PREFACE
Her toes were aching as if she was on a marathon run for a day, and her face showed the convulsion of soreness she was feeling through every limb of her system. She thought being this tired at just 15 after intense practicing is a symptom she might not have too much strength left by the time she grows older. She was fragile though, she felt fragile, and every body took her like that too as she was incredibly young. She looked upon her toes and tried to bend them as she was warming up for the dance class to start sitting in a corner. With dark locks of hair, she tried to hide away her fatigued face because she knew everybody was looking at her, which wasn't so unusual for her. She used to get stared at every single class, when she'd practice in a corner and go over all the lessons she could remember from the last class, whereas others would just sit in a huge circle and gossip about the newest trends and the hottest guys in the class. They'd look at her with a little jealousy in their eyes. And when the classes used to start, they'd look at her even more because the dance instructor would always hold up an applouse for her for making every move perfect. Everybody would be looking and she felt slightly good at that. Because she had not too much to be happy about, and also that the others in the same room as her were about 6 to 7 years older.
She stood up with an alarm like she saw a fire blazing in the other room as the dance instructor walked in. And with obedient eyes and a tensed smile, she said " Good morning Mr. Kean". And the instructor smiled at her back and walked further in the class. And yet, another day of her life arrives.|
Chapter one
"Up..and down... breathe in.. breathe out..up.. down.. breathe in.. breathe out.." , Mr Kean was ordering us as we were warming up for our class to start. I could barely look at Mr Kean's face at each class. He was so gorgeous.. with his blond brushed hair and his pale blue eyes. Oh, not forgetting the dimples , and an incredible masculine 6 feet body. He was about 6 inches taller than me. And every time he came near me I think I skipped a heart beat for a split of a second. He was beautiful.
Suddenly he snapped at me , "Deline! ", and I dropped to me feet stumbling with fear , "Ye..ss?" I choked on thin air. "Relax as you go up.. I won't kill you you know" and he smiled as he said that in the softest tone ever.. oh god I think I'm about to pass out. How can he have the PERFECT eyes?
"Got it Mr. Kean", I replied as quick as possible and got back on the balls of my feet. "You can stop is with the Mister, it's cool", he said as he walked away. Okay did he just ask me to call him by his name? What the.. What? Okay seriously someone needs to save me now. .fuck he's so cute. Sad how he is like 9 years older. Oh well, I'm shy anyway. At least in this room I am. And I sighed as I thought about it.
He ordered us to start with the bars. I quickly walked towards the east to grab towards the spot on the bar I always take every class. As I was about to JUST touch the bar, another hand grabs it and says, "Sorry! Already mine". I looked up to see it's that girl. The one who always stares at me like I fucked her boyfriend or something. Her names was something, what was it? Umm, oh right, Ashley. How can I forget that. And she had that evil bitchy smirk on her face too. These kind of situations bring this unbelievablly fierce rage in me and I always end up saying something very cocky. But Mr. Kean was standing right at the back of me and I couldn't say anything that ended with the word "Bitch". So I just rolled my eyes and walked away, but right then I heard Mr. Kean's manly voice say out "It's Deline's spot at the bar, why don't you go to your own spot Ashley?". And I stood there a complete shock. Did he just.. do that? Ask her to move away? Is this my lucky day that he is acting like a sheild towards me today? Oh. My. God. I quickly stood at my place as soon as Ashley moved away throwing me a pissed off expression. I felt so good, it was pretty unrealistic. I never ever thought I'd ever have feelings for this dude, but not only is he hot, but he is protective and nice too? And it's been only 2 weeks since I've joined this ballet and contemporary dance studio. Is this summer going to be the best summer after 10 years? I strongly hope so. I need to start feeling better. And talking about feelings, Mr. Kean.. ahh.
We started doing our bar excercises with Pli`es and Fondus and went straight to doing Pique turns from across the floor. After doing that, Mr. Kean suddenly patted on my back saying, "You keep getting better every day!" and there was an outburst of overwhelming happiness inside me. I think I even had that expression on my face, guess that's why everyone was looking at me like I was some weirdo. I tend to have very odd expressions on my face every time anything good happens. So yea.
After being done with our contemporary piece to Set To Fire by Adele, everyone started packing up and going out the door out the studio. But I couldn't stop thinking about how Mr. Kean moved. How every move he gestured was so spot on, so perfect. And it didn't look gay on him at all, he could pull off wearing tights for ballet. For real. From the mirror he caught me staring at him, and after I realized how stupid I was looking staring at him for such a long time, I ran off to the door . And he called out to me right when I started running, which I can't by the way, I can't run at all. Whatever. He almost screamed "Hey! Wait! Deline!" and I froze there, with a stiffed face and body. He came towards me and chuckled, "Relax Deline, I won't kill you", I had the awkward chuckle then too. And he followed the words," You were great today by the way, keep it up." And I think I died for a second inside.
