Title: Sex, Lies, and Videotapes
Author: jellybeanfactory
Fandom: Yoroiden Samurai Troopers
Characters/Pairings: Shin, Touma/Seiji
Rating: R (I guess, to be safe)
Summary: Touma has no idea which way he swings and seeks help figuring it out.
Disclaimer: Yoroiden Samurai Troopers belongs to Hajime Yatate and Sunrise. I make no profit from this fanfic.
Warnings: language, sexual themes
Notes: Silly little fic, written and finished for morphaileffect's birthday (Happy Birthday!), beta'd by the wonderful Sei, all remaining mistakes are completely my fault. Title shamelessly borrowed from that 1989 film you were probably thinking about.
"Shin?"
"Hmm?" Shin paused from carefully rolling sushi long enough to glance at Touma. His friend had plopped himself unceremoniously on a stool at the kitchen counter, expression forlorn and listless. Well, Shin would be too if he were wearing that shirt. Honestly, whoever invented green collars needed to be hung by his feet and dangled above a pit of poisonous snakes.
"How'd you know you were gay?" Touma asked, and Shin nearly cut his own finger with his sushi knife. "'Cause I dunno if I am. Or not. I mean."
Shin dropped what he was doing and stared at Touma.
Touma stared back.
Well. "Getting a stiffy while looking at naked men is usually a good indicator."
"I don't, though. Or at naked women, either," Touma said, and my, wasn't that too much information for one lazy afternoon. "I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me."
The 250 IQ wasn't enough of a clue? Shin thought, then berated himself. Touma looked genuinely upset. "Touma, maybe you're just a late bloomer. Some people are."
"I'm hitting my growth spurt. And I'm pretty sure my balls dropped like...two years ago."
He had a point. Shin remembered first meeting Touma and being jostled by the deep voice coming out of someone who was only supposed to be on the cusp of puberty.
"I'm not really an expert on this," he said, uncomfortable. "Nasuti will probably be able to help you more."
Touma glared at him from above his arms, which were now crossed over the counter. "She's a girl."
Shin's eyebrows rose. "So?"
"This is a guy problem. Or a 'best buds' problem. I don't even know what this is."
Neither do I, Shin thought. He looked helplessly at his friend.
There was a moment of blessed silence before Touma spoke again. He buried his face in the nest of his arms, and his voice took on a very distinct whine. "Shin, for the love of God, don't make me go to Nasuti for my stiffy problems..."
"It was just a suggestion." Shin idly wiped his hands on his apron while he thought. Touma remained in his slumped position, face hidden in his arms, one leg dangling listlessly off the stool.
Shin untied his apron and carefully placed it on the counter. "Come with me, I want to try something."
"Wow. These girls look...really nice."
That was an understatement if Shin ever heard one. He was gay, and even he thought those women were good enough to eat. A triumphant smile began to bloom on his lips as he watched Touma hungrily take in page after page of luxurious hair and flawless skin.
"Oh. But this guy looks really nice, too. All those shiny muscles."
The smile steadily reverted to a frustrated frown as Touma hungrily took in page after page of muscled men posing in their underwear.
"Maybe you're bisexual," Shin volunteered.
"Dunno. Maybe." Touma scratched his head. "They look nice, but...they're not really doing anything for me, you know?"
No, Shin didn't know. He personally thought that particular redhead on page 34 in boxer shorts waving a spatula in the air was a delicious hunk of beddable meat, but Touma just skimmed right through him.
Shin bit the inside of his cheek and considered. If this wasn't doing it for Touma, maybe something a bit more explicit would? He didn't really have any pornography in his room, and Shu's bikini specials hardly counted, really. He supposed he could go out and buy some (or, preferably, dupe Shu into buying them for him), but the very thought of searching the less reputable areas of Kanagawa frightened him a little.
Add to that the fact that storing pornography in the Yagyu Mansion was just not done, regardless of Shu's opinion on the matter.
