The Simpsons - Ofsted Bart

by Philip Glenister tomboy

Bart Simpson causes problems with Ofsted's visit to Springfield Primary School as their troublesome pupil in Year 6 with Edna Krapbappel. Can Head-teacher Seymour Skinner go undercover to find out how Bart managed to fool the Ofsted school inspectors into thinking he's head of the school?

The Simpsons: Ofsted Bart.

Summary: When Springfield County Council school inspector Gary Chalmers catches unruly Year Six pupil Bart Simpson squirting condiements on Head teacher Seymour Skinner during his inspection of Springfield Primary School; the inspection descends into chaos showcasing their typical problems with more troublesome and difficult to teach classes. Will Mr. Chalmers have to force the troubled primary school into special measures?

"Simpson!" yelled Head teacher Seymour Skinner facing Bart at an angle into the adminstration room of Springfield Primary School quite clearly squirting Colmans mustard and Heinz tomato sauce through the opened double glazed window. "What is the meaning of -"

"Head teacher Skinner!" exclaimed Bartholemew Simpson who was caught red handed with the bottles of Colmans mustard and Heinz tomato sauce; when suddenly Ofsted school inspector Gary Chalmer's voice boomed in the car park of Springfield Primary causing Mr. Skinner to jump in panic. "Skinner!" the bald ageing male shouted wearing a purple suit with white outlines, a cream bowtie, matching trousers and black smartly polished shoes. The school inspector with 45 years of experience had tomato sauce and mustard everywhere on his smart suit, since Bart Simpson blatently walks by into the main entrance whistling a jaunty tune.

"Ofsted Inspector Chalmers!" stuttered a worried concerned Seymour Skinner "Uhhh, well..." with sweaty tears on his forehead.

"I was downstairs in the administration room getting ready to inspect the school premises, when it began to rain tomato sauce and mustard; explain!" said an angry Ofsted inspector Gary Chalmers who felt the end of his tether with the usual spikey haired troublemaker at Springfield Primary.

Head teacher Skinner cleans up Mr. Chalmers with Johnsons baby wipes as much as he can. but the school inspector from Ofsted shakes his fist; demanding reasons to ascertain why Springfield Primary had gone downhill since their last inspection in 2015.

"This school is out of control, Mr. Skinner!" said Gary Chalmers in an angry but fuming tone. "Well actually sir, I caught the usual culprit just now; sanctioned with loss of break time and losing all his Golden Time this Friday, when you turned up..." mumbled the nervous head teacher since events like the Nativity play or Ofsted inspections brought his stammering issues back.

"You better control those Springfield Primary pupils or I will have to suspend you from your head teacher post as part of the special measures; someone who actually does a better job than you!" he instated at Seymour Skinner in his authority as an Ofsted inspector.

"Sir, I hardly think my cohort of 3 to 11 year olds are out of control." laughed an embarrased Seymour Skinner who used to work at Sutton Comprehensive's science laboratory during his teaching days. "Some can't even read - let alone accept other head-teachers running the school."

"Then it's settled, Skinner sir! Tomorrow you will be going undercover as a pupil and Tony Doyle will be temporary head teacher for this day." as Mr. Gary Chalmers threw down the stain covered wet wipes into a nearby plastic bin. "What?! But Bart's the one who wasted the -" exclaimed Head teacher Seymour Skinner wearing his trademark royal blue suit, trousers, purple collared shirt and peach tie with navy grey shoes.

"Play by the kid rules, and you and I will get along just fine!" smirked Bart Simpson tormenting an already nervous head-teacher Seymour Skinner and laughed with his hand out like the villains stroking their cats in spy movies do especially Silverfinger when plotting dastardly plans to achieve world domination.

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THE NEXT MORNING AT THE SKINNERS FAMILY HOME

Headteacher Seymour Skinner was on the top of the staircase, his former primary school mother Agnes painted the hallway and first floor in a 1970s light blue adorned with old monochrome photographs in frames. The elderly woman was sporting a pink/white mink style dressing gown with hair rollers. "Mother, where's my suit? I'll be late for work!" panicked the forty something year old man wearing peach slippers and his old Garfield pyjamas with a cartoon Garfield cat in orange hanging from a tree branch quoting 'Hang in there baby!'.

The ex primary teacher pointed out to her now grown up son: "You are temporarily suspended from your job, remember? You're undercover as just another schoolboy now, and you'll wear what Mother laid out for you!"

Downstairs in the hallway with Agnes wearing revealing pyjamas, her head-teacher son moans holding his old Green Hornet lunchbox; the table had a rotary dial telephone in white, a portrait of his father who is now deceased and a pink vase of white roses.

* groans * "Did you hide my car keys?" asked Seymour Skinner wearing an adult sized Springfield Primary School uniform of blue, a white polo shirt and navy grey shorts with royal blue Hush Puppies. "Driving is for grownups! You're riding the mini bus with your little friends!" pointing to the white UVPC front door "Now take your lunch and get out, you pathetic man-child!"

