A Single Grain of Rice
Buddi sat still, musing to himself. It was night, a little after sunset. The sun had left a faint golden glow over the city of Ursalia. But Buddi sat in his room, alone.
It was the Night of the Burning Stars. A holiday the Barbics celebrated every year, as the snow became cold and the winds swift. The Glen gummies celebrated their Festival of the First Snow about three weeks earlier. They'd invited the Barbics. Buddi and Ursa had gone but the others had stayed behind, taking care of the city and weapons.
It had been fun, food and games. The Barbics' holiday was very similar. The main difference was the decorations and the presents. Every Barbic gave every other Barbic a small gift. Usually handmade, unless they…actually they were always handmade. Gritty and Ursa always gave them out. Every Barbic got twenty, one from each other. Well, Buddi usually got about thirty. Ursa would always give him more than one.
Then, there were the decorations. They had strange gas that they took from a well in the earth. It was extremely flammable and they spread it in designs over the sky. It would burn for seven days and nights. One special Barbic was chosen each year to shoot the lighted arrow into the gas, to ignite it.
This time of year always made the Barbics happy but this year, Buddi was down. The Glens had been invited and had accepted, all of them coming. Sunni was helping in the kitchen, although Grubbi only let her do small things. Cubbi was with gritty, the others all over the place. He felt left out. He had nothing to do.
But more than that he felt ashamed. He'd failed miserably today. In training, especially. Ursa had been fairly patient but even he became frustrated with himself. He'd been clumsy today, unfocused.
Buddi unconsciously slammed his fist down. What was he doing here, anyway? Why did the others put up with him? He seemed to cause nothing but trouble and a lot of headaches.
"Why was I even born?" he cursed at himself without thinking. To his shock, a voice behind him, said,
"Would you really wish you weren't?"
Buddi whirled around, shocked. Zummi was standing in the doorway, fairly concerned. When Buddi didn't answer, he asked,
"Mind if I talk to you Buddi?"
"You are."
Zummi closed the door, sat by the cub's side and laughed.
"I see that arsa's uttitude…uh Ursa's attitude has worn off a bit."
Buddi shrugged. "Guess."
Zummi nodded. "You truly feel as if you have no impact on the Barbics?"
"Except maybe as a couple of headaches."
Zummi shook his head. "Lots of cubs say that. You have more impact than you realize Buddi."
Buddi rolled his eyes. "If I have such impact, why don't I know it? As far as I'm concerned, Ursa would be better off with me gone."
"I can show you how much you carry, Buddi."
Buddi looked at Zummi.
"You…can show me?"
"Perhaps, I have a spell that will…"
"Wipe me out?!" there was a tremble of fear in his voice and of tension. Zummi saw his panic and started to wave his hands, in a wish wash pattern.
"Oh, no, no, no. Of course not, Buddi. It would just take you to an alternate realty. Like a book that you're reading. None of it's real, just a bunch of past ifs, but you can see and hear and feel."
Buddi looked down, considering. Zummi was a magician but not the best. Not by a long shot. But…maybe he could find out why he was so small in importance. Maybe he could change for the better. The cub looked at Zummi.
"How long and can you bring me back?"
"It lasts about an hour and I don't HAVE to bring you back. You'll be here the whole time but your mind will be in this other world. After an hour, the spell will fade and your mind and body should uink lp…uh I mean, link up by themselves."
Buddi sighed and looked out the window. The Barbics were rushing around, doing their parts. He was alone, doing nothing. Buddi didn't turn to face the Glen Gummi but did say,
"Do it, Zummi."
Zummi was shocked that the child wanted him to. But if he was willing to let him cast a spell…because he felt worthless…the magician smirked to himself. This was for the best then. He nodded and told Buddi.
"Lie down and close your eyes then."
