A/N: Bonjour! So this is a totally random little ficcy. It's an AU, semi-gen!flipped comedy/parody of the superhero genre. Why? Because I can. Gen!flipped characters include fem!America and mentions of fem!Canada. And there's no blatant shipping, unless you choose to see it that way...

And this will only consist of two parts, just as a heads up.

When Last we Left our Heroes

Part 1

You really couldn't blame all of this on her.

Okay, you might be able to blame some of it on her. Maybe. But she'd just been trying to help! That's what the heroine did, after all. She saved the day! Defeated the bad guy! Rescued the damsel in distress!

Or, dude in distress as the case may be.

"Git. Bloody git. When I get out of this mess…"

So maybe her last attempt at dashing and daring heroism hadn't worked out exactly the way she'd planned, but she couldn't let one teeny-tiny failure get her down! She was Captain Justice Girl! (Secret identity: mild-mannered, totally heroic, straight-B high school student, captain of the girls' volleyball team and top-scorer for the lacrosse team, Allison 'F. for Freedom' Jones!)

She was a hero, after all! Not just a hero, but a superhero! And besides, the good guys always saved the day! It was part of their job description!

This whole 'getting-captured-by-the-bad-guy' thing was just a minor setback.

So, how she'd gotten into this situation in the first place?

Well, it was a funny story really.

Okay, so it had all started this morning when she'd been walking to school, sipping her coffee (even superheroes needed to caffeinate), and thinking about how it would be so much faster if she could just fly to school. She'd be really careful and make sure that no one saw her. Her sister was such a worry wart.

But, before she could decide whether to take the chance or not, her thoughts had been interrupted by the sound of sirens coming from somewhere nearby.

You know, superhero TV shows and movies always showed the heroes changing into their suits in a matter of seconds; like, Superman would just step into a phone booth and then pop right back out in his super-suit. But it really was a bigger pain in the butt than that. You had to go and find somewhere private to change and it was just really annoying.

Thankfully, she was currently walking by an empty construction site...complete with the usual porta-potties. And the people on the street were so distracted by the chaos up ahead that they failed to notice the totally normal teenage girl who suddenly disappeared over the fence.

Changing into your super suit in a porta-potty wasn't the easiest task in the world, but it had to be done. And her super suit was totally kickass, so it so was worth it.

Her sister, Mattie, had actually been the one to make hers, after quite a few hours of explaining just how important it was for a sweet superhero to have a totally sweet super suit—and she also had to promise to take litter box duty for the rest of the month. Totally worth it, though, since her suit was all red, white, and blue and bad-ass...

Because that's what she was defending, after all! Truth, Justice, and the American Way!

Or something like that...

Anyway, so she'd burst from the porta-potty as Captain Justice Girl and stood there, ready for all the gasps of amazement and everything...

But apparently her adoring public were so distracted by the noise up ahead that none of them had noticed her pretty amazing entrance. (Ignore the fact that she'd burst out of a porta-potty; it was still a pretty cool entrance.)

But that was all right, since she didn't have time to stop and sign autographs anyway. No, she had to fly off toward the sirens in order to find out what was happening so she could save the day!

Yep, so anyway, she'd started flying toward the cacophony, being all awesome and superheroey in the process. Waving down to her fans...

"Watch out!"

And that voice was familiar...

You know what one of the most useful superheroic powers was? Superheroic reflexes. Ally had managed to not only stop, but she also managed todart away from the blur of green and white before she'd even realised that he was yelling at her. Which was good, since he was flying really fast. Her hair whipped around her face as he sped by, his huge, white wings beating against the air to propel him forward at a terrific speed.

...Dude, not again.

"Hey!" Ally hurriedly turned and began speeding after the winged figure, who turned his head to look back at her for a moment—revealing a pair of rather annoyed, grassy-green eyes and an enormous pair of caterpillar-like blond eyebrows—and then began flying even faster. "Dude, I thought that we agreed that you'd quit stealing stuff!"

"Get out of here, git!"

Okay, so to explain... That guy up there? The one with the wings and the caterpillar eyebrows and the dorky-looking sweater vest? Yeah, that was one of the most notorious supervillains in the city. British Angel Dude.

