Oh, Come On!
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. They belong to Toei. You would think that after writing so many fics, people would learn by now, but I have to protect myself, ne?
Pairings: Taito, Daikeru
Warning: Umm...yaoi? Got it? Good. Lime. Got it? Good. Okay now, this is an idea I had a while ago when I was pondering what would happen if Yamato got famous. I mixed in sex, humor, and just a tad of self-insertion, and this was the result. Well...you have to read it for yourself... ^^;;
Author's Notes: ~Nani~ indicates telephone. *Nani* indicates actions and sounds.
~~~~~~
"Yamato."
"..."
"Yamato."
"..."
"Yamato!"
"Hn?"
"You're ignoring me again."
"Am not!"
"Are too! All you care about is your music!"
"C'mon, Taichi! You know I love you!"
"Then why are you ignoring me?"
"Tai, you don't have to get all upset. Chill out."
"Yeah, I know. I'm being silly, huh? I know your concert is in a few weeks and you have to write some new songs."
"Thanks for being so understanding." *Smooches Taichi* "You know what? Let's take a break."
"Hontou ni?"
"Sure, I've worked enough for today. Besides, band practice isn't for a few hours."
"So what do you wanna do?"
"I can think of a few things..."
"Ooh. Naughty, Yamato. I like it."
"Rwaor!" *Ring ring ring* "Dammit!"
"Just ignore it!"
"What if it's one of the band members? It could be important."
"Fine. Hmph."
"Hello?"
~Hi, is this the Ishida residence?~
"Yes, it is."
~Oh, my God. Is this Yamato?~
"Yes, it is."
~OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! I'm Kupoke and I'm your biggest fan! Is Taichi there?~
"Yes, he is...wait...how do you know about Taichi?"
"What? Yamato, who's that?"
~Like I said, I'm you're biggest fan! Oh my God! Was that Taichi? WAI! How often do you guys have sex?~
"Excuse me?"
~What kind of gel do you use? Where can I get some? Where does Taichi get his goggles? What kind of underwear does he wear? What kind of underwear do you wear?~
"Listen, I'm kinda busy right now. Bye bye." *Click*
"Who was that?"
"Some fangirl."
"Okay...where were we?"
"Oh...I was just about to..." *Ring ring ring*
"Oh, please. Just ignore it?"
"I can't, Taichi! You understand."
"Yeah..."
"Hello?"
~Good afternoon. Would you be interested in subscribing to the Odaiba Times?~
"Yes, I would." *Click* "No one important."
"Good, now can we..." *Ring ring ring*
"Hold that thought. Hello?"
~Hi, is Timmy there?~
"Sorry, I think you have the wrong number."
~Are you sure there isn't a Timmy there?~
"No, there isn't anyone by that name here."
~What's your name then, mister?~
"Me? I'm Yamato."
~THE Yamato? MOMMY! I'M ON THE PHONE WITH YAMATO! YES, THAT YAMATO! So whatcha doing, Yamato?~
"Err, I was just trying to spend some time...uh...relaxing." *Covers receiver with hand* "Taichi, would you stop that? The last thing I want to do is traumatize some kid." *On the phone again.* "So, what's your name?"
~Oh, my name's Alexia. I'm your biggest fan! So your next concert is in a few weeks, huh?~
"Yesssss, I mean yeah it is." *Covers receiver again* "I thought I told you to stop that!" *On the phone* "So did you get tickets?"
~Oh, yes! Definitely! I wouldn't miss it for the world! Would you say that this concert will be better than your last one, because I was there too and it was totally awesome!~
"Oh...oh, God yes! I mean, I think that this one will be even better than the last one..."
~Are you feeling alright? You sure are breathing funny.~
"Ohhhhh...actually I think I'm coming down with something so I better gooooo...bye!" *Click* "Taichi!"
"What? What did I do?"
"Taichi! I asked you nicely not to do that!"
"M'sorry, Yama. Can we still..." *Ring ring ring* "Please! Unplug that damn phone!"
"You know I can't do that! Hello?"
~What's Taichi's favorite color? What's your favorite color?~
"You're Kupoke, right?"
