Disclaimer: HP Universe? Sorry, don't own it. So quit asking me for my autograph! (jk)
Anyway, this is an old thing that I found hidden deeeeep within the recesses of my computer's memory. I thought it was interesting and I think it is now. Unbeta'ed though, so excuse any mistakes.
"I want to experiment on you."
I blinked up at the young woman who'd stormed into my office demanding to speak with me at once, as if I could be doing nothing more important than whatever matters she wanted to talk about. I'd thought she wanted a potion or I to take one of her patrol shift, but her statement wasn't even the last thing I'd expected to hear; I hadn't even expected to hear it at all. I will admit that my mind immediately went to the nether regions, yet I knew that definitely could not be what she meant.
Miss Granger, my student just a few years ago, stood before me now a professor, my colleague. Her hair still had the wild out-of-control way she'd sported in her school days, although it had grown considerably and now touched her waist. There was, naturally, still that thirst for knowledge that caused her to constantly ask questions of everyone, even myself when I would only tell her to leave me alone. She also still insisted on belting out any information that happened to pop into her consciousness whether or not it pertained to the subject at hand.
But gone was the quite girl terrified of angering me lest I take house points or insult her. No, upon her first arrival as a professor of History of Magic, she'd stormed right up to me and told me that if I was going to treat her like one of my students which, she made certain to point out, she no longer was, then I had "another thing coming". I still do not know what this "thing" might be as, up until this Friday's eve, she'd taken to becoming mute around me, responding to anything I said with a very fiery glare.
Now she stood in front of my desk in muggle clothes, arms crossed over her chest like a shield, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other. She looked like a rabbit surrounded by wolves.
"I'm sorry?" I asked, wanting an elaboration.
She did nothing for three heartbeats but then sighed, pulled a chair up to my desk and folded her arms. In a very diplomatic way, she replied, "I have a theory that there is no thing such as love."
What? Now that was the last thing I expected out of her. It sounded like something a spinster would say.
She leaned forward as if about to confide in me her deepest secrets and I followed suit (in leaning forward, not confiding my secrets). In the most diplomatic way possible, as calm as if she were asking me to pass the salt, she asked, "Now, be honest; how good are you in bed, "Professor?"
I leaned back against my chair, her question feeling like a bludger. I couldn't even formulate a reply, I was caught that unawares. Hell, who wouldn't be? I mean, honestly. If you were a mean teacher—yes, I admit I can be quite nasty on my good days, not that I care—and one of your students, well, who used to be, sat down and asked you how well you were at shagging as if it were the most casual inquiry in the world, I would like to see how you'd react. Much in the same matter as I did, I'm certain.
Gawp at her.
And the chit went on as if it were nothing! "You see, I believe that all one needs in a mate or 'true love' is a best friend who is both attractive and a good shag. Now, when I ask blokes how well they are at sex, I usually get a very arrogant response. So, I was wondering if I could have the names and possibly locations of any of your former, or present, partners—are you seeing anyone as of now?"
Thickly, I shook my head. Finally, my voice returned and I managed to croak out, "Why, do you want to shag me?" I expected a no but, then again the way things were going now…
As if finally realizing that she was asking the Greasy Git about his sex life, she flushed deeply and her eyes dropped to my chest. "S-see, my experiment is…well…here's the thing, I plan on having two men on the opposite of the personality spectrum, one of them not being very well in bed get a relationship with women whom I pick out as their perfect mates. Ron is my other bloke and I know for a fact that he isn't very talented in the area of lovemaking."
I remembered how a few years ago he and Miss Granger had been dating.
"And since I don't know personally how good you are at shagging—"
"You want to see for yourself?" As soon as it was out, I wanted to take my question and stuff it back into my groin where it belonged. I honestly don't know what came over me to ask such a query; it's as if my mouth began working on its own volition. Goddamnit, I'm turning into a pervert. Just another thing to add to my vat of Reasons Never to Go Out in Public.
The pigment on her skin deepened even further and she skirted the question by asking one of her own. "So do you want to be a part of my experiment? You'd be perfect as you and Ron are complete opposites. I'll even pay you!"
Hmmm…let's think about this, shall we? For the better of…ok, not society but of one person, I will get to shag someone who is apparently going to be my equal and to top it off, get paid to do so. Not your toughest decision. "I suppose…"
My lewd comment forgotten, she all but reached across the desk to hug me. "Oh, brilliant, Professor. Thank you so much!"
I felt quite literally like a new puppy who just learned a new trick and only replied, "I didn't do it for you." Did I? No, for the shag.
She nodded. "But can I have those names? Its essential that I see how you fair."
Oh, those women were not going to be happy about this.
A/N: if you've made it this far, tell me what you think! By the way, I am uncertain of when I will next be able to update as I have my plate full of other people's stories to edit, along with Calus' sequel, Confessions of an Agony Aunt. I will try soon if enough people review!