Author: Pirate Turner
Rating: R for language, underwear, and references of nudity and peeping toms
Summary: Chaos ensues when Larry finds a pair of red Ken boxers on the steps of the museum.
Warnings: Slash, Love Triangles, Surprise Crossover, Real Disney Fic
Word Count: 3,391
Challenge: Ficcers' Unite Marvelous Disney challenge for 6-21-10 to write a fic wherein a pair of boxers or panties gets lost at Walt Disney World or Disneyland
Disclaimer: Jedediah, Octavius, Larry, this version of Theodora Roosevelt, Rexie, the crossover characters and fandom, Disney, and any other characters mentioned within save Ken are & TM Disney and any other possible respective owners, none of which is the author; are used without permission; and may not be used without permission. Ken is & TM Barbie (now the mind'll do wonders with that . . . };-) ) and Mattel, neither of which is the author; is used without permission; and may not be used without permission. Everything else is & TM the author. The author makes absolutely no profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Larry ascended the steps of the museum with a spring in his step that paused when he saw the tiny scrap of bright red clothing on the front step. Still whistling, he bent and scrutinized the cloth. His face darkened and his brown eyes flashed when he realized that the clothing was a tiny pair of Ken boxers. "JEDEDIAH!" Larry roared, snatching up the boxers and running into the museum as the sun set on Walt Disney World.
Larry dodged pass Rexie's playfully swinging tail as the dinosaur came to life. He ignored Teddy Roosevelt's greeting and continued storming straight into the Hall of Miniatures. "Ooo whee!" he heard a familiar voice call. "Lookee there! Gigantor's got his mad on! Come on now, boy. What's got ya lookin' like ya done been drenched all over in horse piss?"
The small, blonde cowboy leaned nonchalantly against the wall and casually crossed his boots and arms as he waited for his friend's explanation. This was going to be good! It always was when Gigantor got riled up! He was already cute enough for a giant human, but when he was mad, he was steaming hot!
Jedediah's face fell as he saw the boxers Larry was holding up and the accusations glaring down at him from his dark eyes. "Uh-oh. Hold it right there now, boy!" Jedediah held up both of his gloved hands. "I know whatcha thinkin', but it ain't what's going on here!"
Larry struggled to control his steadily rising anger. He knew all too well that nothing good would come from butting heads with Jedediah when they were both hot under their collars from anger and frustration. "It isn't?" he ground out with an eyebrow rising, a gesture he'd picked up from Teddy. "Then would you like to tell me why I found your boxers on the steps, Jedediah?"
Though the sentence was carefully formed as a question, Larry's angry tone made his demand clear even as his injured heart ached to add that these were the very boxers he'd bought for him months ago when he'd lost his long johns. Larry had found out, after the fact, that the custodian had mistaken them for doll's clothing a child had lost and thrown them away in the trash. Larry had been able to retrieve Jedediah's long johns for him because the trash had not ran yet, but Jedediah had preferred the silken feel of Kin's boxers and had decided to pack his long johns away until the Winter.
"Whatever is the matter, Larry?" Octavius asked as he strode forward to join Jedediah.
"He thinks those are my boxers!" Jedediah exclaimed.
Octavius looked condescendingly up upon the tiny pair of boxers. "I assure you, Larry, that those are not Jedediah's boxers." He whispered something to the blonde that made the cowboy step back and his face flush with even more anger.
"Heck yeah I got 'em on! What the Sam Hill do you think I've been doin' all day, Octie? It's not like I can do a strip tease in the day time when the tablet only works at night!"
Larry's anger continued to rise with each time the couple looked at each other until he finally sputtered like an erupting geyser at Jedediah's pet name calling of his boyfriend. Boyfriend. Yes, that's all the little men who were too darn sexy for their, or Larry's, own good were to each other. Larry refused to allow himself to think that they could be anything else - without him in their midst!
