A/N: I heard Kelly Clarkson's Dark Side on the radio the other day and it resulted in this little drabble. If you can, listen to it or look up the lyrics! Enjoy!
Olivia glanced at her cell phone once more as she sat at her desk. Alex still hadn't called and the case had ended hours ago. She had heard from Casey that it was a resounding failure, ending with their perp walking free, again. She desperately wanted to comfort her girlfriend, but Alex hadn't picked up when she rang earlier. Nor had she answered the time after that or the time after that. If anyone could take a hint, it was she.
Glancing around, she decided head home early, as there were no cases or outstanding stacks of paperwork to be worked on. In fact, the bullpen seemed to be in a lull, with detectives mulling around aimlessly. It had been quiet all day, and it didn't seem like that would be changing any time soon.
Bidding a quick farewell to her coworkers, Olivia packed up and headed for home. Though they both considered Alex's apartment as their main base, Olivia always shot a text to Alex when she was coming, generally receiving a message denoting excitement or even just contentment. Never before had she received on of rejection.
"Please don't come over tonight."
Staring at her phone, Olivia waited for some further explanation or reasoning. Upon receiving none, she tried calling her lover. It rang a few times before going to voicemail. Frowning, she called again only to have it go straight to voicemail.
Sighing, she weighed her options. She could either respect her lover's cryptic request, returning to her own apartment, or she could go over anyway and get some answers. Predictably, she chose the latter. Hailing a cab, she made her way to Alex's apartment.
Alex had thrown her phone at the wall when Olivia called for fear she might change her mind and beg the other to come over. She was torn between wanting Olivia to respect her request and stay away or completely disregard it and come over anyway.
Leaning her head back against the wall, she surveyed her living room once more. After losing a high profile human trafficking case, she had lost it. She had barely made it home before her anger, frustration and disappointment coursed through her. It had been so long since she had been so far aging, even longer since she started dating Olivia, but it had happened, and her apartment proved it.
Alex had tried to employ the techniques her therapist had taught her, but her anger broke through. She saw his smug face as the jury saw him not guilty on the charge of human trafficking and saw red.
She had overturned much of her furniture, broke the glass door to her balcony, punched a hole clean through her living room wall, and broken three lamps.
And now her phone, lay shattered on the floor across from where she was sitting as well, proving that she couldn't let Olivia come and comfort her. She was prone to fits of reckless violence. She had kept this side of herself away from Olivia for the last few years and had no intentions of exposing her lover to her dark side.
By the time Olivia came around tomorrow, Alex would have called a cleaning service and would be able to continue on as if it had never happened, as always. She never wanted Olivia to find out about this part of her and, with a little luck, she never would.
Of course, luck was never on her side.
Olivia's heart raced as she saw the hole in the wall next to Alex's door. She had seen the shattered glass from the balcony from the street below, running up the six flights of stairs. Not even bothering to use her key, she kicked the door open, her service weapon drawn.
"This is NYPD! Put you hands in your head," she shouted, her eyes darting around the scene of destruction. Finally her gaze fell on Alex, who was sitting in the rubble of her living room, looking completely unperturbed.
Holstering her weapon, she rushed to Alex's side, only to be forcefully shoved back.
"I told you not to come!" Alex yelled, shooting up and pacing in front of Olivia, her anger flaring once more, her previous calm gone.
Olivia just lay on the floor, staring up at Alex, stunned. She had never seen the ADA so angry and was honestly a little scared of the woman before her. This woman bore no semblance of the woman she loved and cherished.
"A-Alex?"
"No, don't even speak!" Alex shouted, kicking a broken lamp near her foot and causing Olivia to flinch. "I expressly told you not to come! Why would you do this to me?" Alex was pulling at her hair, tears welling in her eyes, "You weren't supposed to see me like this! You weren't supposed to know! Why couldn't you just listen?!" Tears were rolling down her cheeks by the end of her rant. The look of fear on Olivia's face had snapped her out of her rage, warping it into an anguish Olivia had never witnessed before.
Alex fell to her knees, her hair hanging over her face as the gravity of her actions settled over her. Olivia would leave her, just like everyone else. They could love her, but not this side of her. This rash, unbalanced side of her that she couldn't control was something no one could love about her. Olivia would run just like all of the rest.
Olivia was still partially in shock. She had never witnessed Alex in such a state, so wild and in controlled, something so uncharacteristic for a woman who was always so put together. Seeing her literally fall to her knees after her confession of shame had been to much to Olivia, a woman who knew plenty about the dark sides of even the best of people, killed her inside.
Reaching out, she had barely brushed Alex's shoulder web the woman flinched violently, her shoulders shaking and head hanging.
"Please, just leave," Alex whispered brokenly, though she desperately just wanted to be held and told that she was loved, even with her flaws. "Olivia, please, I didn't want you to know."
Olivia, however, had no intentions of leaving. Her heart broke at the thought of how damaged Alex really was, how little faith in people she had. Grabbing a hold of her shoulder, she pulled the woman to her, refusing to let go, despite Alex's halfhearted struggle.
"I won't. I won't leave, Alex. I love you. All of you, and I won't leave. It would kill me. I love you, Alex."
Alex broke inside as she finally relaxed into her loves embrace. Olivia hadn't left, and it seemed like she had no intentions of leaving. Ever.
Her sobs picked up as the realization hit her. She didn't have to be picture perfect, not with Olivia. The woman truly loved her, dark side and all.
There's a place that i know
it's not pretty there and few have ever gone
if i show it to you now
will it make you run away
A/N: I hope you liked it! Review if you have a moment :)