Buddi complied. He heard words of sorcery, unable to understand them; he felt his body go heavy, strangely heavy. Breathing was difficult but then suddenly, he felt his body disconnect. Opening his eyes, he felt his mind go tearing through the mist of past decisions and trials. He saw through blurry images, that in real life, the Gummi checked his vital signs, found them fine and then left, closing the door behind him.
Buddi felt a mist overtake him and when he rose again, he was in the woods. Tears filled his eyes.
"Barbic Woods."
He must have gone back to when he was born. Or in this case, not born. He saw that Ursa was practicing with Gritty. She was younger, with smoother hair and it was bound in a low ponytail.
She couldn't see him, never would at least not here.
Buddi watched as the scene shifted to the time when Barbic Woods fell…
* * *
Ursa hung up the last decoration and turned to Gritty. The other Glen Gummies were rushing about except Zummi. He was just coming down the stairs, a satisfied look on his face. Ursa laughed.
"What's gotten you so happy, Zummi?"
The magician shrugged. "Nothing special. I just spoke to Buddi, he'll be down in about an hour I imagine."
Ursa nodded. Gritty smiled.
"Figures. He'll usually be down about the time food starts to appear."
Ursa laughed but inwardly she felt an odd feeling of worry and concern. It was stronger than those she usually had. She always worried about Buddi. From the day he was born it seemed. She'd been chosen to raise him in his mother's stead and she thanked whatever spirits looked over the Gummies for that.
"-Ursa?"
The warrioress snapped from her trance and turned to the source. Her friend since childhood, Gritty, looked at her.
"Well? Are we gonna finish this or did you daze off like you did as a teen?"
Ursa rolled her eyes. "Ha, ha."
She followed Gritty into the main hall of Ursalia where the other Barbics were busy. The Glens were helping when they could. She looked down at Cubbi, the seven year old and the youngest of the Gummies, both glen and Barbic. She thought back as she watched the cub and instead saw a boy that looked about six, with light brown fur and piercing eyes. She began to think of that night they fled their home. She would have fought longer but hadn't dared. Buddi might have been hurt if they stayed longer. They might not have been able to get away had they fought longer. It had been the hardest decision she'd made as the Barbics' leader but with leadership came those heart-breaking sacrifices. She would rather have Buddi and the Barbics safe and Barbics woods gone than to have Barbic Woods and not have some of those friends around her. She was horrified by a simple question, "What if we'd fought longer?"
* * *
Buddi looked around these Barbic Woods. The night was the same. The same burning trees and the same blinding smoke. But this time all the Barbics were fighting. Ursa had left the fight originally to get him out. Then, seeing the Barbics forced back, she'd ordered them to retreat.
This was so different.
Ursa was in the front line, swinging her sword. It was already a faint crimson red. He swallowed. A human charged at her but that was the last mistake he made. With a swing, she plunged her blade through his chest. Blood poured from the human as he slumped to the ground. The red rivers poured onto the ground, ran down Ursa's blade, eventually bleaching her fur.
Buddi looked into Ursa's eyes. She looked different and he immediately knew why.
"She's let her hatred overtake her."
She had not done that before because she had him to raise.
She had to love, not hate and eventually the hatred had died to a faint anger that lived in her heart.
He wasn't here to help her bury it.
He saw the same thing in the other Barbics' eyes. They'd helped him in his younger years. They'd tried to force into him that although humans were overcome by hatred, Gummies would not sink that low. He wasn't there to make them realize that. It had been his innocent and young form that had taught them that.
He heard a scream and found himself trying not to cry. Two of the Barbics screamed as blades pierced their chests and then as Buddi watched, their eyes clouded, went dark and they collapsed. Buddi wanted to cover his eyes but found that he couldn't do it. He had to watch, he had to see even though he'd have given anything not to.
Ursa took note of her fallen warriors, and her eyes filled with more rage. Instead of using it to fuel her skills, this Ursa just struck out, blindly, falling several humans. Gritty was soon by her side. Blood flowed like a silken red river. Tears overwhelmed Buddi. He fell, weeping.