. SO CUTE. And appreciating me. Wow. I replied as fast as I could, "Thank you Mr. Kean, see you next week and good night" because I realized we were the only two alone in the whole studio, and it would be awkward to linger any longer. He quickly muttered,"Stop it with the Mister, I don't want you to call me Mr. Kean" with another cute chuckle. And I could feel my libido rising from the core of my system, and I smiled and walked out the door with another run. Walk fast. Walk fast. Don't look back. I don't know what just happened inside, but I know that he has the best eyes and it is killing me how he had a horny edge to his voice while he was talking to me. Don't look back. He might be looking back at you. And as soon as I walked out the main gate I saw a taxi. I called it out and stepped in it, with a sigh of relief. That lastly I'm out of the awkward yet the best class of my life.
"54th Calvin Street please!" and the driver, who seemed like a gentle old man said, "Okay missy!" with a smile. Is it me or is it true that everybody smiles at me like I'm a 3 year old lost in a big town? Do I look THAT kiddish? I look almost like an 18 year old though I am not even 16, cut me a slack with the looks everyone. And I sighed. As the taxi started, I relaxed and opened up the messed up bun I had on the whole day. Damn, my hair smells so good. Okay was it my hair smell that Mr. Kean was all "cozy" with me for? Hmm, could be. Okay that's stupid. I took out my little pink mirror, and gazed upon my little eyes, tanned skin and roundish face. I hated my face. It's so.. puffy. And occasionally I felt "okay looking" or "slightly pretty". But I had a very low esteem, though I had a hude ego. I had very less confidence, and underestimating my self is a part of my daily routine. Anyway, I can never be satisfied with my plain face and my black short hair.
Within 10 minutes the taxt pulled over right infront of my house, and I tossed the good old man 5 dollars, cause that's all I had right then. " It's only 3.90 girly, keep the change", he said. And I had a rush of sympathy as I saw his face, and I told him to keep the change instead. He tried to hesitate taking it, but I smiled and made him keep it. I felt good. It was a good day today. As I walked to twist the door knob of my house, mom opened it for me from inside. "So late? You work way too hard for dancing, go take a shower quick hun, dinner's ready" and I could tell she wasn't happy. I knew what was up anyway. Dad. Dad's always the reason she's upset. How he bugs her for her social life, her daily routine, her everything. I got tired of it, and tired of trying to counsell them. So now I ask them to get a divorce, but they say it's too late for it. And they're too old. So I gave up on trying to fix them. I walked up my room without even answering mom. I just didn't feel like saying anything to her. As soon as I opened the door to my room, I see my homework lying there. Thank goodness I did them earlier, or else it would have been hell for me to do them with this amount of tiredness. I jumped in the bathtub and sat there as the warm water kept flowing from the tap, and I relaxed. Damn, nothing gets better than this hot bath at 8pm at night.
After I got out of the bathroom, I saw my phone beeping. I wonder who it is, no one calls me. And I don't call them. I'm too lazy to call up my friends, and they are just occupied to call me. Not like I'd want them to call me either. It's.. complicated. I'm actually better off without them. They are just there to laugh around with and go get some icecream with. And with the amount of depression I have within me all the time, they have a conception I don't want to shae things with them. So I keep it that way. I don't want to disclose shit. I have a fucking blog for that. My tumblr is my everything. Though I have like 280 followeres only, my blog is pretty good. Yea, I like it that much. By the time I got to the phone, it stopped ringing. So I just left it lying. I don't want to check who it is. As I put on my new jammies that I got for 50% off from the thriftstore, mom called from downstairs. And I ran to the dinner table cause I was hungry I could eat a horse. Oooo spaghetti and meatballs! My favorite! And coke, aah! What else do I need. I knew I'd regret eating the bowl full of food afterwards, cause I needed to get thinner. Well, that's what my brain told me. Insecurities. I sat down and kept eating and mom kept asking me the weirdest questions. She asked me first, "So, your day was long assed huh?" and my mother saying that is just.. plain strange. Though she was pretty cooler than all the other moms, she would never use that word. And she asked me if I ever ate ants. And I was like, "You okay ma?". "Why wouldn't I be hun?", she said.
"Cause you just asked me if I ever ate ants. That's a kind of question I would generally ask you if I was bored as fuck" (Yea, I used the F word around her too much and she says it too)
"Well, I feel funny so yea"
"Well, you don't look like you're in a good mood. Go sleep mom"
She smiled at me. Okay I'm getting too many smiles today. And she walked away. That was certainly weird. Whatever. I don't care. Despite how close I am to mom, and how she's open to me about having boyfriends and stuff like that, I would always "not care" certain things. And then dad walked in, and he just walked out with a sip from the water bottle. Weirder. Yet I don't care. I just hope my sister is asleep. I don't want to see her. She's the most annoying piece of crap on this universe. Though she is ages older, she acts ages below me.
