"BRO! OVER HERE!"

My friend Carl waved madly at me from down the aisle, draped in an Australian flag.

"Gah! Why did you have to bring that thing?" I grumbled irritably. "Australia aren't even playing here! It's a high school basketball tournament!"

Carl shrugged, "Gotta represent bro".

"What does that even…never mind…do you know who's playing today?"

"Yeah I believe it's 'Ching Chong' vs 'Ari-ga-toe'"

"Oh my God could you not yell that out loud?"

"Haha I'm just messin' with ya, it's Seirin High vs Touou Academy"

"Oh wow, Touou has one of the Generation of Miracles' players, Aomine. And I believe Seirin has someone of that calibre as well, should be an awesome game".

"Oh….cool, beer?"

A shrill whistle pierced the roar of the crowd, tipoff!

"I do hope the underdog gets up" I murmured, shivering with excitement.

Carl slowly nodded in agreement, sitting down from his third bathroom break.

"Geez, alcohol goes straight through you doesn't it?"

"Sign of a healthy body"

"I…don't think that's-" I began, but Carl had already stopped listening, his head cocked to one side observing the play.

"What are they doing?" He asked slowly.

Touou was on offense, Aomine was holding the ball at the top of the 3pt line. He appeared to be talking to his defender, the ace of Seirin, mid-play.

"Are they talking trash?" I suggested. "If he is he better get a move on because-"

-UHHHHHHHHH-

An alarm in the arena sounded. "Shot clock violation!" The referee pointed to the baseline and Seirin took the ball and dribbled up court.

"What a tool" Carl laughed through the bottle of another beer.

"Yeah I have to agree with you, surprised to see something at this level like-"

-UHHHHHHHHH-

"-Oh Come on!"

"Shot clock violation!"

The Seirin player, their starting point guard, who had been holding the ball casually surveying all his passing options was taken by complete surprise.

"Ehh? Already?"

"Is this for real?" Carl asked dubiously.

"I guess this is top level Japanese high school basketball" I sighed.

"Shot Clock Battle!" a few fans the row in front of us called out excitedly.

"That is not a thing!" Carl yelled out incredulously, but sadly for us…it was…

"Shot clock violation! White ball!"

The crowd roared in excitement, Touou had just turned the ball over again, their ace's 18th attempt at a monologue about strength interrupted by the rules of basketball.

"8-5, it's been a slow start" Carl commented glumly.

"Slow start? It's the last quarter!"

The clock stopped at 2 minutes as the refs waited for Seirin to inbound the ball…but the players were having a discussion at the half way line to rally their spirits and turned it back over through a 5 second inbounding violation.

The captain looked desperately at the refs, "how can I pump my teammates up when you keep enforcing the rules like that?"

"Call a time out like everybody else! Or better yet, just play motivated from start to finish!" The referee snapped back.

Touou inbounded the ball quickly to their captain, who immediately started muttering evilly to an innocent looking blue-haired guard.

"It can't be…" I groaned

"It is!" Carl roared.

"Shot clock violation!"

The crowd went ballistic. Touou's captain gasped angrily, sweat dripping onto the court, how could he have just stood there talking with the game on the line?

The blue-haired guy quickly picked up the ball and lobbed it down court to a fast break, their ace following it up with a dunk! 8-7!

"Wow they beat the full-court monologue press" Carl noted wisely. "Impressive strategy to pass over all the chances to monologue and get straight to the bucket"

"THAT'S NOT A THING! And anyway, I'm surprised he even dunked it while having a conversation with his defender the whole way up to the hoop…"

Touou tried responding quickly, but were forced into a traditional 5v5 when their fast break failed. A couple of passes later and Aomine was driving to the bucket ferociously, marked closely by the Seirin ace.

"RAAAAAAAA"

"ARRRRRRRRR"

"RAAAAAAAA"

"ARRRRRRRRR"

"RAAAAAAAA"

"ARRRRRRRRR"

"RAAAAAAAA"

"ARRRRRRRRR"

"Beer?"

"No thanks"

"RAAAAAAAA"

"ARRRRRRRRR"

"RAAAAAAAA"

"ARRRRRRRRR"

"RAAA-"

"3 second key way violation!"

"YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS"

The crowd roared as Seirin began their final attack up the court, less than 24 seconds left in the game, a shot clock violation would mean a win to Touou.

"Damn, I really thought they were going to shoot the ball that time…"

"Me too Carl, me too, I wonder what Seirin will do here to combat falling into a mono- HEY! NOW YOU'VE GOT ME SUCKED INTO THIS DUMB STRATEGY!"

Seirin kicked the ball out to their captain who took the shot, and missed!

"RAAAAAAAAA"

"ARRRRRRRRRR"

"RAAAAAAAAA"

"ARRRRRRRRRR"

"Oh no, not again"

The two aces jumped for the rebound, way too early. They both landed and then jumped again as the ball was still in the air. And then they landed and jumped for a third time, pausing to draw breath.

"RAAAAAAAAA"

"ARRRRRRRRRR"

Seirin grabbed the ball, although he had horribly mistimed his jump again and needed to go down for breath again.

"RAAAAAAAAA"

"ARRRRRRRRRR"

SLAMMM DUNK! The crowd roared, Seirin wins 9-8!

"Wow what a game" Carl sighed, falling back into his seat. "Who's up next?"

I checked the schedule, "Kaijo High, and their ace Kise, you don't think they all randomly monologue mid-game do you?" I asked tentatively.

*One game later*

"Do they think they are in an anime or something?" I blurted angrily. "I don't think anyone paid to watch people talk while bouncing a ball!"

"Oh shush, it's the Generation of Miracles, they can do whatever they want." Carl replied, 30 beers clouding his judgement on two straight games ending with single digit score lines.

"How did they win a single game in Middle School anyway? I find it hard to believe they were out-monologued by anybody."

Carl turned to face me, "there is a guy down there who shoots 3's at 100% from the other end of the court, I think we should stop worrying about any of this"

"…point taken"

"Beer?"

"…yes…I think I'm going to need it."