Blood pounding, rushing through my veins, through his ears. Breath, coming out in gasps, in pants, catching in his throat. He can feel the fear, the panic, build, slowly, ever so slowly, threatening to burst. Make him break.
Of course...no one would ever be able to tell how close to the edge he really was. How close he was to breaking, and shattering to a million pieces. No..no one would-could- see through Uchiha Sasuke...see or know the cause to his downword spiral...
Except for him...
Late night/ early morning
Sasuke sat up in his bed with a start. His raven blue-black hair hung and stuck to his face and neck in sweaty strands. He took in large gulps of air as he looked around, struggling to take in his surroundings. He calmed slightly-just slightly- when he saw he was in his room. The same room he's lived in for the past 15 years.
Sasuke groaned, and pulled his legs up to his chest and dug the heels of his hands in his eyes roughly, before pushing the covers off and swinging his legs off the bed. He stood up, stretching briefly before walking in a trance-like state into the bathroom down the hall. He switched the light on and winced at the sharp glare of the light, then stared tiredly at himself in the mirror.
He had that dream again...no...not a dream...nightmare was the word. He dreamt that it was that night...the night everything went wrong..the night that left him an orphan...the last Uchiha alive in Konoha village...
The night that haunted him years later...slowly driving him to insanity.
Sasuke closed his eyes tightly and clentched his fists tightly looking down. He felt like he was still there...seeing the blood...the lifeless eyes stairing at him...haunting him.
His black eyes burt open, and he gasped, breathing quickly. He looked in the mirror again, and saw the panic and fear on his face. His breaths coming in fast, barely filling his lungs with air that he needed as he started to hypervenalate.
'Damnit Sasuke! Dont think about it!' He mentally screamed at himself, then stumbled to grab something from a shelf next to the mirror.
The object caught the light of the bathroom, throwing light off its metallic surface. The youngest Uchiha cradled the object in the palm of his hand delicatly for a minute, the weight feeling heavy when in reality it weighted no more than coin. His breathing calmed considerably as he looked down at the object, before pushing his sleeve up his arm slightly, then holding the object up to the light by his forefinger and thumb. The dull silver of the razor held the teens full attention, and he took in the sharp edges, crusted in red-dried-brown blood-his blood.
He swallowed in slight anticipation before slowly lowering the blade to the inside of his left wrist, pressing the cool steel into his skin, before slowly applying pressure and drawing it across the pale white skin. Instantly, a thin line of red bubbled to the surface, before quickly spreading and expanding. The scarlet moved slowly, spreading outwards, covering scars of differing colors as they slowly healed, coating scabs and other recent wounds in the warm liquid.
Sasuke watched the cut bubble and spread while a slow calmness settled over his body. His heartbeat slowly back down to a steady rhythm and his breathing calmed. The tension in his shoulders and back relaxed, and he leaned back against the wall heavily, still staring at him arm.
'I need to stop...'He thought then sighed, bringing the blade back to his arm and repeated the process twice more. 'This is the last time..' He told himself quietly, though knew it was a lie. He would do this again...next time he had that dream.
For now, Sasuke set the blade up on the shelf again, and held a towel to his wrist while he started the shower. He got in, standing under the hot spray of water. He winced for only a minute when the water his his open cuts, but then sighed, enjoying the slight sting it brought. He quickly washed up, then got out.
He changed, then got a bandage out and wrapped his arm expertly. He grabbed his arm bands and put them on, covering his scarred arms.
When he left the bathroom, the sun was just beginning its rise into the sky, and sent a soft, warm pinkish-orange glow into the empty Uchiha compound. He stopped to look out at the sky with a quiet look. How many sunrises had he seen the last few years? He lost count after the first year. 'Every single one' a nagging voice in his mind told him, which him promptly ignored. He turned his back to the window and went back into his room to get his kunai pouch and leg holster [A/N: i totally forgot what their called...so just deal with this for now:] ]
Once he had them on, he walked out of the house, then the compound with a perfectly composed posture, hiding his previous moment of weakness. He headed off in the sunrise to the training grounds to wait for his team and get a little practicing time in before any one showed.
In the end, Sasuke managed to get an hour of training in by himself, and still have a half hour before Sakura and a yawning Naruto showed up.
