Red vs Blue v.2

chapter 1

Hey, so this is the first "episode" of my red vs blue v.2. Now this one's not as funny as future chapters because I had to try and set everything up as well as make it funny. But I've reviewed the newer chapters to my friends and they think they're much funnier. So ignore the slight mildness of this chapter. I'll have a notice similar to this one at the tops of any chapters that are more action/set up to say it's mild, but the set ups make things funnier, so I hope you all enjoy.

here's the key to the typing

this is talking-this is thinking-this is scene(giving u a mental image)-this is action

Edge & Milton are guarding Red base. Sig & Raz are waiting the side of the base, waiting for their new tank.

Milton: Hey Sarge, do you ever wonder what the Blues do while we stand here & talk?

Edge: Well actually, I've wondered that for many months now. I usually come to the conclusion that they're getting ready to snipe us out. I mean, haven't you ever noticed I'm always standing behind the warthog...behind a big rock....But really, you think they would have taken us out by now. But nooooooo. They're trying to make us delusional, make us think that every thing's safe so we let our guard down and then BAM!!! They strike. This could go on for months even years, but I'm aware and intelligent of the situation, so they'll eventually tire out of boredom waiting and return to their base vulnerable, and then we make out attack. Heck, they think they're so smart, but they don't stand a chance.

3 second pause.

Milton:Or they could be standing way over there by their base with a new tank.

3 second pause.

Edge:Oh...so...a new tank you say...yeah, get inside the base.

Shifts to Blue base.

Sig:Man, this tank is huge. You know, I bet I could blow up anything with this thing.

Raz:Yeah, and we could totally pick up some chicks in this thing. We just need to make it more feminine, like adding pink or flowers. NO! BETTER! Pink flowers! Yeah.

Sig:OK, first off, we are NOT going to feminize a tank. Second, what chicks!? We're in the middle of a canyon! And third, we are NOT going to feminize a tank. I mean look at it! If this thing was alive, it'd totally be a guy.

Sherry:Systems online. Transfer complete. Hello, and thank you for activating the M8-O8 main battle tank. You may call me Sherry.

3 second pause.

Raz:I fuckin' knew it was a girl.

Sig:Shut up you lying cock bite.

Shifts to Red base

Edge:Oh no! What are we gonna do!? We can't take out a tank! We need to call the army! Terrorists are attacking!

Milton:Uh, we are the army. And what are you talking about? Their tank's cockpit is just some bars that come down! We have a gat-link gun on the wart-hog that can shoot 1,000 bullets per second! I think we have the advantage here.

Edge: what are you talking about!? The only thing on the wart-hog is a very big gun! Now tell me why would we need a gun for a war!?

Milton:says sarcastically I really don't know, sir.

Edge:How could you be so lazy!? You know you could be helping come up with how to prevent us both from being blown up by a tank!

Milton:sighs, says sarcastically Why not use the gun on the wart-hog to shoot the blues and kill them before they can use the tank and kill us. You can drive and I'll shoot. Their tank is vulnerable right now, so we could blow that up, too.

Edge:Quiet, Milton, I'm thinking. I got it! We can use the gun on the wart-hog to shoot the blues and kill them before they can use the tank and kill us. I'll drive, and you can take the gunner's position. In fact, their tank is vulnerable right now, so we could blow that up, too! It's the perfect plan! Now you gotta learn to pitch ideas, too. How do you think I got to be a Sargent? By being involved in this war. I could give you some lessons if you'd like.

Milton:sighs Up your's!

Edge:Excuse me?

Milton:Sorry, up your's, sir!

Edge:That's better.

Shifts to Blue base.

Sig:For the last time! Having pink flowers, or yellow flowers, or any other color flowers won't attract women!

Raz:Well I don't see you coming up with any ideas. You know what, forget it. I don't need a tank to get girls, I can just use my natural charm.

Sig:says sarcastically Yeah, natural charm, that'll work.

Raz:Hey, wanna go spy on the Reds?

Sig:Eh.... sure.

Raz:Hey, do you ever wonder what the Reds do while we just stand here and talk?

Sig:No, not really.

Raz:Oh.

END