All Over Again

by dksculder

If given the chance, would you change anything that brought you to this specific moment in your life? What would the consequences of those changes be? Mulder and Scully are given the chance to find out.

1. Scully

"Why would I accept defeat? Why would I accept it, if you won't? Mulder, you say that you've failed, but you only fail if you give up. And I know you - you can't give up. It's what I saw in you when we first met. It's what made me follow you, why I'd do it all over again." It's what made me love you, Mulder. But I couldn't say that, not now, he wasn't ready. I stared back at the face of the man I gave my life for. He was my life now, and before if I were being honest with myself. I could read the guilt bestowed on his face.

"And look what it's gotten you." He responded, and I knew I was right. He felt guilty for the current situation, thinking that he had ruined my life once again. Truth is, he made my life what it was. I wouldn't be this person laying beside him if I hadn't faced the obstacles along the way. My family and friends that I once had may never understand, but this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.

"And what has it gotten you? Not your sister. Nothing that you've set out for. But you won't give up, even now. You've always said that you want to believe. But believe in what Mulder? If this is the truth that you've been looking for, then what is left to believe in?"

I was exasperated with his self-pity party and needed to put an end to it. I almost hoped his response would be that he believed in me. I knew he did, that was never a question, but I needed to know that he was still as committed to this as I was. While he was gone, our fight became mine alone, and I delved into that quest for the truth that I had come to know so well.

As he finally joined me on the bed and laid facing me, I could see the passion in his eyes. It wasn't the fire that once burned for his quest, he had those answers. He knew about his sister, he had found the truths about hidden conspiracies. No, this was different. He looked at me like I was the only thing that tethered him to earth anymore, and truth is, I had been for a while. I don't think we really know how to exist without the other, we've lost so much, that we truly are each other's constants. He's declared it before, and like the coward I am, I just simply agreed. I've never been one to make my own declarations of emotion that I feel for this man, but he knows. He has to know. I meant what I said all those years ago when I told him that I wouldn't change a day. It stood as true then as it does now. I cuddled in closer, reassuring him that I'm not leaving, and drifted off to a comfortable sleep.

When I woke the next morning, I was instantly startled by my surroundings. I shook my head and closed my eyes hoping to clear the morning grogginess, but my familiar apartment furnishings still stared back at me when I looked again. I glanced at the bed next to me, and saw that it had been empty, no one had slept beside me. What further confused me was the pajamas that I was wearing, I haven't had a pair like this since-

I ran to the bathroom and my face paled at the reflection staring back at me. This wasn't the Dana Scully that I have come to accept, the one who has faced and overcome demons of a figurative and literal sense. No, this Dana Scully staring back at me was the bright eyed, innocent faced young agent who first walked into Fox Mulder's basement office 9 years ago.

I splashed water on my face and tried to wake myself up from the obvious dream I was having. That's the only explanation for this, it was a dream. How do you even proceed in a dream you can't wake up from, do you just live it out as you had before? I looked around my apartment for any clue as to how to even move forward. It was obvious that I had diverged into an intense dream state, so I might as well live it out. It's not like this life isn't familiar to me, I've done it all before. I found what I was looking for, my calendar on the computer desk that has my meeting so clearly marked for today. Was I the only one trapped in this dream world, or would everyone else be as confused as me?

Geez, Scully. You've actually lost it, to be analyzing how to act in a dream world. I opened my closet and smiled as I saw the familiar plaid suit jacket staring back at me, ready to be worn for my big day. Of course, it was hung up and prepared for me to dress, I used to be so organized. That was back before I had to pack at a moments notice, and lived a semi-structured life. I almost missed this Dana Scully, but it was someone I had lost so long ago.

My phone rang just as I was about to walk out the door, and I instantly froze. If this was a dream, why was my phone ringing and should I even answer it? This dream was getting more bizarre as the morning passed, but at the same time, the motions I was running through were like dejavu. Ah yes, my mother's phone call wishing me good luck on my first day working a field assignment. It's funny, I don't think I caught the worried, almost disappointed, tone in her voice the first time around. Maybe I'll catch more things I missed along the way, depending on how far into the repeat of my past this dream was planning to take me.

Just as I opened my door, I was startled by the man standing across the hall just outside my apartment. My heart stopped when I met his eyes, I knew this wasn't just an ordinary dream.

"Mr. Hosteen...what are you doing here?" I had to ask cautiously. Last time I checked, he had passed on. Although, on his way out he paid me a visit that no one experienced except for me. Does this mean that I'm on my way out? No, this can't be my life flashing before my eyes, because the last thing I remember was being held in Mulder's arms, safely. Besides, this was one long, very detailed flash if that's what this was.

"Agent Scully, I'm sorry to arrive on such terms. I guess you are wondering why I am visiting you?" He replied, in that calm voice that makes it almost unnerving.

"Well, yes. I am not really sure of anything today."

"This," he gestured around and at me, "is a second chance. You said that you'd do it all over again, this is to test if your heart is as true as your word."

"So I'm reliving my entire life just to make sure I choose the same thing in the end? I don't want a second chance, I meant what I said!" I was irritated now. How dare he, how dare anyone question my word, my loyalty to Mulder.

"Not everything, but the biggest parts that led you to where you fell asleep last night. If you make the same choices along the way, you will awaken where you belong. If you make changes to any part, you must deal with the consequences. I'm sure you are true to your word, but there are things you wish you can change. I see a lot of pain etched onto your face, and you have the choice to take some of that away. That does not always mean that a new pain will not take it's place, but that is for you to make that sacrifice."

"And if I choose as I did before, everything will go back to normal?" I could feel my eyebrow raising.

"It will be what normal is for you. I hope you make the right choices."

With those parting words, he was gone. What the hell did any of that mean? Great, so I'm stuck in this sick version of my past in which I know how everything turns out, but am given the option to keep what brought me pain or change it. But if I do keep the hardships that brought me pain, it's what brought me closer to Mulder, to who I am now. If I choose to change things, who's to say I would be happy with my choices. This is too much power, and a burden to know the future. I hate this.

I made my way to the Hoover building I knew too well, but in this reality I don't know it at all. I checked in, as though it was my first time here and made my way to the meeting. I had to keep my emotions in check, I knew too much of how this all panned out, and had to play like this was all new to me. I don't know if I'll be able to keep up this facade. No, I can do this, I have to. I'm all too intrigued to know just what moments he thought sufficed important enough to lead me to my life today, and what changes I'm given the option to make. I had to think of this as an assignment of its own. It's almost as if I'm undercover, as a past version of myself, with all the facts I need to survive through this again.