Sakura gave Sasuke a bright beaming smile and a happy "Goodmorning Sasuke-kun!" He gave her a slight nodd in responce, hinting annoyance. 'Stupid Sakura...doesnt have a worry in the world...only a stupid childs crush on me' He thought then looked at his other teammate.
Said teammate yawned and rubbed his eyes tiredly before settling his bright blue eyes on dark black ones.
"Sasuke-teme" Uzumake Naruto said, narrowing his eyes slightly as he greated his rival/friend/teammate.
"Dobe" Sasuke returned, then leaned back against a tree, closing his eyes. His arm was throbbing a little and he had a feeling that the bandage he put on earlier that morning was soaked through with his blood. He fought back a yawn as the three team mates waited for their team leader. For some sinking reason Sasuke knew he was going to regret the hour of training he did alone, and not going to sleep after waking from the nightmare.
He sighed quietly outloud and shook his head. 'Its all to get stronger...and to keep going' He thought, not noticing the weird look Naruto gave him, and the curiously concerned emerald eyes of Sakura.
"Ne- Sasuke-bastard?" Naruto asked after a painful elbow to the side given to him by Sakura and the nod she gave him towards Sasuke.
"What is it Naruto?" Sasuke asked dully, turning to glance at the blonde.
"You okay? You look tired"He asked slowly, watching Sasuke closely for a second. He watched the dark haired teen give a shrug.
Naruto blinked a little and turned to look at Sakura with a slight confused look. Sakura just shook her head. Both turned to watch the Uchiha quietly. They knew something was bothering him lately, but they couldnt figure it out.
Sasuka sighed in irritation when they felt the two sets of eyes stare at him. He turned about to reply stopped when their team leader showed up.
"Yo"He greeted with a crinkle eye smile and a tilt of his head. "Sorry im late...i got lost after returning a lost kitten to its mother"
"Kakashi-sensei! Your two hours late!" Sakura yelled in irritation. Naruto agreed with Sakura with a nod of his head.
"Why dont you just admit that your a lazy bastard?" Naruto asked loudly, crossing his arms.
Kakashi continued to give the two a eye-crinkle smile, then opened his eye when he didnt hear Sasuke's normal scoff of irritation at the two's repeated questions or his excuse. "Sasuke?" He called quietly, watching the boy turned his head slightly in his direction.
He took in several things at one. The dark circles under the boys eyes, the posture he held was bent over, his spiked hair held a slight droop, his eyes were dull, clothes wrinkled. He looked thinner under his normal attire, and the most important was how he cradled his left arm to his side, favoring it. 'curious...'he thought slowly, a slight frown on his face.
"Ne?"Sasuke grunted, looking at his sensei with dull eyes and a bored expression. Truthfully however, he was freaking out. He saw the way Kakashi's eye looked over his form, and the way his eye narrowed a fraction ever few moments when he noticed something different about him. 'oh god...dont ask questions..just let me be' he begged silently, though his face and body language didnt show or give anything away.
"You look...tired. did you get enough sleep? Eat breakfast?" Kakashi asked, keeping eye contact with the Uchiha.
Sasuke let out a mental sigh of relief. He rolled his eyes and replied "Slept enough. Not hungry" He shrugged a little and pushed away from the tree. "Are we going to sit here all day or do something?" He asked, looking at the three with a bored look and an eyebrow raised.
Kakashi relaxed slightly when he heard a normal responce from the teen. "We are...Naruto and Sasuke team up, Sakura, me and you are partners" He said, stepping back and motioned for Sakura to follow him to another area of the training grounds.
Naruto grinned and said pumping his fists in the air, "Alright! Lets get going!" He raced towards the opposite end of the feild with a burst of energy.
"Why rush baka? In a rush to get your ass kicked?" Sasuke called smirking and turning to face the blonde who was scowling at Sasuke now.
"Yeah right bastard! im gunna kick your ass!" He growled, creating three shadow clones.
Sasuke just chuckled quietly, as his eyes turned red as he activited his sharingan.
Kakashi watched the two from the opposite feild, dodging Sakura's attacks easily. 'Somethings deffinatly wrong with him...'he thought as he watched how Sasuke attacked. He didnt use his left arm, the one he was favoring. He stopped paying attention however, when Sakura's kunai skimmed passed his head, cutting a few strands of his gravity-defying silver hair. 'I'll figure it out later...'he thought before throwing himself into the fight and going to throw his own kunai back at the pink haired girl, who dodged if effortlessly.