah, letters were the way to go. It may not be the kindest way, or the most polite, but maybe he could manage to word it in a way that wouldn't leave them feeling like he'd betrayed them. Maybe...
Okay then, so he was decided. He was going to go to China and marry Shampoo, live the life of her dreams beside her in the village. No more dithering or worrying! It was decided! Done deal!
So why did he still feel so nervous?
Shampoo was... she was always so bright and happy when she saw him. The moment he walked in the door to the Nekohanten to mooch a free bowl of ramen, her face would light up like Christmas (and then she would practically tackle him in the most embarrassing way, regardless of who else was around). She basically threw all her considerable affection his way whenever she saw him.
She had tricked him several times to get his attention, like that pouch of Instant Nanniichuan, for example. He was dragged about by the nose on a day-long date, all for a cure that only worked once, and for only a few hours at that. Okay, so she was pretty clever and sneaky when she wanted him to pay attention to her. Was that so bad? All she wanted was an innocent (more or less) date. She'd never tried to trick him into bed or anything that would totally trap him.
There was that reversal jewel incident, where he'd come this close to 'confessing his love' in front of countless witnesses, with the hopes that he would therefor be obligated to marry her. That turned out to be a complete accident, which Cologne had taken advantage of. It hadn't really been Shampoo's plan, though she did go along with it.
Another one, which was all Shampoo's idea, was the Kairaishi hypnotic mushroom plan. Ranma had been fed tasty Chinese delicacies with the mushroom inside, and then Shampoo had attempted to plant a hypnotic suggestion for him to embrace her whenever she snapped her fingers. That had gone pretty horribly wrong, with a sneeze becoming the trigger, and his hugging *anyone* who sneezed! It *would* have been *that* week that both Kunou (brrr!) and Akane (ow!) caught colds, not to mention half the people in Nerima (or so it seemed to him as he tried to make his way home). Still, what had been Shampoo's goal? A hug. A (fairly) innocent show of affection from him for his airen.
Airen. He was her airen, and she his, at least by the laws of the Joketsuzoku. They were the laws of her land, just as the laws of Japan were his. How much legal maneuvering room did that leave him, really? If he'd gotten married in England or Korea or America, could he really claim that the marriage was invalid just because he came back to Japan? Granted, the Amazon laws of marriage were pretty bizarre... but from her perspective?
From the Amazon viewpoint, he was already as married to her as if he'd said 'I do'. So if he was already married to her, and yet he still had these other fiancées...
Geez! He'd never really thought of it that way before. As the Amazons saw it, he was an unfaithful husband! Granted, he'd never in the first place acknowledged Shampoo as his wife (which was probably the only reason he hadn't been castrated yet) but he still wasn't doing right by her, as her... as her husband.
Maybe he should have a talk with Cologne about the finer points of these Amazon laws, to find out exactly what his status was, but bottom line: he was a husband who was not honoring his wife as he should. Under Amazon laws, that probably meant Shampoo and Cologne had many options (few of them pleasant) for how to deal with him, but they hadn't done much more then their occasional attempts to convince him that she was the right one for her. That was pretty... merciful, all things considered.
If Ranma had had a sister, and she had a husband who had married her under Japanese law, but had all these other fiancées, and refused to act like a proper husband to his wife, Ranma would probably kick the guy's ass six ways from Sunday. What had Cologne done?
Taught him the powerful techniques that were considered secrets of the Amazon tribe, that's what.
Ranma was really starting to feel like a heel.
Shampoo loved him. No question. How exactly she'd come to that state when all he'd ever done is try to avoid her was beyond him, but she had.
So how did he feel about her?
Shampoo (when not trying to trick him into something) was kind, open, affectionate, and cheerful. The slightest compliment for a bowl of ramen she'd cooked for him would send her bouncing up and down with delight. She seemed to almost *live* for his approval of her. Never mind what bouncing up and down did to her unrestrained chest.
Speaking of girls who didn't wear bras, his curse didn't seem to bother her at all. She'd be just as quick to hug him if he showed up at the Nekohanten female as male. It simply didn't matter to her. Boy or girl, he was Ranma. He was her airen.
Not that he thought that way of thinking would follow them into the bedroom, but he had *NO* problems with that! In fact, he'd prefer if they never tried it that way. He didn't have any experience, but he figured it would seem pretty weird. The thought of being with a guy (in either body) made him physically ill; if Shampoo felt in any way similar, that was more than okay with him.
Oh geez! That's right! If they were married for real, that meant they'd be having sex! Man! Now he felt twice as nervous! What was he supposed to do? He got the impression that other guys who'd lived normal lives had a better idea of the... er... methods than he did, at least judging by that skin rag Daisuke had smuggled into school that one time. Ranma had been too embarrassed to even look at it closely. But once he and Shampoo were officially married, he'd very quickly find himself in a situation where he'd be looking at *her* very closely. And not just looking either!
He'd seen Shampoo in the buff before once or twice. She really wasn't the sort of girl that the word 'shy' applied to. Maybe it was because she was raised in this little village in the wilds of China, or maybe he was a special exception because he was her airen, but either way, Shampoo was happy to show him all she had to offer (regardless of his opinion on the matter).
Yes, he remembered the first time seeing her naked, when the little pink and white cat had tackled him into the Tendou bath. As he sat there stuttering, his brain switching from one kind of fear to another, she'd burst out of the water and stood over him in all her naked glory, her full, perky breast bouncing. Then she'd glomped him, pressing her breasts against his chest, ecstatic about confirming him to be a man that changed into a girl, and not the other way round. He'd at least had a towel tied around his waist. She had not, and when she jumped up, her violet pubic hair had been about level with his nose. If he'd been Ryouga, he'd probably have had a fatal hemorrhage in his nose and bled to death before he had the opportunity to drown in the bathtub.
She had been stunning (literally) then, and she'd had another year to grow. They were both 17 now, and her figure, which was always clearly outlined in her tight silk outfits, had grown even more spectacular. He realized now that the main reason she dressed that way was to catch his eye, and he'd never really appreciated it either.
Moving above the neck, to places he could think about without his face feeling so warm, Shampoo's face was adorable. She had big bright eyes that lit up when she saw him, a cute little nose, and full warm lips always ready to smile (and to kiss him, he suspected, but no point in getting ahead of himself). Her hair was thick, long and soft, framing her face beautifully.
Bringing it all together, if you'd asked him who he really wanted to marry, Ranma really didn't have an answer (hey! He was only 17!) but if you asked him which of his fiancées was the cutest, the sexiest, then, now that he'd thought about it, he would have to answer Shampoo (after a quick glance around him to make sure no tomboys or best friends overheard).
Ranma sighed. So then, he was going to marry Shampoo.
That didn't feel right. He tried again.
Ranma smiled. So then, he was going to marry Shampoo.