I was called into the office and instantly was shaken upon seeing Cancerman leaning smugly against the filing cabinet. I had forgotten that he was in my first meeting when they asked me to basically debunk Mulder's work. Of course, I didn't know who he was at the time. It was difficult to hold in my disgust for him throughout this meeting, and act as if I hadn't heard much of the man who held my very soul. This couldn't have possibly been the first choice that I was given the option to change. To never work with Mulder? That was simply not even a thought that occurred to me, it was an easy decision. So far, so good.

As I made my way down to the basement office, I felt my heart rate quicken. This moment is what I had been most afraid of all morning. I almost picked up my phone to call him several times, but he wouldn't even know who I was. It pained me to have to retract from letting on too much about our relationship. Pushing down urges to touch him in certain ways, or gaze up into his warm, hazel eyes. No, pull yourself together, Scully. I opened the door and made my entrance. I smiled at the familiar setting that became a second home to us, the home we built together, the one that was ours.

"Agent Mulder, I'm Dana Scully, I've been assigned to work with you." He looked back at me startled, that I don't remember from the first meeting. Had I already changed something? Shit, I didn't knock. I just walked right into his little sanctuary of an office, our office.

"Well isn't it nice to suddenly be so highly regarded?" He composed himself quickly, and shook my extended hand. His touch burned my skin and made me ache for more, but we weren't those people yet in this moment. I did look at the young face, and body, of my partner though. When we had first met, I was still trying to establish myself. I didn't allow for secret glances or admiration of his lean figure, but now, I can secretly relish in it.

We carried out the rest of the conversation just as we had before, no more changes. The familiar banter made me smile internally, as I realized we've always been like this. We made our way to Bellefleur, Oregon and my nerves got the best of me. That first flight didn't help. So much heartache had happened to us over the years in Oregon that I was almost scared to return. I shook my head, this is a dream, and I already know how this trip ends.

As we went through the motions of this first case, I wanted to strangle Mulder. I knew he was intentionally pulling out all his Mulder-isms in an attempt to get rid of me; I knew it then and I can see it even more clearly now. I chuckled to myself at how slick he thought he was being. Oh, Mulder, if you only knew it was never going to be that easy to rid of me.

The evening came, and I saw the mosquito bites on my back when I was changing. I rolled my eyes at how naive I had been on our first case and went to hop in the shower. No, I need to pretend to panic about them still. I can't change this, regardless of me knowing the truth. This night, our first night together, was when we both established a trust. I let my vulnerability show when I went to his room all those years ago and asked for someone else's help, their comfort and reassurance. He in return, told me about Samantha, and what his work really meant to him. We had both exposed ourselves that night, in different ways. I couldn't change this, I wouldn't. The hardest part of this reenactment would be not being able to comfort each other with our touch as we have become so accustomed to now. This entire little alternate reality is really testing my patience. Had I honestly deprived myself of Mulder for so long?

I made my way into his room and put on the little, embarrassing show that he still teases me about to this day. He subtly laughed at me, did he laugh at me the first time, too? Bastard, he'll pay for that when I wake up from this dream again. Right after I closed my robe and threw myself into his chest, I could feel him reluctantly put his arm around me. I sighed at the closeness to him, and enjoyed my time in his arms a little longer than I probably should have.

We made our way to the bed, and I laid down ready to listen to him pour his heart out. This hurt more than anything. Not because of what he was telling me, that I had all heard before. It pained me most to listen to the hope in his voice of finding his sister and not be able to assure him of what I knew. I felt almost ashamed to keep the future from him, and a small tear escaped unknowingly from my eye. Before I knew what was happening, Mulder had made his way up to the bed from the floor and was sitting next to me. He smoothly wiped the tear away, and my hand automatically went to cover his own that was cradling my face. We smiled at each other, and he gently stroked my cheek with his thumb. This was a change. I didn't know how these small movements could lead to a substantially different outcome, but I stopped it before it led to anything bigger.

I was saved by the mysterious phone call that Mulder received, I already knew what the caller said. It led us to that moment in the rain, standing before each other, him trying to make a believer out of me. I couldn't help but smile at how much comfort I found in this occasion. After he rambled on about what he thought was happening here, I couldn't help but laugh. I think I laughed that first night, too. Mostly at the ridiculousness of the situation, but also at what I had gotten myself into. I don't think I ever noticed that he took a step towards me in this instance, or I did and didn't allow myself to accept it. But this was different, maybe there are some things I would change. I took a step towards him and laid my forehead on his chest. I felt him put his arm around my waist, and gently kiss the top of my head. I looked up at him and he just sheepishly smiled at me in response.

"Come on, let's get out of here." He said. Breaking whatever this moment was, or preventing it from being anything further. I let out a heavy sigh and followed. I didn't know what these small changes would lead to, but perhaps opening myself up intimately to Mulder so early on wasn't that bad.

When I woke the next morning, I had no idea what day it was. I took a look in the mirror, and noticed the change in hair. Oh, Scully, you sure knew how to reel them in, didn't you? I smiled to myself, it didn't matter, I ended up with the one I wanted, the one I needed.

I dressed for what, as far as I could tell, was a normal work day. There wasn't anything significant that jumped out at me about today, so I had to just play along. Mulder was sending us out on another wild goose chase, I don't quite remember the specifics. Ah, I'm meeting the Lone Gunmen for the first time. They were always quite the unique bunch, but they were such loyal friends. I had to hold back tears since they would not be in the reality I return to. I did miss them.

As the day went on, I still could not figure out the importance of this memory. Sure, Mulder was off on a UFO binge, and it lightened my soul to see him so excited. I don't know where he gets this energy from, but it's exhilarating to be acquainted with. I only wish I appreciated it more the first time around. Now he's rambling on about truths and lies. I remember this conversation well. It's one of the first times I made any kind of personal declaration for him.

"Mulder, you're the only one I trust." This still stands true today, Mulder. You wouldn't believe me if I told you how our trust saved each other on multiple accounts, but it has. It's also melded into something so much deeper, more profound.

Later on, I was absolutely exasperated by this man. How could he drive me so crazy and make me fall in love with him more every day. It was the crazy that I had come to love, if I would admit to myself. Maybe that's what this whole second chance thing was really about, getting me to open myself up sooner to him. I've always known that he would be in my life, no one could deny the connection. I had some doubts along the way, of course I was mostly the one creating the distance, but maybe I didn't have to be. This time, maybe allowing myself to permit him into my heart sooner would save us a lot of heartache along the way. There was only truly one way to find out, and what harm could it possibly do? This was a dream.