"Let's try something else, then," Shin said aloud, drawing Touma's attention away from the magazine. "Meet me at my apartment this Saturday afternoon. You don't have to bring anything."
Great. His scallops burned. And Touma was late. Touma was late, and the VHS tapes on the desk weren't even the right sort of porn.
"Couldn't you have found something more tasteful?"
"What? This is good stuff! Look at that babe! All trussed up and--"
"It's a bit too intense for a first-timer, Shu. Didn't I say softcore? And...this? Seriously?"
"'Bareback in Nagoya' sounded like a nice title? I don't know homo shit, dude, I wasn't gonna loiter there to find the Mad Max of gay porn. Just buy it yourself next time, sheesh."
Shin yanked the hot pan of burned scallops off the stove and dumped it in the sink. He was contemplating phoning for pizza when the buzzer went off.
"Just a second," Shin called out.
The buzzer rang five consecutive times in rapid succession before sustaining that irritating tone for six seconds.
Shin felt a headache building. That was Touma at his most hyper, which meant he'd probably had a large dose of sugar earlier that day. He crumpled up his apron and threw it in a corner somewhere and stalked to the entrance.
Touma looked like he was just about to ring the buzzer again when the door was yanked open. Shin made a mental note to change the buzzer sound to something that irritated him less and annoyed Touma more. The other boy had mentioned a fondness for the sound due to its similarity to the ring of his alarm clock that he never really woke up to.
Touma took one look at his expression and retracted his buzzer-happy finger. "...Should I come back later?"
Shin looked at his appropriately contrite face and slowly let out a calming breath. "No, come in. Sorry. This day hasn't been the best so far."
"I don't really know what you have planned," Touma said as he entered. Shin waved him over to the couch in front of the television.
He busied himself with turning the television on and setting it to VHS mode. Behind him, he heard someone choke, splutter, and maybe even gag a little. "We're watching porn?" came the strangled exclamation.
Leaving the tapes out in the open probably wasn't the best approach, Shin thought in hindsight. But they might as well rip that band-aid right off. "Yes," he calmly said. He turned the VHS player on and turned to face a furiously blushing Touma.
From Touma's expression, it was clear he thought Shin had gone insane. "Together?"
Shin gave a light shrug. "It's my apartment."
Touma continued to gape at him.
"Would you really rather watch this at Nasuti's?"
"No!"
"Okay," Shin said with finality. He tossed the remotes over to the other boy, who completely failed to catch them and 'oomph'ed a little when they landed on his abdomen. "Now sit down and budge up. I'm getting the popcorn."
Touma had his arms crossed tightly over his chest and was sitting as far away from Shin as the couch would allow. Silence reigned between them while the introductory preview clips played. Twenty seconds into the film, Touma gave his last-ditch whine: "This is awkward."
Shin sighed. The smell of his burned scallops still drifted from the kitchen, the tapes had cost quite a bit, he was going to be really late for his cousin's celebration party because of this, and he was pretty sure Shu was still kind of miffed at him. "Just shut up and watch."
"That...looks really uncomfortable."
"A lot of people find this enjoyable."
"He's--he's--what's he doing?"
"It's called breathplay."
"Really? 'Cause in some countries, I think that's called 'strangulation.'"
"It's a kink, Touma. Just concentrate on that other couple--"
"Holy mother of --!"
"Um. Okay. Don't look."
"What the hell, Shin? Did he just-- her--"
"I told you not to look."
"I can still hear them!"
"Actually, let's just assume you're never getting into heavy bondage and play the other tape."
"So," Touma said, after the last of the extra clips finished playing. He wasn't sure if his voice sounded even -- he still felt like he'd just been forced to recite the entire Table of Elements while naked and holding a sign that said "Please aim for the head. Not that one." "I think I might be gay..."