That was better. He even found the smile staying on his face for quite some time. He was going to marry Shampoo!
The smile fell after a while as he remembered what else that would mean.
Ranma sighed. He was going to write a few letters.
________________________________________________________________________________
End of Chapter one.
I literally have dozens and dozens of story ideas hidden away here in my hard drive, and the ones that seem most popular are my lemons.
This doesn't mean I can only write lemons, and this story is not intended to be one. Perhaps I'll feel inclined to describe Ranma and Shampoo's first time in graphic detail, but I doubt it.
And if there was actually anyone offended by some of the more 'uncovered' descriptions in Ranma's meandering line of thought near the end:
1) I apologize.
2) Get a life.
3) If you could see what goes through the mind of a *normal* 17 year-old guy, you'd probably feint.
And if anyone wants to point out timeline inconsistencies, like "Ranma learns this technique then, so he wouldn't know about this event until..."
1) I *don't* apologize. And I hate you, because if I'd remembered, I would have done it right the first time.
2) Get a life.
3) If you're worried about all the things that supposedly should come before this story starts, then what about all the things that are supposed to come after? Do you still expect a failed wedding to Akane? A near-death experience for her atop Phoenix Mountain with Ranma crying out that he loves her? Not in this story, I'm afraid. Ranma/Akane is one of my least favorite match-ups, right after Ranma/Kodachi. I just don't see it as being a workable relationship in any way except how Takahashi-sama wrote it (even then...) and it's fairly safe to say that that's been done.
If you *really* care about the timeline, then I'll say this much. Konatsu is here and working at the Ucchan, but the above mentioned events either haven't happened, or never happened. Ranma's met his mother, but she doesn't know about his curse yet. I don't care if that all works together in the canon timeline or not. I don't see how it's relevant to *my* story.
Anyone else, please don't hesitate to Email me at:
hinoron@hotmail.com
I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions, even if you're *totally* wrong! ^_^
Oh yes, one more thing. I'm sure at least one person will Email me and try to tell me that 'airen' means 'husband', not wife. I'm afraid that's not true. Ask anyone who grew up speaking Mandarin (I did... ask, that is). Airen literally means one's lover, and can be used to fondly refer to either a wife or a husband. I consider it synonymous with 'beloved', but I can't confirm it that far. I study Japanese, not Chinese.
Next time on SotGG: (it's a long title to type out every time; so sue me!)
Ranma decides to write a letter to his mother before he leaves, letting her know he intends to leave the country. How much should he tell her about his training trip and the chaos of Nerima?
Plus: Hilarious antics at the wedding of Ranma and Shampoo. Not exactly what you're probably thinking of, but fun all the same!
Ja na!
-Ron Hino
Chapter One
By Ron Hino
Ranma 1/2 is the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. She has made lots and lots of money off it, and I'm not making a penny. Damn shame too.
________________________________________________________________________________
Shampoo was mopping the floors as her great-grandmother went through the Nekohanten's mail. It was the end of December, the end of another year. Naturally, there was a veritable mountain of bills to be paid. Fortunately, the restaurant did quite well, despite things like having service frequently interrupted while the waitress glomped her reluctant husband, occasional damage to the restaurant by unfriendly visitors, and closing on short notice when Cologne wanted to go see Son-in-law defeat his latest challenge.
Or it might even be because of some of these things. Most of the patrons grinned in amusement at watching Ranma squirm in the passionate (and inescapable) embrace of the gorgeous Shampoo. They seemed entertained by any fight that broke out (so long as they didn't get hurt while watching) as though it was some sort of sporting event.
There were even one or two elderly gentlemen, who seemed to come here for the express purpose of hitting on Cologne. Apparently, it was very rare in Japan to find a woman her age who was still so 'spry and lively' as they put it. Cologne endured their flattery with much more maturity than, say, Akane Tendou might have. She was not getting any younger, and she wasn't about to discourage sincere compliments on the extremely rare occasions she got them. She smiled to herself as she thought about that Shinto priest. What was his name again? Something Hino? He was shrunken to nearly her height, and hadn't a single hair on his head, but he seemed every bit as 'spry and lively' as he claimed she was. That priest might be fun to spend some time with. Who knows, his you-know-what might still work.
Oh don't look so shocked! Cologne was over 300 years old! She wasn't about to waste her remaining years dithering about like some shy teenager!
"Great-Grandmother? Why you just sit there and no moving for so long? Is you dead already?"
Cologne snapped out of her thoughts and whapped her snotty great-grandchild over the head with her staff. Shampoo was picking up some bad habits from Son-in-law, it seemed. "Remember to whom you're speaking, Shampoo."
The purple-haired girl groaned on the floor. Perhaps Cologne had overdone it. Oh well, she'd recover. Cologne was suddenly struck with an awful thought: A mouthy Ranma married to a mouthy Shampoo, with two or three mouthy children. Her staff arm would be awfully sore by then. Must make sure Shampoo doesn't pick up this habit of her husband's, and cure Son-in-law of it too. She'd start as soon as they were married (or rather, when he accepted the fact that he was already married).
She shook her head to clear it of such silly wanderings. She opened the next piece of mail. Odd, this one didn't seem to be a bill. It didn't even have a return address. Shrugging, she opened the envelope and pulled out a single card of stiff paper. Written in Chinese with sharp, angry (yet noticeably feminine) strokes, were only two sentences:
The time of my vengeance is at hand! Meet me in the construction site downtown at 8:00 am, New Year's Day, so that I may destroy you.
"Well well! This is interesting." Cologne mused. Shampoo finally picked herself up from the ground, rubbing her head and reading over her great-grandmother's shoulder.
"Aiyaa.... Great-grandmother get challenge letter? Is very strange! Sure is no for Ranma?"
"That would be more in keeping with the usual state of things around here. However, the envelope is addressed to me, and the note written in Chinese, which most people are aware that Son-in-law cannot read." She sighed and then looked back at Shampoo with a teacher's challenge in her smile. "So tell me, Shampoo, who do you think this is from."
Shampoo winced. Her great-grandmother was always trying to make sure her mind was as well trained as her body. Personally, she greatly preferred training the latter to the former. Training to become clever with someone nearly 20 times your age usually left you feeling like a moron.
Sighing, she picked up both the card and its envelope, looking them both over carefully.
"First thing obvious; challenger Chinese." Shampoo said.
Cologne nodded. "Most likely. However, sometimes when something seems obvious, that is the thing you should most suspect. Still, at this time, we have no indication that we should suspect this fact to be other than it appears."
Shampoo rolled her eyes. Couldn't the old woman have stopped at 'Most likely'? She sighed and examined the envelope. "Challenger write 'To Cologne of the Joketsuzoku'. She no say, 'To Matriarch of Joketsuzoku'. This mean challenge for you personally, not because you leader of tribe."