"I have never met anyone so passionate and dedicated to a belief as you. It's so intense that sometimes it's blinding. It's why I -" Coward. Where did my courage go? Was it too early to tell him that I love him? Yes. I can't even do it now, 9 years later. He's always known, but this is a man who needs reassurance that I'm not leaving. I really need to get better at this.

"It's why you what, Scully?" He looked at me, almost worried that I was going to say it's why I'm walking away. Why I can't do this anymore. I can see the doubt forming on his face. Oh, Mulder, on the contrary.

"It's why I - I respect you, and have grown to care for you, as an important person in my life." I managed in a small whisper. It wasn't a heart-wrenching declaration by anyone's standards, but it did establish a new foundation for us. Not new, just sooner. I don't think he was ready for it, I shouldn't have pushed. He just nodded and put his hand over mine. He leaned in and gave me a small kiss to my temple. I closed my eyes to bask in the contact. It's amusing to me how I'm the one furthering our relationship with words in this scenario. Another change, I don't know how this will affect anything, and now I'm almost scared to ask.

As I went through the motions of the next day I had woken to, an uneasy feeling surged through me. I knew what this day was. It was the day they shut us down, the first time, at least. I knew the events that had led to it, and I knew when that announcement was coming. This was something I could change, I could change the loneliness that Mulder must have felt when he got the message. He didn't have to be alone, truth is, he never really was. I was always there, but I suppose it's my fault he didn't understand that this early on.

"Wait a second, Mulder? I - I just want to say that I was wrong."

"It's all right, don't worry about it."

"No, um, if you'd had listened to me, we wouldn't be here right now. I should know by now to trust your instincts."

"Why? Nobody else does."

This conversation I remember so vividly. I think it's the first time that he really accepted that I was on his side. I'm sure no one else had ever told 'Spooky' Mulder that they were wrong, and he was right. Even if it happened more times than not. At this point, I remember rambling on about science and how I held it near and dear, but that's just usually my way of hiding. I hide behind the science because I can understand it. Not this time, this time I'm doing this for Mulder's benefit. For my own.

"Because I respect you. I will always follow you on your instincts, Mulder. Don't ever forget that." I looked him dead in the eye. I challenged him to say anything contradictory to that. He needed to understand that regardless of what is set to happen today, I'm always with him.

He nodded in resignation and pulled me into an embrace. Message received. This moment of intimacy would help me carry out my plan for later on. I didn't want to be separated when we heard the news of them shutting us down, so now it would be easier to suggest we be together. I don't think I'm ready to really be together in that way, but in a comfortable setting would do for now.

After the rest of our eventful day that I could have gone without reliving, I suggested that he come to my apartment to unwind. I think he was surprised by the invitation, but gladly accepted. He said that he had been called in for a late meeting, but would meet me afterwards. I didn't trust that he wouldn't hole himself up in his apartment after receiving the news, so I waited for him.

He was surprised to see me waiting by his car as he made his exit from the Hoover building. It tugged at my heart to see the sad eyes that I had become so acquainted with over the years. I never saw just how much this outcome truly affected him, I only heard it in his voice. He slowly approached me, and stepped right in front of me, his head hanging low.

"What's wrong?" I tried to mask the pain in my voice, feigning innocence.

"They're shutting us down, Scully. Reassigning us to other sections." I now know why he called me to tell me this news. He couldn't come to terms with it originally, and now having to tell me in person that we would no longer be together was eating him alive. His work, our work, was just being dusted aside and left to be collected with the trash. I knew that trying to fight them was a lost cause, it was even then.

"We can still fight, Mulder. It may not be the fight that you had hoped, but you can't stop searching for the truth."

"I'm not going to give up. I can't. Not as long as the truth is out there. But this isn't your fight, Scully. You can still distance yourself from this mess that I created. I'm sorry for dragging you along."

"Stop it right there. I am your partner, this was just as much my fight as it was yours. I chose to stand beside you for all of this, and I'd do it all over again, Mulder." I lightly placed my hand on his chest. He closed his eyes at the contact in junction to my words, and reveled in the moment. I don't think he fully understood how important this was to me this early on. To him, I was still the little spy sent in to shut him down. Well, we did still lose the x files, but I'd like to thing he gained me in a new way. I needed him to understand that even now, we were one mind, one soul.

"You know, Scully. I may not have the x files, but I still have myself, and my work. Now I'm happy to know that I still have you." As he said these words to me, I knew I heard them before, but not in this setting. Shit, things were changing. Maybe not drastically, but speeding up nonetheless. I had to relax the nervous energy within me, and compose myself so that he didn't suspect that something was wrong.

"You'll always have me, Mulder." I smiled at him and saw his face change. It gleamed in a way that I don't think I've ever really seen before. This was a different expression than I was ever used to seeing on my young partner's face. It almost melted my heart to know that I had done that for him. "Still want to hang out with me tonight? I know I could use the company." I asked cautiously, not really wanting him to make an inference into my invitation. I still wasn't ready for that, not yet.

"Sure, I'll follow you back to your place." He smiled down at me and watched me walk away to my car. Tonight was going to be a new milestone for us. Not in any physical intimate kind of way, but perhaps an intellectual intimacy. I loved the first night we spent together, with him baring his soul. Perhaps we didn't do enough of it, and when we did, it was because it was a near death situation or there were clones involved. I chuckled to myself at the absurdity that my life had become. That was my normal, and I still wouldn't change it.

Once we made it back to my apartment, I put on the coffee and we both made ourselves comfortable on the couch. He asked if I wanted to watch a movie, and I shook my head and just said I wanted to talk.

"I think I'm going to miss being holed up with you every day." I lightly teased.

"Ah, Scully. We can always share a cubicle." He leered back at me. I gently hit his arm and rolled my eyes.

We never really had this before. This light heartedness; a casual conversation. There was so much pain coming to us that I wanted him to have more to hold onto when we had to face it. I was able to gloss over the death of my father in this dream, though it still hurt to think about. I also managed to skim right past the whole Phoebe Green debacle. I'm glad I wasn't given a choice to make in that situation, I might have punched the bitch.

"You wish, Mulder."

"Hey Scully," his demeanor instantly changed, and my pulse began to quicken in response to his expression, "Why - why did you stay my partner for even this long? Usually people go running from 'Spooky' Mulder, and with the drastic difference in our beliefs, I thought you would have ran out of there a long time ago." His voice trailed off, almost as if he was scared of the answer.

