Title: "Vanilla Twilight"
Inspired by the song Vanilla Twilight by Owl City. A tragic death occurred one month ago. The cause is unknown. What is going through his head now that she's gone? Tadamu.
Disclaimer: I do not own Shugo Chara nor do I own Vanilla Twilight. They belong to Peach-Pit/Satellite and Owl City respectively.
The first sight of what is above the ground is the tiny crystal lights that have decorated the clear midnight blue sky. Their semi-circular formation around the opposite side of the crescent moon almost seems unnatural; the way they are placed in the sky shows that they may be been moved by human hands. But that's impossible isn't it? However, as they continue to shimmer brightly in contrast to the dark sky, it is as though the stars are yearning to come down to send a message. One light slowly descended from above and landed gently on a smooth surface.
Below the serene sky is a young man around the age of thirty, lying down on the soft grass. Currently, he was solely focused on the stars in the sky. His pale red eyes remain unmoved until he felt his cheek being tickled slightly, as though it was a light kiss. A blinking light caught his attention right on that particular spot and a small smile formed on his face. The light then ascended back up to the air and drifts away to an unknown land.
Once the light had flown away, he took in some fresh air through his nostrils, feeling the coolness go through his body, and exhaled from his mouth. He wanted to take in the tranquility of the atmosphere to distract him from his thoughts. But, no matter how much time he spent trying to calm down in the night, the pain would never dissipate in his heart. He yearned to be with someone, the one he truly loves.
That will never happen now.
Eventually, the spell of exhaustion would enter his body. He saw that the stars around him were disappearing as blackness took over his vision. Still in the same position-his hands on the back of his head and one leg propped up partially, so that it would be bent- he dozed off to sleep. Though he was outside in the middle of the night, he felt secure, somehow feeling a strange presence surround him. It was as though someone had wrapped their arms around his slim body. He knew it was an illusion and realizing that caused him to think of her again.
In his dreams, he imagined that she was still alive, but was temporarily away due to a business trip. He thought of writing a letter, talking about how much he missed her. He would write about how his current job as the Headmaster of Seiyo Academy has been lately. Perhaps he would add the fact that their two children were growing up to be just as honest, level-headed, caring and wise as she had been while still showing signs of becoming leaders like he has.
If only that dream were true…
As his wild fantasy started to fade away, the sight of the light blue sky began to appear above him. In the center of his vision was the rising sun that created tones of yellow-orange and pink in the sky. Thin clouds that surrounded the sun reflected these splashes of color. The trees and mountains were shaded black in comparison to the warm sky. Watching night become morning right before him was a magnificent sight to see first-hand.
But as he sat up to get a better view of the scenery, it didn't stop the sorrow in his heart. It felt as though, whenever he saw something beautiful, it only triggered past memories. The happiness that would touch his heart would never feel the same way again.
Even as he whispered, "Isn't that a wonderful sight?" from feeling a tinge of bliss, no one would answer him.
She would never be able to answer him again.
It wasn't as though he hated receiving silence as an answer. In fact, sometimes, he needed a bit of peace and quiet in his life. The majority of his life was always so full of excitement that he rarely had a chance to reflect, perhaps brood, alone. But, he still missed her; making her happy and safe made him feel like he had accomplished his dream. A sad smile slowly formed on his face as he thought about whether his dream was still alive or not, but quickly shook that idea off his mind. Then, he brought his glistening eyes to view the palms of his hands and his smile quickly disappeared.
A favorable memory had transported his mind to the time where he first had the courage to take her hand after his nervous confession. All the times their hands were connected, he felt two heartbeats quickly speed up. Warmth filled his cheeks and he knew very well that that same warmth spread across her face as well. He chuckled happily at the thought of seeing her panic in embarrassment; the sight of her true self slowly revealing itself to him was perhaps the best thought he had about her. However, he knew that now, they could never make pleasurable memories like that anymore. The feeling of pure tranquility seemed like such a distant emotion.
Thinking back, he had remembered that ever since that day, he was having a harder time keeping calm. More apologies would escape his mouth, though his loved ones understood that he was going through turmoil. Guilt would still present, even though he was constantly forgiven, and caused him to work harder than he should. At times, he wouldn't even be able to drift off into rest no matter how tired he was. Anxiety and ice-cold wishes would fill his thoughts and quickly flow into his emotions. He was able to recall a time where he couldn't sleep for two days…
Or was it two weeks?
It was the next night, twilight in fact, when he decided to confront his inner turmoil. It was the exact same sight as the previous night; the stars had that same shimmer and formation and the silver moon was in the shape of a crescent. Sitting on the porch of his traditional Japanese home where his family now lives, is where he wished to mull over his thoughts. A small peach, ceramic bowl filled with Vanilla ice-cream was being held by his left hand. On his right hand, a spoonful of ice-cream was slightly sparkling due to the frost that was lightly coated on the cold treat. As he felt a light breeze blow gently across his blond hair, he decided to take the spoonful of the white, creamy treat to his mouth. The sweet, simple taste caused the man's features to lighten up as it smoothly went down his throat.
That was enough to set his mind into complete content.
His eyes were glazed over, not because he was tired, but because he had begun to immerse himself in deep thought about her, as though he was swimming in a crisp, cool lake.
The more he thought of her, the calmer he became. Though sadness was always present when she was in his thoughts, he wanted to confront this emotion and with it, he found inner peace. Loneliness was the cause of his sadness; she was gone and he could never change that. Still, thinking of her; how she became the person she wanted to be and concluded that she only wanted to be with him upon realizing her true self. The fact that she was willing to help other no matter what made him feel secure. He came to a peaceful thought of her spirit always around him, an angel that would be chosen to watch over him and his…no, their family.
An angel…wouldn't that be nice?
He started to play around with that idea in his head.
When he imagined her as an angel-a Guardian Angel-with bright golden eyes and light feathered wings, a refreshing feeling fills up his heart. He thought of her as wearing only a simple, white dress with a transparent crown floating above her head where a halo would be. It had a pendant with a heart, spade, clover and diamond on the center. Taking his imagination to another level, he imaged that he and her were in Heaven together, flying together side by side. His smile widened as he saw the both of them laughing in sheer bliss, twisting and twirling around the never-ending sky. What would captivate him as they were drifting in the bright sky was how her laughter would make her eyes brighten like the stars he had seen in the midnight blue sky.
When the dream was about to end, he imagined her in front of Heaven's gate, smiling at him with a fringe of light pink across her face. He never felt so alive, even though he knew he had to leave her.
As she started to fade away, he thought he had heard her say, "I'll always be watching you, Tadase-Kun!"
Yeah…That would be nice, if she really was a Guardian Angel watching over him…
His vision of them coasting around the skies of Heaven as angels quickly dissipated as he had heard her voice. Coming back to reality, he discovered that he had dropped the ceramic bowl full of ice-cream and saw it shattered on the ground. And though his ruby eyes were only half opened, he discovered that his cheeks were damp. The tears that he shed had a dull sparkle, which was reflected by the moonlight. He had been crying because of her. He felt regret for not being there with her. He had broken his promise…to always be with her.
If only he could change his past, so that he never met her. That way, he wouldn't have broken his promise and his heart wouldn't be in pieces.
If only create a time-travel machine like the aliens he had seen in his comic books as a child. That way, it would be possible to actually change the past and he could figure out whom or what had took her away.
If only he could speak to her one more time and softly whisper, "I love you." That way, he could redeem himself and ask for her forgiveness for thinking such selfish thoughts.
"If only you were here…Amu-chan."