WARNING: Death fic

This story's entire focus is on how Barry's friends and family would cope with his death and how each of them would grieve in their own different way.

This is a sad, alternate ending to my cancer story, Crashing. You don't have to have read Crashing in order to read and enjoy this fic. All you have to know is that at this point in the story Barry has been sick battling cancer for quite a while and is ready to finally give up the fight. I highly recommend that you at least read chapter 22 of Crashing (if you don't feel like reading the whole thing), but it isn't necessary in order to understand what's going on.

I backtracked a bit, so the beginning of this chapter is all repeated from Crashing, taken right from the end of chapter 22 (Departed) and picks up partway into chapter 23 (Revived). The rest of it, though, is all new material. I started crying while writing this and I never cry, so just to warn you guys, this is going to be a very heavy and emotional story. I hope you enjoy!

Departed

"They're still looking for a cure, Barry," Joe told him, "There's still hope yet."

Barry just shook his head.

"I can't wait any longer, Joe. I just want this to be over with," he said past his tears, "I just want to know that I have your blessing first."

Joe took Barry's thin hand in his own and gave it a small squeeze.

"Of course, Bar," he choked, "Whatever you need. If you're ready to let go…it's okay. You—"

Joe let out a few sobs before continuing.

"You can let go now, Barry."

"Thank you," Barry cried, his voice filled with gratitude, as if this was the permission he had been waiting for all along, "Thank you, Joe. I love you."

Joe leaned forward and kissed Barry's forehead, sniffling as he tried to swallow back the lump in his throat. When he pulled back again, Barry's eyes were closed, his face tearstained but peaceful.

"I love you too, Barry," he whispered.

A moment later, the monitor beeped loudly, and through his blurry vision, Joe could see the familiar straight line glaring back at him from the screen.

…..

"We can save him, Iris," Henry told her, smiling at her, "We may have just found a cure."

Iris stood there in shock, hardly allowing herself to feel the hope he was giving her. A smile was just starting to form on her lips when they heard the beeping. They all looked at the screen in the cortex to see that Barry's heart was no longer beating.

"No," Iris breathed, looking at the straight line on the computer screen.

She suddenly found herself to be moving, her legs carrying her towards Barry's room as fast as she could. Her mind felt detached, like her body was moving along without her while she tried to catch up. She was the first to reach Barry's room.

Caitlin entered the room just after her to find that Iris was already shouting and fighting with her father.

"Get out of the way, dad!" she yelled.

"Iris, I'm sorry," Joe said, crying uncontrollably.

He stood between her and Barry, stopping her from going to him by holding onto her arms. Iris was struggling to free her wrists from her father's grasp. She had to get to Barry before it was too late.

Caitlin stood there watching the scene in front of her in shock. Henry and Cisco came to stand next to her near the door. All of their eyes looked between the fight between father and daughter and Barry lying in the bed behind them.

"We can still save him!" Iris screamed at her father, "It's not too late! We can save Barry!"

Joe sobbed as he held onto her tightly.

"We can't, Iris. It's not what Barry wants," he cried, "We have to let him go."

"Dad, please!" Iris shouted, now practically hitting him to try to get to Barry.

She could see Barry lying there lifelessly in the bed with his eyes closed. It wasn't too late. If they did CPR now, they could save him. She looked around at the others.

"What's wrong with all of you?!" she yelled at them, "Why are you all just standing there?! Save him!"

They all looked brokenly at her, not moving.

"Iris," Caitlin said gently, "It's not what Barry wants. We told him that we wouldn't interfere if he coded again."

"But we can save him!" she cried, "You found a cure! We can save him!"

Upon hearing this, Joe loosened his hold in shock. It was just enough for Iris to land a sharp elbow to his gut and finally break free from her father's hold. She scrambled over to Barry, placing her hands on the center of his bare chest and pushing down on it with all her might.

Doing the compressions was harder than she thought it would be. She didn't know how Henry had managed to do it for so long last time. It was exhausting. Her adrenaline spurred her though, and she pressed down on Barry's chest with fervor.

"Help me!" she cried to the others, "Please! Help! It's too soon! I'm not ready! I can't lose him! Please!"