I had to craft my response delicately. I couldn't very well laugh in his face and tell him that this was only the beginning and he never really could get me to leave that easily. I also couldn't tell him that my dedication was more to him than it was to the work. Even then, now, I knew I stayed for him. I knew I fought the good fight because I believed in him, even if I didn't believe in anything else.

"I believe in you, Mulder. I've said it before, I've never seen someone with so much passion in their soul. You dive into everything with your all, and I respect that on a level that I don't think even I can explain. I envy how willing you are to believe, and I absorb as much as I will allow myself when I'm around you. I guess, it became more of a personal conquest, rather than professional." I let out a heavy sigh, here it goes, just do it Dana. "I stayed for you, Mulder, you've become very important to me."

When I finally shifted my glance up from my lap, I could see him turning over my words in his head. I don't think he was ready for that kind of dedication and commitment from someone, it's not something he was accustomed to. He finally met my eyes, and we just held each other's gaze for a moment. It was strange how even this early on we could communicate with just our silent thoughts. He leaned in closer to me, and I didn't pull back. I may not be ready for anything more, but something to seal our sentiments for each other should have been done so much sooner than it was.

He placed a gentle kiss on my lips, and let it linger for a moment before placing another one on my forehead. He whispered "thank you" into my hair and separated himself from me. I almost pouted at the loss of contact, but knew he was making the right decision for the both of us. He got up and began to gather his things, saying that it was getting late and he should be going. I nodded in agreement and walked him to the door. He stopped just outside before leaving and turned abruptly to gather me into his arms. He closed the space between us with a deep kiss and then just as quickly, let me go and walked towards the exit of my building. The smile on my face remained until I situated myself in bed, I couldn't wait to wake up to whatever tomorrow would bring.

I groused from my sleep, still unaware of the significance of the day and began to get ready for work. I hated knowing how things would end, but never knowing what day it was that I had to face. There were good and bad to this whole predicting of the future thing.

As I made my way into work, I noticed the commotion happening around me. Confused, I finally found out what was going on. A hostage situation. Realization set in, and my heart dropped. I paled instantly as I knew exactly what this day was. Duane Barry.

I made a quick exit to the only place I felt safe, what was once our basement office. I couldn't go through this, not again. I know I said I would do it all over again, but willingly giving myself up to be kidnapped and abducted was asking a lot. I am practically pacing a hole into the floor because I can't seem to settle my nerves. Think, Dana. What would changing my abduction cost me? It's a question I've asked myself a few times. The 'what if' game I've played more often than I'd ever like to admit. It's not that I doubted my choices, I just always wondered what would have been different.

If I weren't abducted, I would have never been tested on. This means that the chip in my neck wouldn't exist. Neither would the cancer, my infertility, or Emily. Oh great, here come the tears. Melissa. She would have never had to come back into this mess of my life. She would have never died because of me. When comparing the things I would gain to what, or if anything that I would lose, it seemed an easy choice. Could I be that selfish? Part of me believes that my abduction is what really tethered me to Mulder's fight. It became personal for me then more so than it already was. I couldn't give up that connection to him for my own selfish reasons, but I had to believe that him and I would find another way to be together. We were already working towards that now, it wouldn't be hard to just veer a little off course.

Mulder. Shit, I need to get down to the hostage area and try to convince my stubborn partner to listen to me about Duane Barry. This wasn't fun the first time, and I'm not really looking forward to it again. I made my way down here and fought to have my authority that I probably am not really entitled to, but I seem to think I am. While they're inside handling the hostage situation, I get lost in my own thoughts. How can I change my abduction? It truly is a major stepping stone into our lives, for everyone. Would changing it cause such a ripple in the events that follow? It would definitely cut down on the guilt that Mulder feels every time he looks at me. He will never get it through his head that these were my choices, and I don't blame him for anything that happened to me. But maybe now, I don't ever have to reassure him of that, since I can prevent it from happening in the first place.

I don't change anything else throughout the day, and my anxiety builds as I head home. I know what's coming, but this time, I'm prepared. I have the metal implants from Duane Barry, and I know it's used for him to find me. I situate myself, gun in hand, and wait for his arrival. I call Mulder and when he answers I only greet him with a brisk "Mulder, I need your help" and hang up. I need my concentration focused on the task, and I don't have time to answer his questions. There will be a time for that later. A short while following, I heard the sounds outside my apartment, and I see his face glaring back at me through the window. He breaks in, making his entrance, and I aim my gun straight at him. It doesn't seem to phase him, and he lunges at me. I fire as he's mid air, and he hits the ground with a loud thud. I thought he was out cold, and as I went to step beside him to check, he grabbed one of my ankles, bringing me down next to him. I hit my head hard on the end table, and begin to feel the effects. Barry reached for my gun that was knocked out of my hand, but before he could get there, Mulder came running into my apartment, gun ready. He was able to tackle Barry and pin him to the floor to restrain him. Although, the bastard didn't put up much more of a fight, considering he was dealing with a gunshot wound to the chest.

Mulder then made his way over to me, after calling for paramedics for the both of us. I knew I was most likely just dealing with a concussion, but it became rather difficult to stay awake. I groggily could feel Mulder holding me close to his chest and whispering that everything was going to be fine. I almost scoffed at his sentiments, when things are fine Mulder, there's usually something very wrong. I could hear the paramedics telling him to let them get me to the hospital, but I didn't want him to leave me just yet. I grasped onto his hand with as much strength as I could muster, and he got the message. He rode with me in the ambulance, and I looked over into his huge, worried eyes. I squeezed his hand again, and smiled at him to let him know it was truly going to be okay. I could see the guilt clouding his face, but it wasn't nearly as intense as it could have been. I've seen it to the point of no return. We could return from this, that I believed. I must have been satisfied with his response in understanding, because his smile was the last thing I remember before everything faded to darkness.

When I woke, I felt more sluggish than I had any preceding day, and couldn't figure out why. I looked around, and slightly panicked at the unfamiliar surroundings. No, not unfamiliar, just not what I was expecting. I was at my mother's house, but why? With a heavy sigh I dragged myself out of bed and towards the smell of the fresh coffee in the kitchen. I was greeted by the warm, comforting smile on my mother's face. This was something I knew I took for granted, and I had missed dearly already.

"Good morning, Dana. I made fresh coffee, and I can heat up some breakfast for you. You slept a little later than usual, are you feeling okay today?" She asked, instantly putting me on alert.

Something definitely changed, because I don't remember any instance that I allowed my mother to take care of me for an extended period of time. Sure, I escaped to her house sometimes when I needed to get away from things, because as much as she wanted to, she never pried too much. Now, I was positive that I was about to find out just what consequences I would have to face for the decision that I had made.

