A/N: Written for the Quotes/Saying Challenge on HPFC Forum. Warning – Character Death/Suicide. Pansy/Draco. AU.
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"There are those hearts that never mend again once they are broke. Or if they do mend, they heal themselves in a crooked and lopsided way, as if sewn together by a careless craftsman."
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There were times when he had been nice. When, he would bring her flowers unexpectedly, or write notes and leave them around the house- apologising for missed dinner dates, or foul moods. He would smile and call her sweetheart. Snuggle by the fire or buy her expensive robes, telling her that she looked beautiful. She saw signs, but oh – she knew that Draco would never do anything to hurt her, and so she ignored them …She took it and swallowed every last compliment and every last lie down like the gullible woman that she was. As though she was gasping for air…
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"Goodbye sweetheart. I'll see you later tonight, yes?"
She nodded, knowing that he wouldn't come back till late at night, if at all. But she nodded anyway. After all, what was the point in arguing with him? She knew that she couldn't hide the bruises this time. Not after the last ordeal.
As the door closed, Pansy closed her eyes and leaned against the frame – smelling the wood that her husband had just touched only moments ago. She stayed in that position, her body unwilling to move from its place. If anything meant that she could be near to her husband, then she would take it.
Long ago, when their marriage was new, it was filled with happiness and promises. But now, one year on – the happiness had drained away and the promises had been broken. There was now nothing left in the relationship. It was functional and only for appearances sake. The only thing that hinted to their ever being married was the wedding band around her finger, and even he never wore that now.
Everything was cold. The bed, the fire that blazed so warmly in the grate and his heart. Once upon a time, he had held hers in his palm and she, his. Or so she had thought. Now, all there was left was a block of ice, and all she ever felt was the numbing pain of loss. It threatened to engulf her, freezing every fibre in her body with an icy chill.
Finally, she drew herself away from the doorframe. Slowly. Painfully. Ever hopeful that he would step back through the door and kiss her passionately until it hurt to think. But, things such as that only existed in fairytales and in her dreams – somewhere in between sleep and waking.
She looked up, into the mirror and drew her wand, winding a tendril of her hair around it. Her pale, plain face reflected back at her and a ghost of a smile, passed across her lips. She closed her eyes. Wrapping one hand around her chest, she hugged herself and imagined that it was Draco. Even now, she could feel his breath down her neck and feel his warm kisses planted over her body. She breathed him in, and smiled – fully this time.
It was better this way. Better for both of them, and sometime she knew that he would thank her for this. Because, that was all she had ever wanted. With her eyes closed, she looked almost thoughtful for a moment. Then – her lips moved. Muttering an incantation, it left no more time to think…
A flash of green filled the corridor and she fell, with the smile of a forgotten love still frozen onto her face.
It was all for the best. She knew.