Cologne nodded. "Very good. It could also mean something else. Can you think of what that might be?"
Shampoo furrowed her brow (looking very cute), but eventually she shook her head.
"It could also mean that this person was a member of our tribe before I became Matriarch, and then left the tribe, or was cast out. This could very likely be related to the reason she wants revenge."
Shampoo's eyes widened. "That mean challenger very very old!"
*BONK*
Shampoo rubbed her head as Cologne set her staff back down, leaning it against the table. "Shampoo sorry Great-grandmother. You is Matriarch for Shampoo whole life. Shampoo mother whole life too. Time before that seem like..." She trailed of awkwardly.
"Like ancient history?" Cologne smirked wryly. "I'll forgive you for that, because you are young. It is hard for you to think of time in terms larger than your own age. Remember though, that if you master your ki to my level, you will one day be as old as I am."
Shampoo smiled. "Shampoo remember. Study hard to master ki, so can live very long and happy life like Great-grandmother!"
"It was not all happy, Shampoo." Cologne sighed. "I made my share of enemies, as this challenge letter proves quite clearly. It's been somewhat lonely for the last century or so as well."
"Shampoo get Ranma to marry her, then she teach Airen ki techniques too. Then live long and happy life together! You see!"
Cologne laughed. "I suspect it will be your husband teaching *you* ki mastery, Great-granddaughter. He's quite the marvel, that husband of yours. As for the other part, I will likely not be around long enough to see just how far you two can go together."
"Great-grandmother no say things like that!" Shampoo pleaded. "Great-grandmother be around long time! You see! Shampoo want show you great-great-granddaughter!"
Cologne smiled. "Thank you, Shampoo. I would very much like to see the next generation come into this world. I may indeed live long enough to see it, if Son-in-law ever comes to his senses. However, I highly doubt I shall live long enough to see your daughter grow up."
Shampoo was near tears. "Great-grandmother no talk that way! You live for very long time before now! You live for long time more!"
"Calm yourself, Shampoo. No more tears. I am, at least at present, in fine health for a woman of my age. I am merely being realistic. I'm no spring chicken, and we both know it. Still, you needn't worry that I will just roll over and die before I see you happily married to Son-in-law. I promise to stick around at least that long. Then you will have him to comfort you in my absence."
Shampoo smiled sadly. "Shampoo think Ranma be very good at that, but still hope that day no come for long time."
Cologne chuckled. "We shall see, Great-granddaughter. We shall see. But back to the business at hand; can you tell me anything more about this challenger?"
Shampoo composed herself and glanced at the letter again. "If this person old as you say, then have very big grudge on Great-grandmother. Must have big pain that no can be forgotten, even after many many year. Now Shampoo have question for Great-grandmother. Who she remember that she hurt so bad?"
"No idea."
Shampoo collapsed to the floor, twitching. "You mean you give Shampoo big test and not even know right answers?" She demanded as she jumped up.
Cologne shrugged easily. "There is not enough information here to narrow down the challenger's identity more than you already have. You have done well, but we will still have to wait until New Years Day to find out the exact details."
"This person you give big pain to; unforgivable pain. How you no remember her? Is you memory going bad?"
*BONK*
"Let's see you remember every little detail of a 300 year life-span when you're my age!" Cologne snapped. "I've told you that I've made my share of enemies in my long life! I'm just not sure which one this is!"
Shampoo rubbed her head and sulked.
***
New Years Day came with little fanfare. Snow was rare this time of year in Tokyo, and this year was no exception. Most stores were closed for the holiday, and people tended to be at home spending time with their families. Likewise, the construction crew had abandoned the site of the new skyscraper for the next day or two.
They stood on the ground, beneath the maze of naked girders above them. The weather was cold, and Shampoo came bundled up against the chill. Cologne wore the same Matriarch's robes she always wore, as if to convince all who knew her that she was beyond the reach of the elements. As a matter of fact, beneath the formal Matriarch robes she wore the formal Matriarch thermal underwear, protecting her old bones from the chill January air, but no one needed to know about that.
Cologne was a bit surprised that Shampoo had invited a guest to her challenge.
"Why is Son-in-law here?" Cologne asked her.
"She told me you were gonna fight some other old ghoul or something." Ranma answered with a grin. "I figured it should be a good show, so I came along to see if I can learn about any more cool Amazon techniques. Hope you don't mind."
Cologne chuckled. "Not at all, Son-in-law. That's just like you. After all, you're not the type to come to a fight just because you're worried about an old woman, now are you?"
Ranma's face flushed. "Are you nuts? Who'd be worried about you? I hate you, remember? I'm just here to see if I can pick up some new techniques."
"Of course, Son-in-law. Pardon me." Cologne smirked.
"So who's this other ghoul anyway, Old Ghoul?" Ranma asked.
Cologne resisted the urge to smack him. "We don't know. I just received a challenge letter asking me to be here at this time."
Shampoo spoke up. "We think it someone Great-grandmother make mad long-long time ago."
"I get it. Crimes of your past catching up with you, huh? Reminds me of my Pop."
Now Cologne DID smack him.
*BONK*
"Ow! Alright, alright! I guess if you were really like my Pop, this person would be coming after Shampoo instead of you."
*BONK!* This one was a bit harder. Ranma slumped to the ground.
"Aiya... He say one thing too many." Shampoo remarked.
"That's my Son-in-law." Cologne muttered. "So where is this mysterious challenger? She's late!"
"I am not! You're just early!" A voice rasped from above. Cologne and Shampoo turned to see a dim figure outlined in the new winter's morning sun. Even Ranma rolled over with a groan and sat up to look.
She (assuming it was female) was every bit as shrunken and wrinkled as Cologne herself. She carried a staff as well, but hers was an intricately carved rod of smooth ebony, bearing a number of odd mystical symbols and engravings. Her robes were black as night.
She cackled. "Now at last, Cologne, I can take my revenge against you for what you did to me so long ago!"
"And what might that have been?" Cologne asked calmly. "You'll forgive me, but I've been around a long time, and my memory's not as good as it used to be. Exactly who are you?"
The dark-clad old crone scowled down from her high perch. "You've forgotten me? What an insult! Hmph! Fine, I'll give you a hint. You stole away the man I brought to the village to be my husband! You, who could have had any man in the village, and did, by most accounts!"
Cologne scratched her head. "Oh, you mean Brush? Him?"
"No."
"Razor?"
"No!"
"Aftershave?"
"NO!"
Shampoo and Ranma big-sweated.
"Great-grandmother... when we get home, Shampoo want hear more about kind of person you were when you young..." Shampoo muttered.
"Sounds like she was a regular playboy... or playgirl, I guess you'd call it." Ranma agreed.
"Both of you shut up!" Cologne snapped. "Let's just say I enjoyed my youth!"
