fandom: Final Fantasy IV
title:
Voices.
pairing: Cecil + Rosa
rating: g
description – In
the middle of the night, Cecil talks with Rosa about a mission his
mind tells him to complete and his soul says will leave him
incomplete.
Description – In the middle of the night, Cecil talks with Rosa about a mission his mind tells him to complete and his soul says will leave him incomplete.
Disclaimer – Final Fantasy IV belongs to Square-Enix. I am just an obsessed fan since FFI (when I was 9). The poem in the beginning is mine.
No matter where you are,
I will not leave you.
Even if you turn me away,
Even if you shout hurtful things,
I will always
Be inside of you.
Love is just a trinket.
The soul is just a set of standards.
Feelings are not to be trusted.
So where do I turn?
Just look at yourself
And you will see,
Happiness
Is in generosity,
Not in taking.
That to get the most out of everything
Means to hurt yourself
And hidden inside
Each cut
Is something beautiful.
Unthought of. Unbelievable.
And this is the true beginning
Of love,
The damnation of your soul,
Forgiven.
And your mind
will finally
Be at peace.
And in the end,
You will go all around the world
To find you are
looking for me
Everywhere.
In Everything.
Voices.
By miyamoto yui
In Baron castle, I have lived in one of its towers for such a long time. On the right side of this castle, I have watched many things:
Dreams and fighting.
Peace within the chaos.
Entropy within the tranquility.
When you are told by the one you trust the most to carry out a mission, is it not only right to fulfill this duty with the same respect and love as any other command given? For, in following someone and giving them your full allegiance, you give your life away. You will give everything to fulfill what must be done because of that bond.
But the one thing I discovered was not doubt in myself.
It was that I could not lie to my soul.
In the sea of uniforms and green roads within blue waterways, I could push through. I could always work as I pleased, to the fullest of my human extent.
But when I took off my cold, blue armor, at night, I was only a person looking down on the world. Yet, I was not, in any way, a god. That would be too much power for one human to bear.
The responsibility behind that power is something not everyone really thinks of. The glory always comes with a heavy price.
It was then I knew the armor I wore became darker and darker the more I looked at it.
Tonight, as I was trying to get to talk to the King, for I'd been one of his closest men, something had been cut away. I knew something was wrong. That string that connected us was somewhat altered.
People could tell things by instinct. It is a separate language many have forgotten how to speak.
And, allthemore, to listen to.
It was like when Kain played a trick on me on our made-up airship when we were little. I could see he was lying. He was that crystal clear to me.
After all, he is my best friend.
I walk downstairs and outside of the castle to go into the village to walk. Going off too far would meet with foolish encounters. There were monsters everywhere.
Still the worst ones were not the ones we thought they were…
In layman's clothing, I shed my armor and became a normal man. Who would have thought clothing would mark such a status? That is just the way of the world. I have a feeling that is how it is anywhere, no matter the time or place.
I walk down the stairs and I go out of the castle to walk into the village. So that I would not disturb anyone, I just sit by the river.
It's been a long time since I've done that. I am no longer used to just sitting down in one place. It seems like I am wasting my time.
Maybe I have forgotten how it is to relax.
I watch the slow river go by and wish that time could be still for a few minutes. In the silence, I look at myself with my beige shirt and my unruly hair touching my shoulders, wanting to touch the water.
Is this what I really look like?
Is this what I am? Is this what I wanted to be?
I-
"Cecil." A calm wind blows along the soft voice that calls from behind me. But the familiar voice of reason begins to giggle slightly.
"What are you laughing about?" I sit back up and look up to the stars blinking high in the sky. They tempt you to wish on them but you don't know exactly how far they are.
She sits next to me and holds her knees with one arm and covers her mouth with her right hand. "Mmmphmmphff…"
Even in this darkness, the stars can't match the glittering of her eyes.
"You always look so stiff in your suit but there you are, the captain of the soldiers, holding onto the river bank and leaning down your face against its water like a child!" She begins to laugh quietly all over again.
Her laughter sounds like bells.
Embarrassed, I look down at my slightly muddy palms and pout. I can't look her in the eye though her eyes always seem to be watching my face. At least with her, I do not have to pretend I know everything.
It is comforting and scary at the same time.
"You should be sleeping if you have to deliver that package," she scolds me though her tone betrays her smiling face.