"Uh, I think so. Mom, why am I here?" I asked cautiously, I honestly had no clue what was going on, but I could tell by her worried expression that the answer wasn't so pleasant.

"Dana, do you - you don't remember anything? We need to call the doctor."

"No, mom. Wait. I just - Can you please just tell me, before we call the doctor?" I pleaded with my eyes.

"I don't want to overwhelm you if you truly don't remember. You haven't had a memory issue for a few months." She sighed and motioned for me to sit next to her at the table. She grabbed my hands and cradled them in hers for comfort. "Dana, you were in a coma after that attack. You had a severe concussion, and they didn't know what the ramifications would be. We didn't know if you would ever wake up. You - you were in a coma for about 6 months."

I stared back at the worried face of my mother, and I could tell she was trying to mask her emotions for my benefit. It's funny, I had never realized how fresh faced and carefree she looked before I decided to bring the darkness into her life, too. I didn't know how to respond, so I just nodded, hoping she would continue to fill in the gaps. This was, after all, not the life I had once lived.

"The doctor's weren't very optimistic with your outcome, and I couldn't afford to keep paying your rent. I let your apartment go, and put your things into storage. Fox helped me handle all of that, he was very sweet."

"Mulder! Where is he?"

"Honey, calm down. He's fine, he'll probably be by at some point today. I can't seem to keep him away no matter how much I tell him you need your rest." I can see the smirk forming on her face, it probably matches the one on mine.

"How did I wake up? Or when I guess?"

"You've been out of your coma for 4 months now. But you haven't had a memory slip since your first month home. I really want you to at least have a follow up with the doctor."

"Yeah, that's fine. Mom, do I still work?"

"Dana, you have been recovering. We all decided that it was best for you to resign from the bureau, and take a break for a while. You, included. You have been picking up shifts at the hospital part-time in the morgue, but we're not letting you take on too much, no matter how much you keep fighting us on it. You must have had a stressful day yesterday, maybe that's what's causing this memory loss." She answered carefully.

My mind was reeling with this information. I wouldn't have walked away from the bureau like, that. From Mulder. This wasn't how any of this was supposed to happen. I promised him that I would always be by his side, and here I am, vulnerable and helpless. This wasn't the Dana Scully I knew. She would have fought back, and despite whatever she faced, she always came out on top, stronger than ever. Maybe Mulder would be able to clarify some things for me that I could tell my mother was holding back. She didn't want to overwhelm me, but I needed to know.

"I'm going to set up an appointment with my doctor, just to be sure. Then I'll call Mulder." I smiled at my mother reassuringly and made my exit.

I called the doctor after getting the number from my mom, just because I knew she would nag at me if I didn't, and then made my call to Mulder. I knew he would be able to provide me with the answers I needed, and wouldn't lie to me.

"Mulder."

"Hey, Mulder. It's me." I answered all too familiarly. I actually missed our phone calls.

"Scully! Hey, how ya feelin' today?" He answered excitedly. A lot had definitely change in these past few months.

"I'm fi- okay. I, uh, had some memory loss this morning so I am just piecing things together."

"Memory loss? Did you call the doctor? Did you have a stressful day yesterday? It's been months since that happened last..." He replied, his voice drifting off into his own thoughts.

I smiled at how much he worried about me, even now (then?), I don't even know what relevance time is to me anymore. I knew that even changing something as big as my abduction, Mulder and I would find a way to be together in some form.

"Calm down, Mulder. Everything is perfectly fine. I was wondering, if you're not too busy, if you could come over to my mom's and help me try to remember some things."

"Sure, Scully. I'd be happy to." I could actually hear the excitement in his voice, like a little kid who just got a shiny new toy.

He came over on his lunch break, and greeted me with a kiss on my cheek, right in front of my mother. Oh, yeah, things had definitely changed. I wasn't quite sure how to respond, so I just presented a shy smile. I was more concerned about filling in the last 10 months of my life.

Once I was able to pry him away from talking to my mother, we got comfortable on the couch, and he gave me that Mulder look of worry I know too well. He could tell something else was going on, and it wasn't just a memory loss I was facing, but where would I even begin to explain? I laughed at the thought of trying to tell some tall tale about how I have lived this life before, but not quite because I changed some things along the way. The funniest part was, that Mulder would probably actually believe me.

"Scully, you don't remember anything?"

"I remember the attack." I had to pause and cover his hand with mine after I notice him wince with guilt. "I remember you getting there just in time to save me, Mulder. I remember being in the ambulance with you, and then nothing."

"There's a lot to fill in then, where do you want me to start?"

"Well, mom told me about the coma, so I guess there's not much activity to talk about there. When did I wake up?"

"About 4 months ago, you pretty much remembered up until what you do now, but that's all you would have then."

"I don't work anymore?" My eyebrow began to rise, this was what had bothered me the most.

"No...we all agreed that it would be best for you to take the time to recover. You were part of this conversation, too, so don't give me that look like we made the decision for you. You fought us at first, but your energy level had declined drastically, so you eventually conceded."

"I - I didn't mean to walk away from you, Mulder. From our work. I never wanted you to think I just gave up. I would never do that, I couldn't do that, not to you."

"Scully..."

"No, I truly am sorry. That's not like me, to just abandoned what we had worked for. What we were working towards."

"Scully, stop. Please. Let me explain. I - I don't work for the bureau anymore either. When you resigned, so did I. They opened the x files again, but I didn't want them, not without you there. Besides, no one else could handle me." He flashed me that smirk I love so dearly. "I teach criminal psychology now. They've been after me for a while, so it was an easy transition."

"Mulder, you can't quit your fight. It means too much to you to just walk away. That's not who you are, that's not who I am." I scoffed. "I don't know who I am anymore."

"Scully..." He pulled me into his embrace and let me relax against him. This was where I loved to be. "I'm going to tell you what I told you when I first made this decision, only now it's going to sound even more heartfelt and you'll grovel at my feet because I've had time to improve it. When you were in your coma, I - I realized what was important to me. Yes, I will always search for the truth, but I think I found part of my truth in you, Scully. When I almost lost that, my antics just weren't worth it for me anymore. I wasn't going to be able to continue my search without you, and I really didn't want to. Yeah, I was solo for a while, but I think you're belief in me is what fueled me to move forward. You also were the only one who could bring me back when I needed it." He paused, I could hear him fight back the lump in his throat. Thankfully he was the one talking, I don't think I could hide my emotions right now. "You're probably the most important person in my life, my best friend. I couldn't do it without you, and I didn't want to risk losing you. That's why we both agreed to walk away, together."

