ok guys here's the deal. obviously i've been writing like no other lately. this one sprang up out of nowhere at like 11:00 the other night as i was trying to go to sleep so i decided i would post it. its unlike anything i've ever written and i'm not sure what i think about it. read, enjoy, review. three simple steps to a very happy author! Thanks guys! (obviously i don't own it)
Many times forbidden love is the sweetest. The thrill of doing what you know you shouldn't and the satisfaction that only love can bring. The prospect of going to hell for sinning is also an incentive to use that love to its fullest, to enjoy every last second of it as much as possible. Forbidden love is usually done sneakily, behind backs and quietly. Sometimes it is hidden in plain sight but never seen. My love is most definitely forbidden. You are supposed to love a brother, but not as I do. I wish to run my hands down naked flesh and feel his lips upon mine. I wish to pull him as close as I can and feel his skin brush against mine.
I do this as well, it is not only a fantasy but reality. And it is hidden right in front of my parents' faces. We tell them the truth when they ask but they think nothing of it, maybe a new game sasuke has invented, perhaps a new training technique. If ever they actually discover us we shall tell them we never lied and they shall know we do not lie then either. It will be pinned back on them that they didn't see it earlier and they cannot possibly do anything about it by that time.
My younger brother is nearly twelve now. We have not done anything too serious. I do not wish to strip him of all innocence. But hearing my name gasped at the peak of desire by my younger brother is the highest sense of pleasure I have received thus far. I am afraid I shall not be around much longer. My family is starting to become wary of me. They watch me with cautioned eyes and it is well they do so. I often times cannot control myself. However I do not believe they could stop me if they tried.
I do hope that if one day I do break calm and attack I have the sense of mind to protect my dearest brother. He may detest me after but as long as he stays safe I can deal with his resentment. I think maybe I could leave before this happens. I would not be a risk to my beloved little brother nor would I be prone to attack my family either. I do not wish to leave him behind but I may have to. He may not understand but he will in time I'm sure. Perhaps I will leave him with something to remember me by.
I feel the control of myself slip further and the worst has come. I must leave, I am a major threat to all I hold dear. Today shall be the last day that I can show my love how much he means to me before I must disappear. I think I shall find him in the usual training spot. I shall go to him now. Watching him train with the moves I have taught him, and led to our sibling sinning, sweaty and grunting did nothing to ease my state. I walked to him unawares and wrapped my arms around his waist quickly stopping him from finishing his move. He leaned his head back and kissed me with no hesitation.
He was relaxed in my grasp. I held him for a few moments, his sweaty body soaking the front of my clothing but I did not care. I held him there enjoying the feeling of him pressed against me. I knew I would never forgive myself if I ever hurt him. And I realized that if I accomplished what I was hoping to, it would only hurt him more if something happened. The thought squeezed my heart in a vice grip and felt like it would squeeze the life out of me. My breath hitched and he turned to face me. His small perfect face was contorted in worry.
"What's wrong Itachi?" I wished to drive that worry from his mind. I instead wanted to fill that space up with a love from someone other than his older brother. I realized he did not know life without me. He did not know what it was like to be alone. He hadn't chose to be with me and he didn't know how wrong it was. It was all he'd ever known and purely custom now. He may truly love me. That I do not dispute, but I think that he should not. I know he should not. He does not.
I realized by staying I also would end up hurting him anyway. Him being so young he should also be with someone so young. It was not right for me to keep him. I needed to dispose of his love for me somehow and replace it with resentment and anger. These emotions would keep him from loving me. It may distance him from others for a while but he is strong and he will put them behind him eventually. I simply shook my head and gave him a small smile, trying to ease his anguish. It worked for he smiled back and the tension melted from his face. He then flung his self upon me and kissed me hard on the lips as he wormed his arms around my neck. My arms found themselves around his waist pulling his feet off the ground to wrap around my middle. This was doing nothing to help my decision to leave. I abruptly ended the kiss and pulled my face back. Breathless and puzzled he looked at me questioningly. I set him down on the ground again and dreaded the words I would say to him.
"I am leaving Sasuke." I said firmly. He stared at me uncomprehendingly and exceedingly puzzled. He shook his head slowly as the words sunk in.
"But why? Don't go!" he said quietly, frightened. I wanted nothing more than to pull him into my arms and reassure him I was only joking. But I was not, and I could not. I may hurt him leaving but in the long run it would save him pain.
"I have grown tired of being here. I need something more satisfying than anything here has to offer." I said coldly, dispassionately. He stared at me for a long minute and when he finally blinked a tear fell with it.
"What of me? Do I not satisfy you? Am I not good enough? Should I try harder?" He barely concealed a tremor in his voice and it was breaking my heart to see him cry. He should not cry for me. It weakened my resolve a little and I almost reached out to him. I stopped myself and spoke.
"There is nothing more you can do for me." except be happy. I added in silence. More tears fell from his eyes as I turned and walked away. I left him standing in the clearing crying. I now had to know it had ended. It was time to see just exactly what it was I was initially going to run from. I was to test the clan. I needed Sasuke to hate me, how better than to turn him to avenger? To be avenger you must avenge and to avenge must someone die. Many, many people died that night and it killed me every step of the way. As long as it separated me and my dear brother, its was all I could ask for. I am truly sorry my beloved little angel, I never meant to hurt you but drastic measures had to be taken. Maybe one day I will get a chance to explain it to you. Perhaps not. Time will tell. Perhaps you will understand. Perhaps not. You will decide. I do love you Sasuke, I only wish to protect you. Perhaps I am making a very big mistake. I guess I will never know.
ok so yeah i know, Wtf right? wierd yes, but good no? anyway just click that little button that says review and make me happy!