Oh well, I better straight go to bed now. It's 9 pm and I am so sleepy I could forever in my cozy matress bed up to my room. I wet my plate on the sink and went up to my room. Opened up my computer and blogged 5 pictures and digged into my bed. I can bet, nothing feels better than this. Let's hope tomorrow at school I don't get into any depressive encounters.
Chapter two
There was something out of reach. I just couldn't touch it even though my arms were stretching out as far as I could, and instead whatever it was that I was trying to grab was racing fast infront. It kept on going and going, why wouldn't I reach this damn thing? What is it that I'm trying to reach? Why am I doing it anyway? What the hell is going on? And right then,"BEEP BEEP BEEP", this annoying sound suddenly bursts out. I opened my eyes to hear the sound coming right from beside my ear. Oh god, alarm... I realized it was 6:30 am, that means hell has arrived for today again. I tried my best to get off the bed but sleep didn't seem to leave my eyes this morning. Well, like all mornings. I knew it was time for me to get outta bed and start brushing my teeth.
As I got to the bathroom with sleep about the size of 3 sleepless nights, I found a little note stuck to the mirror. It said " Happy Birthday Sunshine", and I stood there bewildered. Okay, what? Was I still dreaming? It's my...birthday today? I tried to remember the date of today but I failed to believe that today was 11th of February. Maybe mom left that note in mistake thinking today was the 11th. Afterall, she's growing old. So I shook if of my shoulders and began to brush my teeth and put on a pair of jeans and a purple fitted tshirt. Put the straightener on and packed my bag for school, as my phone started beeping with a text. Some unknown number texted me ";)". Really? A wink? Nice, as if that's supposed to make any sense. But I'm used to getting random unknown numbers disturbing me on my cell phone. So I ignored it and picked up the straightener to straighten the back and front tips of my A lined shoulder bob hair. I hated my hair, why didn't I have those girl's hair who don't even have to comb it through and it's so perfect? So straight naturally? And I have to straighten and condition the fuck out of mine to get my hair to shape. And the puffy cheeks that I have, makes it seem like I have a huge head. Misery. Oh well, gotta live with it. And so I turned off every switch of the room that were on, and walked down the stairs to get something to eat before I start off my day for school. As I was about to step on the second last stair, I heard dad call out "Happy Birthday Dee" with a smile and he reached for the door knob and went straight out of the house to work. Okay, what the hell is happening? Did I forget my own birthday? Oh wow, with all the occupied schedules I had for every day made me forget about the day I used to wait for since I was so 13. My 16th birthday. When all the girls sat there dreaming of a huge sweet sixteen party with MTV video taping it, I used to sit there dreaming about being able to get on pointe by the time I was 16. And my dream came true. Now I can even do a toe rise with just about 3 years of ballet lessons. Funny thinking I have.
Mom came and hugged me and asked," I made you pancakes! Chocolate ones". Oh, I nearly forgot her weird ability of not wishing anybody happy birthday because she's just.. awkward. She can't ever wish her family members on their birthday. It's one of her weird habbits, so we got used to it. And thus, expains the note on my mirror earlier this morning. Weirdo. And I replied," Thanks ma" taking one of the pancakes by my hand that were plated on the centre of the table, biting onto it and smiling like a goof at her. She nodded her head and smiled cause she knew I will never stop acting like a goof, ever. And asked what my plans were for today. And I told her how I forgot my own birthday and also added that I had no other plans for today rather than going to school and coming back home. She drew a very astonished look on her face hearing what I just said.
"Aren't you and you're friends going out for your birthday? Dee you're 16 today!"
"Naah mom, not feeling it."
"Dee, don't be stupid. You told me you don't like parties for yourself, that's why your dad and I didn't plan one for you. But it's your 16th, at least go out and have fun. Here, I'm giving you some cash, go and buy something for yourself baby", and she reached for her purse that was hanging by the chair.
"No mom! I'd rather be home and do my homeworks and maybe practice a little of the routine tought us than go out with my friends tonight."
"But why Dee? Something wrong with you guys suddenly?". Since when does she care about my friends again?
"Mom, no. I just don't like it when it's about me and when I'm the centre of attention. It's just not me. Okay?"
"WHY?", she asked with a little frown of concern. "It's embarrassing for me, I'm an introvert ma, thought you knew."
She walked a few steps towards me, handed out some cash and said, "No, you're just odd babe." With a chuckle. "Thanks mommy. And what do you expect me to do with these green notes that you just handed me?"
"They are called money, and you'll go get something for yourself with them today or save them I donno"
"Haha, k mom. See ya, I'm off to school", and I swallowed the last bite of the yummy pancake and walked towards the door.
