Was it my fault
You jumped
As I saw your blood stain the ground
It wasn't a hard thing to feel
As I watched your body land
Swish
Thud
Splat
Gone.
I saw your eyes as you lept
I was watching from a window
I used to want to watch the skyline
Now
I want to be alone
Alone isn't safe
Alone is not safe at all
Alone means thinking
Alone isn't good for me
But I still want it
You numbed me
Like pills and alcohol
I can't feel anymore
I pretend it never happened
Helped others through their heartache
They said you were selfish
You weren't trying to be
I know
I know
I've felt it
I've stood on the edge
I've jumped
I wish they hadn't saved me
I am jealous of you
Somewhere in my sick
twisted mind
When you fell
No one saved you
You got the easy way out
You didn't have anymore heartache
It was over
You were probably so happy
I was
I was so happy
I felt everything and nothing and I wasn't numb
I could breathe
My father hated me
For that
And everything else
My mother wouldn't have liked it
She would have been so upset
Not that she would have noticed
Half the time she was in bed
Sick
Depressed
Drunk
High
Medicated
Crying
She would lash out
And then she didn't
She was dead
I saw her jump
God
I was there
On the lawn
I looked up
Up
Up
Up
The roof
She was standing
By the railing
She saw me
She didn't stop
She didn't exactly jump
She walked over the edge
The blood spattered the grass
And the pavement
And I ran over
She was gone
Dead
Nothing
I could smell nothing
No alcohol
That made it worse
Like when my father hit me
Sober
Sober was worse
Drunk was better
I could think he didn't mean it
He did
Did something like that happen to you?
Was your father abusive?
Was your mother clinically depressed?
Did she commit suicide?
Was your father rich?
Were you teased?
Were you self harming?
Were you suicidal?
If not
Then why would you jump
What would give you the reason
To do something like that?
I would ask you
But I can't
And I should've
But I didn't
But when will I learn my lesson
How many people will jump
Before I know the signs
Before I get over the pain
And ask
What you needed to be asked
What we all need to be asked
I wanted to be asked
No one asked
And I felt like no one would ever ask
No one did
No one will
I'll get over it
One day.
Jumping
They told me
Was for the weak
It isn't
You knew
I know