"Th-The-Then would you like to tell me who the Hell else would be leaving their blasted Ken boxers on the front steps of my museum? It's not like anybody else has a pair of these!"
"Whadda ya mean your museum?" Jedediah demanded.
"We existed here long before you came into our lives, Larry Daley!" Octavius heatedly reminded the night guard.
"Hey! What are you doing with my man's boxers?"
Larry's mouth fell open. His shock grew as he turned to see a tiny man flying right at him! He looked like a toy astronaut!
"Y-Your man's boxers?" he repeated, dumbfounded.
The astronaut glowered at the museum's night guard as he flew to a stop right in front of him. "Yes, my man's boxers! Why are you touching them?"
"I - I - I thought they were his!" Larry squeaked, pointing at Jedediah.
Jedediah tilted his hat down over his eyes as he shook his head. "Tried to tell ya they wan't, Gigantor. What did I have to do to prove it to ya? Strip?"
"You shall strip for no one but me!" Octavius cried indignantly.
"Didn't say I'd do it, Octie. I just asked the man a question."
"A question that should not even begin to be taken into consideration!"
"Did I say I was gonna consider it?" Jedediah demanded, glaring at his boyfriend with his balled hands perched on his tiny, jeaned hips. "Did I do or say anythin' at all to make ya think I'd even consider strippin' for the big ass human with an even bigger ego?"
"Hey!" Larry cried.
"Stay out of this!" both small men commanded before glowering straight into each other's handsome faces and continuing to argue.
"That's right!" the astronaut argued, snapping his metallic wings out to their full span in a show of potential danger. "Stay out of their lover's quibble and answer my questions! What gives you the right to pick up any one's boxers other than your own?" He eyed him degradingly. "Although you probably wear briefs."
"I don't wear briefs! Who do you think bought Jedediah his boxers? It's not like he can go out and buy them, and neither can his little Octavius!"
"I may be little in body, but I am enormous in spirit and heart and he loves me!"
Jedediah grinned. "Yeah, I do even if you are a pain my ass!"
"I may be, but you . . . "
Octavius' retort was lost to Larry's ears as the astronaut suddenly jerked the boxers out of his hand. "Hey!"
"Yes?" the tiny man in the spacesuit ground out.
"You can't just rip them out of my hand like that!"
"I believe I just did," the astronaut pointed out. "Furthermore, given that these are my boyfriend's boxers, what right do you think you have to touch them, let alone grab them with your filthy fingers?"
Larry looked at his hands. "My fingers aren't dirty!" he protested.
"It's a paraphrase of a saying on Jupiter: Get your filthy paws off of my man's silky boxers!"
Larry blushed. "But this is Earth."
"And lucky you are it is, citizen, for this is the land of the free and your rights, and whatever miscreant deeds you choose to use them legally for, are protected by Constitution and the Star Command Rangers such as myself, Buzz Lightyear!"
Larry stared at the astronaut. "The Buzz Lightyear?"
"The one and only!" Buzz exclaimed proudly. Then he peered more closely at Larry. "What?" he asked. "Do you want my autograph now?"
"But I didn't think you were real! I thought you were a cartoon!"
"I assure you that there are those who would think that your friends there," Buzz nodded in regard to the other tiny men in the room, "were imaginary, but we are all very much alive. That, I have learned, is the magic of Disney."
"No," Larry corrected, clearly confused, "that's the tablet's magic."
"What tablet?"
Larry hushed as he contemplated the next best move for him to make to get out of this mess. Experience had taught him that it was best not to reveal the truths of the mystical Tablet of Akhmenra to any one who was not already aware of them.
A tisking sound met Larry's ears. His eyes lifted to the voice that warmed him, and he smiled at both horse and rider. His brown eyes were drawn to the handsome face of the regal rider, and he felt a familiar catch in his breath. Theodore Roosevelt seemed to get more handsome every time he saw him. Larry reminded himself yet again that he was only a mannequin and, as such, any possible relationship with him beyond friendship was completely out of the question, just as it was with Jedediah and Octavius. Not that either of them wanted him, he added ruefully.