"OH WAIT! I almost forgot!", mom yelled out. I turned back and she ran to the other room. It was kinda funny to see mom running, cause she's all short and with a tummy and barely runs. I think I laughed a little too. When she came back out of the room, she was holding a box. A box with too much pink on it. I wonder what was there. "Tada!", she grinned and handed it out to me. "Moooom, what IS this?", because I just remembered I asked her to get me this amazing dress I saw at Forever 21, but she said it was too expensive. She grinned even more, and I hurried to open the box. There were too much colored papers inside, but at the bottom, I saw black ruffles. Oh. My. God. You must be kidding me. It's the dress! I thought it was too expensive for mom to get for me! Oh my GOD! What way to be start a day than be actually surprised that today was your birthday, and getting this expensive ass amazing dress for it? I reached one arm to mom and hugged her tiny frame. She was so tiny! "You grew up too fast Dee!", she said. I laughed and thanked her with a goofy smile. She said she was more than welcomed to get me that. And she spanked my bum saying,"Go to school! I'll go leave this in your room before I go to work. Have a good day baby!"
I giggled a little and ran off to the door with so much joy I could cry. Today might go pretty good!
It was about a 7 minute walk from my home to school. And I reached the tall monument of hell and boredom right on time at 7:10 am. As soon as I stepped inside school, Jessica sprung out of no where and hugged me tightly and squeeked,"Happy Buuuuuuurthday!". "Thanks man, I almost forgot it was my birthday today you know? Was so weird! Am I getting dumber everyday?". She said, "Haha no but you sure are getting prettier girlfriend!". I didn't know what to react to that. Did she mean I was ugly before or she just complimented me? I thanked her anyway and walked with her to English class on the second floor. I entered the room, sat down on my usual seat and opened up the assignment that was due today. Everybody gasped together suddenly. Exactly together. I looked awkwardly, finding out that I was the only one who did the assignment. James screamed from the other corner of the class room, "Dee AGAIN? Why can't you forget about da assignment yo?". Everytime I heard his "black"accent, I felt like slapping him. He used to exaggerate it. And over that, he was white. "Nope. Cause it's a homework James. You do it, you pass the term.", I said making my voice loud for him to hear from across the room. And he stuck his tongue at me and went back to doodling something on his book. Ms. Haley walked in right then and started our class, with the usual appreciation of my progress and ability to remember doing homeworks unlike other kids in the class who forget all the time. She used to make me feel so good it hurt sometimes how everybody made fun of her. I mean, she's not that pretty but she does have a nice personality! Mean ass kids. I listened to her attentively throughout the whole class and after about 30 minutes the class ended. We walked to Math for second period and this new kid named Jake walked to me and said, "Hey, heard it's your birthday, soo, happy birthday Deline" with a sort of flirty smirk on his face. He was not that cute according to me, but he had a charm. I had no idea my voice sounded a little flirty as well when I said, "Thanks Jake, I appriciate it". I felt kind of embarrassed afterwards realizing we just had a 5 second flirting conversation though I barely ever talked to him.
After Math, I had a period off and I kept shuffling songs on my iPod and thinking of choreographies to them. James and Cameron walks up to me and sits by me. And Cameron was the loud one among us friends, she jumped onto me and literally screamed," OH MY GOD HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEE OH MY GOD", I laughed and got her off of my lap to thank her. She asked the same question my mom asked this morning, and I replied with a "Nope, no plans for today!". The only reason I don't want to hang out with them today is cause I feel extremely lazy, and also the fact that they are not the ones I will ever call up incase I need comfort for a breakdown or a bad thing that happened. I wouldn't ever share with them, cause it's just.. complicated. They are too critical, and I barely trust them. "Awww, why not!", she replied with a sad face. "Cam, I got a family shit tonight. So yea.." Yeap. I just lied there. Cause I don't want to discuss why I'm not "feeling" it today. She hugged me once more and bounced off to Chemistry after saying she loves me. Yea, sure you love me Cam. You just don't realize it when you all sit there and talk about each and every issue I have.
After lunch I walked to P.E, as I caught Jake staring at me from across the hall. Okay, I was wrong, he IS cute. The brown hair he had totally made his grey eyes pop, and his smile had this.. different essence to it. And oh, I forgot to mention, he was from the UK. So he obviously had the most amazing British Accent. How could have I not noticed he was so cute before? I stared back at him for a second and looked away. From the corner of my eyes I saw him smile and drift away out of the hall. I love British Accents. After the boring P.E class,was the last period, the gym period but our teacher was absent so it was finally time for us to go home. It was one of those "YES THANK YOU GOD" moments for me every. We had to work too hard for gym every 4 days of the week. Excrutiating pain. And as I packed up my bag, and walked out the school hall way, Jake passed me and we had another eye contact. I nodded and walked away. He probably thinks I'm ugly so he keeps on looking. Anyhoo, time for me to go home and eat till I bloat over cause I'm pretty sure mom made amazing supper for me!
