Hey guys! This is my FIRST FANFIC!!!!!!!!!!!! McTully finally forced me—I mean LET me get a profile!

Speaking of McTully, you should all go to P. McTully's profile, as she is possibly the best writer in the history of forever---

MCTULLY THIS IS MY FANFIC! I GET THE MOST DIALOUGE!

NOT IF I'M TYPING YOU DON'T!!!!!!!

Curse my slow typing skills and your fast typing skills!!!!!!!!!!

Anyways, welcome to FULLMETAL REALITY!!!!!!!!

Do you really need to type in all caps?

Oh, you naïve little fool. I'm much more of a veteran than you are at this. Do not question my caps lock.

Okaaaay. Anyways, today's segment is…FMA CAST IN FEAR FACTOR! (Tor, tor, tor!)

In 3-D!

Actually, since I'm new to this and all, my budget's kinda low. Unlike yours, McTully-sensei, which is a multi-million dollar enterprise.

So…no 3-D then? WAIT A MINUTE YOU CALLED ME SENSEI!

Yeah…you're kinda the inspiration, life coach, cliché crap…thing.

…WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE CALLED ME SENSEI!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay…now can we start the story?

Just one second. SENSEI! SENSEI! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! Okay I'm done.

\( )/ \( )/

0

"Welcome to Fear Factor! We supply everything you need and you pay us back with blood, sweat, and tears. But mostly blood. It just makes for good TV!" called Mary, Red Haired Lad's little sister."How was that, Big Brother????" she yelled off-screen.

"STICK TO THE SCRIPT!" Red Haired Lad yelled. "You're on live TV!!!"

"OKAY!"

"Now get back to work!"

"Alright, Big Brother, I love you!!!!!!!!!!!"

"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!"

(Awwwww. YOU SHUT UP TOO. Can I adopt your sister? FOREVER? You think I'd trust my sister with you? IS THAT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SENSEI!??? I'm sorry Sensei! NO PLEASE NOT THE PIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

"While Big Brother's getting thrown into a Pit of Doom, let's get back to the show! Today we have the cast of Fullmetal Alchemist, competing for FABULOUS PRIZES!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" the auidience cheered.

"Here's the first event!!!!!!!!!" A quick look at the script—"Climbing through a pit of live fish!"

Somewhere in a galaxy far, far away, McTully screamed and had a heart attack. But in this fanfic, she is immortal and therefore cannot die!!!!!!!!!! But Red Haired Lad CAN! Huzzah-I mean NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! He was so young! I mean…something might happen!

"GET TO THE FRIGGING FANFIC ALREADY!"

"Geez, sorry! I'm new at this! And McTully's bullying me! I'll call the cops!"

McTully rolled her eyes. "Please. I OWN the cops."

"Really?"

"No. But I do own the Mafia, which owns the cops. I win!!!!!!!!"

"DARGH!"

Envy scoffed at the fish pit. "I'm like, soooo not going in there, cause like, I'll, like, break, like, a nail, and like…ya."

"YOU LOSE!" Mary screamed, thinking, 'I love having power', and pushed a button which opened a crevice under Envy.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Envy's screamed grew less and less loud. I mean softer. Sure. Stupid grammar.

"Hey, he's screaming for a pretty long time. How deep is that pit?" Ed asked.

"Really deep! I work hard!" Mary chirped.

"…kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk…"

"THE ABOMINATION IS DEAD!" Everyone screamed.

"And now that we have rid ourselves of the root of all evil, on to the first event."

"Are you sure I have to do this?" Ed asked.

"Do you want a trip in the pit?" Mary threatened.

"N-no, I'll play."

"Good."

And Ed proceeded to climb, shriek, and bribe his way through the pit. (Fish can be bribed? They can in my fanfic!!!) Now that Ed completed the trial… On to the judging!

"THERE'S NO JUDGING ON FEAR FACTOR!!!" Ed yelled.

"Oh Ed," Red Haired Lad said, "you naïve little fool, don't you realize, in this fanfic… I OWN YOU!!!"

"O-okay, I'll get judged."

"Good boy, have a cookie." And while Ed enjoyed his cookie, the judges proceeded to judge.

"Well," guest judge Simon said, "since I never want anybody do well… you get a one."

"WHAT!??" Ed yelled, "WHY????"

"Because you have a cookie… 'nuf said."

"I give you a ten!!!!!!!!!!!" McTully-sensei shouted- (wait a minute, McTully!? You're a judge!? I am now. Okay… um… why? Because… is that a problem? N-no no, no problem at all. Good.) Since Red Haired Lad's budget was so small, these were the only judges he could afford.

"And now," Mary said, "The best choice, WINRY!!!!!" (No comment)

And thus, Winry proceeded to fight her way through the pit with her trusty, rusty wrench Kevin (Yes, it has a name).

"Well, that was pretty good," Simon said, "but-"

"PRETTY GOOD!? THAT WAS FREAKING AMAZING," McTully screamed, "YOU WIN!!!!!!!!!" (But sensei, we haven't even done half the cast yet, how can we choose a winner? Because Winry was freaking amazing… wait, are you questioning me? N-no, not at all. ahem I hereby proclaim Winry the winner of FMA Fear Factor!!!!!!!

"And I think we can all agree that that is an excellent choice," Winry said smugly.

TUNE IN NEXT WEEK FOR ANOTHER EXCITING EDITION OF FULLMETAL REALITY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you thought of my first fanfic. I will try to update… well, I'll just try to update. THANK YOU!!!

PEACE AND LOVE YO!