Pirates in the park
The Black Pearls crew are on a mission to rob a rich lords house. The lord in question lives in Port Royal. But some things easily distract 'slightly' drunk pirates...
-This is my first ever fan fic and attempt at humor/parody. Please Review! (By the way:there's a slight bit 'o Sparrabeth fluff near the end)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this stuff:I'm just having a laugh.
Now on with the story:
It was early afternoon when the Black Pearl arrived in Port Royal and floated just offshore whilst her Captain and his crew discussed their plan of action.
Captain Jack Sparrow, Hector Barbossa, Elizabeth Swann, William Turner, Mr. Gibbs and Masters Pintel and Ragetti all stood around the wheel.
Captain Jack and Barbossa were having a fierce argument over which rich (Oh a rhyme!) lord or governor to rob.
"As per my reckoning, we had all agreed to relieve that fine gentleman there of some of his riches, as he hardly needs the lot of 'em" said Barbossa, waving his hand in the direction of a large blue manor.
"And as per MY reckoning, we had all agreed to steal from THAT fine gentleman over THERE" said Jack, waving his hand (and the bottle of rum in it) at a large white manor on the hill.
"Jack!" cried Elizabeth. "That's my fathers house!"
"Eh? Oh rite you are, sorry luv" he said offering Elizabeth the rum as an apology. She shook her head,rolling her eyes at him.
"Shaddup, and give me that bottle" snapped Barbossa.
"NOOOOOOOO" whined Jack now clutching the rum as if it were a lifeline.
Barbossa shrugged and snatched a bottle off Pintel who was staring at Jack with raised eyebrows.
"I don't know why we always have to steal anyway" said Will quietly.
"PIRATES!" everyone else said, including Elizabeth. Will wasn't surprised, she fitted in with this lifestyle much more better than he did.
"Young William tell me something" said Jack, turning towards Will,bottle of rum swinging dangerously in his hand."Are you quiet happy here? B'cus if yer not we can see to it that this here vessel sails away from here minus one crew member, savvy?"
"No I'm fine, forget I said anything" said Will quickly. In fact Will would have much rater have been left at Port Royal, but he wanted to stay with Elizabeth, and she wasn't going anywhere in a hurry. Yes, he still wanted to stay with her even though he knew she had a bit of a thing for Jack (Who doesn't? XD)
Will didn't like thinking about that anyway so he pushed it from his mind.
Whilst Will had been doing all of this thinking the others had concluded their plan: they were going with Barbossa's idea, strangely enough.
Without further ado Mr. Gibbs spun the wheel around and headed closer to he shoreline. They got into a longboat to get to the beach, leaving Cotton in charge of the ship.
None of the group seemed particularly bothered about getting caught or recognised as pirates (except Will of course) and with the air of being very comfortable with their surroundings they made their way through the narrow streets-heading for the blue manor the whole time-until they arrived at a wider trail with trees either side.
Elizabeth recognised the place;
"We're in the park!" she exclaimed in delight for it had been many a year since she had been to the place.
"Arrrr, that be true" said Barbossa.
Jack stumbled a bit on the uneven ground and shouted "Aye! And it looks as though lord whatshisface is home!" waving his bottle of rum with great enthusiasm as he spoke-narrowly missing Mr. Gibbs' head.
"Shaddup" growled Barbossa.
(Jack was obviously a bit drunk)
"We're early" said Pintel.
"He won't leave for the ball for another hour at least I figure it" said Ragetti.
Barbossa groaned, "Well we'll jus' have to wait then won't we?" he said.
"Ere, poppet, wat says you we do (What a fabulous rhyme!) to pass the time eh?"
"I don't know..." Elizabeth thought "Lets go sit over there" she said pointing at a large log beside the children's playground.
She grabbed Jack by the elbow and dragged him over to the log as he was still a bit out of it.
"Anna-maria!" he exclaimed. Pulling away from Elizabeth he began a brave attempt to chat up the nearest tree.
Elizabeth stifled a giggle.
The sat and waited-Pintel and Ragetti sipping at a bottle of rum in a bored sort of way- for some time until Elizabeth realized that Jack was missing.
"Wheres Jack?" she asked.
Gibbs jumped up and looked around. "Ah bless, there he is" he said pointing.
Every head in the group swiveled in curious interest to find Jack on a children's play frame designed to look like a ship. He was shouting a mixture of orders and gibberish at the children as he looked out across the playground. The children obviously didn't understand a word he was saying (orders or otherwise) but were seemingly quite happy to join in the 'game' anyway.
Barbossa rolled his eyes and picked up Jacks half full discarded bottle of rum and took a long sip. He then went over to the swing and sat down, looking tired.
Meanwhile Pintel and Ragetti had drank around half of their bottle, Pintel passed the bottle to Will (who doesn't drink) who in turn passed it to Mr. Gibbs. Gibbs then went to sit on the railing bordering the playground and watched Jack with a look of mild interest on his face.
What happened next occurred so fast that Elizabeth barely had time to realize what was going on:
It was pandemonium in the playground; Jack was still on the boat shouting orders at no-one in particular, Barbossa was swinging on the swing cackling madly. Pintel and Ragetti were on the roundabout sinning "Yo ho, yo ho a pirates life for me" at the top of their voices, Mr. Gibbs was teaching a bunch of children about the finer points of life as a pirate and poo Will had got lost in the maze.