I got out of school with a relief that the day was almost over. I just didn't want to work anymore, all I was excited about was dance classes at the end of the week. I was walking home, and I was at the joining of the two roads about 6 blocks away from my home. I had to walk through the left road to get to get to my destination. Exactly when I was walking at towards the left road, a black furry house cat walked out of the right road. And because I am a little superstitious, I knew something bad or at least unpleasant is gonna happen. But I walked home anyway and turned the knob of the door to my house as I reached it. As soon as I stepped in, "SURPRISEEE!", a crowd of people screamed out. My heart literally stopped beating for about a split of a second. Not cause of the people gathered, because of the amount of screaming everyone did. I stood there shocked and very dissapointed because Mom knows I don't like parties, heck I told her today morning aswell. I had a very faint smile on my face which almost looked like a rueful one. I noticed Jessica, James, Cameron and this girl named Vanessa from my dance school in the crowd. How did all of them get here so fast? Didn't I JUST see them at school a while ago? I was still confused what was happening, I mean, I can never honestly believe the fact that someone threw me a surprise birthday party. I would have been cool with it if there weren't so many people. But heck, I have to pull up a smile and thank everybody anyway to make it through the day. There were mom's few friends too, who I barely knew but I'm sure mom called them just to get drunk at the end of the party. I thanked everybody for coming and acted like I was oh so surprised and happy. After a minute, I saw a this incredibly handsome male figure from the back talking to mom, I wondered who he was. I tried to catch a glimpse of the guy so I walked forward, and right then he turned around at me. He looked so much like Mr. Kean I started to think it was his twin or something. After a second, mom takes a step forward and says, "Dee, you didn't say thank you to ?". MOM CALLED ? WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE THINKING? WHY? OH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO NOW? TALK DELINE TALK!
I died inside, I could feel that I was dead inside. I was so dead I could smell m dead body and picture myself in a corpse in my mind. Why? Cause I am standing infront of who is in MY house and in MY surprise birthday party organized by my ever loving and embarrasing mom. I am going to fucking kill mom for this. I tried to change my facial expression into a smile though I was in the middle of a shock here. I tried to speak but I couldn't, it wasn't reflexing in my head and not coming out from my mouth. But I tried my best, "Hi-ii.. ", I choked failing to talk. His face suddenly got a little apologetic, and mom said," ..Aren't you happy to see him here this evening? He wanted to surprise you too for your birthday!". I replied as fast as I could,"No no no I'm just too happy and shocked at the same time to talk right now haha" and pulled it off as a joke. Though failed miserably. He after a pause with his dashing smile, "Your mother was kind enough to let me be a part of this celebration for you, I didn't want to intrude you while you were talking to your friends there and I don't even think you noticed me in the crowd, but happy birthday Dee", with a pat on my shoulder. Okay did he just call me Dee? And did he just pat on me infront of my mom? OH WOW. I was on cloud 9. I pushed out the words, "Thank you , I didn't want a party anyway but now I'm starting to enjoy it!" with a fake grin on my face as I said some huge fake words. He replied, "You're very welcome" still smiling. I was wondering why he came and why mom asked him to come anyway? But I had to avoid the awkwardness and just flee right now. "Well, mom keep him companied, I'm gonna go make a very short call k?" with a smile. And he smiled and mom smiled back. It was like us three smiling together. Was stupid. Anyway, I ran to m room, locked myself, and I kept breathing hard and asking myself what's gonna happen next if I go downstairs. Would I have to talk to him more? Would I have to go through the rush of adrenaline of feelings everytime he is near me? WHAT was he doing here? Well, everybody was here. I do mean everybody, starting from the neighbours to . And theres a huge category of people lying in between them. So about 60 people were downstairs. I don't even know they wanted to come wish me on my birthday,and here they are downstairs. This was beyond strange. Whatever, as is downstairs, I have to look my best. I can't be looking like this tanned piece of junk cause I'm sure he thinks I'm ugly caus I sweat like a pig at dance class. I changed into my new white three quarter top that I got last week, and whipped my face to put some powder on and later finished off with some eyeliner and lip balm. And I took a deep breath of courage and went downstairs. Everyone already started drinking champagne by the time I went down, and mom and were still talking. This time they were sitting face to face in the living room's couch. Were they flirting? Cause it's mom, I mean she would marry anybody else if she could cause she's having troubles with dad. And I think she meets other men secretly too. Okay it would be SO bad if they are flirting. Oh god. I have to interrupt them. I walk by them and bump into mom in purpose making it look like an accident. "Oh, sorry didn't see you there", I told mom when she looked at me. I felt like a blond bitch as I said that cause I had this arrogance into the line cause I was kind jealous of mom right now. But was staring at me. Like, literally staring. I was feeling a little uncomfortable but yet felt so incredbly good. I might actually be looking nice right now, and hopefully he doesn't think I'm ugly. He was still staring, and I looked away and walked away too. Damn it, he's still looking. That was so weird.
