..:.. N o M o r e I c e C r e a m ..:..
I ran up to the two, who were lounging on the beach. When I found myself looking at the faces that glanced up to see who it was, I smiled at the two of them.
" Hey Sora, Riku," I said.
" Hey, Kairi!" Sora replied enthusiastically with a smile. Riku only nodded before he resumed watching the ocean.
" Sora, come with me to get some ice cream! They've got a new flavor out."
" Really, which one?" His face was bright with childish curiosity and happiness.
" I think it's some new chocolate flavor, maybe fruity? I'm not sure. So, care to join me?"
" Sure," he got up, brushed off his thighs and then walked forward.
I didn't like the way he looked behind him, locking eyes briefly with a unreadable Riku. I didn't like the way that I couldn't see the expression on Sora's face as he did so. I didn't like the way he seemed distracted as he ate his ice cream.
o O o
A year later I found myself frozen in my position behind a tree.
For some reason, he had stretched out across the other to reach something. He picked up a seashell and smiled with satisfaction like any child would after finding a treasure. What surprised me even more than the close proximity of the situation was the fact that he didn't move again.
Sora sighed contentedly and sagged where he lay. He mumbled something about being tired, and then said no more.
It was an odd position, to say the least. Part of his torso and head rested on Riku's chest and stomach, while the older boy lay vertically and Sora lay horizontally. I wished it were I there, feeling the weight each time I breathed. I knew it would be just as comfortable as Riku's face told.
The snowy haired boy sighed softly, and closed his eyes. I could only imagine how the sound of Sora's deep, even breathing would be like a lullaby played in tune.
" Sora, Riku?" I approached the two cautiously, and I cursed my voice for being nervous.
Riku opened his eyes slowly to find me peering down at them with a slightly awkward look on my face.
" Hello," he drawled, apparently too sleepy and dazed to say more.
" Wake Sora up for me," I said, something sharp molding my voice as I glanced at the sleeping form laying on Riku.
Riku looked up at me with feigned indifference. " Ah, I'm too lazy. You do it."
" C'mon Riku, all you'd have to do is nudge him! Why do I have to wake him up?" I whined, playfully glaring at him, though I didn't feel like being well-behaved in the least.
" I don't want to move," he said. He had his arms behind his head, and he did look comfortable. I almost scowled. Anyone would be comfortable with Sora laying on them.
" Fine," I heaved a sigh. I walked around and positioned myself in front of Sora's head, about to poke him when he mumbled something that made me freeze.
"...ku."
I looked at the sleeping brunet, terrified for some unknown reason. Had he said what I thought he said? And had he said it with such sincere affection? My brain would not give me any explanation as to why Sora would whisper Riku's name in his sleep – or at least part of it.
As for the latter, he looked surprised too, but glancing at him, I saw his eyes were soft and he looked upon the younger boy fondly.
I shook my head. I was going to wake Sora up, get him off Riku, and drag him off for some ice cream. Riku be damned.
I poked him in the head, and said his name loud enough to wake him up.
He grumbled, and then, loudly this time; so that there was no mistaking it, he groaned sleepily.
" Riku!..." It almost sounded like a wanton pronunciation. But there was some annoyance and possessiveness laced into that one word as well.
I knelt there, at a complete loss. I looked at Riku, and he had closed his eyes again, and I swear I saw a smug smile tugging at his lips. I hardened.
" Sora, wake up right now," I said sternly and loudly, almost hitting him on the head.
He started with a jolt, and clutched the fabric of Riku's shirt where one of his hands had been resting and his other – to my horror– gripped the fabric of Riku's pants on the inner thigh, where his hand had strayed ( I was hoping by accident).
" Wha?" he asked, propelling himself up from his pillow. Riku's eyes were wide, and Sora seemed to slowly absorb the situation.
" Ah!" he let out a cry as he snatched his hands away from Riku's thigh, and sat up rather quickly. " Sorry about that, Riku..." he trailed off, his cheeks stained in embarrassment.
The older boy didn't have time to say anything; I cut in quite rudely. " Sora, glad to see you're awake," I said sweetly. " I was hoping you'd come with me for some ice cream."