Shin looked tired and very hopeful. "That last movie did it for you?" he asked curiously. It almost made Touma feel guilty for approaching him with his problem in the first place. Almost. The whole being-forced-to-watch-porn-with-your-best-friend thing kind of still topped everything else on his "never to be forgiven" list.
"No," Touma said. "Not really."
He watched Shin's face fall. "Then how did you come to that conclusion?"
"There was something in the previews at the end, the, uh..."
"Which one?" Shin grabbed the remote and began to rewind the tape up to the beginning of the extra clips.
"Actually, I'd really rather not--"
"This?"
That was the on-a-copy-machine-with-the-boss-watching one. "No."
"This?"
That was the slightly bestial one. "No."
"This?"
"Uh...yeah. No." That had been the clip, but looking at it more closely, the guy was sporting a yellow-orange mohawk and the other one just had this streak of blue across his hair. Touma released a frustrated sigh. "There. Now, see? It's gone. I dunno again anymore."
Shin stopped the tape with his remote and approached the VHS player to eject it. "You never did in the first place."
"You know," Touma said, while glaring at Shin's back, "for someone I just watched porn with, you're being very bitchy."
"Sorry. It's just..." Shin turned around, tape held in one hand. He ran his free hand across his hair. "I don't know what to do with you now."
"Now you're just doing a mean impression of my mother."
"Touma."
"Sorry. Joke." Touma leaned back on the couch and exhaled. "Maybe I'm just asexual."
"Sea cucumbers are asexual," Shin retorted. He shared Touma's sigh and returned to his seat on the couch. "I think you're just being difficult."
Touma snorted. "Yeah. 'Cause nothing turns me on more than making your life a living hell."
"No, that's Shu." Touma snickered. He looked over at Shin and was a little relieved to find him smiling as well.
"All right," Shin said, with renewed vigor. "Last attempt -- there's a free drinks and open house special at Kimberly's this Wednesday. Let's get you a change of clothes tomorrow and hit the floor, see if it does anything."
Touma blinked lazily at him. Sometimes, he wondered if Shin operated on a wavelength closer to dolphins than actual human beings. "You're taking me clubbing?"
"You never really got to see the straight movie flick," Shin insisted. "Maybe some close encounters with the opposite gender will solve your troubles."
The problem with living under one roof was that secrets had a way of not existing after a few days (weeks, if Shin was lucky). While Touma was out visiting a classmate, Shu had discovered the shopping bill for Touma's new clothes -- paid for with Shin's credit card, and he started running around the house with it and making all sorts of crazy assumptions. By the time Shin found out, Ryo was fairly convinced that Touma was destitute, Seiji was under the impression that Touma was moving out, Nasuti thought it was Touma's birthday, and Shu, the little bastard, was sure he and Touma were involved.
There was little choice but to tell the truth, as another lie would have just made everything more convoluted -- especially if he got caught in it, which tended to happen when you're roommates with Shu. He gave the guys a watered down version of Touma's issue ("He's...curious. About more mature matters."), and his shot-gun solution ("So I thought I'd take him clubbing with me this Wednesday, see how it goes."). Nasuti greatly approved of this show of support, Shu got enthusiastic at the mention of Kimberly's, and it was revealed that neither Ryo nor Seiji had ever been to a raunchy nightclub before. Before Shin knew it, the club appointment on Wednesday had turned into a highly-anticipated group activity.
Touma arrived later that day to find a couple of very hyped up young men, though the cause of said excitement was thankfully kept from him all the way 'til Wednesday night. Shin wasn't sure if he could handle an exploding Touma on top of everything else.
Touma had a feeling something was up. He should learn to trust his instincts more, and vowed to do just that. As it was, he had chalked it up to general paranoia and ignored the odd energy around the mansion for the first half of the week.
He was a little nervous about Wednesday. The outfit Shin had picked for him was tight, which he was used to, but also kind of glittery and revealing, which he wasn't used to. It wasn't scandalous, at least -- at the mention of "clubbing," he was instantly assaulted with images of thongs and leather bondage gear. Shin was happy enough to teach him otherwise.