Anyway, after about half an hour of talking to my friends, and him talking to my mom, some of the people starts leaving. I was so relieved, maybe he will leave too now! Yes! Mom walks over to me and asks, "Were you surprised? Hmm hmm?" with a happy look,and from behind her I could see very seriously talking over the phone. He was looking amazingly hot with his grey hoodie. I had my full concentration on him right then, and mom almost yelled," Dee? Did you like it?". "Huh?Oh sorry mom, yea I loved it. Thanks", looking at her and then at him again. The only reason I said that is cause my friends were there, or else I would've screamed at her for calling . And for arranging this party, I don't like being the reason for one. Mom had a satisfied look on her face and walked away. I noticed hanging up the phone, and saying something to mom. I heard mom say,"Okay! Have a safe ride home ." because she had a very high pitched voice. was walking over to me. I sat up straight as he approached, "Hey Dee, I'll see you at class later this week. I gotta run now, and happy birthday again!". And he rushed out the door. I wondered what was up with him. He seemed tensed. After a while my friends went home too, and I finally had a chance to talk to my mom about this thing she just made me go through. "MOM! Come here! A party? Really? I thought I told you I don't like bein the cause of a party ma!"
"But you said you loved it honey? When I asked you a while ago?"
"Oh god mom.. and ? REALLY? WHY?", I stumbled over the line.
"He was passing by the neighbourhood, and I saw him out the door and asked if he would like to join to surprise you. He was more then happy cause he was free too, what's wrong with that?", she almost teased as she said the line."And I see you have a little crush on him too" as she had a mischievous look on and started walking.
"Whoah whoah what? Mom he's my teacher. What makes you think I would like him? Plus he's old", I felt guilty trying to make look old here. He did NOT look old. He was perfect.
"Dee, I married your dad when I was 16. And he was 25. Plus I saw you get dressed up once you saw him down here", she joked.
"Okay so I go to improve my face upstairs after a long day at school cause you called about 50 people in here and suddenly it starts to mean I have feelings for ? And you and dad don't even act like you guys are married anymore"
"Hey, I was kidding! Of course you don't like him. Loosen up a little Dee.", she said. I didn't notice my voice got a little serious when I said the last line.
"..Yea well, thanks for everything. But no surprises for me from now on, and not parties too." She chuckled and said,"Yes ma'am. Now go do your homeworks and come get dinner. If I was some ordinary kid I'd hate my mom for making me study even on my birthday, but I knew I had to study. I had to get my grades up. The last few years decreased my grades. And I don't want to dissappoint mom this year too. I walked up the stairs to my room, though I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate on any homeowork cause just left my home. But I tried my best to finish up the homeworks due tomorrow. And wasn't hungry for dinner so went straight to bed. I couldn't sleep. He was too perfect.
Chapter three
I could barely sleep with all the screaming I could hear from downstairs. Oh god.. not dad again. I knew I had to go downstaris and get them calm enough to let me sleep, as my sister won't. I got out of bed and raced downstairs, I saw mom turned back and talking to herself and dad raging through the newspaper like it was pissing him off. They both were very mad, that meant. "What is up now? I have school tomorrow. Can you guys stop fighting? Isn't 3 years of fighting enough for you?, I yelled.
"Your mom is seeing "friends" online again, isn't she married?", dad yelled back.
"They are FRIENDS, Dalan, FRIENDS!", mom threw at him. "Oh really? Did you fuck them too?", dad yelled harder. Ohkaaaay, this is getting out of hand. I yelled the loudest,"STOP oh my god you guys, why don't you just get a divorce? I'm sick of you guys fighting and when I try to counsell you guys don't even listen."
"We're too old for that, if I could I would've divorced this guy", mom said. And dad had a fired up expression but did not speak. "Go to counselling then", I said. "Counselling won't help.", dad said. I shook my head with dissappointment and spoke,"Keep it low, I got school and you guys got neighbours."