"That is quite enough, Mister Lightyear."
"And who would you be to tell me when something is enough, citizen?" Buzz questioned even as he wondered why the man bore a striking resemblance to a President. He couldn't possibly be the same man! Theodore Roosevelt had been dead for almost one hundred years!
Then Buzz spotted his lover in the shadow of the horse. He frowned. Woody seemed strangled, as though some one was pulling on his strings that had fallen off years ago! "Woody?" he called in concern. "What's wrong with you?"
Woody didn't look at him. He only continued to stare at the rider in astonished amazement. Slowly he raised a shaking finger to point. "Th-Th-Th-That's T-T-Teddy R-Roosevelt!" he squeaked out, his wooden knees buckling beneath him. He fell to the floor in a heap and continued to gaze up at the former President in complete awe and disbelief.
"Indeed I am, sir," Teddy announced proudly. Then his eyes narrowed in on Jedediah and Octavius, who had given up fighting and were now caught, in Teddy's stern gaze, holding each other close. "You two should be ashamed of yourselves."
Octavius turned his full pout on the former Rough Rider, but it failed to lessen Teddy's hard, disapproving gaze in the least. "After all Larry has done for you, risking his life to save yours numerous times, you wish to treat him so callously and with such utmost disrespect! You both know that he had every right to be concerned about the . . . underclothing for if it had indeed been Jedediah's - and it does look exactly like his - "
"How do you know?" Octavius demanded, his eyes zeroing in on Teddy.
The former President held up a hand. "That matter is entirely inconsequential."
"It ain't done it!" Jedediah protested. "How did ya know, Teddy? Ya been watchin' me?"
"Of course not!" Teddy exclaimed, his face growing hot and red and his mustache bristling.
"YA HAVE DONE IT!" Jedediah hollered, shaking his fists and stomping his boots in anger. "YA BEEN WATCHIN' US!"
"I have not!"
Octavius drew his sword and pointed it at Teddy. "I shall run you through, but first I shall cut out your eyes!"
"Don't look at me like that!" Jedediah screeched, plastering his hands over the front of his jeans. "I feel naked in front of you!"
"As well you ought, my love, given that he has been spying on us during our most intimate moments!"
"Ya damn peeping tom!" Jedediah blustered, staring with furious hatred at Teddy.
"What is this peeping tom?" Octavius asked with a frown of puzzlement.
"Him!" Jedediah exclaimed, pointing at Teddy and then quickly returning his hand to his job of covering his privates that were already dressed and, thereby, hidden from sight.
"I have not been looking at you in any way!" Teddy insisted. He ran a hand over his mustache in a futile attempt to calm it and his nerves.
"Aha!" Jedediah pointed again before quickly lowering his hand back over his groin. "Ya didn't say anything about not watchin' us!"
"It's the same thing!" Teddy cried.
"You two jump to conclusions way too much!" Larry broke back into the fray. "I asked Teddy about the boxers before I gave them to Jedediah!"
"Why did you present such an intimate gift to my mate?" Octavius demanded, his sword still drawn. He eyed Larry suspiciously.
"Because you couldn't!" Larry shot back.
Jedediah whistled and held up his hands. "This ain't about me and Larry!"
Octavius looked at him, clearly hurt. "There is a you and Larry?" he asked sadly.
"I didn't say that, Octie! I just said it ain't about him, and it ain't about me! Not no more, it ain't! Now it's about that peeping tom!" He pointed at Teddy. "Eep!" He dropped both hands back over his groin. "Don't look at me like that!" he protested and ran behind Octavius for cover.
Octavius narrowed his furious eyes and pointed his sword at Teddy again. "I never did really like nor trust them."
"Ya didn't trust Jedediah either at first, and now you're screwing him!" Larry pointed out.
"What we do is far more than such an animalistic maneuvering."