When he finished his declaration we just laid there in a comfortable silence. It never occurred to me that keeping Mulder at arm's length led him to galavant around and put himself into dangerous situations during his quest. I should have known, that the neglected, lonely man would have doubts on how I felt if I didn't reassure him. He knew he was important to me, but it didn't track in his mind that it could be in a more intimate way. Now, with my stolen moments of affection that I've implemented, realization set in sooner. That's why he was able to walk away, because he knew he would still have me in another way. Geez, the first time around could have been so different if I wasn't constantly trying to prove myself. Not that Mulder ever undermined my abilities. But that's what this was, a second chance to see just how much would change.

"Thank you." Was all that I was finally able to say through a whisper. I snuggled into him further, and drifted off to sleep.

I woke up to an incessant knocking noise, and was automatically annoyed. I stopped moving when I realized where I was. Mulder's apartment, in his bed? In one of his gray t-shirts. Well this was definitely an interesting twist of events. I got up to find a pair of sweats and answer the door. When I revealed who was behind the noise, my breath caught in my throat. Standing in front of me was Diana Fowley. I almost smirked at her startled look to see me answering Mulder's door in his t-shirt, clearly just waking up. What the hell was she even doing here? With both of us out of the bureau, I was hoping I didn't have to face this woman again. We were both still out of the bureau, right? I really need to get myself a play-by-play.

"Yes, can I help you?" I asked as innocently as possible. I hope my face doesn't reveal how much I already despise her.

"I must have the wrong apartment, I'm looking for Fox Mulder." She answered, clearly intimidated by the scene before her. She knew she was in the right place.

"You have the correct one, he's at work right now. Is there anything I can help you with?" That seemed like a plausible answer, considering I had no idea where he was, or what day or year this version of me was standing in.

"I - I'm an old friend. I just got back into town, and was hoping he would be able to assist on a case. I'm an Agent, you know, with the FBI like Fox, well, like he used to be I suppose." She answered, as if she had authority in this situation. It's almost endearing that she thinks I was just his flavor of the week, and not a fully trained former FBI agent herself. Not to mention a medical doctor. I smiled sweetly, to mask the bitter taste in my mouth.

"Oh, I don't remember you being around. Well, Hoover is a big building, and I was mostly down in the basement with Mulder when we worked on the x files. I don't know if you're familiar with that section? It was kind of our own, but that's behind us now." I shrugged and feigned innocence. I could see the fire burning in her eyes, she knew all about the special unit that she liked to take claim to when convenient. This may be my favorite use of knowing past and future events. I also noticed the realization set in that I am a woman that he's known for years, waking up in his apartment. You're little games won't work this time, Agent Fowley. God, at least I hope not.

"Can you just tell Fox I stopped by, and that I would like to discuss some things with him?" She spat out as nicely as she could muster. She handed me her card and stomped down the hall towards the elevator.

I smiled to myself as I made my way to check for any kind of hint as to where my life is currently. I looked around and noticed that some of my things had made their way to his apartment. Some small furniture items, and personal photos that sat atop them. Did I live here? With Mulder? My heartbeat quickened as I ran back to the bedroom and threw open the closet door. My suits, shoes, blouses and other items occupied half the space. There were boxes on the side of the bed that still had some of my clothes folded neatly within. It was recent then, this is all new. I can't believe I would be panicking at the thought of fully committing myself to Mulder, even knowing that I threw my entire life away to live on the run with him in the future.

The chiming of my phone brought me out of the mild meltdown that I was having.

"Yeah? Scully."

"Hey, it's me. You're finally awake. Did you get enough beauty sleep?" Mulder teased into the phone. The sound of his voice instantly brought a smile to my face. When the hell did I get so sentimental?

"You shouldn't tease me before I've had my coffee. I'm still an excellent shot, you know."

"As long as it's only one cup, you know the rules. Speaking of, how are you feeling today?"

"Should I be feeling better?" I asked cautiously. I didn't want him to think I was suffering another memory loss, that would just cause a scene I didn't feel like dealing with right now. I was hoping this question could lure somewhat of a response that I could work with.

"Well, the morning sickness has been subsiding, so if you aren't throwing yourself over the porcelain throne yet, I'd say you're feeling better." He chuckled more to himself than anything. I was standing in the middle of the living room, trying not to drop my phone. I'm pregnant?! I'm pregnant and living with Mulder. I feel like this entire version of my life is really a giant memory loss. I'm just waiting for disaster to hit now, it has to.

"Oh, yeah I guess I'm doing better then." I answered distractedly. Please don't ask what's wrong, Mulder. I need more time to process this.

"That's good, we have another doctor's appointment today, so I was just calling to see if you wanted me to pick you up, or you wanted to meet there?"

"Um, you can come get me, if it's not too much trouble." Because I don't know what the hell I drive, or where I'm going.

"Sounds great. Appointment is at 4:00 so I'll be there to get you about 3:30. Then maybe we can do an early dinner." Since when the hell did we become so domesticated, normal? I feel like I woke up during one of our undercover assignments.

"Yeah, sounds good. I - I'll see you then." I tried to sound as excited and content as he did, but I don't know if I was really fooling anyone. I hung up before he could ask questions, I needed time to make up some answers.

He came strolling in to pick me up for our appointment later that day, and I was as ready as I could be. If he noticed that something was off about my mood, he didn't ask, or just chalked it up to hormones. Our car ride was rather pleasant, exchanging simple conversation, like we were normal people. Could I really live this life in Utopia with Mulder? Knowing all the secrets and lies that I know, and that he may never uncover, I don't know if I can pretend for that long. Have I taken him so off course that he will never have the closure of his sister? Without us poking around the syndicate, there's no reason for them to come after us. We pose no threat to them anymore.

I was broken from my reverie as we pulled into a parking space. We made our way up to the obstetrician's office, and my nerves began to work in overdrive. When I did this before, Mulder wasn't with me. I had put myself in a mindset of going into pregnancy alone, and the only solace I held onto was that it was a piece of him that I could embrace forever. Little did I know, I should have not even hoped for that. The heartache that I had to face the first time around, dealing with pregnancy, took such a toll on me. I had to make decisions to save my son, save myself, and save Mulder, wherever he was at the time. But now, I look over at my partner and see the pure gleam of joy and excitement on his face, and it brings tears to my eyes. If I would have fought harder before, would he have gone back to Oregon, leading him to his dark fate? If I would have stared into his soul and told him that I loved him, and I didn't want him to go, would he have stayed? If he did, he would have found out when I did that I was pregnant, pregnant with our child. This could have been him, living all of it with me, the first time.

