Chapter 21

Augustus Waters.

Hazel Grace died 8 days later in the ICU, after the cancer finally stopped her heart.

And by some miracle I stayed in the 85% that didn't die from my cancer.

Hazel Grace's death was, in a way, unexpected and expected, her lung filled with water, and this time, the doctors couldn't do anything. The miracle called Phalanxifor stopped working, and then, 6 days later, she was dead.

She was unconscious for her last 8 hours living on this god damned earth, before slipping away, quietly.

I looked at myself in the mirror, I was wearing a suit.

It wasn't anything special, it was just a suit.

Today was Hazel's Funeral. I hadn't wanted to go, I was only going because she wanted me, Isaac and Kaitlin to write her a eulogy each. I would have preferred to say goodbye to her, quietly, jus me and her.

Funeral's are for the living; as a way of coping. They weren't for the dead.

At exactly 3.30, my car pulled up outside the support group church, for once I wasn't driving, though I insisted we used my car.

At exactly 4, I took my place in front of everyone, to say my eulogy.

I doubt it was anything special to everyone else, but it was for me and her.

I talked about her hands, and how it didn't matter that she was cleverer than you, and that you didn't get to choose who you hurt, but you do have some say in who hurts you, and that I like my choice, and how much I hoped she liked hers.

Isaac talked about how they used to communicate using sighs during support group, and how they became closer when they were both round my house. But he didn't give her pity, she wouldn't want that.

Kaitlin talked about when they were younger, and when they were growing up, how she was the only friend who stayed with her. How much she misses her.

How much we all do.

After the hour and a half service, we stood around a hole, as they lowered her coffin, which held her sleeping form, into the ground.

Then everyone took turns shovelling the dirt on top of the coffin, then it was Isaac's go, then Kaitlins, then mine.

I only managed to do it once before I had to stop, because the tears and the pain from losing her became too much.

I went home after that, Mr&Mrs. Lancaster said they understood.

When we got home, I told my parents I was going for a walk.

I walked, not knowing where I was going, but I walked and imagined she was with me.

I stopped after I found myself outside her house. No one was home so I stood outside and reached into my coat.

I took the cigarette out of my pocket, and reached further back, and pulled out the thing that had been sitting there since I brought my first cigarette. I brought it up to the cigarette and thumbed switch, I stared into the sky as I lit the cigarette.

I visited her Grave seven days later.

I talked to her, I told her all the pain I was feeling.

But how I wished it would never go away, because it was ours. The pain I was feeling belonged to us.

I told her, who her name still brought tears, and a undying love that would never leave.

I wiped my eyes, as the tears fell, and stood up to leave.

"Okay, Hazel Grace." I whispered.

As the wind went past the old Oak tree by her Grave, it almost seemed like her voice, saying Okay back.

Almost.