"Oh yes!" The dark old woman sneered. "You enjoyed your 'youth' for about 60 years, thanks to your family's secret ki techniques. I was always amazed that the council never forced your clan to share them with the rest of the tribe. Must have been because all the Matriarchs have been of your clan for the last 500 years; due, of course, to that same ki technique that lets you age more slowly, gaining skill and power while your rivals grew old and frail. Fortunately for me, I've found other methods to achieve the same ends through magic, or else I could never have lived this long."
Shampoo had a thoughtful look on her face. "Great-grandmother, Shampoo know there at least three Elders outside of family who more than 200 year old. You decide to share family secret?"
Cologne nodded. "The very day I became Matriarch, about 150 years ago. So now we know roughly how long she has been gone from the tribe."
The unnamed old woman snorted. "I bet that made you popular. In fact, it probably helped people forget that you used to play around with other women's husbands all the time."
Cologne winced. "Well, it certainly didn't hurt..."
"Right." The old woman sneered dryly.
Ranma was getting impatient with all this talking. "Okay, so who was this guy already?"
"I have no idea." Cologne mumbled, slightly embarrassed.
"It was Calvin Klein the First!" The old woman snapped irritably.
Cologne snapped her fingers. "Oh yes! I remember 'CK1'; that British boy with the big member!" Shampoo and Ranma face-faulted. "I suppose that would make you Toilet Duck, the mage's apprentice, right?" Ranma started snickering, though Shampoo just gave him a confused look.
Duck, the old woman in black, smirked grimly at her rival. "Yes indeed. Calvin and I were married not even a year, when rumors of his endowments reached you. We were only 17, and you had a fine gentleman of a husband for your own, but you still seduced him away from me! You were nearly 50 years old! What right did you have playing around with young men at your age!"
Ranma put up a hand. "Wait a minute. This Klein guy was 17, and she was almost 50? How did she manage to seduce him if she was so old already?"
"Shampoo no understand either."
"You have to remember, children," Duck said grimly, "that because of her family's age extending technique, Cologne kept her youthful looks for a very long time. She didn't stop messing about until she was 70, and at that time she only looked about 30. When she ran off with my husband, she had the looks of a 25 year-old, and the experience of a 50 year-old. Poor Calvin didn't stand a chance!"
"'Poor Calvin' didn't have anything to complain about." Cologne muttered. "If you'd been anywhere near as good in the sack as me, he would have gone right back to you."
Ranma looked from one old ghoul to the other, and tried not to be ill at the mental pictures that came to his mind.
Duck trembled in rage. "You... you... HOW DARE YOU! It was hardly my fault I hadn't sucked as many dicks as you had, you old whore!"
Ranma was on his knees, clutching his nauseous stomach. "Please... no more..."
Cologne glanced at him and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. At least now we all know why you asked for this fight. Shall we get this over with, Ducky?"
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Duck roared. "Only Calvin was allowed to call me that!"
"You prefer 'Toilet Duck'?" Ranma snickered.
"What so funny about name Toilet Duck, Ranma?" Shampoo asked, sincerely confused. "Shampoo have friend with same name back in village."
"Never mind."
"Right, let's get on with this." Cologne said, taking a fighting stance.
"Oh, you want to brawl over this, Cologne?" Duck snorted. "Use your head! I didn't call you here to fight. I'm a mage, remember? You're the Warmaster. I didn't have a chance in close combat with you then, and I still don't now. No Cologne, I didn't come here to fight you, I came to take my revenge!"
Cologne frowned warily at her rival. "And what exactly do you mean by that?"
Duck shook her head in mock disappointment. "You're still such a little thug, Cologne. Always trying to solve your problems with your fists. Maybe if you'd ever bothered to learn some strategy, you'd have accomplished more in life."
Cologne noted that Shampoo was beginning to snicker. She'd heard very similar remarks from her great-grandmother many times in the past. Insolent child!
"You're point, Duck?" She snapped.
"My point, dear Cologne, is that you were already defeated from the moment you set foot in this place...
"Ghosts of the past,
"Buried beneath the earth;
"Rise and take hold of my enemy!
"GHOUL'S CLUTCHES!"
Shampoo and Ranma jumped back as two pairs of rotting hands burst from the ground and gripped the Matriarch by the ankles in, quite literally, a death grip.
Cologne cursed and struck out with her staff at pressure points on the hands. A living person would have immediately released their grip, screaming in pain, but these decaying hands didn't even notice. She desperately smashed the head of her staff down on one hand, breaking two of the bones, but it was not the strength of life that gave these hands their power; it was the dark magic of death. Cologne was trapped.
"And now that I have you still, dear Cologne, I have the time to show you what power a mage can wield in the right conditions. Watch and learn as my spells bring about your demise!" She cackled, then began another longer chant.
"Hungry one from the depths of hell,
"I call upon you to feast upon souls.
"Take this one and devour her life,
"Bleed away her essence for your drink.
"SOUL EATER!"
A glowing black cloud if distilled evil formed above the mage's staff. She drew a pinch of white powder from a pocket and threw it up into the spell. The cloud rippled with blood-red lightning. Then, as she pointed her staff at the entrapped Cologne, the evil spell shot forth toward its target.
"Damn!" Cologne muttered. "Looks like my end's finally come."
"GREAT-GRANDMOTHER! NOOOOO!" Shampoo cried, dashing forward to put herself between the spell and her dear great-grandmother.
"Shampoo! Get out of the way! You'll be killed!" Cologne screeched.
"Shampoo!" Ranma screamed, dashing forward to tackle her out of the way. Unfortunately, he was too late. He skidded to a halt as the dark cloud slammed into Shampoo's body, exploding out with a fierce wind that would have knocked him back regardless. The cloud had enveloped the girl's entire body, crackling with evil power. Somewhere within, Cologne and Ranma could hear Shampoo begin to scream...
And scream...
And scream.
Cologne and Ranma watched in horror as the black-red cloud slowly began to shrink. They could see Shampoo's feet and outstretched hands now, and the cloud continued to shrink rapidly. Finally, it swirled around her body like a snake and sucked itself into her wide-open eyes, vanishing into her body.
Ranma immediately ran up to her. She still stood as she had when struck, with her arms wide to protect her beloved great-grandmother. Her eyes were wide with fear, her face pale and horrified, as she took short, sharp breaths like a person in deep shock.
"Shampoo! Are you okay?" Ranma asked frantically. Shampoo began to tremble as she slowly focused her eyes on his concerned face. Ranma quickly caught her as her eyes rolled back in her head and she collapsed.
"SHAMPOO!"
Ranma's attention was momentarily distracted as he felt a wave of heat wash over him. He looked to see Cologne trembling in absolute fury! Her battle aura was up and blazing, making her look like a garden gnome in the middle of a bonfire. The dead hands gripping her ankles cracked and burned away.
"Toilet Duck... what have you done to my great-granddaughter?" She said in a tone as cold as ice.