Elizabeth stood in numb disbelief, battling with the urge to laugh as she surveyed the scene before her: Amidst the screaming children, six fully grown men(4 drunk) were seen having the time of their lives. (Not Will so much!) She closed her eyes for a brief moment and listened to the chaotic, and admittedly quite funny scene.
"Bwhahahahaha" "Trim that sail" "you see the code is more what you'd call guidelines" "We're devils were black sheep" "Wheeeeeeee" "Help I'm stuck in the maze!" "Drink up me hearties Yo Ho!" "Lower the anchor" "Bah!" "Help I'm stuck in the maze!" "Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
Elizabeth giggles and looked down the path. Two Port Royal officers were slowly making their way towards her and the playground.
'Oh God' she thought, she did not want to imagine what would happen if the officers spotter five wanted men and a whelp (That looked a bit like a girl) causing havoc in a children's playground.
How could she get them out of this?
"Now when it comes to drinking rum..." THATS IT!
Picking up Jack and Barbossa's discarded rum bottle she walked over to Mr. Gibbs.
"Mr. Gibbs?"
"Aye?"
"We seem to find ourselves in a rather sticky situation" said Elizabeth nodding at the approaching officers.
"Christ alive!" said Gibbs jumping as though he had been electrocuted. "Wadda we do?"
"Rum" said Elizabeth.
"Aye rum" said Gibbs catching on.
Armed with about half a bottle of rum each, they set about distracting the pirates with the rum.
'This won't be hard' thought Elizabeth.
She went to Barbossa first as Gibbs went to Pintel and Ragetti.
Barbossa was still cackling away, swinging higher and higher. Elizabeth stood beside the swing and waved the rum about. Barbossa stopped cackling when he spotted the bottle, now swinging at a near 90 degrees to the frame he shirked "DYIN IS THE DAY WORTH LIVIN FOR!" and launched himself from the swing. He soared through the air "Arr har har har har" he cried before landing in a heap on the floor.
For a moment all Elizabeth could do was stare. Then she composed herself as Barbossa hopped up and started following her and the rum.
She led him over to a tree where Pintel and Ragetti were signing a rather sad version of their previous song. Barbossa lay down on the grass and fell asleep, he was still laughing softly.
Gibbs was trying to get Will out f the 1 foot high hedge maze, Will was refusing and claiming he didn't know Gibbs. 'Is Will drunk?' thought Elizabeth 'Ah well I'll have to think about that later' she had a more important and rather grim task to complete first; she had to get a rather happy, drunk, Captain Sparrow off his 'ship'.
"Jack" she called, gazing up at him.
"Eh?" he said gazing around but not down.
"Down here!"
"Ah!" he exclaimed and was mimicked all around by his waist high crew. "Look alive maities this be a mermaid!"
"Jack, I've brought you something"
"Eh? And what be that me bueatie?"
Smiling Elizabeth raised the bottle of rum.
Jack gasped, grinned, and then did the most spectacular leap from his 4 foot high vessel. He landed face first in a large pile of leaves.
"Bother" Elizabeth mutters. She wafted the fumes of the rum under his nose. Still Smiling daftly he rose and followed the now overpowering smell of rum.
Once they had all been assembled in a somewhat orderly fashion (MR. Gibbs had manages to convince Will that he was going to let him be a real pirate if the followed) they watched holding their breath as the two officers passed by,almost immediately followed by a large group of guards.
"Best get out of here" said Gibbs.
"Yes lets" panted Elizabeth (For she had just stubbed her toe)
They assembles their group behind a large oak tree. A large group of guards passed by.
"OK go" said Gibbs.
Jogging ahead of the group with one of the bottles of rum (Mr. Gibbs was absently sipping away at the other at the rear of the group) she coaxed the swaying(but mercifully silent) pirates across the path, around the outskirts of the town and back to the pearl.
Once safely aboard the Pearl, Mr. Gibbs did a quick head count to make sure everyone was present.
"Aye everyone be here" he said, satisfied.
"Thank God" sighed Elizabeth, Glancing at Will, who like Barbossa, Pineal and Ragetti, Was sleeping soundly on the cold deck. "was Will drunk?"
"Aye..."
"He doesn't drink"
"Well... he took 'bout half a mouthful 'fore handin it 't me. So..."
"Half a mouthful?"
"Aye that be it"
"Well" said Elizabeth surveying the sleeping pirates (and Jack, who was propped up against the mast, staring straight ahead with wide eyes,drooling slightly)"What'll we do with them?"
"Best jus' get 'em off deck I suppose" said Gibbs, Picking Barbossa up by his underarms ("Mary mother of god, someone needs to lay off them apples") and dragging him off.
Elizabeth stooped and looked into Jacks face, he gazed glassy eyed back and she found herself getting lost in his deep brown eyes...
She shook herself out of it and got Gibbs to help her lift him into his bed in the Captains cabin (Jack was now grinning like a loon)
They set him down on the bed, he was still grinning and staring straight ahead although he was now muttering something about the disadvantages of umbrellas or something like that.
Elizabeth sat down on the bed beside him. He giggled suddenly shocking her. He snuggles into her hugging her around the waist.
"Content as a cucumber" he giggled, resting his head on her shoulder he fell into a deep sleep.
Even though she rolled her eyes at him, It wasn't long before Elizabeth drifted off to sleep with Jack in her arms.
(And they never did get round to robbing lord whatshisface!)
AN:
Well, how was that? Remember this is my first fan fic. So please review (constructive criticism only please!) Virtual rum to reviewers!