AN: DON'T OWN DON'T SUE! LOT'S OF OOC ABOUND, I DON'T CARE IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, I'M JUST HAVING FUN FOR THE HELL OF IT! YES, IT MIGHT SEEM STUPID BUT THIS JUST POPPED INTO MY MIND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND I JUST COULDN'T GET IT OUT OF MY MIND UNTIL I GOT IT DOWN ON THE SCREEN. I THINK IT MIGHT BE MORE THAN A ONE-SHOT. IT MAY OR MAY NOT. I DUNNO. WE'LL SEE.

How She Feels

A Kingdom Hearts Story

Chapter 1:

When You Brought Me Here

Amaterasu was up on top of the Alter of Naught waiting for four member of the Organization that she had called up there. She was severely nervous. She had been in The Castle That Never Was for about a year now and she was having a hard time being there. Even though she had feelings, the men around her did not, and according to them they would never have them. She was so torn between what she felt though.

Each of the four Organization members that she had called up here had saved her ass at least once on the missions they had went on and she had become attached to them quite a bit. The attachment had grown into something more as time had passed and Amaterasu wasn't sure what to do except tell them. But she had no idea how they would act. She didn't even know if they would understand what she was talking about. As she waited for those four Organization members to join her, Amaterasu walked to the edge of the alter.

Looking over the edge of it, she watched all of the lights twinkling below her.

'Goddess what am I going to do...' she thought to herself, 'I don't even know if they will understand what I am telling them. And if they do understand, will they even be able to return what I want to give.'

Just as Amaterasu turned around, Xemnas was seen coming up the last few steps of the alter.

"You wanted to see me, Amaterasu?" he asked, tilting his head in a way that made Amaterasu's heart clench.

His hair glinted in the Kingdom Hearts moonlight, perfect and radiant as molten silver. His sun-set orange eyes glowed like hot coals and sent shivers down her back. His caramel skin looked dark and rich and she wanted to run her hands along it, but she resisted. And his deep voice echoed around them. Amaterasu nodded and smiled.

"Yeah, though there are a couple others that I wanted to talk to as well. So just give it a few more minutes, k?" she smiled.

Turning back around she hoped that he didn't see the light blush that tinged her cheeks. If he did she might be in trouble. A Dark Corridor opened and Saix stepped through. He noticed Xemnas and nodded his head at him.

"Amaterasu, you wished to see me?" he intoned, his voice seemingly unperturbed that he was asked up to the Alter.

"Yes, there are a couple others that I am wanting to talk to and I need them here to do so, so we need to wait." she said without turning around.

She was afraid to turn around. If they saw the look that was on her face right now they would become concerned and she would never be able to get out what she wanted to say. A few seconds later, another Dark Corridor opened and Zexion walked out and at the same time Marluxia was seen walking up the last few steps of the Alter. At the sounds of their boots Amaterasu looked over her shoulder and saw that all four of the men that she wanted to talk to were finally present.

'Okay, you can do this girl, just come out and say what you want to. If they don't know what you are talking about, so what. At least you actually said something, you were able to get your ass up and confess. Unlike your brother, who couldn't confess to the one he loved. You've got this.

They're up here, now just turn around and say it.' Amaterasu coached herself in her head.

Turning around, Amaterasu looked at the four Organization members that she had gathered on The Alter of Naught. Xemnas was standing off to the side, closer to one side of the stairs than anything. Saix was on the other side of the stairs. Zexion had drifted to the middle of the Alter, and Marluxia had started to make his way closer to Amaterasu.

"What seems to be troubling you so much that you have asked all of us up here Ami?" Marluxia asked her, bringing an arm around her shoulders.

A light blush pulled itself up onto her cheeks and she pulled away from Marluxia. Shaking her head, she backed away from him.

"What I wanted to say was...Well actually I. Damn it." she muttered.

"Amaterasu, whatever it is you can tell us. We won't be angry with you. Or has someone hurt you? If someone has hurt you, you need to tell us. We'll make sure they are properly taken care of." Saix said gently, looking up at her with yellow eyes that gleamed with interest.

"No, no one has hurt me. It has to do with you guys. It's...it's just you guys...Ugh, how do I say this..." Amaterasu sighed.

Xemnas stood from where he was sitting and walked over to her. Sliding a finger under her chin, he lifted her face so that she was looking him in the eyes.

"There is nothing you have to worry about. Whatever you have to say, you can say it. No matter what it is nothing will change." he whispered to her.

Amaterasu pulled away from him.

"That's the problem. What I say will change what happens between all of us. Especially between two of us if that someone decides to accept it." she replied shaking her head.

"What do you mean?" asked Zexion.

"You all are very dear to me, and I care about all of you very deeply. All of the Organization, I care about you. But the four of you I care about you the most. But I have recently come to realize, that it's more than friendship that I feel for the four of you. I don't know if you will understand.

