For some reason, I'm struggling big time with writer's block on the stories I have currently running. Fear not - updates for those will be coming, whether it's tomorrow or in a month, they're coming. I decided to turn to another idea I had - title courtesy of the movie "The Loft" (which I haven't even seen, but was inspired by its trailer). I would love some encouragement, so please please try to review this first chapter. Depending on the response, I'll see how much time will go between each update. I'm really going to try to stay on top of this one! Thank you for being willing to give it a whirl. I hope it's worth your time!

-Ellie

The night was growing late at the 1-6, and Olivia could see the exhaustion that she felt reflected in the eyes of her detectives. She stood from her office chair and stood in the threshold of the door.

"You guys have put in a lot of hours this week. Go home. Turn your phones off. I'll let the weekend crew know you're not on call this week." She sighed heavily as she dropped her hands into her pocket.

Nick, Amanda, Fin, and Carisi looked up from their work.

"Only if you turn off your phone and take the weekend off too." Fin smiled at her.

Olivia offered a small, tired smile in return as she hesitated.

"Liv you put in way more hours this week than we did." Amanda added.

Olivia nodded a little. "Alright. Get outta here."

When she returned from gathering her things in her office, Amanda was the only one remaining in the squad room.

"Come on, Detective." Olivia took her coat from the back of the chair in which she sat.

Amanda finished the line on the file she had been working on, standing with a small grin. She put her jacket on, hoping it was enough to keep off the early December cold. They walked out together.

"Plans for the weekend?" Olivia inquired quietly, opting for the stairs to head down.

Amanda followed suit, shaking her head. "Few quiet days to myself. You?"

Olivia sighed again. "More of the same. Probably should work on getting my tree up. Only what - two weeks until Christmas?"

Amanda walked with her out into the chilled air. "Crazy, right? Doesn't feel like that long ago we were on duty New Years Eve."

Olivia stopped as Amanda found her vehicle, reaching for the handle. "Almost a year."

Amanda saw something change in her eyes as she drifted back to a time well past.

"A lot can happen." The blonde added carefully.

Olivia took a deep breath. "A lot can change."

Amanda gave her a sad smile. After a pause, Olivia turned to go, reflecting the same smile. "Goodnight, Amanda."

"Night, Liv."

Eight Months Later

It was unreal. It was impossible. Amanda sat in her desk cradling her face in her hands. There was no comfort she could offer herself, none others could try to give her.

That last exchange had been the last time anyone had seen Olivia Benson in eight months.

Amanda couldn't shake it. How could everything have changed so fast? They had left the precinct together, planning for a quiet weekend. How, then, had it ended up as the start of a eight month battle against the odds, an investigation chasing ghosts? It had been the worst four months of her entire life. With what she and the team had found in Olivia's apartment, she cursed herself when she almost hoped whoever had taken Olivia had killed her. But then there was her son, waiting for her every day to come home.

Amanda jumped at the hand on her shoulder. She looked up to find Fin standing above her, his face tired.

"Commissioner's here."

Amanda stood, meeting Nick and Carisi in her sergeant's office. The walls were still the way Liv had made them. Her pictures, her medals, her awards, they were all still gracing the walls of the chilly room.

The detectives were joined only by NYPD Commissioner Reagan and his right hand man. He wore a solemn expression on his face, showing how hard the search had been on him as well.

He knew Olivia. They were well aware of that. After Lewis and everything she'd gone through with him, she'd become the department's hero. Reagan had known her even long before that.

He shifted his weight. "The department has been over the entire city of New York - twice. I understand the gravity of the situation, but a morning motion in a meeting between Suffolk County Police, NYPD, and surrounding county officials was passed to suspend the search for Sergeant Olivia Benson."

Nick lost feeling in his legs, nearly falling to the ground. Amanda's mouth hung open as she tried to process. Reagan scanned their faces, feeling their horror himself.

"This doesn't mean the case is closed -"

"Yeah it just means we're waiting for a recovery - not a rescue." Carisi's words pierced the tension.

"What if we are?" Regan remained composed as he threw a question softly back. He didn't want to think about it, but he knew how long it had been.

"You've been on this force for a long time - all of you. Think." He remained quiet, projecting to them he didn't believe it either.

She had to be out there somewhere. Right? Olivia Benson would never disappear without a trace.

But she had.

No one could find words through their anger, fear, and desperation. Nick paced to the back of the room, his hands keeping his head from flying off.

"She's been gone for eight months. There hasn't been anything for us to go off of since the first week. We have nothing, and the cops out there looking for her can't keep chasing shadows." He paused to let them take his words slowly.

"I'm sorry. Excuse me." Commissioner Reagan left, his sidekick following him out of the office and out of sight.

Nick was the first one to find words.

"It's been too fucking long." He swore forcefully, spitting it through his teeth as he finally allowed himself to say it out loud.

It had been too long that Olivia had been gone. Most victims were killed within 48 hours of their abduction. They knew that.

Olivia had survived more than 96 before, but this was different. It had been days, not hours - months, not weeks. Nick hung his head as he leaned on the desk in the room.

Fin stood still in silence, remembering his best friend's face as it was. He felt his heart dropping every time he remembered that he might not ever see it again. He felt himself forgetting her voice, and it killed him. He had to know if she was still out there, worth them continuing the painful search.

"I hope they killed her." Amanda knew how strange it sounded to her own ears, to them. But they understood her. As much as they hoped for a rescue, they'd seen the blood. They almost wished her dead thinking about what eight months of whatever she was going through would do to her. If someone had kept her that long, it was for the most evil motives, they had no doubt.

"We can't just give up, though." Fin found his voice. "If it is her -" he struggled to say it "- her body we're looking for, then we're going to bring her home. I don't care how long that takes us."

He finished as his voice trembled. The others nodded in silence. They separated. Fin, Amanda, and Carisi headed home for the night, unable to focus on anything else.

The city was dark when Nick finally stepped out of the precinct's front door that night. The lump in his throat always hurt when he called it a day - especially then. The front door always had at least five people standing in the humid evenings, candles flickering in their hands as they faced the small wooden memorial.

It broke him to know that the officers had had nothing to do with it. The memorial was completely assembled by members of the public, just a few of the thousands of people Olivia had saved.

Four officers joined the large group gathered under the stars. Olivia's picture showed her strength, her courage. The candles that surrounded its frame revealed the colorful flowers that laid around it. Nick swallowed back tears, lighting a candle near her picture, taking a long look at the only remaining image he had of the woman he hadn't seen in almost nine months.

With his eye blurring with tears that never seemed to be able to hold themselves back, he turned away, still hoping for a miracle. He did the thing he swore he wouldn't, simply because he knew how much it would hurt him. He put his phone to his ear, crumbling as soon as he got into his car.

It rang six times before it went to voicemail.

"Hey, it's Liv. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

The voice of a ghost.

He fell apart. He couldn't keep from crying in hysterics. There was nothing he could do to bring her back. It made him wish he was there with her - wherever she was.

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