Ursa kept the fight up, her blade flashing. It went in one stomach and out the back. She yanked it out and stared at the blood stained blade, her eyes grinning. Her hatred had completely overtaken her; she was its slave now. Gritty had his strength and the rage at what he'd just seen.
Humans fell but soon the Barbics were being overwhelmed by numbers alone.
With a stinging caustic bite to her voice, Ursa cried out, "Retreat Barbics! Retreat!"
Ursa ran ahead, the others soon following. But her eyes and face were twisted with an expression so angry and full of hatred, it scared Buddi witless. He curled up on the ground, the flames providing heat around him but never burning him. His body bent into a fetal position. He longed for Ursa. The real Ursa. Not this fake creature made from hatred and anger. He knew none of this was real but that didn't help any. He was still horrified and terrified. He longed for home, for the others. But he had only begun to see what he needed to see.
He knew it and so he could do nothing but wait.
* * *
Sunni tripped and fell, the box flying from her hands. A hand reached out of the shadows and caught it easily. Ursa laughed as she helped the girl up. Sunni blushed.
"Sorry, Ursa."
"No problem Sunni." The Barbic leader knelt and lifted her up. Zummi had not told her anything about Buddi yet. She had only seen Zummi come down about thirty minutes ago. Still, she was worried. It was the way she was, always concerned for that child.
Sunni seemed startled that Ursa would pick her up. Ursa hardly picked Buddi up, let alone her. Ursa was desperate now. She was barely managing to keep her cool and did things on impulse. She had a bad feeling running in her blood but she could not pin point it.
"Where's Buddi?"
"I'd like to know that myself." Was Ursa's terse answer. She put the girl down and then handed her a smaller box.
"Who gave you that big a box to carry?"
"Gruffi, he said you guys probably could carry things like that easily."
"He's right. WE can but CHILDREN can't. Buddi doesn't carry things like that. He's strong but he's still little."
"Ursa…is he…I mean, does he-"
"Does he mean a lot to me?" Ursa tried. Sunni nodded.
Ursa smiled. "Of course he does. I never have fallen in love before. Gritty's my friend. Grubbi's too old and the others well, they just don't strike my fancy. Buddi's been the closest Barbic I've known since he was born."
"Do you ever tell him?"
Ursa stopped at that question.
"Well, uh, through actions I try to. Should I say it too?"
Sunni made no reply as Ursa was speaking more to herself than to her.
Ursa smiled at Sunni, although very faintly and walked over to the far wall. She took the box from Sunni and hung some of the decorations in it up. They glimmered slightly and Ursa added another to the end of the already present string of ornaments. The line formed a sliver streak across the walls that came to a stop at the wreathlike form she'd just added.
Sunni looked up at Ursa. It was hard to believe that such a powerful and strong warrior and leader could be as gentle and caring as any mother. Buddi always told her how that although Ursa was strict and stern most of the time, she knew when and how to lighten up.
Ursa sighed. "Well, I hope this will do."
She and Sunni walked out, into the courtyard. Ursa saw that about forty-five minutes had passed. She wanted to see Buddi but for some reason could not bring herself to go get him. It was as if she was afraid to interrupt something.
* * *
Buddi opened his eyes, reluctantly. He was no longer in the woods and for that he was glad. Not only were those horrid moments a terrible thing to witness but also he had REAL memories of horror. When Barbic Woods fell, that night had been scalded into his memory and even now was clearer than any crystal.
"Stop Ursa!" a familiar cry pierced Buddi's thoughts. The cub ran to the origin but slipped and went sliding over the ground. He spied the horn tower, the horn still attached. This must have been when he met Sunni and the other Glen Gummies. He covered his face as the side of the tower appeared before him. However, he didn't crash through it. Rather with an odd tingling feeling, the cub went through the brick and stopped by the stairs. He found himself longing for a dagger and to his shock one appeared. His mind must have controlled some of the landscape. He put the dagger into his sheath, by his left ankle. He crept up the stairs and slipped through the closed door, silent as a breeze.
