I am numb. The thoughts that are going through my mind are ones that I've
seen before, and ones that I hoped never to see again. I've lost them. The
rain pounds down hard all around me but I can't feel a thing. It's so damn
unfair, how things like this happen to only the innocent. Lily and James
Potter are dead. They were murdered just tonight. Was it happening as I
marked the fourth year essays? Was Lily screaming for her life as I sat
down to dinner? Was James fighting for his family as I settled down in
front of the fire? Was little Harry screaming for his mother as I sipped my
cup of hot tea? How can you see someone laughing and proud one day, and see
their cold, lifeless bodies the next? I remember taking a million house
points from James for his pranks, and I remember commending Lily on her
fabulous Transfiguration Essay. But, oh, oh I remember holding Harry in my
arms, looking at his sweet face, a mirror image of his father, and those
brilliant green eyes just like his mother. Lily was smiling and telling me
that they had named him Harry, and James and Sirius were grinning broadly
and laughing just like old times. Peter and Remus stood at the sides,
laughing and enjoying themselves, unaware that a traitor lie hidden among
them. We left that same day, Albus and I. Lily and James were happily
talking about their new house in Godric's Hollow. The house that is now a
smoldering pile of debris. I remember Albus telling me that I had to come
quickly. There had been another murder. I followed him immediately;
wondering what in God's name could be wrong, and praying for my family's
safety. We reached the end of the street, where nothing stood but a chard
frame and wrought iron fence. The muggles were swarming around, but I
pushed on through, my heart in my throat and tears in my eyes. Albus told
me no, that I shouldn't go. That Hagrid would take care of it. But I went
anyway. I would believe nothing, until I saw it for myself. As I looked
around the remains of the once proud home, I saw James, face down. The
blood was trickling down his face, and he wore an expression of grim
determination. I heard the terrified shrieking of a frightened baby.
Rushing through the ruins, careful not to set my skirt a blaze, I searched
for any sign that he was still alright. I found him. He was huddled and
shaking in the corner, near a ruined support beam. He was wrapped in a
ragged flannel blanket and a strangely shaped cut above his eye was
bleeding. It hurt my heart to look at him. Inside I had frozen. Somewhere,
deep in my mind I was still hoping to wake up from this nightmare, clinging
to the hope that this was some horrible dream. I'm not sure where I got the
presence of mind to do it, but I picked him up gently. His skin was cool to
the touch, and so, so soft. I crooned to him, trying to calm him down. His
eyes were wide with fear, and as I looked into his face, it held such an
expression of understanding, that I wanted to break down and cry. Instead,
I took a deep breath in, and vowed to be strong, if not for me, then for
him. For this small child who would grow up without ever knowing his
parents, and live in a home devoid of love, with a family who despised him.
Hagrid came, and I handed Harry to him reluctantly. I trusted Hagrid, as
far as I'd trust anyone, but I couldn't help but feel that he was something
of my family now. Albus and I left without a word. There was nothing to
say. So now, I sit in the comfort of my room, remembering the expression on
the face of that innocent child. His large, pleading eyes, staring at me
from inside that bundle of blankets, as I placed him on the step of the
prison he would be hereby condemned to for the next eleven years. Somehow,
I wish that I hadn't gone when Albus told me not to. That I'd let Hagrid
bring him to me. Yet I'm glad I went. I'm glad that I saw. But all the
same, the image of the ruined house and Harry's frightened face burns
inside my head. The Dark Lord is gone at last, but I know that he will
return. Be it in ten years, or twenty years, he will come back. But what's
important right now, at this moment in time, is that Harry is somewhere
where he cannot be harmed, or so I hope. That he is warm, safe and dry
somewhere else, while a storm rages here, and in my heart. I will see him
soon, I tell myself. I feel strangely empty, though. Hogwarts students are
like my children, and in a way, I've just lost my son and daughter, and
I've placed my grandchild on the step of an unloving family. Why is this
different than the rest of my life? It too is filled with the pain of loss,
and the sorrow which love can bring. This is different, because Harry is
different. I was closer to James and Lily than any of the other students,
and I have just lost my child. I turn the light low, and cry myself to
sleep.
Minerva Anne McGonagall.