My lips move down on their own. I feel my face grow heavy. "I don't want to do it. There is something that tells me I shouldn't."
"Why?" she asks me.
Yes, why exactly?
The questions I always hate to ask directly are the ones she won't ever let me get by. That is why the whispers of my conscience are not within myself. They were not ever within me.
They were always within her.
"A voice talked to me before I woke up today. I couldn't understand what it was saying because it was a completely different language. But somehow, I fell asleep again before the dawn came and in this dream I was a child. I touched my heart. It knew how to interpret the message. But as I was watching a block of ice in the mountains, I woke up and never got what it all meant."
"Oh Cecil…" At that moment, she turns her head towards me and leans closer to touch my face with both of her white hands.
She is not in her white cloak, but also in civilian clothing. She is wearing a long cream-colored shirt with a deep brown sash around her waist. "Do not worry about the results of what happens. Just always remember the reason for the choices you made to make that happen. Whether or not they happen the way you want, it is the way it is supposed to be."
"Why do you have such faith in me?" I blink at her. I look down at the blades of grass. "I look like such a confident person, but I always seem to talk to you about everything I see before me."
"My belief in you is not your own confidence. It is the fact that I know you will endure whatever happens. This is the way you are. You don't ever look back, but always move forward." She smiles widely. "I am just blessed to know that you trust me."
I meet her eyes again. "I make you worry so much."
They look straight into my soul. "I worry because you don't know what kind of person you really are. Your men look up to you because you trust people as people, not because of their status. Your superiors give you such high compliments because you don't ever complain even when things are unfair. I admire you because you are so humble that you can't even see the things you accomplish and why people are so attracted to you."
Though there are many things I want to say back, my heart hardens. My breathing feels constricted. The only thing I can tell her is a soft "Thank you".
I cannot say sorry for always troubling you. I cannot kiss or hold you to tell you that I can see myself so clearly because of you.
I will break you if I do. This is what you do to me.
I nod my head and close my eyes to hold both of her hands on my cheeks. Though everything else feels cold within me, my cheeks feel warm again. I open my eyes and she lets go. We both get up and walk towards the castle.
I stop to look back at the entrance of our kingdom. Then I look up to sky with all its silently intense possibilities. I watch her walk ahead of me with her hair down, sweeping along behind her.
"Rosa."
I didn't realize I called her name until she turns around with a surprised expression.
"Yes?"
I walk up next to her and hold her hand tightly while trying to maintain a proper walking pace. In a low voice, I whisper, "Sing to me until the dawn comes."
All that night, on the tower that looks down at only a small part of the world, she sings to me all the prayers I do not know how to say, all the worries I cannot tell anyone, all the love I cannot express my gratitude for.
I watch her as she closes her eyes touches the middle of her chest with her fingers, embarrassed and shy that I am completely focusing on her. Her cheeks turn red and I watch her contentedly.
You look at me very patiently and I hate myself each time
for being unable to say so,
but without a word,
You touch my hand and sing on
about a mermaid who told a fisherman
to lose his soul,
but a soul cannot live without a heart.
And a heart cannot live
without having learned to give love,
but most of all,
how to receive it.
Yes, as I listen to you, I know that this is my world. And even when I pass to the other one with all its anxieties and pain, I can always come back here.
No matter what darkness lies within me,
Even when it feels like my own soul will eat me from within,
I know that there will always be this
Voice.
It is the one that calls me
back into
The Light.
Even if my eyes are cut and I will be made blind,
this is the reason I am able to always find my way home.
I know you are waiting for me.
You know I am coming for you
and you alone.
Owari.
--
Author's note: Cecil was my first bishounen. My first love of all time. And Final Fantasy IV is my favorite game of all time. It is such that whenever I am lost in life, this and Kokoro are the things I turn to in my time of need when I can't talk to people about how I really feel. In a way, I guess I am like Seishirou: Prideful.
This turned out more romantic than I wanted it, but I felt that nice, calm and peaceful should also have its place within my writing. I should learn to write more and more. I wish I was better so I will keep trying.
This is dedicated to my Cloud.
Thank you for reading!
Love from the final fantasy freak,
Yui
10/5/2007 6:44:28 AM – LA
10/5/07 10:44 PM – Tokyo