The crone in black frowned and scratched her head. "This wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Hmm..."
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!" Cologne bellowed.
Duck flinched. "Well... I was trying to kill you, what do you think I've done?"
"But she's still breathing!" Ranma said anxiously.
"Huh? Oh yes, I forgot about that part." Duck said, jumped down from the crossbeam she'd been standing on, and hopping on her staff towards the fallen girl. She examined the girl closely. She even pulled out a small human finger bone and passed it over Shampoo's face and torso, feeling and interpreting the gentle vibrations the bone made when in contact with her aura.
"Ah yes, the spell worked perfectly." She said with a proud smile.
A huge blast of ki knocked the witch back, sending her rolling across the ground. "Ow."
Even as Cologne chose not to follow up her attack, in favor of examining Shampoo herself, Ranma was stalking after the downed necromancer with grim purpose in his eyes. He snatched the shrunken woman up by the scruff of her robes and growled into her face.
"Now you listen, old ghoul, you're going to tell us exactly what you did to Shampoo, and then you're going to tell us how to undo it!"
Duck frowned darkly at him. "Are you sure you want to talk to me that way, little boy? You've seen a small taste of my power. Are you sure you want some of the same?"
Ranma faltered a little, growling in frustration.
"Oh, I don't think you could give my Son-in-law much trouble, Duck. So long as he doesn't give you time to cast those long-winded spells of yours, he could easily kick you all around this place without hardly breaking a sweat." Cologne said mildly, not taking her eyes off of Shampoo.
Duck gulped as Ranma grinned unpleasantly at her. "Well, you old witch? What's it gonna be?"
"Oh alright. I suppose I really have nothing against the girl personally. I'll help if I can."
"That's better." Ranma carried the dark witch over to the others and dropped her roughly to the ground.
"Ow! Watch it sonny, I'm an old lady!"
"I'll do a lot worse if you don't make yourself useful." Ranma growled.
Duck muttered something unpleasant under her breath, only to have herself smacked hard by Cologne's staff.
"Yow! What was that for?"
"That wouldn't have been a spell you were muttering, would it?"
"No actually, just something uncomplimentary about the boy's heritage."
"Remind me to introduce you to his father sometime." Cologne muttered. "Now what about Shampoo? Her breathing is shallow, her pulse is weak, her skin is pale, cold, and clammy, yet she is clearly alive. What sort of spell was this anyway?"
Duck the necromancer arranged herself into a comfortable sitting position. "The Soul Eater spell is basically a form of demonic possession. However, unlike the more traditional kind, where the demon tries to take over the person's body and make them do evil things, this demon remains almost totally dormant within the body, and merely feeds away at the person's life energy, slowly killing them."
Ranma frowned. "So it's like... eating her ki, or something?"
"No, Son-in-law." Cologne explained. "Your ki and you life energy are two different things. Ki is the force of your spirit; it is your will, your ego. You can train and make it larger and more effective. Life energy is basically your soul. How strong that is depends on the sort of person you are, and there is no way to train it bigger or stronger. It remains the same throughout your life."
"Not quite, Cologne." Duck corrected. "My research into the matter shows that life energy, besides being a reflection of your personality (or perhaps visa versa) follows a sort of sine wave curve in amount over the course of one's life. Were not talking life energy *strength* here (which we have known how to measure for centuries) just volume. It begins to grow slowly in the womb, then peaks at about physical maturity, and then slowly grows smaller as we age. For an old crone like you, who has stretched her life so long, I estimated that this demon would devour you completely in about a week, giving you lots of time to reflect on your evil deeds which led you to this end."
Cologne frowned. "And in my great-granddaughter's case?"
Duck nodded towards the downed girl. "She is nearing her prime, and she has plenty of life energy for the demon to feed upon. Given her reserves, I'd say she has at least two or three years."
Cologne's brow furrowed. "That doesn't seem right. That's about 150 times as long as I would have had. Surely there can't be that much difference between the life energy of the old and the young."
Duck nodded. "Quite so. She only has about 10 times the life energy that you do. However, there is another factor to consider: how fast the demon chooses to eat. Since it is a demon, he prefers the life force of evil people. Therefor, a sneaky, back-stabbing old whore like you would be like candy to him."
Cologne scowled, but decided not to do anything until she got all the information she could out of the black witch. "...Go on."
"Your great-granddaughter, on the other hand, selflessly threw herself into the path of certain death to save her beloved (if totally undeserving) great-grandmother. She is a purer, kinder soul, the exact sort that the demon hates. He'll feed off of her to keep from going hungry, but it's sort of like a little kid with a plate full of brussel sprouts in front of him. He's going to take little bites and put off finishing his whole plate for as long as he can."
"What's it going to be like for her for the next few years?" Ranma wanted to know. "Is she going to just stay in a coma like this the whole time?"
"Oh no." Duck reassured him. "She's just gone into shock from having that much evil energy forcing its way into her body. She'll wake up either later today or tomorrow. If she's really the sort of girl I think she is, then she should be able to live a fairly normal life until about the last few months, when she'll be weak and bedridden. But remember what I said about personality and quality of life energy being related? If she gets into a mean and nasty mood, the flavor of her life energy will change temporarily, and the demon will start stuffing his face with it. Besides shortening the time she has left, she will feel drained and exhausted for a time, perhaps even feint, as her body reacts to the sudden drop in her life energy."
Ranma scratched his head as he considered. "Shampoo's pretty cheerful most of the time. About the only time I've seen her get really ticked off is when Mousse hits on her, or when she sees one of my other fiancées start making moves on me."
Duck raised an eyebrow. "Jealousy? That's a big no-no. Jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins, literally in Shampoo's case. Strong feelings of jealousy will make her life energy taste like chocolate to him."
Ranma winced. "I think we're in trouble then."
"Indeed." Cologne nodded grimly. She was silent for a time, then raised her eyes to Ranma. "Son-in-law, I have a very serious request. Would you be willing to give up resisting your fate and accept Shampoo as your wife? It would make her last years very happy, and hopefully keep her from aggravating her condition. It would be for no longer than three years, and then, if you insist, I would be willing to allow you to return to one of your other fiancées and live out your life as you choose. It is not so much to ask; three years of your life, to make Shampoo happy for the rest of hers. Will you at least consider it? You might even bless her with the joy of motherhood in that time."
Ranma blushed.
"No chance of that, I'm afraid." Duck muttered grimly.
"What do you mean?" Cologne asked.
"Conceiving a child, on the mystical level, involves sharing a bit of both parents' life energy with the new life, to create a new soul. Shampoo's body is fully aware that she can't spare a shred of life energy. I'm afraid that while the demon is within her, there's absolutely no chance of her becoming pregnant. All the fertility drugs in the world wouldn't make a difference."