Meanwhile the elderly facelift 1984-1987 Ford Transit MkII Custom mini bus in a lurid orange colour possibly customised when Otto Mann first owned it with Springfield Primary School in blue text. "Buck up, Skinner. It's only for one day." He repeated a mantra "It won't be so bad. It won't be -" when the brakes violently screeched outside the Skinner family home and he could see twelve Springfield Primary School pupils inside; Ralph Wiggum obviously had his sticky hands over one of the windows with Milhouse Van Houten and the twins Sherri and Terri sniggering.

LATER IN THE SPRINGFIELD PRIMARY SCHOOL YEAR SIX CLASSROOM

"Class, I'd like to introduce a new pupil: Seymour Skinner. Try to forget his usual role as head-teacher and that he had the power to punish you." Edna Krapbappel was sat on her teacher's desk with a ginger haired girl and one of the twins facing her whiteboard.

"Edna, please." muttered Head teacher Seymour Skinner who was despondent at being around a group of ten to eleven year olds. "And that he and I were once engaged to be married until a pupil made up some serious allegations." The head teacher of Springfield Primary School had to stand up and protest against his private business being spoken openly around the pupils. "Edna!" he crumbled under pressure "Just treat him with respect as you would with your classmates, regardless of whether they're new or not."

"Oh-no..." mumbled a scared Seymour Skinner.

Little Ralph Wiggum had been wandering into the Year Six classroom and his Infants teachers hadn't bothered to notice he was gone for quite some time; when Nelson Muntz gathers up some toilet rolls from the boys toilets. Nelson, a ginger curly and jet black haired boy are waiting in the lurch to gang up on their head teacher. Ralph dangerously nearly bolts from the classroom door. "Now, I have to leave the room to do some photocopying of the Tudor project." Head teacher Seymour Skinner begs for mercy. "NO!" holding his hands together to make a plea against Nelson covering him up like an Egyptian mummy in white toilet paper. "For an hour or so." leaving the Year Sixes to it.

"Edna, for the love of God!" as Nelson Muntz had toilet rolls primed to target. "Edna-a-a-a-a!" he shouted in a tone which could be heard from the staff room, the caretaker and music teacher were already engrossed into a game of poker. "Deal me in, I'm feeling lucky!"

Seymour Skinner tries to find out why little Ralph Wiggum wandered into the Year 6 classroom, he kneels down to the older toddler's level "Where are you supposed to be, Ralph?" the tiny boy looks bewildered "Why hadn't Miss. Hoover, noticed you'd been absent from her Reception classroom? This is a blatent safeguarding issue!" he storms out of the Year Six classroom with Ralph safely tucked into his arms "Don't try any antics while Mrs. Krapbappel is still photocopying your Tudor assignment projects for History!"

Sarah Wiggum turns up unannounced demanding to know why there was chaos during Springfield Primary School's Ofsted inspection and how her very young son wandered into a classroom full of ten and eleven year olds. She snatches Ralph from the school secretary into her own arms; wearing her trademark blue dress, make-up, necklace and purple low heeled shoes. "You put my little Ralphie in serious danger; why didn't Miss. Elizabeth Hoover noticed he was gone for quite a while?!" she was flabbergasted at how this incident gone unoticed "You let him wander into a Year 6 classroom full of big 10-11 year olds, who then covered your Head with toilet rolls; while Mrs. Krapbappel was photocopying her class worksheets on the Tudors as part of National Curriculum subject History!" clearly furious. The secretary was wearing green Specsavers glasses, had a ginger bun, make up, white platform shoes, dress and a green jacket that tucked over her pear curves. She just smiles airily as if nothing serious had ever happened.

XXXXXXX

Sherri and Terri were summoned to the head teacher's office for arguing over their Malibu Stacy during circle time "My Malibu Stacy! I love her!" whined Sherri when Terri grabs the Barbie lookalike by her legs. "No, she's mine! I love her!" Tony Doyle attempts to bring order to the chaotic head-teacher's when the twins were still arguing over their Malibu Stacy and Sarah Wiggum was giving the secretary the third degree. "Girls, girls! This practically needs to be solved. Sarah, take your child out please." he continued "I'll have to confiscate Malibu Stacy until 3:00 PM when school's finished for the day."

* sniffs in tears * "Okay," mumbled Sherri as Terri screamed into a temper tantrum "Noooo! Don't hurt her!" she demanded to the temporary headteacher. "Ahhh! Sorry, it's your sister Sherri's so for that reason you can't have her." reasoned Tony Doyle "You have to have some time out first and then it's back to class." in a calm but firm male adult voice.

Sarah Wiggum was holding Ralph still in her arms; who looked memorised by Head teacher Seymour Skinner covered in the boys toilet's rolls and sticky tape as an Egyptian mummy. "Problem, Skinner?" Bart Simpson was cheeking his head-master as usual. "It was so awful! They had Sellotape as well!"