Over time I've come to find that I like you as more than friends. When I see each of you all day by day, I find that my heart flutters each time I see you. I can't concentrate when I'm on my missions with you. That's why you've had to save me. I'm distracted by you.

What I'm trying to say is that I feel love for each of you. But I can't decide which one of you that I want to be with. Which is why I'm giving you guys the choice of whether or not you would want to share my heart with me. I'm sorry I sound so stupid I know. But I just had to say something instead of staying quiet.

It was just killing me. If you don't want to do anything about this, we can forget it. But at least tell me that you hear what I'm saying." she said very fast.

Zexion nodded his head and walked over to her. Putting his hand on her shoulder, he gave an imitation of a smile.

"It's nice that you care about me, Amaterasu. But I'm not really sure that you and I could work out. With your emotions, and me not having any...I believe I would end up hurting you without realizing it, and I don't want that. If we could remain friends, that would be best for us I believe. Okay?" he asked her.

Amaterasu nodded her head with a genuine smile on her face.

"Thanks Zexion, thank you for being honest with me. And sure we can be friends, nothing would thrill me more." she said, giving him a hug.

Though the hug was awkward, Zexion returned it. With a small wave over his shoulder, Zexion disappeared into a Dark Corridor. With a sigh, Amaterasu turned around to look at the others who remained. Saix walked up to her next. Putting his hand on her shoulder he looked down at her with golden eyes.

"I will say the same as Zexion did. It is nice that you care about me. However I believe I care more about you. With my abilities, there is the possibility that I would enter into my Berserker state and not realize it's you and end up attacking you by accident. I don't want that.

I want you to be safe. If anything, I want you to be happy as well, and I don't think you would be happy with me. Everyone around me says that I am far too cold and callous to others and I don't want to be that way to you. I'm sorry Amaterasu. As Zexion said, we can be friends if you wish.

I would say that would be best even."Saix whispered, laying a hand on her head.

A soft smile made it's way onto her face and she took his hand in her's.

"Thanks Saix. I understand. I've seen you fight, and that Berserker side is a bit scarey." she yanked him close for a short hug as she said these words.

Once in her arms, Saix went stiff, having not expected the hug. But once her arms were fully around him, he relaxed and put his arms around her as well. Pulling away from Amaterasu, Saix opened a Dark Corridor and walked through it and it closed behind him. Clearing his throat behind her, Xemnas stood up from his perch on the side of the stairs and walked over to Amaterasu. Looking down into her azure blue eyes, he watched the hopefulness that resided there.

He understood what she wanted. Leaning down to her level, he slid a hand onto her cheek.

"Amaterasu, I cannot give you what you seek. You know I have no heart with which to return what you wish to give to me. I cannot pretend to have a heart to return what you wish to give to me. I understand what you wish to give, I understand love. But I cannot return it.

You should know that none of us can. So I don't know why you are asking any of us to try. Me least of all. I am master of all things that are empty and void. I will not ask for forgiveness, nor will I ask to be your friend.

You are merely a pawn in the path we take. That is all you are, nothing more, nothing less. And even if I did have a heart to give, I would not give it to you." he said, pulling away and turning his back to her.

Opening a Dark Corridor he walked through it without looking back. Amaterasu took a step back and a small sob issued it self from her mouth. Why did he have to do that. He didn't have to be cruel like that. He could have just said that he didn't want to be in a relationship and then leave it at that.

Tears started to well up in her eyes and she looked at the ground. Now she wasn't sure she could try to give her heart. Marluxia heard the sob escape her lips and something inside of him tightened. He quickly walked up behind her and put his arms around her.

"Don't listen to him." he whispered to her, turning her around and pulling her against his chest, "We may not have hearts, but we still remember what it is like to feel. We remember what it was like. They may not want to be with you, but they are insane. They have to be. Who wouldn't want to be with an amazing woman like you.

They have no idea what they are turning down."

Marluxia pulled Amaterasu away from his chest so he could lift her face enough to look into her eyes.

"If they won't take you as their own, I will. You will be mine, and mine alone. Does that suit you?" he asked her.

A watery smile broke on her face as she had been crying as she nodded her head.

"Thank you, I don't know why Xemnas had to be like that...but...Goddess." she threw her arms around him and clung to him desperately.

She had hoped at least one of them would accept her and one of them had. Thank Goddess for that. Marluxia slipped a finger under her chin and slowly lifted her face. Sliding his hand to her cheek, he leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers. Amaterasu gasped against his lips, then closed her eyes and melted into the kiss.

She hadn't expected him to dive into the relationship so quickly, but no way was she going to object. She angled her head so their lips fit together more seamlessly and Marluxia's other hand slid into her black hair. They both pulled back slightly for a small breath of air but immediately pressed their lips together again. A soft moan slipped from Amaterasu's throat when she felt Marluxia's tongue lick her bottom lip and she hesitantly parted her lips to allow him entrance and he didn't hesitate to do so. Marluxia's tongue gently slipped around the confines of Amaterasu's mouth and probed at hers trying to tease it into following his.