He must have noticed the tears welling up in my eyes because he reached over and placed his hand over mine that rested on my knee. He gave me a gentle squeeze and kissed the side of my temple.

"I know this is new, and you're nervous, but we're doing this together." He whispered into my ear, causing me to shiver at his closeness. What the hell did he even mean? I have so many more questions than answers.

"Thanks." I gave him a small smile. I needed something to distract me from my nerves. "Oh, um, someone came by looking for you. A Diana Fowley? She said she was an old friend. She left her card, it's at home. I forgot to tell you earlier." There you go Dana, you really know how to kill a mood. Was bringing up Diana really the best way to distract me? Probably not. But I'm also very stubborn and need to make sure that Mulder's words hold true, even with the return of his former 'chickadee.'

I could feel him stiffen next to me, and instantly, I followed suit. I wasn't supposed to know about their relationship, this was all supposed to be new to me, but I couldn't help react to his response.

"Oh, did she say what she wanted? I haven't heard from her in years." He said monotone, completely void of emotion.

"Uh, I think she said something about needing your help on a case? But she knows you don't work for the FBI anymore, right?" I asked cautiously, I had such a huge time gap in events, I needed any help I could get.

"Well, yeah. But you know I offered up my assistance more frequently as a consult after the Roche case. Maybe she just needs a profile. I'll give her a call later when we get home and find out. Don't worry, I'm not ready to polish off the old badge just yet." He tried to lighten the mood, but I could sense the worry in his voice. I wasn't sure if it was because of what Diana's return meant, or if he felt guilty for not telling me about her sooner.

We were finally called and made our way back to our room. They asked me to dress in a gown to do a proper examination, and I hesitated a moment as I realized that Mulder wasn't leaving. I suppose since I'm living with the man and currently pregnant with his child, I shouldn't be so nervous to undress in front of him. It definitely wasn't the first time, in any reality. I think I'm actually more disappointed in missing the making of this baby. We'll have to repeat those actions later tonight, to jog my memory.

The doctor came back in to dig around in those unpleasant places with the even more uncomfortable tools. She let me know that everything looked great, and the baby was progressing perfectly. It was time for the ultrasound, and when everyone glanced at the black and white image on the screen, I stared back at Mulder standing above me. The look on his elated face was a mix of amazement and unconditional love. The tears came back, not just because of this moment, but because the thought that this was all taken away from him, us, the first time pulled at my heart. He noticed me staring at him and leaned down to kiss me. We smiled at each other, and turned our attention back to the doctor who was pointing out where the baby was on the screen. She gave us our due date, and sent us on our way each with copies of our little blend of DNA. I never did give up on that miracle, Mulder.

After our early dinner, we made our way back to the apartment. We got comfortable, and settled on the couch to watch a movie. He told me it was my pick, since he had to make a quick call to Diana. I smirked at the collection, and of course, picked Caddyshack. As I got everything ready he made his way back into the room, looking a little more pale than I would have liked. If that bitch was already trying to mess this up, she had another thing coming to her.

"What did she want?" I asked casually, trying to hide my utter distaste.

"Uh, she's working on a project. There's a kid, who they think has special abilities. She just wants me to check him out, see what I think." Oh, Mulder. You can't hide me from this, I know this situation all too well. I'll try not to hold your future (past?) actions against you too much.

"You should do it. I know you miss being in the field sometimes, you should take the opportunity. She's an old friend, too, right? You should do her the favor." Geez, that one was hard to spit out. I knew he needed to help Gibson, and this would give Mulder a little taste of the paranormal to keep him happy in this rather dull life we live. I'm not saying we aren't happy, he seems ecstatic to be shacking up with me and having kids, but compared to what I know we lived before, this is so mundane.

"Uh, yeah. Scully..." he took in a deep breath. Moment of truth, Mulder. "Diana is more than just an old friend. We, uh, were engaged. But she and I wanted different things, and then she left to Europe on a special assignment that she felt would further her career. That's really all she cared about, and well, we haven't talked since."

I smiled at how flustered he became, it was always adorable to me. I cuddled into him on the couch and silently let him know that it was okay. I did need some reassurance for myself though. "We all have our pasts, I would never judge you for yours. Just promise me one thing?"

"Anything."

I lifted my head just enough to meet his eyes. "If she so much as looks at you in a suggestive way, you tell me, so I can kick her ass." He chuckled and agreed, sealing the promise with a kiss before I laid my head back down on his chest. I wish it were a joking matter, but the knowledge I have and the heartache to match is winning me over with doubts.

We laid in our comfortable companionship, and it made me wonder exactly what we were. I mean, we obviously are doing the domestic thing, but has he proposed, or have I gone running any time he's tried? I already give him props for locking me into his living space, although I'm sure somewhere along the line I came willingly. Did we only move in together because of the baby? It was fairly new, on both accounts. I would never want him to feel trapped, that's usually my role. I shook these thoughts away as I remembered the look on his face when we examined the baby, our baby. He was truly happy here, or so it would seem.

"Mulder, did you ever think you'd end up here, in this exact moment?"

"Did I ever think I'd be watching Caddyshack with you on my couch? I mean, it's not my first idea of a date night, but I'm not complaining."

"So you always thought I'd be knocked up and living in your apartment?" I glanced up at him and asked with a smirk on my face.

"Well, that was more of a fantasy. Not as much as making the baby was though." He wagged his eyebrows at me, and I chuckled in response. I've always loved his humor, even if I pretended to be annoyed by it. It was part of his charm.

"I think, I need a recap of that fantasy." I responded in a sultry voice, and I could feel his cock twitch where it lay under my arm. I leaned up and placed a chaste kiss on his lips, and pulled away slowly. I placed another one, just as soft, and lingered there a little longer. I moved my arm so that it rubbed against his growing erection, and he instantly enveloped me into a tight embrace.

He kissed me deeply, and passionately, wiping away any doubts I have ever had about us. Our lips melded together, tongues dueling for control. He pulled me into his lap, so that I was straddling him, and moved his hands to cup my breasts over my shirt. I yelped at the sensitivity, but kissed him fiercely. Just as his hands were moving up my sides under my shirt, the phone rang.

He growled when he broke apart from our entangled position, and gave me an apologetic look as he went to answer the phone. I smiled back at him and nodded in reassurance, even though I was more than ready for where that was heading. I could only hear his side of the conversation, and was instantly annoyed because I knew exactly who it was.