Cologne lowered her head sadly. "A horrible tragedy. Shampoo was saying just the other day that she hoped to be able to hand me my great-great-grandchild while I was still living." She sighed, fighting back tears, and then raised her gaze to Ranma again. "Well Ranma? Will you do it? Will you grant my great-granddaughter the happiness of true marriage while she is still alive?"
Ranma swallowed. "Do I really have to?"
Cologne looked at him sadly. "No Son-in... No Ranma, you do not. If it is your wish, you can leave her to die unhappily and alone. I will not force you."
Ranma looked guiltily at the ground, raising his eyes to the unconscious form of Shampoo. She looked so fragile and helpless, lying there with her skin pale and her breathing shallow. 'She's really not all that bad,' he thought, 'definitely she's cute.'
He turned his head to look at the spot where she'd stood in front of the spell, fearlessly protecting her great-grandmother. 'If I'd only been a little faster... If I'd only not stood there for that one second gawking, instead of helping... If only...' If only what? If only he'd saved her? Then Cologne would have been hit by the spell, and died in a week, helplessly sick in her bed. Shampoo would have been heartbroken! And worse, she might have blamed him for knocking her aside.
Another way it could have turned out was if Ranma had only been fast enough to get Shampoo out of the way, and not himself. Then he would be the one with this demon inside of him. How long would he last? He didn't think of himself as being as bright and cheerful a person as Shampoo. How often did he get angry? Every time he got splashed with cold water, almost every time he had a conversation with Akane, when Kunou or Happosai grabbed his girl form, when Ryouga slept in Akane's bed as P-chan, or when the lost boy started yelling about how all his problems were Ranma's fault.
Ranma shuddered. He'd be lucky to get a year.
He looked up into Cologne's weary eyes, struck by how much she actually looked her age just then. "I kinda wanna... think about it a little more, but I promise you I'll consider it."
Cologne nodded with a sad smile. "That's all I ask, Ranma."
Ranma squirmed. "If you wanna... I guess you could keep calling me 'Son-in-law'. It wouldn't really bother me... too much." He muttered in embarrassment.
Cologne's smile grew slightly. "As you wish... Son-in-law."
Duck slapped her knee and stood. "Well, glad that's all settled. Guess I'll be moving along then. Bye-bye!"
Duck came to an abrupt halt as Ranma's hand snatched her by the back of her collar and yanked her back. "Hold it, you old witch! All that's fine for a contingency plan, but I bet you know some way to cure Shampoo completely, don't you?"
"What do I look like to you, a white sorceress? I specialize in curses, not cures!" The necromancer snapped.
"But you know all about this particular spell you used." Cologne countered. "You have the best chance of undoing your own work."
Duck sneered contemptuously at her old nemesis. "Even if I could, why should I bother? I wanted you to suffer greatly before you died! This wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but it'll do!"
"I can give you two very good reasons to cure Shampoo." Cologne said, her tone cold as ice. "First, Shampoo is an innocent party in our little squabble, and dark witch or no, you really don't believe she should have to suffer for my crimes. You're simply not quite that evil. Secondly," Cologne's battle aura began to glow in her eyes, "you are not the only one who can bring about great suffering in a person before she dies." She growled. Ranma cracked his knuckles with a grim expression, signifying his complete agreement.
Duck swallowed and backed away, laughing nervously. "I suppose I could look into it."
"See that you do." Cologne said coldly, "or there will be nowhere on this Earth you can hide from me, and the others who care for Shampoo. We will hunt you down like a pack of starving wolves after a rabbit."
Gulping, Duck nodded and hopped away. After a few 'steps' she paused and hopped back, looking at Ranma with a serious expression.
"Young lad, I want you to know I was quite serious when I said I know little about curing curses. I shall do my best, but I don't expect a great amount of success. I think you should proceed as if I had already failed."
Ranma swallowed. "You mean... marry Shampoo?"
Duck nodded. "If that is what it takes to make her last years happy ones, then yes. I can see in your eyes that you already care for her, at least a little. Be kind to her, young Ranma. Cologne was correct when she said that this was not the fate that poor girl deserved for her selfless act."
And with that, she hopped away.
"Call me at the Nekohanten and leave me your number so I can get in touch with you." Cologne yelled after her. Duck nodded once, and then was gone.
Ranma sighed and turned back to Cologne. "Now what?"
"Now we take Shampoo home and make sure she is comfortable when she awakes. I don't relish telling her the bad news, especially the part about her being unable to bear children."
Ranma squirmed. "Maybe we could just leave that part out. It seems like it would really hurt her to know."
Cologne snorted a humorless laugh. "You sound like your father, Son-in-law."
"Hey!"
"However, in this case, I believe you may be correct. It would be of no help to her to know this now. Perhaps later, if things work out between the two of you, there will come a day when she will have to know. Until then, we shall keep this between us. Agreed?"
Ranma nodded solemnly. "Agreed. Hey, what are we going to do about Mousse? From what the old witch said, we should be keeping him away from her. We gotta keep her from feeling angry or jealous, right?"
"One problem at a time, Son-in-law." Cologne muttered. "First let's get her home. Would you mind doing the honors? I'm not really tall enough anymore to carry someone her size without dragging her across the ground."
Ranma nodded, and scooped up the unconscious Shampoo in his arms. She still looked bad, but some of her colour was starting to return. Wordlessly, he followed the old woman across the rooftops, back to the Nekohanten.
***
Later that night, Shampoo awoke to find herself tucked away in her own bedding, on the floor of her room. Had it all been a dream? That strange old woman dressed in black, the dead hands from the ground, the evil spell meant to kill her great-grandmother? If that had been real, she should have been dead. Yet here she was, lying in bed as though it were only a nightmare.
She rose from her futon and immediately felt nauseous. She cupped a hand over her mouth as her stomach rebelled, and managed not to make a mess. She swallowed the acidic bile and felt it burn its way back down her throat. She needed a glass of water.
Stumbling dizzily out into the hall, Shampoo wondered what the hell was wrong with her. She felt terrible! Was she sick or something? She didn't remember getting sick, but if she was, it might explain that horrible dream she had had.
"Great-grandmother? Great-grandmother!" She called in a horse voice, as her rubbery legs forced her to lean against the wall.
The old woman rushed up the stairs immediately, coming to support Shampoo in her attempts to stand.
"Shampoo, you should be back in bed."
Dream or not, Shampoo was relieved to see her great-grandmother alive and well, she embraced the old woman fondly. "Oh Great-grandmother! Shampoo have too too horrible dream where you killed by evil witch! Shampoo so glad you okay!"
Wilting slightly, the old woman gently stroked the girl's hair to comfort her. "It's alright Shampoo. I'm just fine, as you can see. You however, are not. Let me help you back into bed."
