Party Poopers

Well,I think to myself. This is it.

Not the first time I thought to myself that "this is it." Last thought those words a few months ago, when Venom invaded Corneria. I thought "this is it" when the building I was in collapsed. Gotta say I was lucky that day, when many others weren't. The time before that was when the final assault on Venom was launched. "This is it." Nice. Simple. The culmination of the deadliest war in Lylat's history.

But hey, like I said, months ago. Living in the past and all that. I mean, sure, Corneria City is still a bombed out wasteland (mostly), Zoness is still a polluted hellhole, and law and order has broken down all over the Lylat system, but hey, the war's over. We won. Andross is dead…I think. I hope. Scuttlebutt is that he turned into a giant floating head, and then a giant floating brain, and I'm, like, "what's up with that?" But then I also hear about everything else that Andross created. And don't even get me started on Sauria. I mean, have you seen the creatures there? Weird.

So anyway. Like I said, war's over. And when a war's over, you're obliged to celebrate it. Bigger the war, bigger the celebration. And fittingly enough, bigger the ship. Yep. The Great Fox is huge. As part of the victory celebration on Corneria planned by yours truly (I know, you're welcome), I've ensured that there's squadrons of fighters in the air with blazing contrails, flying above the ship, while other squadrons fly as escort. There's also fireworks in the air below it. You might say that it's silly to let off fireworks during the day, but hey, Andross was, like, totally anti-firework, so screw it, they're being used. Oh, and you can also thank me for the fact that everyone in the streets is flying the Cornerian flag while buying Fox McCloud plushies (buy two, get one free!). And before you dare accuse me of being cynical, let me tell you that we have to get the economy going again somehow, and the upcoming Lylat Wars videogame ain't gonna do the job by itself. Yes, I know the Virtual Boy is going to take off, but that's years away.

Through my datapad, I watch as the Great Fox lands. It's so big, I've no idea how it doesn't crush the pad under it, let alone how it'll actually make it into orbit. But hey, I'm not here to ask those questions, let alone answer them. Nup. I'm here to make sure that the dozens of camera drones I've got floating around in the air around said ship get plenty of good shots on the Star Fox team. I'm here to make sure that every magazine on this planet gets a one-on-one interview with Fox McCloud, or failing that, at least one of his squadron members. Except Slippy Toad. No-one wants an interview with a frog. I'd call that racist/spieciest, but again, not here to kick up a fuss. The planet's ape population is already experiencing enough simianphobia. I mean, we've got to remember that not all apes are genocidal maniacs. And yes, #NotAllApes hash tag. You're welcome. Course we'd love to get more apes in the tech industry, but for some reason it's dominated by birds.

So, ceremony begins. They've hit the ground running. Or rather walking, but hey, whatever. I hear the sound of trumpets blown by a Cornerian military band (which is predominantly made up of elephants for some reason). I see line upon line of Cornerian Army members in salute as the Star Fox team walk down the red carpet. I see General Pepper himself in dress uniform, awaiting the conquering heroes. But most importantly, I see everything going to plan. After the ceremony, there's going to be brunch, then interviews, then endorsements, then a celebrity dinner, and after that…well, let's just say the Star Fox team are hot stuff right now, and the night is full of possibilities. Like, lots of possibilities. Like, genre-shifting, Sauria-sequel based possibilities.

No idea why I thought of that.

But anyway, the trumpets sound off, the dead aren't raised, and of all the dogs here (and people say that dogs don't have canine privilege), I can only see three, rather than four horses. So looks like we can postpone the apocalypse, and get on with the ceremony.

"Star Fox, we are in your debt," General Pepper says. "I would be honoured to have you as part of the Cornerian-"

"Oh no Sir. We prefer to do things our own way."

I watch as the other Star Fox members nod in agreement, bar the blue falcon, who looks bored. I can't help frown – yeah, okay, no-one was expecting Star Fox to sign up with the military, but could they be a bit more formal about that? Do they have any idea how much effort I've put into this? How rude it is to take a call while on ceremony? A call that thankfully doesn't last that long, but-

"It's time for us to go now."

…what?

Did…did Fox say that it's time for them to go? Are they turning their backs on General Pepper? Are they walking out just like that? Am I seeing a feed from one of my camera drones that the Great Fox is warming up its engines?

No. You can't do this to me! Not after all I've done! All the interviews I've got lined up! All the merchandize opportunities! No!

But they are doing it. And no-one, not Pepper, not the Army, not even one of the elephants or horses, do anything to stop them. And I'm left with one, fleeting thought on my mind. One pure, unfiltered, refined thought that I feel can sum up this whole situation.

Bastards.

A/N

So, am I the only one who after beating Star Fox 64 for the first time thought "damn Fox, that was kinda rude" when they just leave the ceremony?