She stared at Barry's face in a panic as she pushed against his chest. His face became blurred when her eyes filled up with tears. It was like Barry was fading away from her.

"Why are you all just standing there?!" she cried, "Why aren't you people moving?!"

"Please, Iris," Henry said, "It's time to let go."

"No!" she yelled, "We can cure him now! I'm not giving up on him! Shame on all of you! Shame on you for quitting him!"

Caitlin started to cry, the tears of happiness that she had shed a few minutes ago now turning sour. She didn't know what to do. They had possibly just found a way to treat Barry, but it was too late. He was too weak. To bring him back now, when he was so ready to leave them, it would just be cruel.

But at the same time, what if they could save him…?

Joe didn't move to pull Iris off of Barry. He watched painfully as his daughter tried desperately to save him.

"Iris…" he said, touching her shoulder.

"No, dad! I'm not giving up on him!" she shouted, her breath hitching repeatedly as she did compressions.

They all cried as they watched her futilely try to save Barry. She pressed her mouth to his cold lips and forced air into his lungs.

"Come on, Barry," she cried, pressing down onto his chest again with her tiny hands, "Please. Please don't leave me."

Her father's hand was still resting on her shoulder, but he didn't try to pull her off of Barry.

"Iris, he's gone," Joe said quietly to her.

"No! He's n-not dead!" she yelled, "We c-can save him."

They didn't know how long they stood there, watching Iris try to save Barry. At some point, Caitlin stepped forward and turned off the heart monitor so they wouldn't have to hear it. It seemed to mock them, beeping with each compression Iris did, giving the illusion that Barry's heart was still beating. But it wasn't. Barry was gone.

Iris tried to ignore how cold Barry's skin had become, as if refusing to acknowledge it would somehow make it not true. The muscles in her arms felt like they were tearing apart from the effort of the compressions.

"We can save him. We can save him," she kept muttering under her breath.

"Iris," Joe said, sliding his hand down his daughter's arm to grab her wrist, "It's over. He's gone. You need to stop now."

With a sinking feeling of defeat, Iris finally stopped resisting her father's gentle pull at her wrists. Her hands gradually stopped moving, the compressions becoming halfhearted and weak. She eventually stopped giving compressions entirely, and her hands slowly and shakily pulled away from Barry's chest. She turned towards her father.

"Dad," she cried, burying her face in his shoulder.

Joe placed a hand on the back of her head to soothe her as he looked at Barry. Barry's face was still peaceful, his eyes closed and his lips slightly parted from the rescue breaths Iris had tried to give him. He almost looked as if he could be sleeping. Almost. Joe couldn't stop the tears from flowing freely as he stared at Barry's face. He would never see Barry smile again, never hear his laugh or listen to one of his science rants that Joe didn't understand. Barry would never talk to him again. He would never ask him for advice or joke around with him. He was just gone.

Iris pulled away from her father to look at Barry again, as if she expected to turn around to find that he had somehow woken up, but he was still there, lying completely still, not breathing. Iris placed her hands on both sides of Barry's face, flinching when she felt how icy cold his hollow cheeks were already. The tears that Barry had shed moments ago had now dried on his skin.

"I'm s-so sorry, Barry," she sobbed, her face inches from his. One of her tears landed on his cheek. "I wasn't here. I didn't get here fast enough. I'm so s-sorry."

She lightly caressed his face, gently brushing her thumbs over his eyelids and then his lips. She ran one hand over his bare scalp, wishing she could have run her fingers through his hair one last time. It all didn't feel real. Even with Barry lying dead right there in front of her, Iris still felt like it wasn't really happening. It was just another nightmare, the same one she had been having for weeks. She would wake up from it soon, and Barry would still be alive.

He would still be fighting.

Henry couldn't stand any longer. He had to sit down in a chair on the other side of the room. He wasn't ready to go near his son just yet. He didn't think his heart could bear it. It felt as if his heart had already been torn out of his chest, and the world seemed to be pressing in on him, suffocating him from all sides. He thought back to the day Barry was born, holding him in his arms for the first time. He didn't know something so small could have such a strong, instantaneous effect on him. He didn't know it was possible to love another person so much until the day his baby boy had come into the world. And now his son was dead.