Shyly, Amaterasu's tongue rose up to duel his and the kiss became intense for the both of them. When the need for air became too great for the both of them, they both drew back and rested their foreheads together. A heavy blush dusted both of their cheeks and though Marluxia had no "heart" to speak of, his "physical" heart was beating madly in his chest. Amaterasu's heart was beating madly too. She hadn't expected any of them to accept her love, but one of them had, and she was past elated.

'Thank the Goddess...at least one of them has accepted me...' she thought to herself.

'I didn't think that she would ever say something. But I have found her attractive since the day that I saw Ami. I'm so glad that she has said something, so I didn't have to try and find a way to say something. But now that she is mine, I will protect her, nothing will harm her. Nothing will touch her.

Nothing will ever hurt her again. I swear it in the name of Kingdom Hearts, she will be happy and nothing will touch her.' he thought to himself

Pulling back, Marluxia opened a Dark Corridor and offered to allow her to walk in front of him. Amaterasu shook her head.

"Marly, you know I can't walk through a Dark Corridor. I'm not part of the Darkness." she said softly.

Marluxia shook his head and took off his coat and put it around her shoulders.

"You'll be safe in this." he said with a smile.

"But what about you?" Amaterasu asked, turning to face him and started to take the coat off.

Marluxia stopped her.

"You need it more than me. I, on the other hand, can defend myself from any of the Heartless that decide to attack in the Corridor. You know that as well as I do. And I know you don't want to walk all the way through the Castle just to get to my room do you?" he asked her.

Amaterasu nodded and turned back to the Corridor. Taking a few steps inside she waited for Marluxia to continue with her and he led her the rest of the way through and into his room. As they stepped into Marluxia's room the Corridor disappeared with a swirl of darkness, and Amaterasu looked around. She had never been in Marluxia's room and now she knew why the man was so exotic. Vines covered the walls of the room and colorful flowers bloomed in places on the vines in all different exotic colors.

It didn't seem like he had an actual bed, more like a huge mattress built into the floor, covered with a red silk fitted sheet, and pink and emerald silk pillows scattered all over it. Bunched up in the corner of the mattress was a large, thin silk emerald flat sheet. It was in the middle of the room and everything seemed to be built around it. Amaterasu wandered into the room and around the perimeter of it admiring the flowers that she found. Marluxia watched her walk while standing at the door to his room.

As she finished walking, Amaterasu walked to the bed in the middle of the room.

"So this is what your room looks like?" she asked.

"Yeah, why?" he answered.

"My room is just plain drab white. No color at all, nothing like this at all. I hate my room. Now this...I love." she said, kneeling down and removing her shoes before crawling onto the bed.

As she laid back on the bed itself, not even bothering with the pillows, she let out a huge sigh. The bed felt like heaven. It was so soft, it was like laying on a cloud. Turning over on her back, her hair fanned out under her in a large halo and she star-fished her body. Sighing again, she smiled.

Marluxia watched her as she laid on his bed.

'Kingdom Hearts, she is beautiful. Her hair is like a midnight storm, that will never see the light of day again. Her eyes remind me of Atlantica's waters in the morning, clear and calm, but dangerous when a storm comes in. Her skin is the sun-kissed sand on the beach that has been near the water for years. Her voice is light and airy as a bell in the wind.

She's so beautiful. I don't think I'll ever get tired of looking at her like this...' he thought to himself.

"Well that was how my room was when I first got here myself. But then I took it upon myself to change that. I made my room more to my liking. However if you would like, you don't have to call that room yours any more. You can call my room yours.

If you want to that is." he said, walking over to the bed as well and kicking his boots off.

Lowering himself down onto the bed, he pulled a few pillows down next to him, and slid a couple under Amaterasu and then moved a few down for himself. He made himself comfortable then looked down at her.

"I mean what I said, this can be your room if you want it to be." he whispered.

Amaterasu looked up at him with innocent eyes and blinked. She would love to stay here with him. And she knew now that he wouldn't mind her staying now. She nodded her head.

"If you don't mind, then yes I will stay" she whispered up to him.

Amaterasu pulled the Organization coat from underneath her and laid it next to the bed. Turning on her side, she pulled herself up onto her elbow.

"Marly, I'm kinda tired. Can I...can I sleep here?" she asked timidly.

Marluxia smiled a soft smile.

"Of course, I told you you this could be your room if you wanted it to be." he replied as he pulled more pillows down for them to lay on.

Spreading the pillows out more around the two of them, Marluxia also pulled the flat sheet up and around the two of them. Amaterasu scooted herself up against Marluxia and laid herself against him as Marluxia made himself comfortable against the pillows.

"Marluxia..." Amaterasu whispered softly.

"Hm?" he replied.

"Thank you...for everything..."