He spied Ursa and the other Barbics, faced off with the Glen Gummies. Sunni was missing. Buddi leapt up and through the Gummies, a wind to them. He peered over the edge of the tower and saw what he feared. Sunni, in Igthorn's hands. She must have wandered off while the Gummies were fighting.
Buddi turned back to Ursa and the others. Ursa's eyes were devoid of concern or emotion. She had learned to love before. This Ursa was heartless. Gritty had not learned love either. He just cared about keeping hold of the horn and winning back Barbic Woods. Buddi watched the exchange of Ursa and Gruffi with frightened eyes.
"Don't Ursa. You'll hurt Sunni."
"Is that my concern?"
"She's just a child!"
"I know that. It's her own fault and yours. That's why we Barbics don't have children."
"You can't-"
"Watch me."
Ursa then grabbed the horn in both hands and even as Gruffi got his hands of her shoulders and began to pull, her lips were on the mouthpiece. Buddi's face went white. He ran forward, to this Ursa. He started the throw punches at her. They went through her, accomplishing nothing. But he kept trying. Kept trying to stop this.
The horn blared out its deadly sonic blast.
He could hear Sunni's scream.
He whirled around and his sight became eagle sharp. He saw Igthorn blown upward. The ground beneath Sunni cracked and a large ravine opened. The cowardly Ogre dropped her and ran. She whacked her head on the edge of the cliff and went tumbling into the pitch black. Buddi ran through the city, jumping from building to building as he did from tree to tree.
He got to the ravine swiftly. He forced himself to look down.
A form above him took on Grammi's voice calling, "Sunni! Sunni!"
But now she saw what Buddi saw. Tears filled his eyes and drained down his cheeks.
Sunni was sprawled on the rocks below, still and silent.
Her soul was gone.
Tears erupted from Buddi's eyes. He started to scream, "I've seen enough! Make it stop! Make it stop!"
He could hear shouts, even as he tried to shut them out.
"You demons! That's pure murder!"
"Murder? You call what the humans did to Barbic Woods, not murder?"
"That was an innocent child!"
"Sacrifices are necessary."
"Sacrifices! Sacrifices? I'll give you a sacrifice!"
Buddi turned. Gruffi drew a sword from a nearby Barbic and charged at Ursa, eyes screaming fury. Ursa drew her own and started to plunge it forward. Blood spilled and the two gummies began to collapse.
Buddi covered his ears and screamed.
"Stop! Stop! Stop! I wanna go home! Let me go home! Stop IT!"
* * *
"Stop IT!"
Ursa dropped her box and tore from the room. Her ears caught Buddi's scream and she raced upstairs. As she neared the room, his screams increased, as if he were pleading for mercy. She slammed his door open and raced into the chamber. Gritty came in just behind her as Zummi watched from the doorway.
Buddi was sprawled on the ground, screaming. Ursa and Gritty grabbed his arms and tried to restrain him. Zummi watched and nodded to himself in satisfaction. He knew his spell had done its work. In a few moments, Buddi's mind would completely merge with his body and he could truly wake up from this living nightmare.
Buddi's eyes suddenly felt light and his eyes flew open. Ursa and Gritty were staring at him. Buddi looked at them both…at their eyes. Relief poured over him and tears filled his eyes at what he'd seen. They were here. They were the same again. He was home. The visions were fading, like dreams. But he knew they would never vanish completely. But as horrifying as that scenario was, he was glad he saw it. But no joy compared to what he felt at seeing Ursa and Gritty's warm eyes other than their counterparts' cold ones. He let out a wail and hugged Ursa tightly.
Ursa was struck dumb. She hugged the child back and was about to ask something when Zummi said, "That was my spell."
Gritty turned to the Glen, eyes burning with anger. "Your spell? You DID this to Buddi! What in the-"
"He asked me to."