and walked back to my room. As I tucked in bed, I could feel my Dysthymia kicking in. After a period of extreme anger, I usually end up soaking with depression. The worst part is, that no one is even understanding it. My own parents don't get it, they think being occupied and busy will make all the depression shit go away. I pity myself for not getting help, cause all the sites I checked for symtomps said a person resembeling symptoms like these should go get treated or at least see a therapist. I made my mom take me to one though, the outcome of it was nothing. All I got asked was, "why do you feel this way?", and I swear I was so pissed. Like, why are you guys even asking me that when I don't know it myself? So my parents don't even know when I'm depressed or feeling low. Heck whatever, I have a blog to run and people who would help me if I needed to vent out. One person contacted me offering help saying she has Dysthymia too. And it feels better that someone else knows how I feel, but the problem is I can barely trust friends at school cause they know me for too long. I'm too insecured to tell them about myself and my depression cause they won't get it too. They think it's just my usual syndrome that kicks in once or twice a week. What they don't know it that it might actually be a disorder. I pity myself so much.. I felt empty. I am not good at anything. I mean dance, yea maybe a little. But there are better dancers out there. Better students. Prettier girls. Smarter girls. More talented girls. Girls that can enter beauty pagents. Girls who actually had a boyfriend and had their first kisses. Unlike me. I don't think anyone would want to be me except under priviledged kids. Sometimes I feel like giving away my life to one them, they'll be happy.
I didn't realize I fell asleep untill the alarm started ringing again. Another day at school. Great. I got up to get dressed and went down for breakfast. I looked around, everyone else in this room, they don't get what I'm going through. My sister is stupid to get it, she thinks I'm a slut. "Pass me an apple Candice", I said. More liked ordered. And she threw her big eyes at me and a part of her fact cheeked face vibrated for a second. She was so overweight. And I felt fat. Damn. "Stop throwing attitude at me", and she looked away. Okkay, I guess I gotta get my apple by myself. I took one from the centre of the table and held my bag on my shoulder. I walked out of the house, and started walking towards hell; my school.
I was looking horrible today, I felt horrible inside and I'm sure I looked pretty horrendous too. I barely straightened my hair, and that meant my hair would frizz up in no time. And I forgot to wear my good jeans, instead I wore the terribly tight one that showed cellulite all over my thighs. Great. Why couldn't god make me thinner? I cared less about today, I had a reason to look this disgusting.
I entered school late today, and had to intrude in the Math class about 10 minutes late. Ms. Sue was very close to me, and she assumed I used to get depressed now and then. And she could totally read it in my face today, so she let me in without even asking why I was late. I opened my math book, looked in the page number that was written on the white board. I barely understood anything. I gave up trying to understand Math a long time ago, but since my board examinations are a year from now, I had to try and get my grades up as far as I could. I kept staring at the huge book of numbers, and I could hear a faint call of my name. Over and over again. After I gathered my attention towards the voice, I looked up and I see Ms. Sue looking at me,"Deline, are you okay sweety?", she asked me infront of everybody. From the corner of my eyes I could see the British accent cutie Jake. He was staring at me again, I had to hide my face. So I tucked in my face inwards and answered politely,"Yeap, all good." She slightly sighed and resumed back to what she was teaching. But Jake kept looking at me, and I was growing very uncomfortable. Somehow Math class ended and I barely noticed. I got up when I saw everybody else leaving. Well, that was an unproductive class and I knew today was going to be unproductive too. I walked to P.E all by myself, because my friends wouldn't join me right now. They didn't even know I feel down, they're just busy among themselves. I couldn't give a rats ass to that, I wouldn't tell them anyway. Suddenly I felt a grab around my wrist, and I shook it off and jumped a little in relfex to that. It was Jake, the blue eyed blond British cutie. "Hey relax! I've been calling you for so long but you barely listened" and he chuckled. I had to say something back, but his luscious lips and the way he said it was stopping me from saying anything from my ugly mouth which looked uglier today. I forced out the words anyway, "Oh, sorry. Couldn't hear you. I'm a bit off today." And I half smiled as his face grew a little concerned.
"Something wrong? You could tell me you know, though I'm the new guy", he tried to joke it out.
Oh shit, I told him that I'm a bit off today. What do I say now?
"Ahh nah, it's nothing. Happens very often.", I said as we started walking to P.E, though I really just wanted to escape from the situation. I felt like an ugly beast beside his tall mannequin-like figure. How could I not think he was cute at first? He had a very cute shy expression on his face and he said,
"Soo um.. tomorrow's Valentines day, and I am like, totally free. So do you want to go out.. to may be .. dinner?"
And he said the last word so adorably. It sounded for like "Deenah"with the british accent. But he just asked me to a date for Valentines day? What the fuck? What do I do now? What do I say? Do I WANNA go? I don't wanna go cause I'm patheticly awkward! "Err is everything alright? You seem a little worried, if it's a no then it's totally cool Deline. I only asked." Oh wow the of me being awkward at the date showed on my face?
" No no nothing like that! Tomorrow's Valentines day? Oh wow I don't have a track of time at all. Didn't even realize!haha" and I laughed it off.
"..Well..?" he asked for an answer. After I realized I either have to ditch or say yes I opened my mouth.
"Oh-h."I kind of twitched. I felt so stupid." Um, okay. Sure Jake". Wait.. what did I just say? I knew I didn't want to but I just said yes? SHIT.