"Frankly, I don't know how to make you get along with other peers. Maybe we need a Parents Consultation!" said Bart Simpson who had his hair smartened up. "NOOOO!" asked Head teacher Seymour Skinner.

"So we're agreed Mrs. Skinner?" Bartholemew Simpson was messing around writing rude words in Microsoft Wordpad "Yes! My Seymour is a terrible, awful boy!" as the elderly woman twisted her head teacher son's ear as he complained "Owwww!" sat in a red plastic school chair ashamed that he couldn't control Springfield Primary's pupils.

"No... about the other thing." remarked the mischievious ten year old boy to the mother of his head teacher. "Oh, yeah. If he's going to be such a big cry-baby..." Seymour protested at the statements his mother made in front of a pupil he usually has in the office. "Mother, I'm not a -" Agnes Skinner whispered to Bart Simpson "You can go ahead and kick his Terry nappied heinie back to Nursery and Reception!" she was wearing a white pearl necklace; just similar to Lisa Marie Simpson's one, a small hat, black dress, a pink mink coat with matching high heel shoes. He cries at the insults used.

Headteacher Seymour Skinner isn't coping too well with Tony Doyle's temporary running of Springfield Primary School as Bart forces him to write lines on the whiteboard 'I am not too big for Nursery and Reception' seven times. # The Simpsons theme tune plays #

Dinner lady Doris was serving fish pie and vegetable casserole in the Springfield Primary School kitchens. "My, but whiteboard writing is good for shaking off the blues! I can't wait to dig into this tempting fish pie at a table full of boisterous..." as she dishes up Seymour's green plastic primary coloured divider plate.

"Classmates?" acting surprised at the hostile reception from three, four and five year olds sat at one table, whom didn't want the healthy apples and bananas from the fresh fruit selection bowls; some were waiting with milk beakers and juice cartons to deliberately start a deliberate mess with their food as some were flicking peas.

He notices little Ralph Wiggum bawling at a table with Milhouse * sighs * "What's the matter, Ralph?" who just pointed at his head-teacher "Waaaahhhh!" Milhouse Van Houten wasn't sure what to make of Ralph's tantrum over his hot-dog and slice of apple pie. "I guess you can hang with me, sir." the blue haired boy asked with red National Health Service spectacles, shorts, trainers and a purple polo shirt.

"But you're the sidekick!" exclaimed a shocked Milhouse as Seymour goes into a deep depression over Bart Simpson's antics with Gary Chalmers and the school inspectors from Ofsted. "I appear to have no choice..." as he tucks into his fish pie, apple and Yazoo chocolate flavoured milk.

By 1:00 PM, Bart Simpson was playing with the tannoy system that is connected to the speakers in the hall whilst reading a MAD magazine which is the world's satire publication on mental health issues imported from New York City over the Atlantic Ocean. "Attention Springfield Primary School, will the following pupils enter the head-teacher's office: I.P Daley, Anita Bath, Tanya Hyde, Dan Druff -"

"Simpson!" shouted Ofsted school inspector Gary Chalmers sternly "Ofsted Inspector Chalmers!" screamed the unruly Year Six pupil who leant back in Seymour Skinner's comfy office chair. "You're a member of Springfield Primary School staff now! Stop taking pleasure in it!" the older male fixed a steely gaze; he proved he wasn't rusty as it had been decades since he was last teaching in a classroom. "I want you to correct these school budget projections from the Government for financial year 2075, right now!"

Bart Simpson gasped "Are you telling me to do Maths?" holding the pile of financial papers for Springfield County Council's schools in his hands overwhelmed by the menial but important paperwork as he groans at 1:25 PM "To heck with this!" the black ballpoint pen slips out of his right hand.

Head-teacher Seymour Skinner went to make a complaint about the chaos that surrounded today's Ofsted inspection at Springfield Primary, the blue haired assistant to Gary Chalmers who was a grown up adult version of Milhouse Van Houten. "You know what your problem is, Seymour Skinner, sir? You care too much for disadvantaged pupils; they don't worry about academic expectations." as they sat at the empty school hall together discussing as school profession equals "But I could never be fancy free like some of my pupils!"

"Blast it! Today's undercover as a pupil mission showed why some dig being the kudos kings or queens for all of the incorrect reasons; you learned how your own sanctions worked." said Milhouse's Ofsted school inspector cousin.

"I did! You're right!" Head teacher Seymour Skinner clicking his fingers as all the children left Springfield Primary School bang on time at 3:00 PM.

"Have you seen Seymour Skinner today? I have some financial admin for him to do, now that all the children have gone home." asked one of the admin ladies. Caretaker Willie and his team were busy cleaning, vacuuming and maintaining the primary school; ready for it all to begin again on another busy school day.

THE END