Wisdom came to me in a dream last night. In the dream I'm walking down a hallway. There are several doors along both of the walls. I open the first door to find a girl on the phone with Him. He's mad at her. He's saying that she is stupid and that she doesn't think. She's crying, begging him for forgiveness for what she had done. He hangs up on her and she calls him back, still crying, this time hysterical. She cannot get control of herself, and she offers him everything, hoping and praying that he accepts. He does, and as he does I see something materializing from her body. Pride separates from her, hand in hand with Dignity. As they walk away, both look back and shake their heads.
At that I slam the door and walk away farther down the hallway. I open the next door to find her on the phone again. She's sitting on the floor of her bathroom. This time, He's telling her that she isn't goof enough for him. He wants more than what she can give him. He wants to try somebody else. The feeling of nausea that has devoured her body has come to me, and I feel I might hurl. I see her sitting there with silent ears streaming down her cheeks, hating herself for not being enough. Their conversation ends, and she sits silently for a moment or two until she suddenly jumps up and attacks the cabinets and drawers of the bathroom. She's searching through all of them for something. Finally, she finds it. She sits down on the bathroom floor and begins to disassemble a shaving blade. She does and presses the fresh razor against her fragile skin. A sigh escapes from her as the first of many fresh cuts are made. Along with the blood, Self-respect pours out of the new wounds, followed by Confidence and Self-worth. Self-respect is too busy consoling Confidence and Self-worth to notice Self-hate sneaking behind the depressed trios. Self-hate takes the places that they vacated, filling in all three seats. I close the door, leaving the girl with her tears, and her razor.
I open the next door, reluctant to see what waits. Behind this one is the same girl, on the same phone, with the same boy. As I am watching them I get this feeling of Déjà vu. In this door, the girl is happy. They are laughing and joking around. Everything is going great. They haven't talking to each other in two weeks, and they missed each other a lot. She asks how his trip was and as he is telling her about it, her smile slowly fades. He met someone, a girl; she liked him and he liked her back. He and this new girl held hands and cuddled, even though he knew had a girl, the same one who waited faithfully; the same one sitting in front of me. For the third time she's crying, though this time as she sits on her bed, burying her head in her pillow. Happiness is sitting beside her, stroking her hair. He leans down to kiss her head goodbye before he walks away. The door closes.
At this point, I am not even sure if I am in control of my body. I can feel myself moving, but I'm not sure if I am the one who is moving me, or if there is another entity urging me along. I don't want to go any farther or see anymore, but it doesn't stop my hand from turning the knob to the next door. The door opens and there she is again. They just broke up. She's lying on her bed, limp and lifeless. The only sign that she is alive is the very faint rise and fall of her chest as she breathes in and out. She is recapping the past two years in her head. Every moment she spent with him, every tear she shed. She looks at who she is now ad she doesn't even know who that person is. Hope is looking down at her crying for her loss. He reaches down into her chest and takes her heart, but it's my heart. Hate, Bitterness, and Apathy dive in and fill the void where Love used to be, but it's my void. I look down to my wrists, which are covered in scars, and come to the realization that the girl is me. I slam the door in my own horror and turn around to find an older man looking down at me.
"What is this place? Why am I here?"
"You need to see."
"See what?"
"Follow me."
He leads me to the end of the hallway, and the last two doors.
"You must choose between these two doors. The door on your left is the path you are on now. You will remain without Love, Hope, or Happiness. He will always have control over you, and you will always feel worthless with him. The door on the right however will bring Happiness, Hope, and Love back with the help of Time. Time will help you to become the person that you really are. You will get the life that you have long deserved. The only thing is you have to be without Him. You must rid Him from your life. You must choose now, and know that your choice will be your last. You cannot change it. I'll leave you now so that you can make your choice."
With his departure I knew which to choose. I take two steps and choose the door that I know is right.
Wisdom came to me in a dream last night, and now I have Hope.