...Well, that wasn't his real name, but he had superpowers (or wings, which she was pretty sure at least mostly counted as superpowers) so of course he needed a supervillain name. And since he'd refused to pick one for himself, she'd decided to pick one for him.

Anyway, so that was British Angel Dude—or Arthur,if you wanted to use his real name, since he apparently didn't understand the importance of secret identities—and he stole stuff. A lot. It was rather annoying, since she had decided a while ago that he was going to be her sidekick someday.

Since, dude, he was an angel. Or, at least he looked like an angel, which was totally close enough. You couldn't be an angel and be evil. That just went against all the laws of superhero-dom...

Plus, she'd rescued him once before—very heroically and dramatically, of course—and that pretty much made him her damsel in distress! Except he was a guy and he also had superpowers, so he couldn't actually be the damsel in distress. What, then? Sidekick!

And he had a funny accent. A sidekick with a funny accent would be the sweetest thing ever!

Of course, he couldn't be her sidekick yet, since he kind of still liked to steal stuff all the time. But it was only a matter of time before he repented of his evil ways and turned to the side of truth and liberty and justice!

"Come on, dude! Give whatever you took back!"

Arthur ignored her. Not surprisingly, since he was rather stubborn when it came to things like this.

Which was really silly, honestly, since he knew that she'd end up catching up. His wings were flashier, sure, but she was a superhero. And superheroes were always going to be better than the bad guys. It was just one of those facts of the universe.

"Come on, Artie! How am I supposed to turn you into a super sidekick if you keep stealing stuff?" Super sidekicks couldn't be thieves; they'd make the superhero look bad.

Arthur turned his head slightly to glare at her. They were only a few yards away from each other at this point. In a few more seconds, she'd be able to grab him. "Fuck off!"

They'd also have to work on his language... Super sidekicks had to be good role models, since all of the little kids in the city would end up looking up to them.

Just a little closer...

And that was when their chase came to a sudden halt. A very sudden halt. As Arthur's body abruptly jerked slightlybackwards, almost slamming into her. (Super reflexes save the day again). And then he just dropped... Like a metal anvil in one of those Wile E. Coyote cartoons. Plummeting toward the earth, white wings spread out behind him in a way that was actually kind of pretty.

Well, she might have thought it was pretty if it weren't for the fact that she was currently rather distracted by the fact that her future-sidekick was now plummeting toward the earth at a very high speed.

"Artie!"

And she didn't even give herself a moment to think about what she was doing. She just threw herself down after him, flying as fast as she could toward the limp body that was only a few moments away from slamming against the sidewalk...

Shit. Shit shit shit...

Yeah, superheroes shouldn't swear, but it'd only been in her head and she'd finally managed to overtake him. One last burst of speed! And she could fly underneath, hold out her arms, and—ow~.

Okay, that definitely hurt...

So, she hadn't really had time to think about the fact that getting between Arthur and the ground meant that she would most likely be the one who made impact. Ow~ Okay, she was going to have a gigantic bruise covering her entire back in the morning... Ow ow owwwwie~

But... But at least she'd managed to save him. Again.

And she was currently lying on her back on the sidewalk with the blond angel-person sprawled on top of her, uninjured but still unconscious. And now the question was why he had suddenly dropped out of the sky like a rock. She could feel his chest rising and falling against hers and he didn't look like he was in pain. He actually looked like he was asleep...

You know, maybe Arthur should be her personal dude in distress... This was the second time she'd saved his life after all. Although, then she'd need to find someone else to be her sidekick...

"Ah, excellent catch, chère amie! I was worrying there for a moment."

And she was brought out of her thoughts by a sudden voice coming from behind her. A French-accented, uncomfortably-familiar voice.

And that explained it.

Stupid, she totally should have realised that he was behind this. Who else could cause someone to suddenly fall asleep like that? Besides her European history teacher, at least...

Anyway, she immediately leapt to her feet in response to the evil voice chuckling behind her! Or, well, she leapt to her feet after she'd pushed Arthur off of her. Carefully, of course. "Rose Thorn!" And she pointed an accusing finger at the perpetrator. Dramatically and totally cool-like. "I should have known that you were behind this!"