Jedediah looked at Octavius in confusion. "Then what would you call it, baby?" he asked in a hushed voice that failed to be low enough to keep the others from overhearing him.
Octavius proudly shook his head and stood up to his full length. "I call it making love!" he announced.
"That is indeed the more proper name for it," Teddy agreed.
"So you have been watching us!" Octavius exclaimed.
"I did not say that!" Teddy cried, his mustache bristling so intensely that it appeared to be about to pop off of his very face.
"Then why are ya blushin' like a new bride?" demanded Jedediah.
Larry looked at his friend in a new light. Teddy was as red as the boxers in question! "Why are you blushing, Teddy?"
"Because you three make it so obliterating obvious!"
"Make what obvious?"
Teddy threw up his hands in defeat. "Oh dash it all! Lawrence, you imbecile, you are so completely distraught over Jedediah and Octavius' union that you do not see what is in front of your very face, man!"
Larry looked at Teddy in shock. "What are you talking about?"
Octavius smiled slyly and pulled Jedediah back to him. At last it was going to happen! Jedediah was finally going to be entirely his alone!
"What are those two nuts talkin' about?" Jed whispered in confusion.
Octavius ran his dark fingers lovingly through Jedediah's shaggy, blonde tendrils. "Never you mind, my love. Their eyes have been pulled away from you, leaving you all for me, and that is what matters."
"But what's happenin'?" Jed strained against Octavius in his desperate desire to know what was happening with, and to, Larry.
Larry gasped as he looked up into Teddy's emotional eyes and saw the tears glistening therein. "Teddy?" he asked, his voice suddenly choked. "What's wrong?"
"Never you mind, lad," Teddy told him as he lowered a hand down offeringly. "Just come ride with me."
Larry nodded, gazing, in stunned silence, at the tears that tore at his heart. He took Teddy's hand, and the former President pulled him up to the safest place he had ever known. Larry slid his arms around Teddy's waist and held to him, his cheek resting against his broad back, as they galloped through the museum.
"I don't get it!" Jedediah cried. "Why'd they just ride off like that?"
Octavius lightly kissed his cowboy's soft, pink lips. "For the same reason we shall, my love." The Roman warrior lifted his head and whistled for Jedediah's horse, an animal that Larry had procured for him as he did so many other things, who came running.
Octavius tried his best to ignore his lover's protests as they mounted. "But they can't be!" Jedediah continued in dismay. "Teddy Roosevelt's a man's man!"
"Precisely," Octavius finally attempted again to point out what was so obvious to him that he couldn't understand why any one else couldn't see it. "A man's man."
"But . . . "
Octavius sighed wearily. His red cape rustled. "I am beginning to think that Larry is not alone in his inane attempts of conquest."
"What do ya mean?"
Octavius wished he could see his love's blue eyes as he warily told him, "Jedediah, would you rather be with me or Larry?"
"You, of course, love!" Jedediah hurried to assure him. He wrapped his arms more tightly around his waist for he'd been so shocked that he'd actually allowed Octavius to lead the horse without even realizing it until now. He nestled his face into his neck and kissed him. "Ain't I here with you?" he whispered into his ear. "I could be with Larry if I wanted to be."
And he'd kill him, the cowboy thought miserably, with just his size! Octavius was always wonderful to him, but still somehow, Jedediah couldn't help being attracted to Larry. He nestled closer to his boyfriend, knowing that loving Larry was impossible; that he was lucky to have Octavius; that he would never give him up for anything in the world, including Larry; and that a threesome was just as impossible as he himself making love to the Gigantor.
Octavius sighed, in relief inwardly and pleasure outwardly. He had been pulled to Larry at one time, but it was Jedediah who had lassoed his heart. He would fight to the death to keep him, if that was what it took, but he was glad to know that it was not. "Do you love me, Jedediah?"