I looked up at the brunet, and found that his gaze was directed at Riku. The younger of the two still looked embarrassed, but he wore a timid smile, while Riku returned it warmly. As if never hearing me, Riku spoke to Sora.
" Next time you get tired, bring your own pillow, sleepyhead, " he said calmly, though there was a sparkle of amusement in his eyes.
I didn't know why I was standing there, gaping at the two, when I should really be on my way to the ice cream parlor with Sora.
" Sora!" I said. " C'mon, let's go get some ice cream!" I smiled beseechingly at him.
He looked up at me, as if just realizing I were there. He smiled at me, and then scratched the back of his head. How I loved that smile of his.
He hesitated, but with a playful address to Riku (saying that he would prefer a real pillow to a stinky Riku) he walked away with me to the ice cream parlor.
Once we were sitting on a bench, licking our ice cream, I talked to him and adored his shining face. He answered my questions, and rambled on like only Sora could do, but he hurriedly finished his ice cream and then ran off, saying he had something important to do.
I didn't like the fact that he was heading back to the beach. I didn't like the way his eyes had lit up just as he announced he was leaving.
I didn't like the feeling in the pit of my stomach that refused to be named.
o O o
A year later we all spent a day on the beach. This time the three of us stayed together and laughed and had fun.
We swam, we ran on the beach, we played games in the water; even though we thought ourselves outgrowing such things.
I blushed as Sora almost lost his swimming shorts in a dunking contest between him and Riku. I blushed when I caught my two friends holding each other in a compromising position (caused by the playful battle they were previously in) while staring at one another with wide eyes and flushed faces.
Frozen in mid strike, Sora's arms were pushing against Riku's bare chest, while the older boy held the brunet's shoulders. Their faces were dangerously close, and it was a while before they regained their senses and resumed their fight.
I was released from my own stupor when they were both sent crashing into the water (thankfully, away from each other) by each other's force. I had no idea why my heart had contracted oddly as I watched them, for there was nothing to worry about.
Riku, Sora and I stayed up all night, talking. We discussed the past and the future, Sora happily pointed out the good wishing stars, and we shared a bucket of ice cream.
When Sora told us to make a wish, he glanced at Riku and then back to the stars. His smile was so brilliant, I thought I may melt. He then whispered dreamily, " That star up there, that little one that's barely visible, that lone star granted me my finest wish."
Riku chuckled at this, and called Sora an idiot. I pouted when they refused to let me in on the secret. Sora actually blushed, obviously not meaning to pronounce his thoughts aloud, and Riku chuckled all the more.
I didn't like the insider between the two. I didn't like the constant reminiscing of a childhood between my two friends where I was not yet present. I did not like their tone of voices as they walked fondly down memory lane, when I had not yet joined them on their march.
I didn't like the way I had gnawed on my bottom lip, restraining some unknown emotion.
o O o
A year later I found myself – my body – awakening. I found myself yearning for the touch of another. But not just any other; I wanted Sora. I had always felt a tingling in my soul whenever I thought of dear Sora. I felt a unique love for him that I did not have for Riku. A feeling that extended the boundaries of friendship, and now as I matured into a woman, I felt a desire to be held by the sweet Sora.
My time alone with him, my advances, my hints, my attempts to make him see..they all failed. The innocent boy – man – was oblivious to my silent pleas. He treated me with the same tender friendship he had always treated me with, and he gave no signs that he wanted anything more.
I found myself clinging to any form of contact he gave me. Whether he hugged me in greeting, absent mindedly held my hand, or patted my shoulder, I held on vividly to each memory.
I wanted to be his. I wanted him to hold me. But, I could hardly get him alone anymore. He spent much of his time with Riku. I thought nothing of it, and made a resolve to make him understand my feelings.
Whenever I found him with Riku (as I often did) wearing that expression of pure happiness, I blocked down the bubbling sensation in my heart. I did not heed the jealously I had felt when we were all still so childish. We were not children anymore, and I had no reason to be jealous.
I had no reason to be jealous, but I often told myself that their close friendship was nothing to envy. Reason, whether of the mind or the heart, had no inclination to feel envious. None whatsoever.