"No, I told you I would assist on this case, but I didn't agree to working crazy hours. I - I just can't do that anymore. I have other things to consider. I'll meet you tomorrow, like I promised." He ended the call, his annoyance matching mine. "Scully, I'm sorry. I didn't expect it to be this involved. I already told her that I'm just helping, but..."

"Mulder, it's fine. I get it. I'm getting tired though, I think I'm going to head off to bed." I said shortly. I didn't mean to be this bitter about the situation, I had much more of an upper hand than I did last time, but it didn't erase my apprehensions about the Diana issue.

"Scully, please. Don't shut me out. I promise you, it's nothing to worry about. I'm only going to meet the kid, and then give my assessment and I'll be out." He said as he pulled me into a hug. Oh how I wish I could believe that. I want to hope that this version of Mulder will actually walk away from a mind reading superhuman of a child, but it's not that simple. Regardless of our current status, this is exactly the kind of thing to light his fire of curiosity. As much as I want this for him, and I want him to have this small conquest, I worry that it will pull him away from me. Especially because last time, I was by his side, and this time it would only be Diana.

"I'm not, I promise." I leaned up and gave him a kiss to relieve the tension building between us. "I really am tired though, we'll have to finish what we started another night." I kissed him again, putting the passion of a promise behind it, and made my way to the bedroom.

He joined me a short while later, and wrapped himself around me cradling my back to his front. I don't know if he did this more for my comfort, or his, but we fit perfectly together. His hand rested on my stomach gently, and I smiled at the meaning and security that I felt. I was almost scared to fall asleep this time, not knowing where I would wake up tomorrow. I forced myself to stay up as long as I could and revel in this perfect moment that I was able to create for us. I didn't want this to be over, but I knew something dreadful had to be coming our way. It was inevitable with us.

I should have stayed asleep, because the last thing I wanted was to wake up in a hospital chair next to Mulder's supine, unconscious body. The panic set in as I realized it must not have been too much longer after I last fell asleep. This was the darkness I was waiting for, I just needed to find out what happened. I let myself out of his room into the familiar hallway of the hospital, and found Gibson sitting in a chair just outside the door. I noticed the bandages on his head, and my heart went out to him all over again.

"You don't have to feel sorry for me." He spoke, breaking me from my thoughts. Shit, I forgot about that whole mind reading thing.

"It's just upsetting, that people are this cruel. I'm sorry this happened to you."

"You're not like the other woman, you actually mean that." He flashed a small smile. He must have heard my thoughts on that 'other woman' because he started to chuckle under his breath. I probably should have child censored them. "You don't like her. But he believed her. That's why he protected both of us, and jumped in front of the line of fire when they tried to take me."

He what?! Dammit, Mulder. Wake the hell up so I can kick your ass, or shoot you again, just for good measure. Things were different without me by his side, and my stomach began to turn knots at the thought of him not waking up this time. I wasn't ready for that. I mean, he's died twice before, but this was different. This was a different life, and we didn't have the resources we had last time. I wasn't ready to accept this fate.

"I can still hear him, he's not gone, yet. He'll hear you if you talk to him."

"Thank you." I whispered and gave his hand a gentle squeeze before I made my way back into the room.

Just as I had situated myself in the chair beside his bed, the door opened and in walked Diana Fowley. Oh, this time, I wasn't going to play nice.

"Get out. You're not welcome here. I'll call security if I have to." I stared her down, and watch her eyes widen. First with intimidation, then fury.

"You have no right or authority to kick me out of this room. I care about Fox, I just wanted to make sure he's okay. I doubt he's told you, but him and I have a history together, an intimate history." She managed to say, attempting to hide the wavering of her voice.

"And the two of us," I paused, and placed my hand on the small swell of my stomach, letting a winning smile touch my lips, "three of us, have a future together. As you can see, his status hasn't changed, so please leave."

I wish I could have taken a picture of the look of defeat that was bestowed upon Diana's face. I may not have Mulder's photographic memory, but this moment I would definitely keep stored forever. She huffed and made her exit without another word. Satisfied, I sat back down and grabbed his hand, letting my free hand play with his soft hair.

"Mulder, you're an idiot, I hope you know that. Don't worry, when you wake up, I'll remind you. I should be mad that you jumped in the line of fire to protect these people, but I can't bring myself to feel that way. That dedication and compassion is something I've always loved about you. I love a lot of things about you, I love you. I guess I should have told you that sooner, more often. The feeling has always been there, I think, it's just grown over the years into different versions of love. I was given another chance, to change things, and you still ended up in the hospital. Maybe I could never truly change you." I let out a small chuckle between the tears that were now freely flowing down my face. "I need you to come back to me though, it's not your time. This is too soon, and I'm not ready to do this alone again. That may sound selfish, and maybe it is, but I've had the luxury of allowing myself to be loved by you, and now I can't let that go. If it is your time, at least I hope I did a better job of showing how much I truly did care about you. I hope you always knew. Please come back to me, Mulder. Don't give up, please."

I lifted my head off his chest when I sensed someone standing in the doorway. The look of shear sorrow that displayed so evidently on Gibson's face caused my heart to stop beating. This can't be happening.

"I - I can't hear him anymore. I heard you talking to him, and I heard him say 'I love you, too' and then nothing. I'm sorry."

"No, Mulder, no. Come back to me. Don't give up, please." I was panicking now. The machines starting beeping, and I knew I was losing him.

The doctor's poured in at the sound of the alarms, and moved me and Gibson to the side of the room. I placed a hand to my stomach for comfort, and pleaded for him to stay with me. I couldn't do this.

"Mulder, don't leave me, don't..."

"...don't leave me, please."

"Scully! It's okay, I'm not going anywhere, it's okay." I could hear him whispering reassuring sentiments in my ear, and startled awake. I took in my surroundings and gasped at the scenery. I was back, to my reality, laying in Mulder's arms on a dingy motel bed.

"Oh, god. Mulder, I - I was so scared." I sobbed into his chest as he embraced me tighter to him. Maybe there was a lesson I was supposed to learn in the nightmare that was slowly becoming a reality. Perhaps it was facing my fear of losing Mulder. No, I've faced that plenty of times before. It could be that I need to open myself up to him more. I need to allow him to break down that final wall that I'm so good at maintaining. He's seen me at my absolute worst, I don't know why I can't allow myself to be truly loved by this man that I share my very soul. I also need to grant him the pleasure of knowing he is loved by me more often. I believe it's expressed in my actions, but I need to be better with my verbal sentiments, for him.

I know I need to change things for the future of this life.

"We're both fine, Scully. That musta been some dream." He placed a kiss on the top of my head. "Must be a full moon or something, you wouldn't believe the dream I had!"