Cisco felt like he was going to be sick. Suddenly the room didn't have enough air, and he felt like he was going to pass out or throw up or both. They had been preparing for this. They had had quite a bit of time to mentally prepare, but Cisco soon found that no amount of time was enough to prepare him for the death of his best friend. Even with all that time, it felt like it was too sudden, like Barry had been ripped away from them way too soon.

"I need some air," he said quietly before stepping out of the room.

Caitlin sniffed and wiped away her tears. She tried to collect her emotions. She was the doctor here. Sure, Henry was also a doctor, but his son had just died. In this scenario, he was a father first. Caitlin knew that post mortem care had to be done for Barry, and it would be her responsibility to do it. She couldn't fall to pieces just yet. She would do that later, when no one could see her.

"Iris," Joe said in a shaky voice, "Iris, come with me."

He tried to gently pull her away from the bed, but Iris wouldn't move. She was still resting a hand on Barry's cheek, the other one holding his cold, stiff hand.

"Iris," Caitlin said, trying to keep her voice steady, "I have to do a few things for him. I'll need you all to leave the room."

"Just…just wait," Iris said, her breath hitching, "G-give me another s-second."

"Iris, that's not Barry anymore," her father said gently, "It's not him."

Iris's face screwed up as she tried to contain the wail of agony threatening to escape her. She started to sob, bending forward to cry into Barry's shoulder. Even in death, she craved his touch, his comfort.

"Come on, Iris," her father said gently.

Iris could barely see past her tears as her father led her from the room.

Henry insisted on staying to help Caitlin provide care for his son. She was grateful for the company. Although she knew there was nothing to fear from a body, she couldn't help but feel the heavy, chilling air of death that seemed to have crept its way into the room.

Together, they removed all of the wires, tubing, and IVs from Barry. They washed him from head to toe and dressed him in fresh clothes. Even though he could no longer feel their touch, they were gentle with him, gentle in all of their movements as if he could still feel everything they were doing. Neither of them cried, both understanding all too well how to put on a calm doctor face in a situation like this.

Inside though, they were both feeling the overwhelming pain of loss. They both were shuddering internally as they felt how cold and stiff Barry was already. The person in the bed was beginning to seem less and less like Barry Allen and more like a body to them. The minute his heart had stopped beating, he had stopped being Barry.

When the others returned into the room, Barry was much more cleaned up and presentable. They had dressed him in a nice, button down shirt and positioned him in a way that made him look like he was simply sleeping, his hands resting on his stomach with the sheets pulled up to his waist.

It was somewhat strange to see him this way, free of all of the wires and tubing that were all normally attached to him. Over the last several weeks, they had grown so accustomed to seeing him with oxygen tubing covering his face and wires snaking from his chest that to see him like this was somewhat comforting to them. This was how Barry should be. No wires. No IVs. Just Barry.

They all sat in the room with him for hours, most of the time not uttering a single word. The only sounds that penetrated the room were the occasional sobs and sniffling sounds of mourning.

"We let this happen," Iris said quietly after some time had passed. She looked up angrily at all of them, "We let him die."

"Iris," Joe said sadly, "Don't…"

"We could have saved him," she cried, "We could have cured him."

"Iris, we don't know that," Henry told her, "We maybe could have saved him and forced him to go through more weeks of treatment, but it could have been for nothing. We didn't know anything for sure. I wasn't about to put Barry through all of that."

"But what if he had lived?" Iris asked tearfully, "What if your treatments had worked?"

"Iris," Joe said, "Barry was ready for this. He told me. He didn't want to keep trying. He didn't want to go through any more treatments. He was ready."

"Well, I wasn't," Iris said bitterly, "I wasn't ready, dad. I wasn't ready to let him go."

"That doesn't change the fact that Barry was ready to leave us," Caitlin said quietly, staring at Barry's face, "At least he's not in pain anymore."

Iris couldn't believe this. She couldn't believe how okay everyone else was with all of this. It wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Barry was supposed to get better. He was supposed to live. Barry had always before found a way to make it through everything okay. He had his close calls before, but he had always pulled through somehow. Why would this time be any different? He wasn't supposed to die. He was supposed to make it through this like he always did.

Barry Allen was supposed to live.