1) Sleep
Bones strode onto the bridge intent on finding Jim. The doors of the turbolift wished open and the walking hurricane marched in.
"Bones! What brings you here?" Despite the forced happiness in the captain's voice McCoy heard the exhaustion, and saw it in his eyes.
"When was the last time you slept?" He asked.
"This morning," Jim said.
"For more than two hours,"
"Some time last week, but I'm fine!"
"Captain, it is illogical for you to be working if you aren't fully rested," Spock said.
"Shut up Spock,"
"For once me and the hobgoblin agree, you need to sleep for at least ten hours,"
"Bones, Spock, I'm fine, I can't stop because I didn't get my beauty sleep," the captain stood, wobbling slightly. "Go back to the med bay, I promise I'll sleep later,"
"No, you'll sleep now," McCoy said, feeling for the sedative in his pocket.
"Bye Bones," Jim turned back to the helm, when his back was turned McCoy jabbed the hypo into his neck.
Jim fell into Bones' arms, unconscious.
"Infant," Bones said, dragging the captain away from the bridge.
2) Illness
Jim felt awful, his head was fuzzy and everything was doubling in front of him. But he had a ship to run. He dragged himself along corridors for his alpha shift. Suddenly the world tilted.
"Good God man! You look awful," said a southern voice.
"Thanks Bones," Jim continued to walk down the hall, gripping the wall for support.
Beside him Bones was scanning him with a tricorder. He heard a wince.
"You need to go to the med bay, you can't work like that,"
"It's fine Bones,"
"Jim, your vitals are way off,"
"When has that stopped me?"
Bones grunted.
"Damnit! Stop, you'll hurt yourself,"
"I'll do my shift then I'll see you,"
The Doctor growled.
"Kid, you need to stop,"
"No way,"
"Just to let you know this is your fault."
Before Jim could ask what was his fault, a sharp pain appeared on his neck, swiftly followed by a hiss. The world became dark, and he collapsed.
3) Karaoke
The Doctor made his way to the sound of the music, it was disturbing the patients. The off key howling could only be described as torture. McCoy used his medical override to open the rec room.
The first thing he saw was the massive amounts of alcohol, the the giggling Ensigns and the the Captain singing Call me maybe on the table.
"So call me maybe!" The song finally finished, and the captain jumped down.
He strode over to Bones. "Bones, come sing," he slurred.
Bones narrowed his eyes at the kid, who in his drunken haze must have thought it was a yes because Bones found himself with a microphone on the table. Then the music started, it was I believe I can fly.
Bones groaned. The Captain sung off key, putting his heart into the music. McCoy couldn't deal with it anymore, and stabbed Krik with a hypo, using more force than necessary.
He brandished another hypo, and the ensigns scurried off. Kirk was sprawled on the table. Bones went back to the sick bay.
Needless to say the captain was very confused the next morning.
4) Flirting
Jim had another allergic reaction, which was great. And now, he was confined to the sick bay, then the kid had started flirting with his nurses.
All his senior nurses were aware of the captain's over-enthusiasm towards the fairer sex, but Jim was flirting with a new nurse, who was giggling like a little girl.
"Nurse Lots, can you look after Ensign Kida?" Bones asked the Nurse.
"Of course Doctor," she scurried off, still blushing.
Bones rounded on Jim.
"How many times do I have say not to flirt with my nurses?" he asked angrily.
"Until you get bored,"
Bones rolled hi eyes. The captain made to sit up, but McCoy pushed him back down.
"Bones..." Jim moaned.
"You are not leaving, not until your completely recovered,"
"But..."
"No buts,"
"Agh!" Jim exclaimed, his eyes lighting up when a blonde nurse started checking his vitals. He propped himself up on his elbows, smirked and said, "Hi sugar, I'm" Bones pulled out his 'when Jim is being annoying' Hypo and hit him in the neck. "James... T... Kir...k"
Then he fell asleep.
5) Depression
Jim didn't want to do anything. He wasn't a good Captain, or even a good starfleet officer. His aversion to protocol had gotten five men killed. Good men, not like him. Men with families and friends. And now they were dead.
He heard his door open faintly, and a soft curse.
"Jim, snap out of it," Bones said.
"Gone," He muttered.
"There was nothing you could do, nothing," Bones said. "Now you need to come to the med bay, you're injured,"
Yes he was, just a scratch, and he deserved it.
"No it wasn't," Had he said that aloud?" "You need to come to the med bay,"
He flopped on the bed, and felt tears prick his eyes.
Bones sighed, and whispered an apology, before a needle was in his neck. Then there was nothing.
1) Prank war
Let it be known that the Enterprise was the best at everything, even pranks. The prank war had started because the captain had decided to paint engineering red, which had led to an irate Scotsman, and it had escalated from there.
But no one had touched Spock, or even considered it. Pranking a Vulcan would be akin to poking a bear, with rabies, and a machine gun. Uhura, however was fair game as far as the captain was concerned.
Jim hummed as he entered the bridge, clapping his first officer on the shoulder before sitting down.
"Hmm... where's our translator? She's not well... green anymore," then the captain laughed, earning him odd looks.
The turbolift opened, and Uhura walked in.
"Sorry I'm late," she mumbled.
The bridge crew turned to see a luminous green woman, in a green uniform. And the captain laughed. Uhura looked indignant.
"Captain, you have embarrassed Lieutenant Uhura, I suggest you apologise," Spock said.
"Defending... her... honour," He said between laughs.
Spock raised an eyebrow.
"I think she suits green," Kirk said, having recovered.
He stood up and clapped Spock on the shoulder again, and Spock's face flickered with anger. He nerve pinched the captain with more force than necessary. Kirk groaned and fell.
"Call Dr McCoy and inform him of the situation," the Vulcan said, as he sat at his station.