Shar'ri

As a juvenile planar reject, Shar'ri had made her home on the streets of the City of Doors, before (as happens with all juvenile planar rejects eventually) she was dragged into the seedy – or should I say seedier (The Birdcage is not known for its reputable streets) – underbelly. Slavery, prostitution, country music; all the dregs filtered down from the regularly washed portion of society to mingle in the poorly ventilated and badly decorated dives of downtown Sigil.

Shar'ri was one of the lucky ones, her voluptuous figure and throaty voice lent itself well to slavery and prostitution, thus saving her from the horrors of country music, which she was eminently unsuited for – for one thing, she could carry a tune.

As the most expensive courtesan in King Wingding's House of Earthly Delights, Shar'ri was afforded special privileges, like contraception and pancakes for breakfast. How did she climb to such a coveted position? Well, Shar'ri was an exotic; she was – how shall I put this… Shar'ri was a freak. At least, that's what everyone had always told her, and really, she could see where they were coming from. She was a half-breed, which in itself was not so weird, but her particular combination caused many raised eyebrows among the planars of Sigil.

See, it all began with the blood war (doesn't it always?); that ages old conflagration between the devils of Baator and the Demons of the Abyss (yes, we're still 3.5 edition at the moment!). They hate each other, see? Loathe and detest, so when one of each go and make a child, it's seen as a bit of a taboo. Now, usually such offspring wouldn't last two minutes, but when your parents are high-ups in their respective planes, then not many sods are willing to have a go and put you in the dead book.

In fact, Shar'ri was the daughter of Asmodeus, Lord of the Ninth – something that caused him never-ending embarrassment. Shar'ri wasn't really good at anything, see? She didn't have the memory for spellslinging, and couldn't squeeze so much as an acid splash from natural talent. She had no divine clout, and her combat technique consisted of the 'look behind you' approach. She couldn't even sneak up on someone without bursting into fits of giggles.

'Rewind!' I hear you cry. 'Just how did Asmodeus, King of Baator, come to produce a scrawny daughter with some jumped up tanar'ri floozy?' Well, legend has it that eighteen years ago, a great sage in service to Asmodeus foresaw his master's impending promotion to Power status. Naturally, there was a celebration party of plane-shaking proportions. In a moment of drunken sincerity, His Nibs confessed his attraction to a certain Red succubus – resulting in one scrawny Devil-stroke-Demon.

Incidentally, word has it that said succubus is to this day infatuated with the King of Nessus, and spends her time on plots aimed at tricking Asmodeus into answering her sendings. But tanar'ri were never as good at the plotting as the baatezu, and His Omniscience is not fooled.

So, back to the scrawny fiendling. 'Scrawny' figuratively speaking, of course; such a union could only result in a highly attractive fiend, from a mortal perspective. But naturally, her appearance always provokes the kind of look from other fiends that you might get when contemplating a particularly large and slimy slug. Baalzebul, for instance.

Shar'ri wasn't her given name, of course; she was named differently by each of her illustrious parents, and that along with the constant abuse because of her heritage (and uselessness) drove her to change her name and head for Sigil. After all, 'Ashtoreth' was far too impressive a name for her, and 'Red Cloud' just screams 'cheap knock off'.

You might think that the only thing Asmodeus and Red Shroud have in common is a general predilection towards evil, but that is yet another thing they failed to pass on to their offspring; Shar'ri was decidedly neutral, in that she felt an overwhelming urge to do absolutely nothing about the multiverse's problems. But she didn't really add to them either – she wasn't talented enough for that.

Shar'ri's favourite pastime was hobnobbing with mortals – particularly humans. Compared to them she looked decidedly average. Apart from the horns. And tail. And bat wings. Shar'ri's main problem became Sigil's predilection for producing exceptional individuals, and Shar'ri longed for a more mundane home. It was with this in mind that she turned her limited sights to the prime, and so any tale of the prime would inevitably have her rapt attention.

So when a clueless, but attractive prime wandered into King Wingding's House of Earthly Delights, and asked for the most expensive courtesan, and proceeded to spend half the night regaling Shar'ri with an epic about some prime cutter he had the hots for, Shar'ri was absolutely thrilled. Never mind that the berk was blind drunk the whole time, never mind the fact that pleasuring a handsome male would provide a refreshing change, never mind that Shar'ri couldn't a word in edgeways.

"I firsst ssaw her when she – hic – when she bust into my jail cell…" the blueish purple prime slurred, "ssssaid I was crap at selp… sple… s-spellcraft.". Shar'ri tried not to giggle.

Will Save vs. Humour: Failure (10 + 14 -- 24 vs. DC 30) Shar'ri snickered.

An hour, and three generous glasses of King Wingding's finest pinot noir later, Gann had finished describing the colour of her eyes. They were brown. Three hours and several cocktails later, the only words Shar'ri could make out were 'okku', 'bald chick' and 'farmer's daughter'. Then Gann passed out.

Shrugging, and thinking that this was the easiest night's work she had ever done, she lay down to sleep as well, but quickly woke up again after deflowering three particularly attractive farmer's daughters.

What's a farmer? She wondered.

xox

Gann returned the following night, and the night after, and the night after that, until King Wingding started to wonder about setting up a tab system. Shar'ri eventually got the idea that the object of Gann's affections, a Knight Captain from Faerun, was in the process of setting up a school for talented individuals. That's it! Thought Shar'ri; I'll go to this school.

There was just the slight problem that she was utterly talentless.