Stockholm Syndrome
(Spoilers for the end of the film, Possession, starring Sarah Michelle Gellar and Lee Pace)
Fear. A feeling I had grown accustom to when Roman first came home from the hospital. I had been blinded by my own obsession with getting Ryan back that I let this happen. I let Roman trick me into believing he was my husband. Who in their rational mind would believe such a lie? A desperate woman, that's who. Now look at me? I've turned into something that doesn't even resemble me. I went on with the charade, thinking that somehow Roman was possessed by the spirit of my comatose husband. That somehow, he was really the man I loved and not a desperate criminal. But I knew it was all lies. I needed to face facts. However, there are extenuating circumstances that I have neglected. Like the child growing inside of me, for instance. Conceived out of a night with a man that wasn't my husband and yet, it had felt right. Even now that I have accepted the truth, it still felt right. But now, everything has fallen apart.
I looked at the palm of my hand as I realized, the screw driver wasn't there anymore. I looked up, fear and shock on my face as I saw the tool jutting from Roman's throat, his blood seeping out around the metal weapon. He stared at me with a pair of shocked, hurt green eyes and I realized something in that moment. I didn't want this.
"Roman!" I cried as I reached for him, my hand forming around the hand grip of the tool, his large body slumping against a table as he gagged. I had panicked when he had me pinned against the table, shouting at me. I knew that Roman had been desperate to keep me, to keep what we had. A dysfunctional, sinister life wrapped in a shroud of bliss and contentment. Something I realized I wanted to keep. The potential baby names spelled in magnets against our refrigerator door. The names for our child that was growing inside of me plastered across its surface. The nursery set up, and the bassinette he was working on, just feet from me. It was beautiful. Tears sprung from my eyes as I looked at him. He was confused as he stared at me, his hand gripping my upper arm. It was firm, almost painful as I nodded. I pulled the offending object from his throat and blood gushed forth, a desperate cry leaving my lips as my hand moved for the wound. I pressed my palm against it as I reached into my pants pocket for my cell phone. I looked back at him, tears trembling down my throat as I called 911. His eyes were confused yet again.
"Jess--" He gagged out but I shushed him, my tone kind as I held the phone to my ear. The operator answered and I desperately spoke. "Hello, My name is Jess Bryson and my husband and I were attacked!" I cried, his eyes bugging out at my words. I shook my head at him, my eyes drifting from his. "A blonde woman, she rushed in here, shouting and she shoved me into a table and stabbed my husband in the throat...and I think there's something wrong with my baby please help us." I cried before giving the woman the address to the house and to Roman's work room. She disconnected from me and I tossed the phone away from us.
"What are you doing?" He choked, staring at me with a dark, demanding look in his eyes. I pushed my body close to his, my brown hair sliding into my eyes. I wanted that blissful, content life back. It was a lie, but it was mine. Ours. I wanted to keep it. I knew in my heart that Ryan wasn't coming back. The doctors told me that everyday his chances depleted away. I licked my lips, tears trembling down my cheeks, but no sobs left my lips.
"Saving you." I muttered, my eyes locking with his. He stared at me, not making a sound as his chest rose and fell with the labored intake of his breath. He gripped my arm again, only this time his fingers spidered out against my sweater, his fingers clutching the material. Then I leaned down, resting my forehead against his as I held onto his throat, my eyes closing for a moment before reached into the pocket of his pants. I found the small hand towel he had been using to cook dinner with. I then moved it over the wound and pressed it down with my blood coated palm. He looked at me again, his face paling rapidly.
"Why?" He choked again, his eyes moving from my bloody hand to my gaze as he held onto me. I trembled with fear and uncertainty, my gaze never wavering from his. He may not be the man I married, or the man I truly loved, but he was all I had left. The father of my unborn child, the man I shared a bed with every night. A criminal, who was trying to change. I reached with my clean hand, touching his face as he shook slightly. I could hear the approaching sirens as I stroked his face. He leaned into my touch slightly despite himself as he stared at me.
"Because this is all that matters." I whispered and placed his hand against my stomach, blinking slowly as tears trembled down my face. He gagged as he let his large hand smooth over my stomach, feeling it. He exhaled sharply, almost like he could relax despite the fact that I had almost killed him. In a way, I think he respected my actions. I wasn't a weak minded woman, something he had admired in me before all of this. Our life wasn't perfect, it wasn't even genuinely nice, but it was ours. I looked into his eyes and his eyes only as the emergency medical team rushed into the room, moving toward Roman as they pulled me from him. I cried out, my stomach feeling nauseous and wrong as they put me on a gurney as well as Roman. It was time to face facts. To face reality.
This was my life now and I need to embrace it.