Title:
Scene V: Fantasies
Rating: PG
Author: MarshAngel
E-mail: watsonma@hotmail.com
Web page: http://angelmoon.sinfree.net
For my best friend who believes in everyone and everything but never herself.
This is jus a re-upload just to make this easier to read.
I can't pinpoint the exact day I stopped believing, not in God but in
fantasy and
magic, and in romance. Maybe I'm a cynic but I think almost all of us stop
believing in these
things at some point, some earlier than others.
Then again maybe that's not true. Maybe I never believed. Yes, that does
sound more
correct. I don't think I ever believed in those things. What I had instead was
hope, a hope
that gradually died without the necessary evidence to feed its hungry desire.
Even as a young child, I never believed in magic. I used to wish with all my
heart
that there were fairies, elves, gnomes, and happy little sprites. I read dozens
of stories
involving magic and mystery, from Cinderella to the latest Enid Blyton fairy
story. When I
got older and graduated to romance novels, I used to dream that some tall,
dark, handsome,
arrogant man would walk into my life determined to make me his. In my heart I
knew it
would never happen but one could hope right?
I gave up hope after much observation. I watched couples fight over
pointless things.
In my dream world fantasies real life things like money and the little details
of relationships
never intruded. In my fantasy everyone except really mean people I didn't like
had that one
person in the world that was truly meant for them. In the real world, in which
I was forced
to exist, people settled.
I'm afraid I must go off on a rant now because it is important that you
understand
just how different my world was from the one I actually had to live in.
In college my roommate from freshman year proclaimed herself a lesbian.
Ironically
she never had a girlfriend. She did however; seem to have a harem of guys she
rotated as
boyfriends whose sexual peculiarities I had the great misfortune of having to
hear about. I
had slightly better luck with my next roommate who once returned after a
two-day
disappearance to tell me she had gotten drunk and done things with a guy whose
name she
didn't know. The night was followed by a trip to Planned Parenthood and a day
of misery
dealing with the side effects of the Morning After pill.
That, my friends, is the real world with real people doing things that
in the grand
scheme of things were perfectly 'normal'. Those things never once came into
play in my
fantasies. In my world, only people in love 'made love' and they married, had
children, and
lived happily ever after.
Please don't laugh! I understand perfectly the cynicism with which you
are no doubt
viewing my description of my dreams. I understand because even I am capable of
seeing that
these ideals of mine are nothing but the delusional dreams of a young woman
whose life is so
empty and who is frustrated with the chaotic realities of the world that she
creates a world in
which nothing goes wrong, romance is in full bloom, and relationships are an
effortless
endeavor.
It is at this point in my life you come to know me. I am Serena, the
dreamer. I am a
junior in college, of legal drinking age, with a group of friends whom while
perfectly sane,
barely understand me. All except for one really.
Mina, my best friend in the entire world, dreams right along with me. We
both seem
to share a brain most of the time. At some point in our long friendship we drew
each other
into a world only the two of us seemed to know exist. Together we shared the
fantasies of
beautiful men waiting for the right women to love, which, by coincidence, would
naturally
be us.
Personally, and don't tell Mina I said so; I think she has a better
chance of finding
the right man than I do. For crying out loud I didn't even know any guys! She
knew a good
dozen, none that she would even consider, but at least she was aware of their
existence. I, on
the other hand, lived in this vacuum where men were just those people in pants
you saw in
your Art History class. Occasionally they spoke and I discovered that they had
deep voices
but they still, however, remained as mysterious as Stonehenge.
So, just when I was convinced that I was going to spend the rest of my
life in an
impeccably decorated high-rise apartment with three cats, a coffee addiction,
bitter and
alone, providing I ever graduated college, Mina burst into our dorm room all
out of breath
with her blonde hair flying everywhere. She looked like a hyperactive fuzzy
elf.