Captain Justice Girl had many nemeses in this city. Like the evil Vodkanator and the sneaky (and rather awesome) Black Ninja. And one of the most dastardly was him. Rose Thorn.

As not only was he an evil supervillain, but he was an evil supervillain who had totally stolen Batman's shtick. Since he didn't have any sort of superpowers of his own; instead, he used all of these fancy gizmos and gadgets to commit his crimes.

And he did so while wearing a costume that made him look like a magician.

Totally like a magician. He had the tux and the top hat and the rose in the buttonhole and the only thing that he wore that wasn't all magiciany was a monocle that just made him look all British-like. He'd gotten annoyed at her the last time she'd pointed that out, though. Like really annoyed.

Seriously, though, if you didn't want people to think you were a British magician, then you shouldn't dress like a British magician.

Anyway, so that wasn't really important... No, what was important was the fact that he was currently standing in front of her with a gun pointed right at her chest.

Not that she had to worry too much about that, since she knew that his gun only shot darts that would put you to sleep for a few hours, not actual bullets. Since he was evil and dastardly, but not quite that evil and dastardly.

And the darts didn't really hurt very much. Kind of felt like a bee sting for a second.

Yeah, since she'd sort of gotten shot by him once... All part of her heroic plan to save the day!

Actually twice.

Now that she thought about, actually it'd happened three times. But that last time didn't really count, since he'd been aiming at one of the police officers and she'd only gotten hit because she'd sort of accidentally flown in the way... In order to protect the cop, of course!

Yeah, it was another heroic reflex!

"Ah, ma chérie!" Attention returned to the French teenager standing in front of her, who now took a step forward with his gun still trained on her. "It really has been too long! How is your sister? Did she like the flowers that we sent her?"

On another note, you know what was really not cool? When your sister went to the hospital to have her appendix removed and ended up receiving flowers, cards, and presents from pretty much all of your arch-enemies. That was like betrayal!

"Cease in your evil ways, evildoer!" And now she was going to take him down, since he happened to be one of the most dastardly criminals in the entire city and he was standing in front of her and he'd just shot her sidekick/dude in distress out of the sky. She clenched one of her fists and threw it above her head in a very heroic fashion. "Or face my fists of heroic justice!"

It was kind of disappointing that Rose Thorn didn't respond to that, outside of raising his eyebrows slightly. "Oui?"

Still, this was one of the best parts of being a superhero. Verbal sparring with evil supervillains. "Don't think that I don't know what you're planning! I know every evil thought that lurks in the hearts of men!"

"Do you?"

"Yes!" Not really, but he didn't need to know that. "And now I'm going to arrest you and take you to jail!"

"For what?" He pointed toward Arthur, who she now noticed had curled up on his side and was now sleeping with one of his wings covering him—almost like a blanket. "I just assisted in the capture of an infamous jewel thief."

"You can't assist by shooting people out of the sky." She was pretty sure that there were rules against that sort of thing. And if there weren't, then there really should be. "Besides, British Angel Dude is my sidekick-in-training!"

"Is he?" And now Francis's lips twisted into an amused smirk. "Ah, then I suppose that we'll have to bring you both with us!"

Wait, wha—?

"Hola, Super Captain Hero Chica!"

And that perky, Spanish-accented voice was the very last thing that Ally heard before the universe faded to black...

A/N: And so ends part 1 of 2 of this random little superhero AU parody thing. ;D Haha, which I totally just decided to write because these past few days have been very not awesome and I needed to write something stupid and funny to cheer myself up.

Ally, you're adorable. And so is Arthur, even if he is a jewel thief who doesn't want to mend his ways and turn to the side of justice and heroism and truth and such things.

Umm, oh. And anyone know who Francis is dressed as? ;D He's totally one of my favourite literary figures. And Ally made a reference to one of my favourite Old Time Radio programs. If you managed to get both, then we need to become best friends right now because I've only met one other person in real life who knows the first and I pretty much never met anybody under the age of 60 (besides my mom) who knows that radio show.

My interests are varied and obscure, but that's part of what makes life fun.