It was discouraging though, that my invitations extended towards Sora for ice cream dates were being rejected more and more often because of his supposed busy schedule.
o O o
A year later, I sat with Sora on our beloved bench, enjoying an ice cream as the sun set in the horizon.
I cherished the moment, as it had been awhile since our last meeting alone. So often Riku and Sora were connected at the hip in everything they did. And though I did not mind spending time with my two best friends, I liked having Sora to myself once in a while. Especially since I had not given up on my resolve.
Sora hummed as he licked his ice cream, in the same manner he had when he was younger. It was a comfort that some things never changed.
" Sora?" I asked quietly. I stopped my progress in devouring my ice cream cone.
" Mmm?" He licked his ice cream, deftly making sure none dripped down where it should not.
" You like me, right?"
He replied almost instantly, his words obstructed by his ice cream. " Of course I do Kairi, I love you!"
In a sudden spur of emotion, I leaned forward, ready to capture his lips and finally let him know how I felt. I had never wanted anything more than I wanted then. Within a second I was but a breathe away from his lips, which were stained red from the strawberry ice cream he ate. He looked at me, and I could see the surprise in his eyes as I slowly inched forward.
Suddenly, he stopped my progress. He took my chin in his soft, strong hand, and titled it up. I thought he was going to kiss me. My heart swelled and I closed my eyes, awaiting the long-desired contact. But it never came.
Instead, he whispered. " Kairi," I felt his fingers leaving my chin. " Your ice cream is melting," he told me softly.
Still, I waited for him to kiss me. But when I opened my eyes he was gone.
And indeed, my ice cream was melting.
o O o
A year later, as a sort of coming of age, we all stole some cheap beer and brought it to our beloved beach.
Before long we were all more than a little tipsy. Sora and Riku were singing loudly and out of tune, while I giggled at the display.
I loved this. All my troubles melted away. And then, because I had nothing to worry about, I thought I should redouble my efforts to make Sora mine.
When the brunet danced my way, I wobbly approached him.
" S-Sora!" I called, in what I hoped was a sultry voice. " Come 'ere! I've got a kiss for you!" I cursed my muddled brain for being so uncooperative.
" Kiss?" he stopped dancing and regarded me almost incredulously. His face suddenly closed and he frowned. " But...but...Kairi..."
He kept saying 'but' over and over again. I didn't care. I stepped in front of him and planted my hands firmly on his shoulders. His eyes went wide as I started leaning in, so slowly.
" No! Kairi...but..." he seemed panicked, resembling more of the child he used to be.
Just as I had almost reached my goal, Sora was yanked out of my grasp. I blinked, and then found Riku holding Sora with his arms tightly around his waist. He held the younger boy tightly to his chest and glared at me.
" No...kissing...my...Sora," he slurred in a growl. I'd never seen him looking so ferocious. Hell, I'd never thought I'd hear him say that Sora was his. That was definitely a first.
I took a step forward, and a snarl issued from the snowy haired teen. Riku stumbled back and tripped on some invisible rock. He landed on his bottom, and brought Sora with him. He did not relinquish his grip on the younger.
Sora dissolved into a fit of giggles as he leaned back against Riku.
" Yours?" he asked, laughing all the harder. I noticed with a twinge that his eyes were warm, and I didn't think it was all alcohol induced.
Riku scoffed indignantly, pouting. Yes, pouting. I was shell shocked.
Sora turned around and quickly pressed his lips against Riku's. Before he could pull away though, Riku held him in place and returned the embrace with verve.
My impaired brain could grasp at least one thing: I was jealous that Sora's first kiss was stolen, and by my other best friend no less.
I blinked, and the moment was gone. Both teens had thoughtful looks on their faces, and then they fell backwards in a heap, instantly asleep.
When morning came, they sprang apart from their embrace of tangled limbs in which they had fallen asleep in, complaining and bickering. They cursed each other, and stumbled away, obviously craving the soft bed and silent room for their hangovers.
I myself bid them a short goodbye before I made my way to my own room. I knew, with a wavering certainty, that the horrible things I remembered last night were simply my imagination playing tricks on me. There was no way any of it had happened! I was drunk after all.