"I just met your soul mate!" She screeched in a high-pitched
voice that had me
wincing. She sounded…well she sounded like me after a coffee half-filled with
sugar. I didn't
even give the slightest bit of credence to her statement. She must have just
read the latest
Catherine Coulter novel.
"Really?" I asked nonchalantly.
"Serena didn't you just hear me?" She questioned as though she
seriously expected
me to believe that crap.
"Oh come on Mina, you seriously don't expect me to believe you met
my soul mate.
We don't believe in that stuff, or did you forget? One Jude Deveraux novel and
you go over
the edge." I shook my head and went back to staring at my computer.
"Anyway," I added, "if
he's my soul mate, how would you know?"
"You know Serena, you take cynicism to a whole new level."
I raised an eyebrow at that comment. "Look who's talking? Weren't you the
one who
told me that all men are evil and should be shot just this morning?"
"Well that was before I met Raye at the café after class today."
"Well, if we're going to be indulging in this fantasy of
yours," I began, feeling a story
coming, "you may as well tell me everything and don't leave anything out.
He'd better be
gorgeous too!"
"That's the understatement of the century!" She squealed.
"If I weren't so sure he was
your soul mate, I would want him for myself."
"Well, go on!" I snapped, getting excited. Even though I
doubted this would get
either of us anywhere, I was more than willing to indulge in a little fantasy.
It was, after all, the
mainstay of my existence.
"Ok, as I was saying, The Bitch (a friendly name for our dear
friend Raye) called me
on my cell phone and demanded that I meet her for lunch at the new Café they
just opened
off Third Street," Mina began. It was just like Raye to demand things like
that; it is that
special part of her personality that makes her loveable to us. No matter how
obnoxious she
is; she is still our Raye.
"So there we were sitting around chit-chatting. Raye kept going on
and on about this
guy Calvin she's head over heels for. He has a girlfriend and no clue. I was
trying to pay
attention and I kept zoning out, which you know annoys her to no end, so of
course we
spend the next five minutes yelling at each other and embarrassing
ourselves…"
"Just get to the point already Mina! The guy!" I yelled. Mina
has this unbelievable
ability to make a story so long that no matter how interesting she makes it,
and it often is,
you just want to scream after a while from the suspense of it all, and I
usually do.
"Ok, ok already! Keep your pants on, I'm getting there!"
I sighed and smiled in encouragement.
"Anyway, it was like it was in slow motion or something. One moment
I was sitting
there trying to prove to Raye that I was listening to her and this guy walks in
through the
front door. I swear my mouth almost fell open!"
"What did he look like?" I questioned hurriedly, getting into
the spirit of a moment
recaptured.
"He was so gorgeous! He was a little over six feet; I know how you
like tall men."
She smiled at me. "He had jet black hair that was just perfect and blue
eyes like I've never
seen before. You know how most people have blue eyes that are sort of pale and
bland?" I
nodded. "Well his are nothing like that. They were the deepest, darkest
blue I have ever seen
and his lashes were so long. I would describe his face but that would be too
hard so you'll
just have to settle for gorgeous, drop dead gorgeous, model gorgeous,
perfect!"
"Are you sure you don't want him for yourself?" I asked. Her
description was sending
my imagination off on a trip I'd rather not take. It would hurt too much. It
was best I focus
on finding an apartment that allowed pets, a good job, and rescuing a nice
little kitten.
"He's all yours trust me!" Mina said excitedly.
"And exactly how did you come by that decision?" I asked.
"Well, when he passed by me, his hand brushed my arm. He was
wearing the most
gorgeous wool coat, Serena. It was jet black and full length like Keanu Reeves
in The Matrix,
only cooler and he was wearing a suit, an Armani suit!"
I sighed. Fashion majors!
"Well, he just said 'sorry' in the deepest voice and smiled and I
just knew! I can't
really explain it. There was just something about the way he said it and his
voice that just
made me say: this is the man for Serena."