"Oh amazing then! Wanna go to the new Italian restaurant that's near your place?" he said happily. "You know where I live? Haha!". He answered shyly, "Yea I kind of stalked you once." With his left hand scratching on the back of his head. AWWWWWW so cute! I don't know why but I felt a little better once he said that. So I had the courage to say,"Haha well, okay. Call me and let me know." I was giving my number to him. Shit. But no, he's cute. "Oh cool, save it on my phone" and he handed his iPhone 4s to me. Uhh alright I barely knew how to use it. But I somehow got to the number pad on the touch phone and saved my number with "Dee" cause "Deline" would take a lot of time to type. I wasn't good with touch pads. I handed it to him,"Here.. call me anytime!" and I stepped back and smiled at him as I went into the P.E class room. He smiled too. Damn, he was cute as fuck. From the distance, I saw about three girls staring at me and wondering what just happened. It was obvious they were infatuated with Jake, but now maybe they are jealous of me. Niice, someone's jealous! But let's get back to reality. I just said yes to going on a date with Jake. First, he likes me..? Oh my god! Second, what the fuck was I gonna wear and talk about tomorrow with him?...I'm doomed!
I surprisingly could concentrate in P.E and as the class ended, the day passed by pretty quick. I was back home at 2 pm and now I really had to start worrying on what I'd like to wear tomorrow. This was going to be hard! I called up mom and told her I got asked out to a date and she seemed more excited than me.
"What are you gonna wear? Why don't you wear the dress I got you for your birthday?" she squeeked.
"Oh! Yea okay I could do that!" and I hung up and raced towards my room to soak my ugly face in a face pack. I put the Neem face pack on cause it works miraculously. I lied down on the bed as I waited for it to dry. I kept thinking over and over what will happen tomorrow, how he'll come to pick me, how he'll talk, and what if he kisses? I have to keep my lipsmacker with me. My eyes started to close as I could hear myself snoring. But right then my phone that was beside my head starts ringing with the abnoxiously annoying ringtone. I jump up and grab my old fashioned wide screen pink phone. Anybody seeing this phone with me would think I'm a beggar or something. "Hello?" I answered the call from an unknown number. "Hey it's me Jake." His voice sounds much deeper on phone! "Oh hey, whats up?" I answered. "So, I'll come to get you at 7 okay?"
"Yea, cool!"
"All right then, take care Dee." With a chuckle. Why does he chuckle all the time? And did he just call me Dee? ..i'll wet me panties now.
"Kay! See ya Jake!" and I hung up quickly. I ran to the bathroom to rinse off the pack cause it dried about 10 minutes ago. I was asleep there for half an hour and I barely realized. After I rinsed every inch of the green pack on my face that made me look like Frankenstein, I could see my face looks fairer. And smoother. Thank god! Hours past by till it was dinner time and I hurried to bed as fast as I could after I ate. Mom entered my room without knocking, like always. "Excited about tomorrow?" she asked with very less enthusiasm. Something was wrong again. "It's like, 16 hours later ma. Not really gonna be excited till the last hour. 'Sup with you again?",I asked plainly.
"I'm tired of all this.", she complained.
"Dad? Let it go mom, though theres an option just lying there infront of you guys, you won't take it."
"What is it?", she asked.
"Divorce? Like duh? I don't know about Candice, but I'm gonna be okay with it."
She sighed as she said, "You don't understand the controversy that will happen later on, you guys.. will go through humiliation cause of us."
"Mom? Your life is not about other's controversy. It's about YOU. And not even us, so drop it with the only excuse you have all the time that is "US". Nothing will happen to us and you know that. Just admit for once that you want to be with him deep down anyway." I threw at her.
"Don't you see what he does? How he gets at me for every thing? Even talking over the internet?"
"Yea, and even after all that shit you can't face him. You act weak and that's why he gets all up in your business. I tried to make him understand, but he's a low life. All he understands is his humongous old school tacky family."
"Well, what do I do?", she looking down. "You go to counselling. And get dad's " brain" fixed and ask them to give him warnings for what he does so that he'll be punished the next time he does them. You gotta open up to them mom. That's all I can say. I mean I get you, and what ever you're going through, but you have to toughen up. 27 years with this weird man is not a matter of joke. I'm sure a lot of other women out there go through shit you go through, so you're not the only one in the boat.", I said. That was a long speech. "Thanks sweety, I'll do my best. Go to sleep.", she said sweety and went out the door. I feel terrible for mom some times. She's in such a messed up position. Heck, I tried my best to make her understand.. like all these 3 years of my life. I closed my eyes and started getting back to my life. Soo.. Jake.. um..wow. He asked me to a date on Valentines day. Damn, am I starting to get lucky for once in my miserable and depressing life?