Wednesday arrived. He went back to the mansion at night to find three other young men, freshly showered and casually dressed, all up and waiting for him.
"So!" Shu asked, a wide grin splitting his face. "You excited?"
Touma gave them all a long, frightened look. "Shin!"
"I don't know how many times you want me to apologize."
Touma grit his teeth and shot his friend a glare over his shoulder.
"Shu found the shopping bill, and he was telling the others we were together," Shin explained, his voice exasperated. "What did you want me to do?"
Lie, Touma thought, maybe a little unkindly. He wasn't sure if he'd mind it if that rumor got spread, anyway, but he chose not to analyze that thought too closely.
He leaned forward against the railings, thankful that the club had a balcony for those that preferred to rest a moment away from the noise and the dancing. The view it afforded him of the club was extensive -- he could spot Ryo's black hair from where he stood. The poor boy was being teased by a couple of scantily-clad female strippers.
"I'm not really that angry, Shin," Touma said, hoping his voice conveyed enough of his own frustration. "It's just--I don't know." He exhaled. "I don't think I wanted the guys here."
"I'm sorry. Really." Touma heard Shin shift restlessly beside him. "I'll get you a drink. I promise to make it up to you later this week."
Shin had left before he could tell him not to bother with the drink. He sighed and rubbed his palms across his face. He wasn't really expecting the night to go well in the first place -- he and social events simply did not mix. But private was private, and he didn't want someone in particular to be present while he tried to sort himself out. He let his eyes search around the bar area for that familiar shade of gold and saw Seiji getting harassed by Shu into slipping a couple of bills into the nearest dancer's g-string.
"Touma," he heard Shin call from behind him. He turned and found his very gay-and-secure-with-that-knowledge friend looking at him with an odd smile on his lips, his hand offering him some iced soda.
Touma warily took the glass. "Thanks," he muttered, and took a few sips.
"You know," Shin began as he joined him at the railing, "some people, you can't really classify them into any one sexual preference."
Touma frowned at him. "...You mean like 'new-halves'...?"
"Haha. No." Shin smiled wryly at him before he continued. "I mean, some people, they just fall in love with the person. And whether or not that person happens to be male or female isn't really important to them."
Touma considered this. "Yeah," he said at length, shifting uneasily on his feet. The throb of the loud bass set his nerves on edge. "Yeah, I think that could be me."
He wondered where this sudden bout of clarity from his friend came from, though--
Oh. Shin must have caught him staring.
Well, he refused to feel guilty over being caught. What was another embarrassment to top a night full of them? "So," he slowly said, letting his eyes wander back to the uncomfortable blond being assaulted by boobs and laughed at by Shu, "how do you know whether or not to tell them you like them?"
From the corner of his eye, he could tell Shin was following his line of sight. A short chuckle came from his friend as somehow Ryo got roped into the impromptu lapdance. "You don't."
Hmph. "That's really good advice Shin, gee."
"I told you, I'm not an authority on this." Shin took a long sip from his own drink. "But in the end, you have to judge which is less painful -- not telling them, or risking losing them."
Less painful.
Touma thought back to when Seiji was tossing and turning in his sleep, sweat-drenched and agonized, and thought that made a whole lot of fucking sense.
Touma kept his mouth shut. He wasn't normally very good at it, but regarding this, he could manage. He knew Shin was disappointed with his choice -- the boy was a hopeless romantic, and he had probably already been imagining his and Seiji's 50th anniversary party when he'd caught Touma staring. But Touma wasn't doing this to please him.
Besides, he thought as he looked up at Seiji, who was now a little annoyed and threatening to feed all of Touma's underwear to Byakuen if he didn't tell him where he'd hidden his shinai, this wasn't so bad.
Fin.