~OH MY GOD! YAMATO KNOWS MY NAME!~
"Right. I thought I told you I was busy."
~Still? How long does it take you guys to have sex, anyway?~
"Zuh? How did...nevermind..."
~Do me a favor? Say, "I love you, Taichi."~
"Nani?"
~C'mon! Say it! Onegai?~
"What? Why?"
~I think it's sweet! Please?~
"Oh, alright. I love you, Taichi."
"Zuh? Yamato? What the hell..."
~WAI! That is so kawaii! Wait, can you say it again? My tape recorder ran out of batteries.~
"Wha? Are you planning to blackmail me?"
~No! I just wanna listen to it over and over and over again!~
"Okay...I gotta go. Bye." *Click*
"Okay, what was that about?"
"Nothing, let's screw."
"Okay! I'll..." *Ring ring ring* "GOD DAMN IT!"
"Hello?"
~Yamato? It's Takeru! I need help!~
"Takeru? What is it? What's wrong?"
"What? Takeru's in trouble?"
~Oh, it's horrible oniichan! Daisuke...Daisuke...~
"What? What happened to Daisuke?"
"Is there something wrong with Daisuke? Yamato?"
~Daisuke got his goggles caught in his hair and on my underwear while we were..."
"Okay, I understand! No need to go into detail! Hold on." *Covers receiver* "Remember our first time?"
"Oh. No further explanation needed."
"Okay, go on."
~Now he's stuck between my legs and we can't move! Can you help us out?~
"Okay, here's what you do. Carefully unhook the straps on the goggles. Any quick movements and the elastic could snap and injure someone."
~Wait...how do you...~
"Don't ask. Just don't ask."
~Oh, right. These goggles used to belong to Taichi. Hold on...damn. No can do. The elastic won't come free.~
"Okay. There's no way you can slip the underwear off?"
~We can try. Hold on...hmm...damn! Hold still! Oh, it can't hurt that much! No, not right now! Yes, I'm trying to free us! I said hold still! Sorry, it's not working. Daisuke keeps whining about the pain.~
"Are there any sharp objects nearby you can use to cut your underwear off?"
~Umm...the scissors are a couple feet away...maybe if I stretch a little I can reach them. Hmm...just a little further...kuso! My head! Oww! Shimatta! Oh, I'm sorry! Are you okay, Daisuke?~
"What happened?"
~I kinda fell over and hit my head. Damn, that's gonna bruise later. Hey, the scissors are within reach! Yes! Okay...we're free! You know how ridiculous you look with underwear stuck on your forehead, Dai-chan? Wait...I know that look on your eyes...oh boy! Bye, oniichan!~
"Okay, bye." *Click* "He's free. We can continue now."
"Good...c'mere!" *Ring ring ring* "KUSO!!!!! I'm never gonna get some!"
"Hello?"
~Okay, I got some new batteries. Please say it again?~
"I love you, Taichi."
"What the heck?"
"Can I go now?"
~EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!~
"Whatever." *Click*
"I know there's something up with that! Who the hell was that?"
"I'll tell you later. Shall we continue?"
"Okee dokee." *Ring ring ring* "Oh, come on!"
"Hello?"
~Hey, Yama. it's time for practice.~
"Already? Ohhhhh, alright." *Click* "I gotta go."
"What the fu...dude! We didn't get to screw yet!"
"When I get home, I promise!"
"What do I do in the meantime? I WANT SEX!"
"Hey, chill! C'mon. You're not mad, are you?"
"No...no, I'm not. You have to practice. I understand."
"Okay. See you in a few hours?"
"Okay, bye." *Smooches Yamato*
"Bye." *Smooches Taichi and leaves*
"Okay...what do I do now? Hmm...ah, screw this." *Picks up the phone and dials a number* "Daisuke? Can you go down and steal Yamato's car battery?"
~Owari~
Oh boy! You read my fic! ^_^ ::Glomp:: Thank you! Now review my ficcy and I'll be the happiest girl on earth! Wee! ::Runs around in circles, spinning and giggling madly::