"Yes." Though he was drawn to Larry, Jed knew that that was the truth. He did love Octavius, but he could have also loved Larry had Larry been their size as well. Yet such was impossible and dreams were not something with which he'd ever really experienced much success. All of his dreams except being loved by the wonderful man in his arms and getting to love the Lord of his heart in return had never happened, but Octavius was his best dream come true.
"And I love you, Larry," Octavius replied, his heart singing. "Now let us find a spot where we can be alone."
Jedediah tipped his hat to Woody, who Buzz was slowly beginning to be able to pull together, as they rode out pass the toys.
"Come on, Woody," Buzz coaxed. "We've got your boxers. Let's go home now before the others realize we're missing." He gently pulled him toward the door.
Woody slung an arm weakly over Buzz's shoulders. "Th-That w-was T-Teddy R-Roosevelt . . . "
"Yes," Buzz nodded. "Yes, it was." He shook his head in amazement at all that he had overheard. "And I thought our people were messed up!"
"T-Th-That w-was T-T-Teddy R-Roosevelt . . . "
"Yes, dear, it was." Buzz silenced the sigh that rose within him as he turned and picked Woody up into his arms. He'd never seen his love so shaken before by anything else in all the time they'd been together. His wings unfolded, and he flew off with his sweetheart held protectively close to his muscular chest.
"Teddy?"
"Please, Lawrence," Teddy sniffed, his mustache giving a slight jerk as he fought to keep from crying, "let us not talk. I believe enough has been said this night."
Larry shook his head. "I don't think so." He drew even closer to Teddy, whose breath caught as he felt every inch of Larry pressed against him. Then Teddy's heart burst through his chest, singing at the top of its lungs as it soared far pass the galaxy's outermost recesses, when Larry kissed the back side of his cheek. "Thank you, Teddy."
Now Teddy turned a shade even redder than the boxers that had caused such a ruckus. "Lawrence, I - I - " He shook his head futilely. "For the first time, my dear friend, I do not know what to say to you."
"That is a first for you," Larry agreed, "with your brilliant mind."
"Ah, but if I were so brilliant, I could learn how to make this body real so that I could love you if you would have me."
Larry hugged him tightly as tears sprang into his own dark eyes. "It would be my honor to love and be loved by a man as great and wonderful as you are, Teddy, and not just because of who you represent but who you truly are."
"Your words are music to my ears, sweet man, but I am powerless to do anything about it."
"For now," Larry agreed sadly, "but every day since I stepped into this museum, except for that stint where I stupidly left you all for what I only thought was what I wanted when what I really wanted was to be here with you all, my life has been lit up with magic. You have taught me that anything is possible." He hugged him from behind. "One day, Teddy, we'll find a way to keep such things from mattering."
"I hope so, Lawrence, but for now, will you just ride with me?"
"Always." They rode on into a future where the only thing certain was that they would be together.
The End
Author's Note: If you enjoyed this story, or any of my other writings, I hope you'll consider joining my friends and I at a brand new fan fic/art site called Ficcers Unite. At Ficcers Unite, we welcome all fandoms, pairings (slash and het), and even no pairings at all; hope to begin a Marvel/Disney RPG soon; and plan on issuing challenges every day of the week! This is a fic that has been produced by the Monday Disney/Marvel challenge and Wednesday Magnificent Seven challenge. Come on over and check us out at today!
For years I have searched for an active Disney community that welcomed all Disney's fans. Disney_Uberland is such a place! Members make up five teams: Team Stitch (of which I am honored to be a part of) for all heroes and adorable characters; Team Sharpay for all live action Disneys; Team Ariel for all Disney Princesses; Team Scar for all Disney villains; and Team Wall-e for all Pixars. Members compete in all kinds of different contest, including, but in no means limited to, fan fictions, icons, lists, fan mixes, recruitments, and honors, to see who can reach 5,000 points first. The first winners were Team Scar, and though we tip our hats to them, we, Team Stitch, hope to be the next winners - and we hope that you will join us, regardless of whether it be as a team member or a fellow community member! Please do come by and join us; we promise you'll have fun!
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