She looked at me and we both sighed together knowing that the chances of
my
meeting this guy and actually having him fall head over heels with me was
practically nil but
the fantasy she had given me was well worth it.
Weeks later I was sitting in the same café with Mina and Raye. Neither
of us had
seen that guy ever again and Raye thought we were both nuts for even thinking
about it
although she seemed equally interested in seeing him again as well. It was
strange, and I
didn't mention it to anyone because of its oddity, but I was seriously curious
about this guy.
I desperately wanted to meet this supposed soul mate of mine. I should have
forgotten the
whole thing all together but for whatever reason, maybe loneliness and longing,
I held on to
that story Mina had told me.
Raye was going on and on about Calvin again and quite frankly it wasn't
a story I
wanted to hear again. I excused myself to get a cup of coffee to replace the
water I had been
drinking. I went up to the counter and ordered the latte grande I had been
craving and
waited patiently for them to put it together.
Coffee in hand, I turned around to return to the table. The lid was half
off because,
as was usual for me; I would need to dump at least eight packets of sugar in
before I could
drink it. As I swung around, coffee in hand, I bumped right into the person
directly behind
me, and the hot coffee spilled over us both. My "gravitational
impairment" also known as
Serena's klutziness had won once more.
I began my hurried apologies, something I was actually quite used to,
wiping at the
man's black coat hurriedly with the napkin in my hand, trying my best to clean
up the mess
I'd caused. He reached his hand up to take the napkin from me, to do the
cleaning himself
rather than be further subjected to my useless attempts, and his hand brushed
against my
own.
"It's okay," he began to say in his deep voice but never
finished his sentence as his
hand came into contact with my own. It was like an electric shock. I suddenly
looked up
into what had to be the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen. He was unbelievable
and in an
instant I knew this was the one. It was quite a long time before I grew
embarrassed at staring
at him with my mouth open as though I were hoping to catch flies.
"I'm sorry," I whispered realizing for the first time that my
hands were still held
within his own, if somewhat tighter than before. I still couldn't draw my eyes
away from his
face and he seemed to be staring at me equally intent.
"It's okay," he repeated, not for an instant taking his eyes
of my face. There was
something happening here, something I couldn't begin to explain. And to think a
few days
ago I would have sworn to be an expert on romantic moments, having studied the
literature
so well.
Still, nothing had prepared me for the electricity, the intense
attraction, the need to
be close. I could feel myself drawing even closer to him, not just physically,
but on every level
possible. The totality of the connection was amazing. Without words I
understood his
feelings and it was the strangest, most intense, and completely rapturous
feeling I had ever
experienced and yet I knew there was more.
There was an understanding between us by whatever strange powers of fate
had
caused this meeting, that we would not part today or ever of our own choice. In
the few
short moments that we stood staring at each other a bond was formed that
reduced my
cynicism to naught but ashes. Love at first sight was not only possible; it was
mine. Whatever
the risks, the obstacles, I would spend the rest of my life with this man.
"I know this is going to sound strange" he began softly,
rubbing my hand with his
fingers, the napkin having fallen, neglected, to the floor.
"No, I don't think it will," I interrupted. He smiled, the most beautiful smile.
"Then you'll understand if I say something just happened to us and
whatever it was
scares me. But somehow I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I
want you to
be the mother of my children, the woman I grow old with. Do you
understand?" I nodded.
"I do," I whispered.
"Remember those words," he said smiling. "I promise
you'll have to say them again."
He ran his other hand over my cheek and kissed me gently on the lips. His
kissed deepened
from its soft gentle beginnings to something far more passionate than I had
ever experienced
in my life. I blushed brightly, knowing my friends and just about everyone else
in the café
were watching intently.
If I could have seen Mina's face at that moment I knew she was crying
tears of joy
and that Raye was staring at us in shock. At that moment I'd never loved her
more and I'd
remember to thank her for this, the love of my life.
