I don't own anything Andromeda.
Set during What Will Be Was Not, while Beka and Harper are looking for Dylan onboard the Andromeda.
Back on Track
It's funny, I never realised just how big Andromeda really is, not even during the first time we came aboard. Never before Seefra. Wherever I was, wherever I went, Rommie was there to tell me the shortest way to where I wanted to go, to whom I wanted to find. And now she can't even reliably tell me whether or not you are onboard. It would be hilarious, but it's not. It's heartbreaking.
Harper and I split up, thinking that we have a better chance of finding you sooner while searching separately. Are we right? I doubt it... What if you're hiding? If you don't want to be found? I mean, you owe me a lot after all... Maybe you just don't want to start cleaning your debts. And no, I don't mean the money. Well, not just the money.
We've been waiting for you down there on Seefra. Rhade, Harper, Doyle, me – even Trance showed up. In a stupid moment, but she showed up. Mistook something Rhade said for a reproach addressed to her and took off in a rush. But at least she put in an appearance. Unlike you.
It's funny: after Seefra 8, after Cutter I thought that we were slowly starting to grow back together. That was the main reason why I had suggested for all of us to meet every other day at Harper's in the evenings. I thought that maybe this way we'd stand a better chance to do so. Funnier even: we all came. We all came together ever since. It's been like some sort of obligation really, not to be missed by anyone. Anyone but you. Over the past weeks you have been the only one who never came. I've hardly ever seen you at all, come to think of it.
Doyle says that you're spending almost all your time up here, searching for ways to power the ship, to bring her up and running again. Maybe, but... How can you stand it? This huge, cold, silent spaces... The most depressing sight I ever came across. Are you really just up here because of being obsessed with getting Rommie back? I doubt it somehow and now, after running into you the other day on Seefra 5, I doubt it even more.
It was a weird thing meeting you just like that, after so many days without so much as a word from you. Your eyes kept avoiding me, it was as if you were somehow embarrassed to have bumped into me. Those shallow, empty phrases we exchanged:
"How are you?"
"Great... Great... You?"
"Fine... I'm fine. Well, you know, the usual..."
Yeah. I know. The usual. Usual stuff one says, when there is nothing left to say to each other. And all the time I could say down to a dot what you were really thinking, Like usual, that too. Could tell that you wanted to either run or suggest for us to sit down somewhere, talk a little, laugh maybe a bit together... But then you didn't dare. And so we just stood there, both of us awkwardly searching for words, none of us willing to give in, to make the first step towards the other, none willing to be the first to lower down our guard... Both of us playing villains out of one of those stupid B-movies Harper has from Earth. We used to make fun once of people who were like that.
Usual stuff one says... But I dare say, however, that it is quite obvious that the life you're leading... You like it less and less. Unlike us others you cannot adjust. And I fear that you never will.
I wish I could give you a hand, Dylan, but... The way it is, with you, with me, I won't succeed now, or would I? Seefra, Tarn Vedra, the Andromeda, Trance... You just won't make your peace with the way things are. Instead you just keep pushing, you try harder and it starts to show: that you're hanging around with strange fellows like Cutter, that your nights are even longer than before. Your eyes are tired, empty, your smile is always pale and somewhat... belated.
Where are you, Dylan? Dammit, you fool, where are you? Where have you been when you were missing our date, where were you when we met? I saw into your eyes, the few times when you weren't looking everywhere but at me, and I couldn't find you.
Where are you? Don't tell me Seefra chased you away from us, from yourself. That you no longer care, that you don't give a damn' about us, our all lives in this system, your own life... It would be a lie. Because you see, no matter what you tell yourself when hurting, we all give more than just a damn' about our lives in the end.
Still: you didn't come to our meanwhile customary come-together. You said you would, but didn't. We all others showed up, talked about a lot, about everything, what happened, about us... about you... And waited. For you. We waited for you to come. We still are. While you are...?
Where are you, Dylan? We were all there. It took us a bit to come together, but we've made it in the end. And now we're waiting. Waiting for the guy with a universe to rebuild, the one who used to tell us that we can leave everything behind and start all over. That we are all cut from the same cloth, all wise guys with hearts too big and souls too strong to keep them just for us, all serving a cause larger than us, larger than life and growing... The guy who populated our lives with crazy dreams and high ideals, blowing fresh wind to fill our sails when they were sagging, who never lost his way under the stars. The one we listened to, we followed and believed in.
If you think about telling me that this guy is gone, that he's been a failure, that you turned your back on him... Don't bother! I'm here to pick him up, I'm here to get him and yes, the other day when I ran into you: it did happen on purpose, I was looking for him... I still am. And I'm here now, looking for him, ...for you.
We're waiting, Dylan. I am... We're just waiting. For you. Don't let any more time slip through all our fingers. We're waiting like we used to... We're here now, waiting for you.