As Shampoo stumbled back to her room, using Cologne's staff to support herself, she rasped painfully. "Can Shampoo ask Great-grandmother for glass of water? Throat very sore from almost throw up. Shampoo stomach no feel right. Head no feel right either."
"Of course, Shampoo. I'll bring a glass right up. You just rest now."
As soon as she had the girl lying down again, Cologne whisked out the door and was back in a moment with the water. Shampoo drank it down gratefully. Cologne moved a wastebasket next to her futon.
"If you feel like you have to throw up again, use this. Don't fight it, just let it out."
Shampoo nodded weakly. "Great-grandmother? Why Shampoo feel so sick? She no remember getting disease."
Cologne took a deep breath to steel herself. "It's because you stood in front of the dark magic spell that was meant for me."
Shampoo's eyes slowly grew wider as it sank in. "That no dream?"
"No Shampoo. I'm afraid that was all very real."
Frightened tears formed in the young girl's eyes. "Is Shampoo going to die? Feel like it."
"No Shampoo, the spell didn't work like it was supposed to. You'll live a while yet. You should feel better tomorrow. Just relax and don't worry. Try to get some sleep."
It never occurred to Shampoo to ask what her great-grandmother meant by 'a while yet'. She simply smiled in relief until something else occurred to her.
"Great-grandmother? Where Ranma? What happen to Shampoo's Airen? Is he okay?"
"Son-in-law is just fine, Shampoo. After you were hit with that damn spell, he carried you all the way back home in his arms. He seemed very worried about you." The old woman smiled meaningfully.
Shampoo glowed. "Ranma worry for Shampoo?"
Cologne couldn't help but grin. "That's right. He may be a stubborn idiot, but only a fool could not see that he cares for you. Take that happy thought and have nice dreams, Great-granddaughter. Don't give your airen any more cause to worry and go back to sleep."
"Yes, Great-grandmother! Shampoo no worry Airen any more. Tomorrow, when feel better, go visit Ranma to show that she fine. Ranma be very happy, yes?"
"He'll be relieved, so long as you don't throw up in his lap. Now GO TO SLEEP!" Cologne chuckled, as the girl finally lay back and closed her eyes, a smile on her face.
Even dying from demonic possession, her bright-eyed great-granddaughter could put a smile on her face. It was some special child-like quality that she never seemed to outgrow. Cologne hoped she never did. She hoped even more that the poor girl would have a chance to become old and grey, and see that same light in the eyes of her own children and grandchildren. It seemed an empty hope now, but perhaps that would change. Toilet Duck had, as promised, called and left her number, so it appeared she would indeed do her best to find a cure. Cologne could only hope for her success.
Hope was all she had left.
***
Elsewhere in Nerima, Ranma was sitting on the roof of the Tendou home, wondering what he should do.
Three years of his life, to make Shampoo happy. He could spare that much time, certainly. Even with all the chaos and craziness the girl had brought him, he cared enough about her that he wanted her to be happy. And considering how little time she had left, it wasn't like he could expect her to get over him, find another guy, fall in love and be happy without him. It was either Ranma or three years of loneliness. Less if loneliness was one of the negative emotions that would make her life energy more palatable to the demon inside of her. So if he went with Shampoo to China, what was he supposed to say to his other fiancées?
Ucchan would be heartbroken, no doubt about that. She was his closest friend and confidant, and making her cry was about the same level on his personal list of awful things to do as someone making Kasumi cry (which he was fairly sure was a sin the gods deemed worthy of an eternity in some of the nastier parts of hell).
Akane would be furious. He'd be lucky to make it out of the house alive, much less the country. But would she be heartbroken too? Did she care about him that much? She'd be hurt, certainly, so that meant she cared a little bit, at least. Bottom line: he really didn't understand Akane's true feelings enough to gage her reaction.
Kodachi would... hmm...
Maybe he should just send Kodachi a letter explaining it all to her on the day before he left.
Actually, maybe he could do that for all of them. That would certainly make it easier on him, but would that be fair either to Ukyou or to Akane? It seemed wrong somehow.
On the other hand, every time he opened his mouth, he put his foot in it. Trying to explain such a delicate situation was bound to end in disaster. With a letter at least he could erase his mistakes and start over without being hit in the head with their preferred weapons.
Yeah, letters were the way to go. It may not be the kindest way, or the most polite, but maybe he could manage to word it in a way that wouldn't leave them feeling like he'd betrayed them. Maybe...
Okay then, so he was decided. He was going to go to China and marry Shampoo, live the life of her dreams beside her in the village. No more dithering or worrying! It was decided! Done deal!
So why did he still feel so nervous?
Shampoo was... she was always so bright and happy when she saw him. The moment he walked in the door to the Nekohanten to mooch a free bowl of ramen, her face would light up like Christmas (and then she would practically tackle him in the most embarrassing way, regardless of who else was around). She basically threw all her considerable affection his way whenever she saw him.
She had tricked him several times to get his attention, like that pouch of Instant Nanniichuan, for example. He was dragged about by the nose on a day-long date, all for a cure that only worked once, and for only a few hours at that. Okay, so she was pretty clever and sneaky when she wanted him to pay attention to her. Was that so bad? All she wanted was an innocent (more or less) date. She'd never tried to trick him into bed or anything that would totally trap him.
There was that reversal jewel incident, where he'd come this close to 'confessing his love' in front of countless witnesses, with the hopes that he would therefor be obligated to marry her. That turned out to be a complete accident, which Cologne had taken advantage of. It hadn't really been Shampoo's plan, though she did go along with it.
Another one, which was all Shampoo's idea, was the Kairaishi hypnotic mushroom plan. Ranma had been fed tasty Chinese delicacies with the mushroom inside, and then Shampoo had attempted to plant a hypnotic suggestion for him to embrace her whenever she snapped her fingers. That had gone pretty horribly wrong, with a sneeze becoming the trigger, and his hugging *anyone* who sneezed! It *would* have been *that* week that both Kunou (brrr!) and Akane (ow!) caught colds, not to mention half the people in Nerima (or so it seemed to him as he tried to make his way home). Still, what had been Shampoo's goal? A hug. A (fairly) innocent show of affection from him for his airen.
Airen. He was her airen, and she his, at least by the laws of the Joketsuzoku. They were the laws of her land, just as the laws of Japan were his. How much legal maneuvering room did that leave him, really? If he'd gotten married in England or Korea or America, could he really claim that the marriage was invalid just because he came back to Japan? Granted, the Amazon laws of marriage were pretty bizarre... but from her perspective?
From the Amazon viewpoint, he was already as married to her as if he'd said 'I do'. So if he was already married to her, and yet he still had these other fiancées...
Geez! He'd never really thought of it that way before. As the Amazons saw it, he was an unfaithful husband! Granted, he'd never in the first place acknowledged Shampoo as his wife (which was probably the only reason he hadn't been castrated yet) but he still wasn't doing right by her, as her... as her husband.