And, in the days that followed there was no change in Riku or Sora. At least, I told myself there wasn't.
o O o
A year later I walked the sandy shore while the moon was highest in the sky. The diamond drops decorated the velvet canvas beautifully, and although my mind lingered on troubling matters, the atmosphere calmed me.
I thought of Sora, and how I could never seem to make him understand. It saddened me, but I would simply not give up. He was, after all, an extremely innocent and naive individual.
My thoughts were put on hold as I heard sounds coming from a nearby area. I recognized the sounds to be those that were made in the heat of passion. I smirked. It would be great gossip if I found out now who the two lovers were.
Now it seemed everyone was pairing up, and it was normal to speculate and discuss dating habits, who would be most likely to get married, who should get together, who broke up and new developments in developing or deteriorating relationships. It was more often than not the talk of the town.
I cautiously made a bee line towards the faint sounds. I ducked behind some bushes, and slowly peeked out.
My heart stopped beating. I suddenly thought myself very stupid for wanting to see who the couple was. For there, in front of my eyes, was my innocent Sora passionately kissing Riku. They were both shirtless, their hands were everywhere; in each other's hair, running along each other's body...In the moonlight I could see their torsos were slick with perspiration, their bodies were entwined sensually.
And the sounds...( I wonder why I had not recognized the voices of my friends earlier) the sounds they made! Their moans, groans and heavy breathing were lust filled, pleasure ridden, and intense. They grinded against each other erotically, all the while groping at each other in a frenzied way.
Their kisses were fierce and deep, their tongues most certainly dueling in a passionate dance within their mouths. Heated, breathy whispers of each other's name sometimes escaped their lips when they were not occupied.
And not only were those whispers filled with lust, but also with love.
Just as reality finally sunk back into my blank mind, and just as the two in front of me started to struggle out of their restraining pants, I fled away, back up the beach and through the streets. I reached my house, panting, and continued the mad dash to my room.
I collapsed on my bed, and before I could catch my breathe the harsh sobs tore at my throat. The tears fell endlessly, and I gasped as I had trouble breathing. My voice shook, it was ragged, and the sobs I poured into the silence of my room almost echoed. They were loud and hopeless.
I was right! I was right to feel envious. I had known all along that there was more than just friendship between Sora and Riku! Why did I dismiss it as my own childishness? Why had I not fought harder? Why could I not be happy? Why did Sora love another? Why Riku? Why not me?
As exhaustion quickly picked at my conscious mind and body, I soon fell into a dreamless, troubled sleep. The last thought in my scrambled, broken mind was simply one word.
Why?
o O o
A year later, at their wedding, my mind tuned out as they said their vows. I did not want to hear their softly, sincerely spoken 'I belong to you's and 'I'll be with you forever's. I retreated deep into the recesses of my brain, and I thought.
I wondered why I had refused to admit I was jealous. I wondered why I denied the closeness between the two. I wondered why I denied it all, and I wondered why I was not standing there next to Sora.
I wondered, as they kissed through their smiles, why I could not forget my love for Sora. I wondered if I would ever be able to be truly happy for them.
How selfish I am! But it did not matter. I was robbed. As much as I hate it, and as bitter as the realization comes, there is always a loser in any game played. There is always a winner, and there is always a loser. And in this case, I was the loser.
But, I was never even a part of the game. I stood on the sidelines and watched, knowing within my heart who would be scoring all the goals. I had always known. And I was a foolish woman.
I left early from the after party when Riku and Sora started to feed each other strawberry ice cream, laughing and grinning like children. I ignored all conversation attempts from either of them before hand, and I went home to pity myself.
I knew there would be no more ice cream for me.
I have actually never played Kingdom Hearts (that's why there's no mention of the actual plot from the games and such). All I know comes from spoilers, and other fanfiction, so this may be off by a long shot. I don't really like this, but I had fun writing it. And while I dislike Kairi, I find it ludicrous to make her too desperate and bitchy in fanfiction, or have all the characters hate her. Of course I know little to nothing about these characters, but I don't think she would behave in the way that is so often portrayed. Anywho, drop a review and tell me what you thought? I'm sure it was badly OOC, but hopefully it was okay.
Mucho love!