"What?" Ursa looked to the cub as he drew from her, gradually. Gritty stared. The cub wiped his tears away as he began to get his emotions contained. He caught their glances and nodded in an affirmative answer. They lips mouthed why but they were too stunned to force the words out.
"Buddi?" The child looked directly into the Gummi's eyes. Her love was there, the ability to love and to forgive. He fought down tears and looked at Gritty. The same light was there. A buried anger and a present love and concern. The light was back. The love and light of life. The love that he felt warmed by. Buddi spoke before Ursa or Gritty could ask.
"I…I was down today. Zummi heard me say that I wished I wasn't here. Had never been. I thought I was…useless."
Gritty spoke, "Buddi you aren't! You should know that! But what did the spell do?"
Buddi met eyes with the adults and said, "Showed me what you'd be like if I'd never been born."
Tears erupted from his eyes again and he started to blurt it all out. Ursa and Gritty just listened, shocked. Occasionally Buddi's voice would crack but he managed to keep his composure but he kept looking into Ursa and Gritty's eyes. They saw what looked like relief in his.
"Five Barbics killed…Sunni dead…Gruffi and Ursa killing each other…" Buddi shuddered and Ursa rubbed his back. She gave him a playful, and gentle shake. He looked at her and said,
"Your eyes."
Ursa cocked her eyebrow. "My eyes?"
"They have love now."
Gritty smiled. "Are you content with your worth now?"
Buddi looked at him and smiled. "Yes."
Buddi paused and then asked. "You always say I can ask you anything. I'll ask you this: Why did this all change…because of me?"
Ursa smiled. "Buddi, you're young. Granted. But let me tell you something. You have a balance that is completely equal. Add one grain of rice to one side and the whole scale is thrown off."
Buddi must have looked baffled.
Gritty picked up, "What Ursa's saying is that sometimes the smallest things have the highest impact, the most importance."
Zummi smiled and started to leave. But as he did, Buddi called up,
"Zummi?"
The magician turned.
Buddi managed a smile. "Thank you. I needed to see that."
Zummi grinned. "I knew you'd say that. And right now, the others are waiting."
Ursa nodded and after Zummi left turned to Buddi. "Kid? Are you up for tonight?"
Buddi nodded. "Sure."
"Buddi? Are you coming? A feminine voice called. Sunni peeked in, her blond fur blowing. Tears spilled down Buddi's cheeks. Alive, she was alive. He didn't rush to her but did stare at her a moment, his tears gathering. Ursa and Gritty lead him downstairs. He was feeling more relieved with every person he crossed. And he felt more loved and felt his limited self worth start to expand. He could do things. He wasn't useless. He knew he wasn't.
The trio of Barbics came outside just as the celebration of the skies was beginning. The gas had been spread and as Barbic leader, Ursa's job was to choose the igniter. She thought a minute.
Buddi was so young and had already seen so much. And if what he said was true…she didn't doubt it. Buddi had opened her heart. Opened the others' pity. With a child, they had learned when to fight and when to love and forgive. Forgiving was not their strong point but Buddi had taught them. Subconsciously.
Ursa smiled and handed the bow and lighted arrow to a special Barbic. The one standing by her leg.
Buddi stared at her. She shot him a wink. "Go for it, Buddi."
Aiming carefully, Buddi released the arrow and it shot into the air. Designs of trees, stars and animals took flame and seemed to flicker, as they became shapes of pure flame. Ursa scooped Buddi up and put him on Gritty's shoulders so he could see better. Buddi laughed.
"One arrow could do all that."
Ursa chuckled and looked to Buddi.
"Like a grain of rice. Or a Barbic child."
Buddi smiled and said to her,
"It's hard to believe but its true. I started to wish I didn't see that but now I'm glad. I'm the rice. The single grain of rice."
Gritty and Ursa chuckled. Then said in unison.
"But sometimes that can make all the difference."