Maybe he should have a talk with Cologne about the finer points of these Amazon laws, to find out exactly what his status was, but bottom line: he was a husband who was not honoring his wife as he should. Under Amazon laws, that probably meant Shampoo and Cologne had many options (few of them pleasant) for how to deal with him, but they hadn't done much more then their occasional attempts to convince him that she was the right one for her. That was pretty... merciful, all things considered.
If Ranma had had a sister, and she had a husband who had married her under Japanese law, but had all these other fiancées, and refused to act like a proper husband to his wife, Ranma would probably kick the guy's ass six ways from Sunday. What had Cologne done?
Taught him the powerful techniques that were considered secrets of the Amazon tribe, that's what.
Ranma was really starting to feel like a heel.
Shampoo loved him. No question. How exactly she'd come to that state when all he'd ever done is try to avoid her was beyond him, but she had.
So how did he feel about her?
Shampoo (when not trying to trick him into something) was kind, open, affectionate, and cheerful. The slightest compliment for a bowl of ramen she'd cooked for him would send her bouncing up and down with delight. She seemed to almost *live* for his approval of her. Never mind what bouncing up and down did to her unrestrained chest.
Speaking of girls who didn't wear bras, his curse didn't seem to bother her at all. She'd be just as quick to hug him if he showed up at the Nekohanten female as male. It simply didn't matter to her. Boy or girl, he was Ranma. He was her airen.
Not that he thought that way of thinking would follow them into the bedroom, but he had *NO* problems with that! In fact, he'd prefer if they never tried it that way. He didn't have any experience, but he figured it would seem pretty weird. The thought of being with a guy (in either body) made him physically ill; if Shampoo felt in any way similar, that was more than okay with him.
Oh geez! That's right! If they were married for real, that meant they'd be having sex! Man! Now he felt twice as nervous! What was he supposed to do? He got the impression that other guys who'd lived normal lives had a better idea of the... er... methods than he did, at least judging by that skin rag Daisuke had smuggled into school that one time. Ranma had been too embarrassed to even look at it closely. But once he and Shampoo were officially married, he'd very quickly find himself in a situation where he'd be looking at *her* very closely. And not just looking either!
He'd seen Shampoo in the buff before once or twice. She really wasn't the sort of girl that the word 'shy' applied to. Maybe it was because she was raised in this little village in the wilds of China, or maybe he was a special exception because he was her airen, but either way, Shampoo was happy to show him all she had to offer (regardless of his opinion on the matter).
Yes, he remembered the first time seeing her naked, when the little pink and white cat had tackled him into the Tendou bath. As he sat there stuttering, his brain switching from one kind of fear to another, she'd burst out of the water and stood over him in all her naked glory, her full, perky breast bouncing. Then she'd glomped him, pressing her breasts against his chest, ecstatic about confirming him to be a man that changed into a girl, and not the other way round. He'd at least had a towel tied around his waist. She had not, and when she jumped up, her violet pubic hair had been about level with his nose. If he'd been Ryouga, he'd probably have had a fatal hemorrhage in his nose and bled to death before he had the opportunity to drown in the bathtub.
She had been stunning (literally) then, and she'd had another year to grow. They were both 17 now, and her figure, which was always clearly outlined in her tight silk outfits, had grown even more spectacular. He realized now that the main reason she dressed that way was to catch his eye, and he'd never really appreciated it either.
Moving above the neck, to places he could think about without his face feeling so warm, Shampoo's face was adorable. She had big bright eyes that lit up when she saw him, a cute little nose, and full warm lips always ready to smile (and to kiss him, he suspected, but no point in getting ahead of himself). Her hair was thick, long and soft, framing her face beautifully.
Bringing it all together, if you'd asked him who he really wanted to marry, Ranma really didn't have an answer (hey! He was only 17!) but if you asked him which of his fiancées was the cutest, the sexiest, then, now that he'd thought about it, he would have to answer Shampoo (after a quick glance around him to make sure no tomboys or best friends overheard).
Ranma sighed. So then, he was going to marry Shampoo.
That didn't feel right. He tried again.
Ranma smiled. So then, he was going to marry Shampoo.
That was better. He even found the smile staying on his face for quite some time. He was going to marry Shampoo!
The smile fell after a while as he remembered what else that would mean.
Ranma sighed. He was going to write a few letters.
________________________________________________________________________________
End of Chapter one.
I literally have dozens and dozens of story ideas hidden away here in my hard drive, and the ones that seem most popular are my lemons.
This doesn't mean I can only write lemons, and this story is not intended to be one. Perhaps I'll feel inclined to describe Ranma and Shampoo's first time in graphic detail, but I doubt it.
And if there was actually anyone offended by some of the more 'uncovered' descriptions in Ranma's meandering line of thought near the end:
1) I apologize.
2) Get a life.
3) If you could see what goes through the mind of a *normal* 17 year-old guy, you'd probably feint.
And if anyone wants to point out timeline inconsistencies, like "Ranma learns this technique then, so he wouldn't know about this event until..."
1) I *don't* apologize. And I hate you, because if I'd remembered, I would have done it right the first time.
2) Get a life.
3) If you're worried about all the things that supposedly should come before this story starts, then what about all the things that are supposed to come after? Do you still expect a failed wedding to Akane? A near-death experience for her atop Phoenix Mountain with Ranma crying out that he loves her? Not in this story, I'm afraid. Ranma/Akane is one of my least favorite match-ups, right after Ranma/Kodachi. I just don't see it as being a workable relationship in any way except how Takahashi-sama wrote it (even then...) and it's fairly safe to say that that's been done.
If you *really* care about the timeline, then I'll say this much. Konatsu is here and working at the Ucchan, but the above mentioned events either haven't happened, or never happened. Ranma's met his mother, but she doesn't know about his curse yet. I don't care if that all works together in the canon timeline or not. I don't see how it's relevant to *my* story.
Anyone else, please don't hesitate to Email me at:
hinoron@hotmail.com
I'd love to hear your thoughts and opinions, even if you're *totally* wrong! ^_^
Oh yes, one more thing. I'm sure at least one person will Email me and try to tell me that 'airen' means 'husband', not wife. I'm afraid that's not true. Ask anyone who grew up speaking Mandarin (I did... ask, that is). Airen literally means one's lover, and can be used to fondly refer to either a wife or a husband. I consider it synonymous with 'beloved', but I can't confirm it that far. I study Japanese, not Chinese.
Next time on SotGG: (it's a long title to type out every time; so sue me!)
Ranma decides to write a letter to his mother before he leaves, letting her know he intends to leave the country. How much should he tell her about his training trip and the chaos of Nerima?
Plus: Hilarious antics at the wedding of Ranma and Shampoo. Not exactly what you're probably thinking of, but fun all the same!
Ja na!
-Ron Hino