Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, or 'My Immortal' by Evanescence.
My Immortal
He sat next to her grave. It was cool, the wind cut through his clothing to his skin, but he refused to leave. He still felt her presence in his life. Little things would remind him of her. He would catch a whiff of her perfume; see someone with the same color hair. He'd even seen someone with a similar face. It had been so hard to stay away that day.
She'd left wounds on his heart, ones that refused to heal. It seemed like he was in constant pain. He couldn't forget her, couldn't move past her. He didn't want to erase her completely. He still needed her in some small way, to remind him that he was still alive.
She was always so captivating. She resonated with light and life. But in her death, he was bound to the life she'd left behind. Without her there was nothing else.
He slept less these days. Her face haunted his dreams. He saw her death over and over again. It played like a broken movie reel in his mind, that day, that rooftop, that moment. He'd never had pleasant dreams, not until she'd walked into his life, but they vanished with her.
He could still hear her voice in his mind, her soft laugh caressing his ears, like she was standing right next to him. He had to catch himself sometimes, to keep from turning to look for her, expecting to find her at the desk Ziva occupied. Twice in the last week, he'd gone to get coffee and come back with one for her, just like he used to. When she was alive. The words hurt. They stabbed like shards of broken glass into his heart.
He knows that she's gone, and he's tired of having to sit at her grave and mourn her passing. It makes him angry sometimes, when he sits there, to be close to her, how helpless he feels without her, how much he depended on her without noticing. He gets angry that she left him behind in a cruel world without her. Then he gets angry with himself for being angry with her. It's an endless cycle.
He can't move forward. Her absence is like an anchor. It feels like she's there, and that she's holding all of him back, or maybe he's holding himself back because he doesn't want to let her go. It doesn't matter anymore really.
Raindrops hit the top of his head, and begin to roll down his face. He hadn't noticed the grey clouds rolling in or the drop in temperature. He can't remember how long he's been sitting there, but he's past caring. The rain is icy and he knows he should get up and get in his car and drive home, but he's not ready to leave her just yet. The sprinkling drops turn into a downpour and for a minute he imagines that the rain is her tears, crying for him from heaven, because he cant seem to cry them himself.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds wont seem to heal
The pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream Id fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me
You used to captivate me by your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice chased away all the sanity in me
These wounds wont seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
You still have all of me
I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
You still have all of me